Today was the biggest struggle of my life, and no.. I didn’t make it through the day at work, or without crying. I feel so unstable it’s ridiculous; one moment i’m fine and thinking positively and the next I’m stuck thinking the worst things, beating myself up and feeling sick. I’ve been in this stupid too and fro all day and It’s driving me insane.
i went to work this morning; It was so hard to even get there if i’m honest, but i booked out the small meeting room and sat by myself. But it didn’t help, i couldn’t concentrate so at lunch time I came home.. Being home somehow made me feel calmer; I don’t know if it was the beer I had with (for) my lunch.... but anyway, i worked my arse off this afternoon so i’m feeling a little better. Just wish there was an off button for this up and down emotion - [ I literally stopped right here and went and watched porn, that is how high my distraction rate is] - so now i’ve lost track... either way.... i think this should calm down soon.. we all have storms in our life just about waiting for the boat to stop rocking.. it will.