#anxceit brainrot

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

anxceit brainrot your honour i just love them

no reuploading/reposting, editing, or feeding to an AI.

[princeanxious]

Honestly just wanna see janus being an absolute dork w/ his walls down around Virgil and just getting Virgil to cackle at his obviously stupid antics and just them. Being happ?? And silly?? Specifically Jan beong silly on purpose to help Virgil de-stress??

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Words: 3,082 Warnings: Night Brain™ (Self-Depreciating Thoughts), Insomnia Characters: Virgil, Janus Ships: Anxceit, but it's ambiguous Genre: Hurt/Comfort Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Self-Care Snek Janus, there was only one bed! actually not the trope but that is still true, placed in like probably a mid-point of enemies to lovers

   Virgil rolled over and glanced at the digital display of the clock, sick of staring at the ceiling. 2:42 am lit up the room in a daunting red glow in a painful affront to all of his efforts to sleep tonight. He ate dinner on time. He turned down all the lights with the sun. He tried to meditate (with questionable success; he wondered when the last time he cleaned the carpet was and if he had bills due more than he was mindful of the moment) and went to bed early in a dark, cool room. Virgil did everything right, and he was still here, having a staring contest with his alarm clock.

   It was basically inevitable, and all the effort was meaningless. If it was that easy, then why hadn’t it ever worked before? Adding or changing some steps to the ritual wouldn’t change a lifetime of being eaten alive slowly by insomnia. Everything was futile, and Virgil just needed to accept that things were always out of his control and that no good ever comes his way. More cruel proof that all his efforts were always in vain, and he’d never achieve the few precious hopes and dreams that Virgil quietly kept for himself. Like the fervent wish that Janus’s caring advice would finally let him steal some sleep from the sandman that betrayed every night. The equivalence of sheer force of will and the prayers of a friend somehow changing a mountain into the sea. A stupid thought on every level.

   Fuck. Virgil rubbed his face bitterly, clenching up all his muscles in frustration. Night brain was getting to him. There were good things in the world, even if Virgil couldn’t see them in the dim light of the alarm clock. His dreams aren’t dead because 10 pm bedtimes just aren’t on the table for him right now. He still needed to figure out the insomnia problem, though. No matter how hard he researched solutions, he remained lost on how to make them work for him. He just had to wade through the muck of his horrible, bogged down brain to figure out what he needed to do.

   He might have to cancel tomorrow's plans, as much as he hated to do that to Janus. With how intensely their relationship fluctuated, setting them back further by flaking on him felt like shooting himself in both feet. But if he was in someone else’s position, he’d like the heads-up if someone may change the plans or cancel. Virgil twisted to sit up on the edge of his bed and reached for his phone, tapping it out of airplane mode and tugging it off the charger to warn him before he forgot. He texted Janus to let him know he would stay an exhausted mess tomorrow, and that Janus was nice to try, even if it didn’t work. As much as he’d love to just call him a name and throw his phone against the wall, that wasn’t fucking working for him, and he needed to be nicer like Janus was trying to.

   Even if the ideas didn’t work and the ever-encroaching devil’s hour was pissing him off, he honestly appreciated Janus’s suggestions. Virgil was used to being told that he wasn’t trying hard enough, or that he should just solve it with coffee like everyone else. At least it wasn’t a lack of effort on Virgil’s part, if even all of Janus’s suggestions didn’t help him sleep. There was some odd comfort in that. He genuinely would have loved to get back to Janus with the proud beam of someone who got eight hours of sleep. Well, if he figured something else out, maybe he could still fall asleep before 4 am and keep hanging on by a thread like he often is.

   Virgil started up the streaming video app to pick something low-key and boring enough to kill his last few awake brain cells. Even if it didn’t get him to sleep, it would be nice just to distract the damn night brain for a little while before he ends up on that ‘failure’ tangent again over the insomnia… or even just something to focus on since his tired brain kept wandering down haunted paths. But before Virgil could pick a video to drown out his thoughts, he received a text alert. Janus responded to the warning Virgil sent, even though Janus should have been asleep right now and not answering. Virgil glanced at the clock again, the unholy hour leaving a foul taste in his mouth.

   ‘Who cares?’ was the text he received from Janus. Virgil frowned and pursed his lips at that response. Didn’t Janus care when he suggested all that stuff to try? Or was this all some very elaborate and confusing prank? Was it a joke? He was too tired to figure this out. He thought it was an earnest attempt to help. Maybe it was just more lines and lies, though. It was hard to tell with Janus.

   ‘You cared yesterday,’ Virgil texted back. Janus was the one who basically demanded he go to bed early when Virgil mentioned how little sleep he’d been getting. Janus even brought up the subject by pointing out how tired Virgil looked in an insult. It’s not like Virgil was just dropping hints at the guy in hopes of help. It was Janus who sent him a list of things to try unprompted.

   ‘I have every right not to care as the person you woke up at nearly three in the morning,’ Janus responded to the text. Virgil bristled as read the words on the darkened screen, his brain conjuring up the harsh, catty tone that Janus used to talk shit about someone. Damnit, he didn’t mean to wake up Janus. He was just giving Janus a heads-up as he remembered to do so. He didn’t think he would have remembered later because of the original issue. Insomnia. How fucking cyclical.

