Paws for Applause - Chapter Four Drever
𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> James "Bucky" Barnes(&) x Original Nonbinary Character(&) (Soldierbug&, pluralpoly)
𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 -> The boys begin to open up, and a storm is coming.
𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 -> 6358
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> (T) Mentions of abuse and trauma, nightmares.
𝐀/𝐍 -> Check it out below, or on AO3 here! Dividers by us! Cards at the end <3
<- Chapter Three Chapter Five ->
Prompts at end because there's a lot siesefesfjsef
I woke slowly, blinking my way into consciousness with a flickering of eyelashes and a prolonged stretch. The cotton beneath my cheek was sleep-warmed and softened with age, and I let out a quiet sigh, burrowing deeper into the material, reluctant to face the sunlight.
“Good morning, Темнота.” Gentle fingers caressed my hair, and I blushed, hiding a smile in their shirt.
“Hi,” I whispered, embarrassed at having been caught so vulnerable, but happy with the situation in which I’d found myself. I glanced up at them through my lashes, finding them grinning affectionately down at me, one arm still tight around me, their cell in their other hand. “Did you sleep at all? I hope you didn’t stay up all night ‘cause of me…”
The chuckled softly, offering me a gentle squeeze. “I slept, don’t worry. You cuddle in pretty well; I don’t think I could’ve stayed awake if I’d wanted to!” They lapsed into silence once more, fingers teasing my hair, and I purred, watching them closely.
“… Whatcha doing?” I asked as I tracked their eyes skimming over their screen, blushing at my nosiness. “Not that you… I mean, you don’t gotta tell me. Obviously.”
With a snort, they rested their cheek on my hair. “Reading. It’s about fairy tales, folklore… It’s interesting!”
I smiled and nestled closer, yawning widely. “Will you read to me?”
Their cheeks pinkened minutely, but they nodded, clearing their throat uncertainly.
“Come away, O, human child! To the woods and waters wild, With a fairy hand in hand, For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand…”
My eyes closed of their own volition as I burrowed in, fingers curling in their shirt to hold myself nearer, and they paused. “… Wanna go and settle in on the bed? You might be more comfortable…”
My nod was subtle but sure; this strange person who had appeared quite without warning in our lives and shook up everything we thought we knew was an unexplainable tranquiliser, soothing my soul and calming my mind.
I trusted them without hesitation.
Despite the anxiety warring in my head, Winter and Bucky murmuring their concerns, I allowed Mars to manoeuvre me gently into position between the sheets. My hand shot out instinctively as they went to back away, eyes low. “Will you stay with me?” I whispered, and they paused infinitesimally before nodding, sliding in beside me and wrapping an arm around me as my head found their chest.
I let out a quiet, contented sigh, curling into their side, their cheek resting lightly on my hair.
“Where the wandering water gushes,” they continued, their melodic, friendly tone a balm to the ragged edges of my psyche, “From the hills above Glen-Car, In pools among the rushes, That scarce could bathe a star…”
By the time I re-emerged from the darkness, the candle had gone out, and Mars was snoring lightly, their phone having fallen against their chest. With a soft smile, I gazed up at them in wonder, following the lines and curves of their open, honest face, enraptured.
Their long lashes fluttered and parted slowly, forehead creasing into a subtle scowl. “No flight checks…” they muttered, eyes closing once more, and I snorted aloud. One eye opened again, taking me in, and they smiled tiredly. “Hm?”
“‘Flight checks’?” I repeated, biting back a giggle, and their cheeks turned pink.
“My get-up routine,” they clarified timidly, one side of their mouth rising in a shy grin. “I need an established series of tasks, or else I get distracted, and forget to do… Well, anything that needs doing, really…”
I hummed and nodded thoughtfully, head cocking slightly against their shoulder. “I think Bucky could use something like that…” I mused, grinning as he snorted in the back of my mind, though quickly murmuring his agreement. “He gets distracted pretty easily.”
“I know the feeling,” they replied, chuckling, and let out a long stretch, groaning aloud. “Alright… As much as I love a good lazy Sunday, I do actually have a few responsibilities to attend to, even if the store’s not open.”
“Gross,” I replied, grinning, but sat up obediently to let them free.
“You, uh… You can come with. If you like,” they added quickly, blushing once more. My own cheeks flushed as I nodded shyly, looking away to pet Zeus as a distraction for my embarrassment.
“I’d like that,” I replied timidly, almost overheating from the scalding blush in my face, and they broke into a broad grin.
