[10:21 PM] Jaehyun faked another laugh as Johnny let out yet another iconic punchline. He looked around, hoping his forced chuckles sounded real enough to mix with the genuine ones of everyone else.
It’s not like the party wasn’t fun. It was. The drinks were good. The food was good. The music was good. The people were good. All his closest friends were there. You were there. But so was Johnny.
Jaehyun had to force himself to look away for the nth time that night after catching himself staring at you. Most times, you were alone. It took all he had to keep himself from sauntering to wherever you were and engage in one of your usual conversations. The ones about your favorite films, his favorite films. The ones where you’d tell him about some random memory from third grade that you suddenly remembered. The ones where you’d argue over which frozen yogurt topping is the worst.
He knew you didn’t really like parties, which was ironic because your boyfriend seems to be the life of this one. He knew more than anyone that you wanted to go, and he was more than willing to take you.
But even before he could make up his mind, there was always those two pairs of arms that have already wrapped around your waist from behind. Lips that found their way to your neck, pecking your skin lightly. Jaehyun watched you giggle as Johnny whispered something in your ear.
He sighed to himself, looking away once again.
Four months. That’s how long he knew you before Johnny did. You two were strangers studying at the university library at the same time and you left your earphones at your apartment. Jaehyun’s happened to be lying on the table, unused. It took a lot of courage from you to borrow from the guy staring quietly out the window, but Jaehyun only nodded when you finally asked.
“I could sit there if you want to,” you offered, eyeing the empty chair beside him. “In case you’re not comfortable with people running away with your stuff.”
“Oh. Um. Sure.” He blinked. He doesn’t usually let strangers come into his personal space and borrow his things just like that, but there was something about you that just makes him feel like it’s okay. Surely, you meant no harm.
He was out of it that day. He was running on an hour of sleep and several cups of coffee with still a shitload of material to pass within the week, so he was a bit irritable. When you put on the earphones and pressed play, the volume was so loud that he could hear the song even with the buds already in your ears. Jaehyun had to tap you to tell you to quiet it down a bit, but you decided to just stop the music altogether. And then you got to talking.
Both of you lost an hour of study time due to that conversation, and you both failed your quizzes that afternoon, but to Jae, it was fine. To him, you were probably the best thing that happened that day.
After that incident, the two of you always study in the library together. You never told each other your schedules but it always seemed to match. The library had become your unofficial meeting place, until that one time. You accidentally bumped into Jaehyun on the way there, but he already went and it was closed. So he asked if you wanted to study at a cafe instead and you said yes without hesitation.
Jaehyun thought right then that this could become something else. He liked you. He was sure of that. He began subtly asking you out on small dates and you never failed to say yes. That is, until Johnny came. He was a new barista at the cafe you go to. He was better at wooing you than Jaehyun ever was. It didn’t take him long to have you swept off your feet and agreeing to be his girlfriend, leaving Jaehyun in the sidelines.
Now, he had to watch as you melted in Johnny’s arms, looking at him the way you used to look at Jaehyun. He had to force a smile everytime you ask how he is now that they don’t get to hang out as much. He had to keep himself from drinking too much because he knew that being drunk meant he wouldn’t have enough self control to stop himself from kissing you.
It should’ve been me, he thought. As cliche as it sounded, it was the only thing that goes on in his head. He knew you better. He knew you first. He liked you first. But being first isn’t always enough. He was too slow, a coward. He felt so secured in the slow-burn that he didn’t realize how strong a flame Johnny was and you were engulfed in him completely. Still, he wondered, after all you’ve told him and after all you’ve shared, if he asked first, would you have said yes to him, too?