   ‘It’s your fault for not using sleep mode, stupid,’ Virgil sent back defensively, but he knew he should have just texted later or not brought it up at all. He should have just hid the fact that he hadn’t been sleeping. Then Janus would still be asleep and Virgil wouldn’t be panicking in the middle of the night about messing up his relationship with Janus, which was often tenuous at best. Virgil had been trying, but considering that was also a word that Janus used to describe Virgil, it probably wasn’t doing that well. He would ruin this relationship like he did with all the others. Oh, goddamnit, there goes night brain again.

   ‘I would have been fine if you fell asleep on time and hadn’t texted me at 2:44 am,’ Janus texted, and Virgil’s brain just was making Janus sound angrier. It didn’t help that it echoed the sentiment that night brain was touting as a personal failure. Virgil pouted and flopped back on the bed, holding the phone above his head to text back. Janus wasn’t wrong, and Virgil kind of threw Janus’s consideration back in his face by failing to fall asleep and messaging him about it. Ugh. Night brain aside, he really didn’t need to bother Janus with this. He’s dealt with it alone almost his whole life.

   ‘Sorry,’ Virgil apologized sheepishly and rubbed his face. He knew he could catastrophize about relationships. He knew the later it got, the more harsh his brain could be, too. It didn’t make Virgil feel any better about any of that interaction. It all seemed so bad, and he just needed to learn to keep his mouth shut, but he didn’t know how. He was so fucking tired all the time. Being tired makes you struggle with judgment and sense. Ergo, Virgil was always stupid. Maybe even Janus was stupid by extension for willingly spending time with the chronically sleepless Virgil, who even knew anymore. He only knew he needed to stop bothering Janus and try to sleep. The glowing clock’s non-stop march forward told him this wasn’t the time and reminded him he should just have been asleep to avoid all this shit.

   Janus hadn’t responded to his apology, so Virgil switched back to the video app. He would try to make it up to Janus tomorrow somehow. Maybe he could get them both espresso or something like that. There really wasn’t any way to solve sleep deprivation, though, and he owed Janus more than he could physically even pay. Virgil knew how deep that debt could eat at your heart and soul more than anyone else. Janus didn’t have to forgive him, but Virgil still had to at least try to be better about not waking up friends in the middle of the night, even if it was an accident. Next time, he can just write himself a sticky note. It would be a good habit to build just to cope with the brain fog of chronic insomnia.

   Virgil found some videos reviewing bad books, and those were relatively interesting without getting invested enough in the content to turn on his brain, so he watched a few reviews. It didn’t seem to be to any avail, though, other than mildly quieting the night brain from going on mean tangents. He did wonder how the hell said books ever got published and felt bad for the readers, but considering the contents of the books, that was probably a normal reaction and not a late-night horror fun house ringing throughout his skull. Virgil checked the clock on his phone screen compulsively, and the time made him grimace. He wasn’t any more drowsy than he was before, so that failed. The human capacity to be exhausted without being sleepy is offensive to think about. Time to drown out his brain in random content again, then.

   He scanned for a different genre of videos that he could doze to with half-open eyes, but only ended up jumping at a loud thudding, the knock at his front door carried through his apartment causing a phone to land on his face in surprise. Virgil scrambled to grab the phone he dropped, looking around his room for something to defend himself with. No matter where his eyes jumped, he found nothing he could use to even bludgeon anyone with. Not that it would help against something like a gun. Maybe he was just going to die tonight.

   The tiny ounce of sense that Virgil could have called his own was smothered to death by the haze of fear overtaking his brain as his breath came in sharply. ‘If I don’t show up tomorrow, I’ve been axe murdered by a late-night visitor. Tell your snake I love her,’ he messaged off his epitaph to Janus, sitting up on the bed.

   He wasn’t sure if he should ignore it or see who it was. What if it was an emergency? What if someone needed help? What if it was the police? Should he even open it, then? Would it be worse if he pretended he wasn’t home? Would someone try to rob him if they thought his apartment was empty? What if it was someone out to hurt him? What if it was a trap? Were they going to be mad at how long it’s taking Virgil to answer? Maybe if he doesn’t answer it, he’s going to regret it for the rest of his life. What if they break in, anyway? What if—

   ‘Open the door,’ Janus texted him, shaking Virgil from freaking out about the sudden visitor’s intentions. What? Was Janus joking, or trying to get him offed?

   ‘Are you trying to get me serial-killed for waking you up?’ Virgil replied, and he intended it as a joke, but it was also the exact thing he was terrified of occurring. Nothing good happens this late at night. There was no way that the statistics for opening a door this late at night favoured him for survival.

   ‘It’s cold out here. Open the damn door,’ Janus sent another text, and Virgil jumped up from the bed right away and rushed to the front door, absolutely blindsided by the implications. Even the chance, even the tiny possibility. If it was Janus, he would open the door. That shook all his fears about the situation from the etch-a-sketch of his brain into harmlessly scattered grains of concern, leaving him breathless and bewildered.

