#answerfic

[valencing]

Is it just me or is Delicate such a good Lovett/Tommy song?

delicate isabsolutely a song about tommy, fresh from being pilloried for his “dudethat was two years ago” moment, ducking into a dive bar where maybe he canspend five minutes not feeling angry and ashamed and like he let everyone down.obviously that’s the bar where au!lovett got a job after dropping out of lawschool to try writing for real. so lovett brings tommy a drink and talks to himlike tommy isn’t an asshole and laughs at him for blissfully non-benghazirelated reasons. what a relief that lovett doesn’t know who tommy is, that hedoesn’t follow the news on an insanely detailed level.

meanwhile,lovett can tell from the flashes of fear behind tommy’s eyes and the way hisface sometimes goes completely blank that there’s a story there, but he doesn’tprobe any further in case the story is a life in the closet, in case the storyis how close tommy is to not coming in the door every friday night anymore.gotta be cool if tommy says yes when lovett invites him back to his apartment.gotta be chill if they end up kissing against a wall halfway there. still, it’shard not to say how he feels when tommy whispers “i like you” andthen flinches, like he just told a state secret, like he’s bracing for theirfragile life in the dark to be taken away.

[valencing]

short n dumb jonjon with maybe uhhhh time travel or some kinda magical hijinks or some kind of transformation?

Jon haddisappeared around midday, which was extremely rude and unprofessional,but Lovett soldiered on anyway, writing a boring paragraph summarizing theeconomic benefits of environmental regulation and then a joke so clever andhilarious that it would probably have to be removed from the president’s speech. He hadjust texted the joke to Jon when Tommy poked his head in the door.

“Favsaround?”

Lovett spun hischair around, which made the black cat on his lap yowl in complaint. “Heis not. He’s very busy dating actresses while the weight of the White House ison my shoulders.”

Tommy scratchedhis head. “Isn’t Favs single right now?”

“With thatface? I doubt it. Did you know we’re supposed to have a draft of this thing by tonight? I’mbrilliant, it’s fine, I’ll do it myself.” The cat shook itself a bit and said mrrrp? so Lovett scritched its neck.

“Where didthe cat come from?” Tommy asked.

“I don’tfucking know,” said Lovett. “It was sitting on that stack of paperswhen I got back from lunch. Now it won’t leave me alone.”

“Aw, what apretty boy,” said Tommy.  "CanI hold him?“

“Absolutelynot,” said Lovett. “If you hold him, you’ll fall in love with him,and we can’t adopt a cat. I don’t even like cats.” He stroked the catpossessively. The cat purred and bonked its head against Lovett’s hand.

“But lookat that sweet fella!” said Tommy in histalking-to-animals-and-small-children voice. “How can you not like cats,Lovett?”

“Becausethey’re emotionally withholding,” said Lovett, cuddling the cat closer. “Youcan’t even tell if they really like you or if they’re just putting up with you because you’re funny.”

“Don’tlisten to this monster,” said Tommy to the cat. The cat yawned. “Look,Lovett, I’ll go scout around lower press, see if anyone’s missing a cat.”

“Tell me ifyou find Jon!” Lovett called after him.

Once Tommy wasgone and the door was closed, Lovett bent down to put his face near the cat’sface. The cat sniffed at him like he was the most fascinating person in theentire world.

“It’s justyou and me now, kitty,” Lovett told him. “Jon didn’t even answer mytext.”

The cat stared backat him and blinked. 

“Yeah, wedon’t need him. You wanna hear a funny joke?”

Mrrrrphp! said the cat, and rolled over in Lovett’slap, exposing his belly shamelessly.

Lovett steadiedthe cat with one hand, woke up his laptop with the other, and started to read.

[valencing]

i'm WAS writing this angsty but hot thing with tommy working out some mild sub tendencies during his situation room-based-anxiety era but I accidentally gave him clinical depression and that's not a problem I can fix with Favs' dick any more. Which isn't a question it's just me howling into the void. Question: assuming they all watch porn, what porn do they watch. How do they feel about watching porn. Did Lovett ever stumble upon his nice WASPy LL Bean roommate watching porn and how did it go.

super fictionallyfictional fic territory but like

lovett walking in on tommy, tommy slamming thatlaptop shut ninja quick but not before lovett sees he’s watching the type ofscene where some twink’s getting dicked down by like the whole football team. lovett’sheart is beating too fast. he feels dizzy. like what the fuck is tommy doing, isit some kind of joke? but tommy’s turning to him looking redder than lovett’s everseen him, almost cringing as if lovett’s gonna yell at him or something. now he’s snatchinga pillow to put over his lap. granted lovett didn’t get a great look but hedoesn’t think tommy even had his pants unzipped.

