He’s done a lot of things he hates himself for. The memories that all came rushing back with the curse breaking all those months ago, everything he did and everything he was--a stark reminder of the man he truly was. The one sitting there, ready and willing, to take over should he slip just the tiniest bit, should he fall from redemption in the briefest of moments. Could he do it, though? Was redemption even a true possibility for someone like him? Hook--Killian didn’t know. And that’s what scared him.
Seeing Ariel again--the guilt had been too much. After losing so much, love had meant nothing to him. Love was but an illusion, one which he’d never have. He’d lost what love he’d once possessed, and seeking it again wasn’t something the pirate captain had been entertaining. Such was his belief for years upon years. Until now. But that didn’t change his past actions; that didn’t erase his mistakes. And Ariel--it had been a mistake.
The witch was good; she’d easily tricked him, using that feeling that Killian hadn’t felt in so long. Hadn’t believed, for the longest time, was to be in his life at all. Anger flooded through him at the thought, at what had happened--but it was quickly masked and covered by worry. By fear. By concern.
Killian didn’t know what to do. He could tell Emma--but that was a risk (towards her) he wasn’t willing to take. Or so it worked itself out in his mind. Telling her--there was no telling what would happen next. No, what he needed to do was keep it to himself. This was one instance where honesty wouldn’t serve him right. Where honesty would only result in someone (more than likely) being harmed. Keeping it silent was the only way to protect everyone. To keep everyone safe--
Right...?