   Virgil flung open the door, and there was Janus in all of his pyjama-clad glory, looking fatigued, chilly, and perturbed. Janus pushed Virgil aside and stepped in, and Virgil locked up behind him in pure confusion, though he felt himself grinning like an idiot despite himself. Janus was here! Did Virgil fall asleep after all, and he was currently in a rare pleasant dream? Janus’s nightwear was certainly the stuff of dreams, it was hard to believe he even owned such classy sleepwear.

   “What are you doing here?” Virgil asked quietly (as if to not startle himself awake, or perhaps because Janus looked half-asleep himself. He couldn’t speak for his own motivations, he could barely even speak) while Janus yawned, covering his mouth as his jaw unhinged. A little tear beaded on Janus’s eye that he blinked away, looking at Virgil directly with an intense expression as soon as he closed his mouth.

   Janus didn’t reply and simply grabbed Virgil’s hand to drag him back into the bedroom. Virgil could only follow along with (dream?) Janus’s whims, feeling dumbfounded as Janus pulled Virgil along. Then Janus unceremoniously shoved him into the bed, Virgil’s knees buckling at the edge and catching himself on his hands to continue to stare up at Janus in shock. Janus only raised an eyebrow, leaning his weight on one foot as he glowered at Virgil’s lost face.

   “Get in,” Janus demanded, flipping his hand at Virgil to shoo him into the bedsheets. Virgil furrowed his eyebrows, but crawled in and sandwiched himself between the blankets, anyway. He didn’t know what Janus was getting at, but it was better to just listen than deal with Janus’s tired wrath. Janus kicked off his shoes and climbed in bed next to him with another small yawn, tugging Virgil in and holding him to his chest under the covers. Virgil’s face heated as Janus forcefully nestled Virgil closely against himself and shifted to get comfortable in Virgil’s bed.

   “What—” Virgil tried to start, his voice muffled against Janus’s firm chest.

   “Sh. Just lie still and breathe deeply, and I will get you to sleep whether you like it or not,” Janus explained flatly, holding Virgil close and squeezing with mild pressure, the soft interaction melting away Virgil’s concerns in favour of focusing on the feel of Janus’s slender fingers without the gloves against his skin. Virgil wasn’t surprised his hands were cold. There was something soothing about that, even. It was almost as if the gentle chill of Janus’s hands quenched the leftover dread that burned through his mind unbidden and gave him space to breathe.

   Virgil took a deep breath and let it out slowly, closing his eyes. Janus warmed up from the night's chill beneath the sheets and Virgil’s remnant adrenal heat, making this moment more comfortable than Virgil could have dreamed. Virgil hadn’t shared his bed in a long time, and he thought he didn’t miss it, but it seemed at least a small, traitorous part of him clearly still did from the unwelcome relief that slowly filled his body. He doesn't like how much Janus just being here changed how he felt, even though it satisfied him beyond words. The warmth between them, the soft covers, the considerate cuddle, and Janus’s gentle heart beat and steady rise and fall of his chest all coaxed him down as he breathed slowly and stayed still as asked. Virgil’s thoughts had trouble wandering with Janus right there. His brain was too busy fluctuating on Janus’s very existence, as well as the fact that he showed up out of nowhere to snuggle Virgil to sleep. He had to be already dreaming, right?

   Janus rolled over and rearranged Virgil into being the little spoon, arms wrapping around Virgil and sliding his head onto Virgil’s shoulder. A few soft, warm breaths sent dancing across Virgil’s skin before Janus dropped his head to the pillows behind Virgil, Janus's breath now lightly jostling the hairs of Virgil’s bed head. Janus reached around to have Virgil hold on to a spare pillow and tucked him properly into the covers before snuggling tight, the even spread of pressure across Virgil’s back reminding him that Janus was here even though Virgil could no longer see him. Virgil couldn’t believe this moment was real, and he didn’t want to stop to consider it and ruin the moment. He wanted to be here in Janus’s arms, not even letting the fear of waking stay in his forethought for long.

   The moments of soft breathing calmed the last of the fear in Virgil’s heart, loosening the knot in his stomach and the tightness in his throat. Virgil felt relaxation wash over him in places he didn’t know could even loosen, unwinding him down to the core. Janus’s arms slackened slightly, and Virgil could feel him slip off to sleep behind him, dragging Virgil down farther along with him. The dreamlike quality of the moment grew, the lines of reality becoming blurry, and the light of the alarm clock faded into an unreadable glow instead of a harsh reminder of the waking reality.

   The request was so simple it was offensive that it worked, but the mantra and the soft embrace warded off all thoughts. Just breathe deep and lie still. That’s all he had to do. Janus was here. He’d know if Virgil gave up, so he had to keep going. And he wasn’t alone. He didn’t screw up with Janus, and he was safe. It didn’t matter if it was a dream or not, because both options were so wonderful, he would stay in either forever.

   Time unwound and lost all meaning together in the soft sheets. He didn’t count the breaths. The clock’s horrible march forward, lost to the details, quickly blurring out. There was only Janus’s breath and his, entwining together in the dark room. The last dregs of Virgil’s waking mind faded to nothing, and there was nothing but warmth in the last moments of Virgil’s awareness as he drifted off to sleep.