“don’t getjizz on the pillow,” says lovett, just on principle.

“i’mnot,” says tommy. “i mean—sorry.”

lovett stares backat tommy’s pink anxious face. he thinks,tommy’s gay and he didn’t tell me. “for what?” he says.“maybe you could explain in detail.”

“fuck off,lovett,” says tommy.

lovett shrugs. “i’mnot the one having an orgy in our living room.” unfortunately he can hearhimself sounding overinvested instead of casual and breezy. it’s just that heneeds to know if tommy wants to be the twink or the football team. maybe lovettshould move in with favs, who is always reliably heterosexual.

“sorry,”says tommy again, sounding much less sorry this time. “you wanna pizza fordinner?” he pulls out his phone to order like national security depends onit.

“sure,”says lovett. thinks, tommy’s gay and hedoesn’t want me.

(p.s. most of the time lovett watches fairly vanilla porn where the guys are kind of romanticand sweet with each other, but he’ll never admit it)

[valencing]

YES EBFAVS/TAYLOR YES!!!!!

this isn’t REALLY that but

so maybe at one point emily and jon have the talk about exceptions. they’re gonna be faithful to each other, of course they are, but there’s gotta be that one person they’re allowed to break their vows for, someone they’d never really have a chance with, but who they get to hook up with if hell freezes over and the opportunity is there. 

“taylor,” says emily immediately. she’d never say it out loud, but she’s looked carefully at taylor and karlie together and privately she thinks maybe she could be taylor’s type. realistically she’ll never even get to meet her, but just in case, she wants jon to pre-approve. 

jon’s eyes light up. “obviously. no problem. go for it!”

he’s actually too enthusiastic. “shut up, sleazeball,” emily says. “now who’s yours?”

she expects him to answer immediately. it’s not like anyone could miss how worshipfully jon’s eyes follow the president whenever they’re in the same room. still, jon takes a moment to think about it.

“it’s okay, jon,” says emily, when she’s tired of waiting. “i already know how you feel about obama.”

“oh,” says jon. “right, haha.”

emily leans in for a kiss. “honestly though babe? i think my exception’s way more of a sure thing.”

when jon considers this conversation later, he barely remembers how in that moment of hesitation, for a split second he thought of someone else. it’s just weird how minds work, that’s all. anyway, emily and taylor would be crazy hot together. he thinks about that instead. 

[valencing]

no pressure at all, but um how's your otra fic going? (i was super excited to hear you had 1d fic in the works, so)

it’s at 15K and i promise it’s getting there! i feel bad bc i’m gonna spend the next hour or so doing podsa ficlets instead of getting in a 1d headspace so here’s a snippet? in this au zayn hasn’t left…

***

Harry gets two salads and a fruit cup and sees Zayn and Louis talking onthe other side of the lounge. They don’t look happy.

“Because I don’t feel like it,” Zayn’s saying when Harry makesit over there.

“It’s maybe an hour in the studio for overdubs,” Louis argues.“Big deal.”

Harry sits down next to Zayn on the couch. Neither Zayn nor Louisacknowledge him.

“It’s a crap song,” says Zayn.

“Which one?” Harry asks.

Louis’s lips are a thin line. “Perfect.”

“Oh,” says Harry. “I like that song.”

“Of course you like it, you wrote all the stupidest lines,”snaps Zayn.

“I wrote it too,” says Louis.

“Look, I recorded already,” says Zayn. “I sang my verseabout Taylor fucking Swift just like I sang your crap about Eleanor, I did my bloodyjob a month ago in fact, so you two can jack off all over your shitty album andleave me alone.”

Louis looks stricken. “It’s your album too. Maybe if you’d gone tomore meetings, you’d’ve had more input.”

“Bit boring,” says Zayn, “just sitting there watching youlot wank.”

“I promise it’s the last session. Done and dusted.” Louis’srolling an unlit cigarette back and forth in his hand.