Zeus was already beginning to learn the path to the store, and the realisation made me giggle as he fought to drag me along, Mars chuckling fondly. “We really need to start on some training with him, huh?” they mused, head cocked.
“Maybe,” I agreed, squealing with laughter as his feet scrabbled against the ground eagerly. “But he’s so happy!”
“I think he’ll maybe be happier when getting to the end of the street doesn’t exhaust him,” they countered, laughing, and I grinned back, glancing back at the mastiff mix as he relaxed at the end of the leash, panting heavily from his fight against an immovable force. He stopped to sniff every bush and post and blade of grass as we continued, having resigned his war against restraint – for now – and peeing prolifically. I could only shake my head fondly, letting the joyful hound stop and start as he saw fit, so thoroughly absorbed in his inexplicable canid behaviours that I hardly noticed when Mars came to a halt, watching us with their head cocked, smiling fondly.
“Are you two coming with me, or heading for the border?” they teased, eyes alight with humour as I skidded to a sheepish stop.
“Oops,” I offered, shrugging shyly – but they simply laughed and shook their head, leading the way up to the side door of the store.
“I’m sorry in advance,” they offered, grimacing. “It’s a little… Chaotic, in here…”
I waved a hand as I followed them up a dim staircase, making a soft sound of objection. “Trust me, I’ve seen worse.”
Their space was a continuation of the store downstairs, punctuated by the calls and whistles of several birds perched around the room, eyeing me with suspicion.
Recalling the green gremlin that had dive-bombed me the first time I visited Paws, I eyed them right back, apprehensive.
Mars caught me watching them and let out a laugh, shaking their head. “They’ll leave you be. They’re not all like Denzel,” they added, glaring with undisguised affection at the lime-coloured creature sat atop the bookcase with a look of pride. When it wasn’t aiming for my face, the relatively small bird – particularly in comparison to the towering macaw beside it – looked almost elegant, pale green fading into deep emerald along wings and head, interrupted only by a black and pink band around the neck and a vibrantly red beak.
And then it squawked definitely, and I jumped.
“Seems… Sociable,” I replied, eyes narrowed warily, earning another fond chuckle.
“He’s a baby, really. Wanna meet him?”
I glanced at the bird uncertainly, opening my mouth to reply.
“Sure,” I agreed, grinning broadly as I took in the delightfully chaotic featherball. “I’d love to!”
A ripple of surprise flickered over their face, then they lit up, letting out a low whistle. “Dezzie!”
The bird let out an unholy series of shrieks before catapulting itself bodily across the room, wings moving in a blur. I couldn’t help but admire the way his back arched as he landed, gracefully tucking his feet forward to latch himself onto Mars’ shoulder. My fingers reached out of their own accord, curling away at the last moment with a blush. They offered me a reassuring smile, raising their own hand to rub the side of the bird’s head, chuckling when he leant into the touch. “You can pet him. He won’t bite.”
Slowly, hesitantly, I extended my hand once more to the fragile creature. I’m not concerned about him hurting me…
The back of my fingers brushed theirs as I skimmed my tentative touch over the delicate plumage, heat rising in Mars’s cheeks. But I was too busy to notice, enraptured by the way the creature pressed into my hand, chirruping quietly.
When he turned his head and stepped up into the space between thumb and forefinger, my chest ached with joy. I couldn’t help the delighted chuckle that escaped me, blinking in surprise. Mars stepped back a little, leaving me supporting my new feathered friend, and I hesitantly drew him closer, raising metal fingers to continue caressing his chest gently.
“Looks like you’ve got a fan, Winter,” Mars teased affectionately, and I blushed, head ducking.
“You recognise me?” I clarified, and they laughed, making the bird open one eye and glare at the interruption.
“Of course! Firstly, Dezzie here scares the crap out of Bucky. Secondly… You’re not as similar as you might think.” Their eyes narrowed a little as they considered me, quiet and thoughtful. “You’re like… The sun and the moon. Same general category, but distinct and unique.”
I chuckled softly, flicking my gaze to theirs. “You think?” They nodded firmly, and I smiled, looking back to the creature perched on my hand, his eyes closed with joy. “I… Thank you.”
With a nod, they glanced around. “Feel free to make yourself comfortable. I have a few… Dozen critters to feed, then I’ll be with you.”