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

Ok, hear me out. Virgil makes a better with Janus that he can't be extra while in PJs. And he's very confident he'll win. Then janus comes out in this (in hid colours of course)

And Virgil is both gay and annoyed. (Also thank you for introducing me to this ship, I now love it)

oh my rain Ace coming in strong with the brainrot on this day and fae is so right Janus frankly needs one of these things hold the fuck on i need to kick into brainrot hyperdrive for this for and for one of my favourite fanders

🎇🎇🎇

Janus scoffed and adjusted his hat, leaning back on the wingback armchair and crossing his legs deliberately. He folded his gloved hands on his thighs and pointedly glanced away from Virgil. Virgil rolled his eyes slowly in a wide arc at the display, gripping his knees as he sat balled up on the chair across from Janus. Virgil sighed loudly and shook his head.

“What new droll concern of yours is it now, Virgil.” Janus expressed his disdain for this situation anew, his lips in a thin line and his eyebrow irked as he faced Virgil once more.

“Okay, for one, what I’m talking about is important. And the other thing is that you can’t be this extra all the time. It’s literally impossible. This Jack-the-Ripper look has to do most of the heavy lifting. There’s no way you’d be nearly this extra sitting in your jammies and yawning,” Virgil declared snidely, flipping his hand out to motion and Janus’ outfit. A small smile quirked at the idea.

Janus blinked a few times, his irate expression slipping into a smug grin. “Is that so,” he said flatly, peering directly at Virgil and tilting his head.

Virgil pulled his head back slightly and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at that reaction. “Yeah,” he doubled down. “I bet you look stupid, even. There’s no way,” he insisted, shaking his head with a flop of his bangs.

“A bet, hm?” Janus sat straight and arched an eyebrow at him. “I’ll take that bet,” he agreed with a smirk and took off his bowler hat, then threw it precisely at Virgil’s face with the flick of his wrist. Virgil sputtered from getting smacked in the nose and caught the hat. He watched Janus get up out of the chair with a yank at his capelet, causing it to flutter as he stepped out of the room.

Virgil smiled to himself, eager to see Janus knocking himself down a peg and played with the brim of the hat. He tried it on himself for a moment, but it felt weird to wear, so he removed it and held it in front of his shins while he waited for Janus to return, resting his chin on his knees.

The door slammed open and Janus leaned in the doorway, and Virgil’s mouth fell agape at the sight. Janus had changed into a long, flowing, sheer housecoat. The robe was a shiny golden gauze and black fur trim along the rim of the coat. Virgil’s eyes followed the fur down to a pair of silk brown pyjama pants hanging off of his hipbone. Janus’s hand perched on his hip was in a yellow lace glove. Virgil’s eyes lingered around the waist before he looked down at a pair of crossed black leather wingtip house shoes. Janus shifted, and Virgil’s eyes shot up to see Janus yawning primly, hiding his mouth behind a lace-adorned hand.

Janus moved nonchalantly over to Virgil, the translucent housecoat billowing as he walked, and stole the hat right out of Virgil’s hands with a self-assured smirk, sliding it back on his head with a flourish. He bent over, staring Virgil directly in the face, and used a single finger to push Virgil’s lips closed. He stood up, pushing at Virgil’s shoulder so he would look up at him, and folded his arms across his chest. Virgil could barely think as he stared up at Janus.

Janus reached up and rubbed his chin between his thumb and forefinger. “So, about that bet of yours,” he purred, glancing down at Virgil with a mischievous smirk.

I left it open ended for fun. Is Janus getting something more salacious out of this bet or will he make Virgil look stupid? It's up to your own anxceit brainrot to decide. Any Readers can feel free to write what happens next and we can all feed each other some more anxceit action.

thank you so much for the brainrot, you are awesome!

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

I just had a thought. Virgil and Janus doing the Addams Family Tango. But, who would be Gomez? And who would be Morticia?

We don't need to do any more convincing than that. /lh

no reposting anywhere or editing thank you <3

okay like serious convincing time, and this characterization is based off off the black n white show and addams family values because that's what we've consumed.

Mortica is extremely pro-self-care, even at the expense of other people as evidenced by her emotionally relating to the lady who wanted to kill her family for nice things. Janus.

Throwback to Virgil being an idiot in FwSA, Gomez is a himbo. Also, pinstripes morph to plaid pretty well. And Virgil-will-throw-down-at-a-moments-notice is fanon, but it suits Gomez-will-fence-you-this-second Addams pretty well.

Everybody who saw this while we were drawing was like "Virgil should be Mortica" and Dante was like "Fuck no Janus goes in the pretty dress" and I agree with them. Did Dante just want to see their snek husband in a pretty dress? Possibly. Did I just want to see Snek!Morticia? Also possibly. The point is we're right. /lh

Sorry for once again taking a simple ask too far and we hope we didn't stress you out /g

Dante left me to finish this all alone (probably not their fault) but like they have a steadier hand than me so once again forgive the arthritis action and also the extremely odd blend of two art styles but actually we're really proud of it so there's that.