“Anyway, it’s not necessarily about Taylor,” Harry puts in.

“Shut the fuck up, Harry,” Louis says.

[valencing]

xoxodumpsterfire replied to your photoset “@tinydecentthings​ i can’t BELIEVE i forgot that, it was INCREDIBLY...”

ON THE TOPIC OF TOMMYJON AVERTED TOUCHES: i have also been thinking a lot abt how that loli episode also included the squarecash ad during which lovett uttered the sentence "i could reach out my right arm and put it on tommy’s face" which, like. apparently they spend a decent amt of time dwelling on the possibility of touching each other but not actually touching each other?? MY HEART HURTS

:( lovett is constantly calculating exactly how far away he is from tommy and which body parts he could apply to tommy's body parts like one long game of psychological sex twister. 

favs and lovett are doing an ad for life insurance and lovett's contribution is, "if tommy was here i could poke his belly button with my big toe." 

favs puts down the ad copy. "that's relevant how?" 

"just saying i could stick my index finger in tommy's ear, okay? i could put my elbow in his armpit." 

favs is like, "that's super weird, lovett. let's restart the ad." 

"i could put my tongue in his mouth," says lovett, too softly for favs to hear. “i could put my heart in his hand.”

the next day favs and tommy get to the office before lovett. favs catches tommy moving his desk ever so slightly closer to lovett's desk. 

"tommy. what…are you doing?" 

"feng shui," says tommy. 

"is it feng shui if you're gonna run over lovett's toes with your rolly chair?" 

tommy shoves the desk over another inch. "yesterday i almost put my arm around him," he says dreamily, "but then i read a book on north korea instead." 

"good choice," says favs. 

the door bangs open and pundit races straight to tommy. lovett stands in the doorway and watches tommy pick up pundit for cuddles. "she's so close to you," lovett says, his voice breaking on the word "close." 

for a long moment, he and tommy stare at each other from across the room.

[valencing]

veryspecificfantasies replied to your post: Oh my god, Tommy's face is so red for that whole...

i literally can’t believe tommy flirts with EVERY cute short brunette he’s ever met. doesn’t he get tired???? is it hard to go through life unable to control urself around such a broad type????

imagine lovett watching in horrified disbelief as tommy casually sidles up to jared kushner at a party in the hamptons circa 2011 to ask him what he’s drinking. favs is like “lovett. tommy’s gonna hook up with jared. you have to do something.” 

lovett is like, “what can I do? you know how tommy is.” 

"yes lovett i know,” favs hisses. “and that’s why you’re the only one who can save him.” 

lovett rolls his eyes. “oh, just because i’m a cute jew with dark hair you think you can throw me in front of tommy to distract him.”

“well, yeah,” says favs. “please hurry, i think he’s about to put his hand on jared’s shoulder.” 

“so i’m supposed to, what, give myself to tommy instead like some kind of virgin sacrifice?” 

favs shrugs. "some sacrifice. tommy looks great tonight.” 

lovett looks over at tommy, who seems to be throwing back his head and laughing at whatever dumbshit thing jared just said. completely unacceptable. “fine,” says lovett, “i’ll take care of it.”

“see?” says favs. “that’s real friendship.”

“oh, this isn’t for tommy,” says lovett. “this is for america.”

and then he pushes his way through the crowd to tommy's side.

[valencing]

omg I would die for magical touch dependence fic *_______*

so there are actually two possibilities here. there’s magical touch aversion fic, which is sort of in the neighborhood of what we were doing yesterday. due to a terrible curse, tommy and lovett can’t touch each other without pain. the longer they touch, the more it hurts. the agonizing dry heat of skin against skin. lots of intense yearning, very romantic. that one moment when they have to touch no matter how much it hurts. 

the magical touch dependence fic, on the other hand, would be a jonlo fic. due to a terrible curse, jon and jon have to remain in physical contact at all times or it hurts. imagine the flood of complaint from lovett, his outrage at never being able to forget that favs exists physically. after all, it’s uncomfortable to touch someone else all the time. it’s so hot and sweaty! favs wears uncomfortable fabrics! he can hear every weird noise favs makes in his throat! and favs is outwardly in total agreement, all “ugh yes this is awful,” but internally could not be more #grateful to whatever magical power made this happen. to have lovett tucked up against him for hours, vibrating with annoyance? fuckin dream come true.