#anxietystuff

[anxiousalienthefirst]

I wish I didn’t have anxiety because I would have so many more friends than I do now

[verlysgaminglife]

I'm going to start sharing a few of these. it's not really a game, but it can be downloaded with googleplay and it helps with anxiety. :) the adult coloring books you can use for real are cool, but I'm left hander and it makes a mess of my hands when i'm done. This is much better for me all around. :D

[anxiousalienthefirst]

What sucks about my anxiety

Is as soon as I’m hit with it I literally can’t do anything. I have to stop what I’m doing and lay down and do absolutely nothing. Why? Because I can’t focus anymore, I can’t do what I was doing anymore, I can’t watch tv because I’m not paying attention to the dialogue or what’s happening. I can’t even use social media because I can’t focus on what I’m looking at. Sometimes it’ll last 3 minutes and sometimes it’ll last 3 hours. I can’t eat or sleep, all I can do is go to the bathroom, but even then I’m forcing myself to do it as fast as possible because I just want to lay in bed. I feel crippled by my anxiety because I literally can’t do anything. Does anyone else experience this? Is it dramatic at all?

[cargopogo]

I hate this so fucking much. I hate having these fucking mental disorders I have no control over. This summer I was so busy nonstop I didn't have time to be depressed or anxious and now it's just eating me up because I'm slowing down before school. It's so embarrassing because nothing triggered it as far as I'm aware but I just broke down and it's just this overwhelming bad feeling but not being able to say why. I can't even bring it up to the bf because it's like all I can say is I just feel bad, he's out of town and I miss him and being around him helps but again I still have a deeply settled issue that hasn't actually gone away. I'm still embarrassed to talk about my feelings about all of this aside to the anonymity of tumblr or my therapist but again I haven't seen her in months because we can't afford it. And what's even more stupid because I'll calm down and you guys send me such nice messages and then I just start crying again. You guys are so awesome and I don't know why I can't stop being a pos.

[cargopogo]

I really wish friends would stop telling me that I need to go on a diet/change what I eat because they only see what kind of food I buy (a lot of easy microwavable stuff/snacks/etc.)

Because of my GAD I tend to forget to eat all day so I usually buy quick and easy snacks when I get hungry enough that I feel like I’m going to pass out (which is like the only time I actually notice I’m starving most of the time, or I will notice I need to eat and not get food because I don’t have the energy to actually make a meal).

I usually don’t eat till 5 pm or later every day unless a friend wants to go out and get lunch or I’m already out so I can buy something to eat.

I just kind of wish people would say that kind of stuff to me, my roommate’s been pestering me all the time about it because he wants to go on a diet and he wants me to do so too so he’s not tempted to break it.

It just makes me feel really bad about something I don’t have a lot of control over. If I didn’t have any snack food then I probably wouldn’t eat at all.

I do want to eat better but it’s not as easy as they make it sound.

[cargopogo]

Anxiety, Depression and the Loop

I really need to get back to therapy, I feel like it’s consuming me again.

After my sorta “break up” (was dating, not in an official relationship but you might as well call it a break up) I’ve been frequenting Tinder and OKCupid just because I guess I’m really desperate to be in a relationship when I’ve never been in a legitimate one.  After actually seeing someone, gaining trust and being intimate it made me really want to explore my options when I was never able to do it prior, but at the same time it was a catch 22 - who I was dating has probably been the most understanding person I’ve ever been around in regards to my anxiety and he was able to handle that so solidly - so I feel like I’m losing someone really important by cutting him off like this. I just could never provide him what he needed in a relationship, and while I do care for him so so much, I don’t think it was healthy for either of us.

But now I’m craving attention, and I feel like I’m being so damn self destructive it’s embarrassing. My anxiety flares up, I’m self conscious every time I talk to someone on either of those apps and I feel like no one will ever understand like he did. Aside from my desire for attention, I guess my main argument was that I wanted to explore more, I wanted to meet people out of my comfort group of the artist-type that I’ve always surrounded myself with. And I guess I’ve only realized how little real world experience I have, and how little I can relate to other people then what I originally thought. It’s so unsettling I feel like shit.

I mean no one has put me down for it, but I can’t help but feel embarrassed. I’m so embarrassed by my mental illnesses and in turn I just hate myself more and more every time I realize how much they prevent me from living a normal life. I realize I’m back into the habit of not eating all day because I have no appetite and then it gets to the point where I feel so sick and lack energy to even make food for myself. I keep procrastinating on my work and it’s only making me more stressed. I sat in the bathtub today after I emptied it for a good twenty-thirty mins crying on and off. And then I’m constantly having self harm and suicidal ideation (mostly related to cutting and drowning). Neither I would do, but I feel like I have all these self destructive tendencies where I harm myself emotionally when I can’t do it physically. And I keep yearning for attention that I don’t think through my actions at all.

I don’t feel like I’ll ever be able to be in a relationship as long as this persists, I can’t be a good partner when I can’t even take care of myself. I just want to be better.

[cargopogo]

I’ve been talking to some people on tinder and sometimes it comes to a point where I have to bring my GAD up in the convo, and ugh it’s just so so embarrassing. I don’t know why it’s so humiliating, I guess I worry that people won’t understand even though I know it’s a part of me and I shouldn’t be ashamed of something that’s out of my control.

[cargopogo]

It's not fair I thought I was doing so good But here I am breaking the fuck down over nothing Why can't I get better and stay better fuck