Anxceit Brainrot goes brrrrrr

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

I don't know if you watch pretty little liars or not but there's that one line that one of the girls says " you know you wanna kiss me" and now it's stuck in my head that Janus would say it to Virgil in that same annoying tone

... i wish I could remove this from my head but alas i can't...

(excuse any misspelling/lack of correct grammar I'm very tired rn)

okay i'm a little stuck because I have not seen or read pretty little liars and I can't find a video of the scene or even like an excerpt from the book to have literally any context to that

however

anxceit brainrot doesn't care about fact it only cares about anxceit and brainrot and rotating the bois in my head 24/7

so thank you for the additional brainrot have some more brainrot in return but it's unedited because I don't feel like editing today just brainrotting over this prompt

(okay update a very cool friend found me a clip and I was a little off with more teasing and less snooty but the brainrot still prevailed and that’s what’s important here)

Dice rolled outcomes: Drunken Confessions, "That's not a happy face."

CW: Alcohol, Drinking Alcohol to Cope, Mild Implied/Referenced Car Accident, Threat of Parental Disappointment, Playful Teasing but it's Mildly Mean, Cursing, Stolen Kiss

Virgil slammed down his shot glass with a sour look on his face, not turning to face Janus at all who smiled smugly the next barstool over, twisting his finger along the rim of his highball glass as he leaned his chin on his hand.

"You certainly could use another," Janus joked and Virgil glared before holding up his hand to get the bartender's attention.

"Another shot of rum, please," Virgil requested when a bartender looked at him. The bartender nodded and reached for the bottle.

"Are you sure you have the brain cells left to handle another shot?" Janus asked, picking up his highball to take a sip. Virgil accepted the rum with a nod and shot Janus a spiteful look before throwing it back and placing the shot glass on the counter next to the other empty ones. "Fantastic showing, darling, do you deal with all your mistakes so well?" Janus added sarcastically.

"It's not like you helped any!" Virgil shot bitterly, reaching up to rub his face.

"It's not a big deal, Virgil, everyone does it." Janus rolled his eyes, putting his drink back down on the bar counter.

"If everyone did it, then all cars would be damaged, now wouldn't they? Not just mine in a way that there's no way the car insurance would cover because it was my own stupid mistake," Virgil grumbled irately, shifting to hold his head in his hands.

"And you call me dramatic." Janus scoffed. "It's a dent and a scuff, not the end of the world," he pointed out.

"And possibly a damaged tire. It's on loan from my mother and when she finds out she is going to have me tarred and feathered before burning me at the stake," Virgil hissed, still glowering at Janus. "All you did was laugh at me earlier when I was freaking out and you suggested some shots to get over it, you have no right to judge me for doing what you said," he impressed emphatically.

"I said a few shots, not a glass short of a pyramid." Janus sneered, picking up his highball to point at Virgil's small collection of shot glasses in front of him before taking another sip. Virgil peered towards the empty cups through his bangs.

"Okay, well, your face is dumb," Virgil badgered him quietly, slipping slightly on his hands and pulling himself back up to lean on the bar.

"Scathing, absolutely abhorrent treatment of a friend. I'm wounded to the core," Janus jeered sarcastically, rolling his eyes and taking a sip of his highball.

"Yeah, yeah." Virgil waved him off, reaching out for his glass of water.

"Rum is supposed to be a joyful drink, and that is not quite a happy face," Janus said teasingly. Virgil turned to Janus and gave him the nastiest, most snide customer service smile he could muster. "Perfect, much better," Janus said facetiously, flashing Virgil his own derisive smirk. Virgil faltered and slipped on his arm, nearly bashing his head on the bar before he caught himself, propping up his head on the bar again and sipping carefully at the water. "You are utterly trashed, darling," Janus told him with a sickly sweet voice.

"Yeah, well, you're utter trash, too," Virgil mumbled, his face a little redder than before.

"You know you want to kiss me," Janus teased, grinning more genuinely now.

"Only when you're being a little shit, which is all the time," Virgil smiled back, and Janus' eyes went wide, and he sat back a little in surprise. "Wait, shit, no—" Virgil denied it right away. "That was a joke! I was joking! I didn't have a dream where you kissed me last night! Fuck, goddamnit—" he babbled, trying to take it back.

Janus took Virgil's wrist and pulled him closer, leaning in to plant a kiss on his lips. Virgil's lips pressed against his and Virgil's heart jumped in euphoric exhilaration, which the drunk very Virgil short-circuited over and lost his balance, falling off the barstool. "Which one of us is a better kisser?" Janus asked playfully while Virgil stared up at him from the dirty bar floor in disbelief.

