Jess is so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Jess. We were best friends on Tumblr. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started pooing with my first toilet, Kyle, who was totally gorgeous but then his lever stopped working, and Jess was like, weirdly jealous of it. Like, if I would blow her off to go to the bathroom, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-toilets poop party, I was like, "Jess, I can't invite you, because I think you're not a toilet." I mean I couldn't have a not-toilet at my party. There were gonna be toilets there in their *seat covers*. I mean, right? She was NOT A TOILET. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped the kids off at the pool because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's a bidet.
LMFAO JESS LOOK AT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SUBMITTING INTO MY ASKBOX. THANK YOU TARA FOR ONLY PROVING WHAT A WHOREMONGER JESS IS. GOD BLESS YOU AND THY CHILDREN.
WE WILL NEVER GET BACK TOGETHER. N E V E R