I was happy to recline on their sofa, Denzel exploring my clothes and a cat curled up beside me, licking my hand with enthusiasm and pausing only long enough to hiss a warning as Zeus rested his nose on the seat beside him, earning a chuckle and an eyeroll from Mars as they passed by.
“She’s fine. She’s incredibly dog-savvy; she’s just making sure he knows who’s the boss!” they snorted, shaking their head fondly. Zeus sniffed the cat tentatively, the latter of which had returned to purring and licking, tail thumping with interest before he trotted away, distracted by Mars’ movements and the bag of bird seed they carried.
I let out a soft chuckle, one hand smoothing the sleek, patchwork fur of the cat’s anguine spine. “He likes you,” I noted, smiling fondly at the shadow diligently following them around the apartment as they attended to their feathered dependents.
“Or he likes that I’ve got chicken in my pocket for him,” they countered with a snort, dropping the bag beside the last of the cages. “C’mon, pup. Let’s see what you can do, hm?”
Zeus followed them obligingly, a thick strand of drool hanging from the corner of his mouth as they led the way over to sit beside me, perching on the edge of the sofa to avoid the cat languidly enjoying her petting. Despite the empty-headed expression, the dog’s eyes were focused wholeheartedly on Mars, watching for any indication as to food that may be heading his way. “Alright, Zeus. Let’s do you a little test, hm? See where you’re starting. Can you… Sit?”
The enormous behind hit the ground immediately and with an audible whump, and I laughed. “I think he’s got that one down,” I teased as they praised him, the mighty jaws working around their fingers as he took a scrap of chicken. They simply smiled and nodded, offering him a gentle scratch under the chin.
“He’s a smart boy,” they agreed, crooning closer to him and squeaking with surprise when a large tongue trailed the length of their cheek, earning a snort and a fond shake of my head. Wiping their sleeve across their face with an overdramatic shudder, they refocused, eyes on his. “Okay, okay. How about… Down?” Their hand lowered a little, and Zeus dropped obediently, settling against the ground in a heartbeat. “Yes! Good boy!” He earned another treat for his efforts, and Mars shot me a broad grin.
“He’s deceptive,” I replied with a chuckle, the dog’s huge, open maw giving him a decidedly mindless expression, and reached over to give him a scratch of my own. “A smart boy, aren’t you, huh?”
“He takes after his dads!” Mars replied, then blushed timidly when I glanced at them, smirking. “I- Uh… Let’s keep going, shall we?”
By the time their stomach began to rumble audibly, Mars and I had come up with a plan of action of sorts, based on the things we’d concluded Zeus knew well.
“So, first and foremost, he needs some leash manners,” they noted, eyeing the dog wagging by their hip with faux sternness. “He might not pull you over, but if anyone else ever has to hold him, he’s going to pull their arm off at the moment. Not to mention the damage he could do to himself in the long-term.”
I hummed my agreement, fingers toying with one of his soft ears idly. “I… Will you help us?” I murmured, blushing timidly as my head ducked, and they chuckled.
“Of course… Темнота,” they added, elbowing me gently and grinning.
I blushed harder, squatting to busy myself with Zeus’ only-too-willing attention. “How did you know?”
They chuckled, smiling softly when I glanced up through my lashes. “It’s like Winter said. You’re… Sweet.” My cheeks flamed, and their grin grew. “But yes – I’d be honoured to help.”
“We can pay,” I added quickly, and they started to shake their head, but I raised a hand imploringly. “Money isn’t really an issue.”
“I’ve seen your apartment,” they replied, eyebrow arching in disbelief, before they paled, horrified. “I m- I didn- I-”
I simply laughed, shaking my head. “I get it. But it’s not a financial thing, we just…” I shrugged a shoulder, lowering my gaze to my dog’s once more. “I don’t know. Didn’t want to get too comfortable, I guess.”
“Why?”
It was asked gently and without judgement, but still I stiffened, muscles becoming clumsy and terse. Because I don’t deserve comfort.
Because I’m a hero killer.
Because I don’t deserve to be treated like more than I am.
“Not sure how long I’ll be around,” I replied eventually, chewing on my lip quietly. “I might have to move on before too long.” When they didn’t reply, I sighed, settling myself on the ground and smoothing a hand along his neck falteringly. “I... Need to stay ahead of certain people. I may need to move on quite quickly.”
“Are you running from the law or something?” they asked softly, squatting beside me, and I shrugged a shoulder.