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

A Royal Shame

Words: 3,102 Warnings: Potential Secondhand Embarrassment (a character experiences non-graphic shame overload), Threats (They're Empty), Implied/Referenced Allosexual Nonsense, Innuendos, In-Universe RPF, Teasing, Flirting, Thirsty Pining Characters: Janus, Virgil, Remus Universe: King Janus and his loyal royal aide Virgil (+prince remus) Genre: Humour Rating: ~Tish, Mildly mature themes at most Additional Tags: Royalty Janus | Deceit Sanders, Meta in-universe Dirty RPF, Anxceit (mildy, anyway), Janus POV

   Janus sighed as Virgil silently slid a fifth form across his desk. He had been through so many meetings today and he was steadily losing gumption. There was too much bureaucratic nonsense to tolerate in one sitting. Janus rubbed his face, staring up at Virgil standing next to his desk. Virgil held the stack of papers to his chest with a stoic expression, as usual. He was a good aide who worked hard, was uncommonly loyal, and never interrupted Janus when he was concentrating, no matter how long Janus thought. He once devoted three hours considering what to get as a snack to test his aide, and Virgil never looked even slightly perturbed. Virgil stood still, emotionlessly, and did not even make a suggestion for the entire duration. The ideal royal aide. Just kind of… boring.

   On days like this where Janus spent more time doing paperwork than doing anything else, he wouldn’t mind the company. Someone to talk to in between the signatures and sessions. But Virgil wasn’t a conversationalist. If Janus ever asked him what he did over his break or what kinds of things Virgil was interested in, he would give one-word answers and return to standing quietly. It did not seem to be in a distaste or disinterest in Janus, Virgil stood there and watched Janus’s hand move over forms for hours, eyes never straying from the pen scratching across the paper. Virgil revealed very little and kept matters professional. It was both admirable and enormously bland of him. At least Janus never had to worry about Virgil gossiping.

   “How many more, Virgil?” Janus asked wearily, pulling his focus to the paperwork on his desk. He flicked his pen while Virgil deftly counted the remaining pages.

   “Seven forms, sire,” Virgil answered banally, holding the notes and standing tall again. That’s just… perfect. Janus took a deep breath to steel himself and returned to reading the paperwork in front of him. Paperwork kept the world spinning around, but that didn’t make it any more titillating. Janus wouldn’t mind if taking a break meant the planet had stopped turning for a moment at this point in the day.

   Another two and a half hours passed and Janus placed the pen back on the desk next to the ocean of paperwork. He felt so deeply drained. Virgil patiently waited for Janus to sit straight before picking up the papers from the desktop and gathering them with the small journal Virgil always carried with him. He crossed his arms over the paperwork and bowed at Janus before leaving the chamber.

   Janus’s eyes followed Virgil out of the room, and the door closed behind him. Janus slumped in his seat, feeling too worn to appreciate this moment of respite. Virgil would come back soon to escort Janus to another meeting and take notes for him. He heaved a heavy sigh and carded his hand through his hair. This position wore on him. These insignificant moments while Virgil was off submitting all the work Janus did were one of the few private minutes Janus could claim to himself.

   He was tired. Janus had successfully maintained a perfect royal image all while managing to not murder anyone trying to run a country, which was a feat in itself. People saw him as nothing but a skilled and competent leader with all the hard work he’s put in, even if he’s participated in a few shady dealings behind the scenes. Keeping that driven and capable persona up was very important to him, but as he let out an exhausted exhale, various petty excuses to escape on his next meeting ran through his head. There were no solid ideas, though. He needed an excellent reason to escape on this particular one if he wanted to maintain his appearance, especially since he was only longing to pass up this session out of pure distaste for the idea and nothing important.

   Janus leaned back and twiddled his thumbs while he waited for Virgil to return, peering up at the chandelier as he thought. There seemed little to do unless he could find something on his schedule soon that reasonably would be a higher priority than this meeting enough to invest time in prep for it. That would be a feasible reason to excuse himself. But Janus didn’t have his schedule memorized, Virgil handled that for him. But letting Virgil know what he was searching for was information that could leak that Janus was attempting to shirk his duties, as much as he trusted Virgil to not spread the knowledge personally. You could never know who was listening in an old castle such as this. Janus found dozens of ways to secretly eavesdrop before he had been crowned.

   The chamber door opened with a click and Virgil returned, holding the journal to his chest and returning to stand next to Janus’s desk, waiting quietly. Janus must have still had a moment before the next meeting this afternoon. He had time to figure out how to at least take off part of the session coming up before his brain melted. Even leaving early would be satisfactory.

   “Virgil, make me some more tea.” Janus motioned towards the drink cart and stood up, stretching his legs. Virgil stepped over to the tea cart and put down his journal, then lifted the lid of the kettle to determine if any hot water remained. It was empty since they had been here for hours, so Virgil gathered up the silver teapot in both hands and left the room to go fetch some boiling water. Janus hurried over to pick up Virgil’s journal to check his schedule for the next few days.

   Janus opened the black leather book, checking for a bookmark of some sort that would indicate what day they were on, but there wasn’t one visible. Virgil made this very hard on himself, didn’t he? He began searching from the back instead and flipped expeditiously through the pages to find the page that would have been most recently recorded on chronologically. The last paper written on had no dates, or a drawn calendar, so he flicked a couple of pages more to locate the starting point of the wall of text he found.

