Midnight Pals: No More Rights
[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: apparently amnessty international ssayss i'm anti-rightss Rowling: how dare they! Rowling: i'm going to take away their right to ssay that
Rowling: can you believe that amnesssty would dare ssspeak againssst me? Kathleen Stock: a grave injustice, dark lord Rowling: they sssay that i'm anti-rightsss! Rowling: i'm actually very big on rightsss Rowling: i jusst think only i should have them Stock: a reasonable request, dark lord
Rowling: well well well Rowling: nice little human rightss watchdog organization you got here Rowling: would be a real shame if ssomething happened to it
Rowling: look, if thossse transss wanted to have rightsss Rowling: they should have gone about doing it the proper way Rowling: by becoming a besst sselling billionaire childrenss author with a globe sspanning media empire Rowling: i mean, it worked for me
Rowling: i'm going to sssue amnessty into the ground! Rowling: when i'm done, there will be nothing left but a big sssmoking crater in the ground Rowling: i will dessstroy them! Rowling: human rights, bah!! Rowling: I'm JK fucking rowling!!! Rowling: i'm a beloved national treassssure!!!
Rowling: you'll be hearing from my lawyer, amnesssty! Allison Bailey: i advise my client to -whoops!!! [trips, spills spaghetti all over the floor] Bailey: it's fine Bailey: this is not a problem Bailey: i'll just clean this Bailey: i'm cleaning it up Bailey: jeez there's a lot of sauce
Rowling: that'ss fine, i ssstill have complete confidence in allisson bailey Rowling: here, take thiss extra money Rowling: that'll fix thiss Bailey: thanks, i -- whoa! [trips again, spills spaghetti again] Rowling: Rowling: sssssigh Rowling: ok i'm jusst gonna write a check

















