Oct 9, 2025
Big anxiety over future living and whatnot weh
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Big anxiety over future living and whatnot weh
Got an impending move in the next month or so and I'm afraid.
Although some parts of my apartment could be better, I like it a lot because it's literally in the perfect location:
10-15 minutes away from all of my IRL friends and my parents
I WFH but 10 minutes from my job if I ever need to drive in
Can easily walk to groceries, pharmacy, food
No matter what place we move to, it's going to be at least a 45 minute drive (excluding traffic) to any shit in my current life and that kinda change stresses me out. And 45 minutes is kind of like a good scenario, could easily be over an hour for some of the places he's thinking of. Will probably cut down on my weekly stuff with friends because it's going to come equipped with a fucking 2 hour commute.
But, my roommate took a job that's a 1 and a half hour drive away. And he's been constantly wanting a bigger place with separate bathrooms. I offered to swap rooms because mine's bigger, but he always turned me down. I kind of have to accept it because it's what's fair to him. I just also hate it. I have a good thing now but I have to make it worse.
I knew this was coming but it only started becoming real when we started talking about places yesterday. Probably going to be a constant underlying anxiety until we move in, but that'll get replaced with other and emotions.
This year is already starting out awful
Roommate got hit by a car last night and has been in the hospital for 11 hours. He said he's lucky to be alive and that he might need surgery.
I feel fucking awful. I saw he didn't come home last night and didn't think to call or text him. I assumed he might've just been sleeping over with some people or met a girl or something.
He said they'll call me when he's got his own room and can visit
Hmmm
had originally read someone as being kinda an asshole with the way they spoke about things, but tempered that back because they weren't always that bad and other people seemed to jive with them. But they kinda said something today that kinda threw them all the way back in the "asshole" camp for me. dw, nobody on here, and I'm not gunna pick a fight w/ em or anything. Just means I'm not gunna take them in good faith and will mostly avoid interacting. I really hate arguing with people, especially in friend groups and especially if I don't think the person deserves it. I hate public drama unless I feel like I need to do it for someone else's sake.
Dreading things around me only ever getting worse Combine with feeling like I'm only get weaker and more unstable
Just a day where my emotions are just all over the place
It's often a good sign you left a server when you feel relief at trying and being not able to go to it.
Honestly there's a lot I wish I could do in terms of finding out what I'd like to look like, but i feel like I can't really figure that out until I'm living alone. Part of that is general comfort in my own space and part of that is wow I hate people perceiving me differently. I don't know what it is, but I get asked about if I changed something and I want to die. Maybe I just hate to be the topic of discussion unless I'm bringing it up. Iunno