“There’s probably more than one government out there who would love to make us disappear. But... No. Not this time.” Quietly, I trailed my finger along the edge of the white blaze down Zeus’ chest, the short, soft fur grounding me. “We’ve done some real bad things in our time. Some of those things... Well, they only recently came to light. The folks affected by them weren’t very happy. It’s best if we keep ourselves ready. Never settling, you know? Always ready to move, if we need to.”
They nodded once in response, considering me quietly. “… I know about you, you know.” I looked up in surprise, and they offered me a soft, sad smile. “Well, about y’all. The singlet that society sees you as, I mean. The Soldier.” I winced, and their hand found my shoulder gently as my head ducked once more. “There’s… Stories, and stuff. I’m sure they don’t do justice to what y’all really went through, but… They make it more than understandable that you were forced to do things that you wouldn’t have done otherwise. By all accounts, you were – you are – a good person. Good people, I mean. Captain America has always been very vocal about-”
“Yeah, Steve’s good people,” I interrupted smoothly, jaw setting as I stood. “But he doesn’t know me – he knows Bucky. I’m the man that HYDRA created, and I am not a good person. I did those things, and I didn’t care while I did them.”
“And now?” they interjected quietly, unfaltering in the face of my sudden appearance and vehement disagreement. “You were trained and conditioned from the moment you existed, Win. But now you know more of this world, and of yourself. Do you care now?”
I blinked hard and lowered my gaze, the stiffness of my muscles draining with my stubbornness. “I… Yes,” I whispered, eyes closing. “Yes. I do.”
Their touch found my arm again, gentle and reassuring. “Because you, like the other two, are a good man, Winter.”
I blushed a little, shooting them a half-grin. “I guess I try,” I offered sheepishly, shrugging a vibranium shoulder. “But hey – how about this good man cooks you a good meal, to say thanks?”
They groaned their way through their meal, eyes alight and shining. They’d reluctantly allowed me to take over their kitchen at my insistence, stammering as I purchased the ingredients with a wave of my hand.
“Like I said – money isn’t an issue,” I replied simply, shrugging. They’d mumbled their red-faced thanks, occupying the apartment’s furry and feathered inhabitants while I cooked – with Buck’s help, given my inexperience.
They’d eyed and subtly poked at the dumplings uncertainly, somewhat dubious, but the aromas filling the room – and doubtless a desire to appear polite – led to their breaking open a single pelmen, considering the filling of ground meat silently, unable to keep themselves from inhaling deeply. “I won’t be offended if you don’t like it,” I assured them with a grin, chuckling as their expression flickered with relief. Slowly, hesitantly, they took a small bite; they dissolved immediately into quiet groans, the rest of the dumpling disappearing between their lips quickly.
“Holy shit.”
Snorting, I shook my head affectionately, beginning my meal with rather a more restrained manner. “Good?”
“This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten,” they grunted, before shooting me a timid grin around bulging cheeks. “Sorry. Beautiful, I know.”
“You’re exquisite,” I replied softly, grinning when their cheeks flamed and they swallowed with difficulty. “But thank you. It’s my favourite thing in the world. I don’t remember where I learned the recipe, but…” Shaking my head lightly, I shrugged a shoulder, considering one of my creations. “I’ve been making it for years. It’s warm, and filling, and comfortable.”
They nodded vigorously, eagerly tucking into the contents of their plate. “It’s delicious, Win. Do you make it often?”
“Not as often as I’d like,” I admitted, eating slowly. I was too lost in them, in the way they could enjoy something so simple as this staple, making soft sounds of delight at the seemingly wonderous new experience. I – we - hadn’t felt such pleasure in almost a century, though I found myself settling into the company, the warm, scent-wreathed room lulling my mind and allowing my muscles to unclench slightly.
“Why not? You clearly love it,” they added, indicating their head at the faint smile tugging at my lips, and I chuckled.
“I do,” I agreed, “but it’s hard to find the time. Or the motivation.”
They considered this for a moment, then blushed, lowering their gaze once more.
“It doesn’t pay so much, but I love it,” they gushed, leaning back in their seat. They’d talked endlessly about work when I’d asked, eyes bright with joy. “I’d far rather be happy than rich, you know? I can afford the things I need to, and that’s enough for me.”
I smiled fondly, nodding once. “That definitely sounds like an ideal way to live.”
“What about you?” they asked, hands folding over their stomach as they let out an overfed huff of air. “What’s next for you guys, now that you’re not in the team any more?”
My brow furrowed, and I looked away uncertainly.