   He scanned through the words swiftly, but this wasn’t meeting notes and there was nothing in this section about the schedule at all. In fact, it just showed to be about Janus. It was not an event he could ever recall happening in particular, but it seemed like a recollection of events. Did Virgil record Janus’s daily activities? Janus leafed through a few more pages, finding another tale to determine if he remembered this one instead. It started out with sword fighting, and Janus had long since concluded his practice with the blade, so it assuredly wasn’t recent.

   In this section, he was practicing with a knight, which did occur, though he mostly trained directly under the swordmaster. Form and technique were more important to Janus as royalty, as he only carried a sword for show. He didn’t especially need to practice much. There was a gratuitous description of the way Janus’s muscles moved and the sweat beading on his brow, but perhaps Virgil was a writer in his free time and got away from himself.

   It wasn’t particularly suspicious until Janus won the sparring match by knocking away the knight’s weapon. Janus would have remembered that achievement. It definitely never happened. Even odder, Janus approached the unarmed knight with his sword and pinned him against the wall. He would never do that. How unprofessional. The knight was congratulating Janus on his victory, but Janus mentioned something about a prize. This was looking more and more like a story as he read, since the dialogue was written out rather than summarized. Virgil being fastidious and remarkably specific with his notes was nothing new, however… but there were no prizes when Janus practiced swordplay.

   They talked more about sword technique, though Janus was still in the knight’s face, and that prize came up again. What was this on about? Janus leaned in to whisper the knight’s fatal opening in his ear and the encounter escalated exceedingly fast to passionate kissing, and Janus’s face warmed, realizing exactly what this was. Virgil wasn’t taking notes in this part of the journal. He was writing fantasies. About Janus.

   When the chamber door clicked open once more and Virgil came back with the filled vessel of heated water, Janus was entirely too baffled to even acknowledge Virgil’s return. He kept skimming the story, wondering how far Virgil was taking these idle thoughts.

   Virgil moved next to Janus and put down the pot on the drink cart, preparing a fresh cup, only passing a glance at Janus until he double-taked when he saw Janus reading in Virgil’s journal. “Perchance reviewing the schedule, sire?” Virgil asked nervously as he prepared the tea as requested.

   “I am indeed reviewing something,” Janus affirmed bluntly, continuing to examine the events described in the journal.

   “Did you need help to locate anything?” Virgil offered evenly. The sound of the finery clattering lightly as Virgil made the tea warranted a peek at Virgil’s impassive face, but his teeth worrying his lower lip betrayed his concern despite the stoic eyes. No need to let skirt the subject any longer.

   “The knight grappled with the king-to-be’s garments, the sweat from their sparring bout causing it to stick to his skin as he peeled the prince out of his tunic,” Janus read out loud, and the teapot made a strident sound and likely a mess when Virgil slammed it down, but Janus didn’t quite care about that at the moment. “Janus worked free the straps on the knight’s gauntlet in quick succession, it soon discarded with the rest of their armour strewn across the floor,” he continued, glancing up at Virgil again who had blanched sheet white, a mortified expression to go along with his sickly pallor. He didn’t even appear to be breathing. “The knight regarded Janus with hungry eyes, and the prince returned the sentiment—” There was a very abrupt thud as Virgil collapsed to the ground.

   Janus peered over the tea cart to see his aide completely passed on the floor in what appeared to be a fabulously uncomfortable position. Janus finished making his drink and sniffed the cup just to calm down, returning the mug to the cart with a sigh.

   “Virgil, I don’t know if I should arrest you or have you killed,” Janus stated with the resignation over this nonsense ringing clear in his tone as he rubbed his face. 

   “Or kiss him!” The voice of his younger brother carried from what sounded far away in the room. He shut the journal and dropped it to his side.

   “You’re not helping Remus,” Janus groaned in frustration, but Remus’s cackle of delight echoed in the chamber without a hint of being dissuaded by Janus’s ire. Well, he had found a suitable excuse to skip his next meeting, being that his aide was possibly not conscious. He also discovered his aide was not a bland, emotionless wall after all. An interesting turn of events, to say the least. 

   “We’re getting him a bookmark,” Janus informed the room teasingly, though he couldn’t be sure if Virgil heard. Virgil had never passed out on him before to know how long he’d need to come around again.

   “I want to read!” Remus shot, running up from the far-side of the room, revealing he was around the corner near the windows. “I want to find out if he thinks you have proper sword technique.” He waggled his eyebrows. Janus rolled his eyes and kept the journal closed. Remus reached for it and Janus slapped his hand away. 

   “Also, a lock,” Janus scoffed, leaning on one foot. “Should we get him to the infirmary?” He inquired, motioning with his head to Virgil. 

   “Let’s put him in your lap on the throne and see if he dies of blood loss when he wakes up,” Remus suggested playfully, walking over to check out Virgil on the floor. 

   “Just take him to the chaise lounge, Remus.” Janus waved, and Remus bent down to take Virgil by the shoulders, dragging him over to the appropriately named fainting couch and hefted him up. 

   “So you’re not arresting him?” Remus asked, sounding disappointed. 

   “If he’s sharing these stories, perhaps, but if I arrested people for being lascivious, you would be the first trial and likely end up with the death penalty,” Janus replied flippantly, reaching for his tea to take a modest sip. He blew on the surface before tentatively trying some.

   “Speaking of, do you think he’s hot for the crown or royalty in general, because I need to know how far that salacious little mind goes.” Remus leaned over the arm of the chaise lounge to look at Virgil. 

   “Don’t you think you’ve had your hands on enough of the staff without accosting my aide?” Janus asked tiredly, putting the cup back down on the tray.

   “I like my hands on the staff,” Remus joked, bouncing his eyebrow once. “You could always let me read the journal instead,” he sang, twisting his finger in the air and looking at Janus with a wild grin. 

   “No. Commission him for a story when he wakes, if you are that curious. I assume these are private, and if they aren’t, you can ask him while he’s in prison for defamation of the crown.” Janus stated plainly and opened up the journal once more, interested if there was a warning of some sort in the segment's preface. 

   Remus snickered when he saw Janus skimming, and Janus flipped swiftly through the book to locate the front of the section. There were quite a few of these tales of Janus and an unnamed character with a clear power imbalance. Certainly a lot more than Janus expected to discover. Where did Virgil find the time? Janus didn’t read them closely, other than whatever words popped out while he was passing pages, but Virgil had some tastes. Janus finally located the start point of the stories, and there was just a quick note that this was Virgil’s individual portion of the journal, so at least it appeared he did not share them after all. Good. Replacing a royal aide was very difficult to do and had an unexpectedly high risk of death. 

   Virgil’s sudden scream drew Janus’s attention, seeing Virgil look panicked, with Remus looming directly over Virgil’s face on the fainting couch. Janus closed up the paper again while Virgil rolled off the seat and fell to the ground in a sudden scramble. Remus kept right next to Virgil without fail, even as Virgil backed up into a pillar. 

   “So what happens next?” Remus asked excitedly, bounding on his heels. Virgil remained pale as the moon as he gripped at the pillar desperately, looking completely out of his depth and incredibly dismayed with the situation.

   “Ignore him. Virgil, swear on your life that these stories are secret and that you have never shared or discussed them with anyone in or outside the castle,” Janus questioned him intensely, holding up the journal and shaking it. 

   “Discuss them with me!” Remus hopped again, pinning Virgil to the pillar with his hands on either side of Virgil’s head with a bright gleam in his eye. Virgil shrunk back, looking baffled.

   “Remus, my personal staff is off-limits to your advances, and that is an order.” Janus huffed and put his hand on his hip. Remus sighed dramatically and backed away from Virgil, who looked marginally relieved, but still sweating and gripping at the pillar behind him. 

   “N-nobody was supposed to find them, sire,” Virgil replied shakily, slumping a little. “They’re intended to be secret,” he added softly. “Especially from you,” he muttered under his breath. Janus crossed his arms and examined Virgil for a moment, who seemed sincerely repentant. 

   “Keep it that way. Get a lock and a bookmark for the section with the schedule. Do not discuss them with prince Remus unless it is confidentially about a story he commissioned you to write. Do not let your writing hobby affect your job as my aide. This journal does not leave your or my hands until it is locked. Have I made myself clear?” Janus demanded shortly, listing off his requirements to continue forward despite this nonsense.

   “Yes, sire! Of course, sire!” Virgil shot straight, saluting Janus and then fumbling quickly into a low bow. He rose and still looked anxious. Remus crossed his arms and tapped his foot, pouting while watching Virgil. “You’re not mad? Or going to tell me to stop?” He asked weakly, a small waver in his voice as he looked at Janus with wide eyes. Janus held the journal behind his back and smiled at him casually.

   “They’re just fantasies.” Janus stepped forward, moving closer to Virgil. “It’s not as if you have any clue of how I might actually seduce you to expound on,” Janus said searingly, leaning over Virgil with a toothy smirk. He blinked twice, gaping up at Janus before dropping to the floor once more in a puddle of a man. 

   “Oh, he’s fun.” Remus beamed while Janus smirked and stood upright, folding his arm to hold the journal to his side. 

   “Remus, find some nearby staff member to tell the council I can’t make this next meeting due to my aide being incapacitated, would you?” Janus requested smugly, transporting Virgil over to the fainting couch himself this time. 

   “Can I at least tease him if I can’t flirt? Please, please, please?” Remus pleaded, holding his hands together and pouting out his lip. Janus hefted up Virgil on to the chair with ease and stood tall, adjusting the small rumple of his top back to its immaculate state. 

   “Make sure it’s private first and not when he’s busy. I don’t want a scandal or any interruptions to the kingdom because you are trying to poke fun at my aide.” Janus waved him off, sitting down on a neighboring chair. Remus jumped up in the air and let out a bark of a laugh before rushing out of the chamber, presumably to do as told. 

   Janus settled down into the seat, opening up the journal as he crossed his legs and reclined. He needed to make sure he would not throw off his schedule too much by Virgil being unconscious, but also curious to see how that knight tale ended. In for a penny, in for a pound, after all.

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

good evening gents

it is three am

and I am experiencing

✨ anxceit brainrot ✨

so tonight i ask you

have you considered

✨ t h e m  ✨