What is next for us?
Is there a next?
Or is this our life now? Running from one bolt hole to the next, constantly looking over our shoulder?
Will we ever find peace?
Will we always be hunted?
A hand found mine, and I glanced back at my companion, blinking in surprise. “I’m sorry,” they murmured, their steady, dark gaze locked on mine. “That wasn’t very thoughtful of me...”
I shook my head once, shrugging a shoulder. “It’s okay. I guess I just... I don’t know the answer. I have no idea what we do next; for as long as we can remember, our only mission has been survival.” It was almost overwhelming to think about the variety of options spread before us, each just as attainable and uncomprehensible as the last. “There’s too many choices.”
They chuckled at that, squeezing my hand gently. “It’s a lot, I know. But you don’t have to decide right now, right?” Their spare hand found Zeus’ head, caressing lightly, and they shot him a grin. “I guess the only thing you need to decide tonight is when to go home.”
I don’t want to...
Despite myself, I couldn’t help humming my agreement, comfortable, warm and relaxed in their company. It would be
“Will you read again?” I asked quietly, biting my lip as a blush crept up my cheeks. Their eyes cut back to mine, glowing with warmth.
“I’d be happy to, Tem,” they agreed readily, and I felt my face heat further at the recognition, wondering if I’d ever get tired of being so transparently seen.
It took a moment for their words to sink in, and I paused, surprised. “... ‘Tem’?”
Colour rose in their own complexion, and their head cocked infinitesimally as they smiled. “Is that okay? If you don’t like it, I don’t-”
“No,” I interrupted quickly, joy fizzing under my skin as I grinned. “No... I like it.”
The rain started to come down as I sat beside them, soft at first, and then loud enough to almost drown out their voice as they read to me from a nature book, regaling me with facts about the Sulawesi Forest Turtle.
“They live in the streams in the forests on the island of Sulawesi, and are thought to be a vital part of their native ecosystem. In studies of their feces, scientists have found insect specimens as yet unidentified- hey, that’s really cool, huh? Isn’t it weird that they can-”
They cut themselves off as they darted to their feet, cursing under their breath as they stumbled and rousing me from my contented, transfixed state. Nonsensical mutters fell from their lips as they moved around, and I saw the cause of their concern - a steady stream of drips falling from the ceiling, spraying out over the floor as they landed. I was beside them in an instant, gazing up at the damage with concern.
“Don’t worry about it - it happens whenever there’s a storm,” they grumbled, dropping a mop bucket beneath the leak with a sigh. “I really need to get it fixed, but... Well, I can’t afford to pay anyone, and the last thing anyone needs is me up a ladder. I’m more likely to end up falling off the roof than mending it.”
“We can do it,” I offered immediately, unfalteringly, and they blushed.
“Thanks, but you-”
“Consider it a gift of gratitude,” I interrupted softly, reaching out to rest a hand on their arm gently. “Please. We’d like to.”
Their eyes met mine once more, and they blushed, looking down as they nodded. “I... Okay. Thanks, Tem.” The gaze locked on mine flickered, shifting to the metal fingers on their skin, and I winced, drawing back with an apologetic murmur, causing their eyes to widen in alarm. “No, no! I didn’t - it doesn’t bother me or anything, I just-” They grimaced at their own fumbling, pausing to gather their thoughts as they leant back against the counter. “I... I wondered who... How it... What happened? Not that you have to say,” they added quickly, turning ever more crimson.
I rested against my hip beside them, considering my metal joints as I thought about how to answer. “This exact edition is courtesy of a very intelligent young engineer in Wakanda,” I started, digits twitching. “But... I lost my arm falling from a train.”
They winced sympathetically, turning to face me more fully. “I can’t imagine how much that must have hurt...”
Shrugging, I looked away. “I didn’t know much about it until after. There were... I remember flashes, now and then. Moments during the removal of what was left, and the fitting of the joints and bones that would hold the metal one. Usually they’re out of reach when I’m awake, though,” I added.
A mercy.
The glimpses of blood and pain always seemed just beneath the surface, ready to come for us at the slightest provocation, holding us fast in their terror until our subconscious deemed us tortured enough to be released. No matter how many years passed, we still dreaded those nightmares and the memories they contained.
“Who did this to you?” they breathed, a look of horror flickering across their features, and I offered them a weak smile as thoughts of being tied down and cut open without as much as a shot to dull the pain.
“I was part of a military experiment run by HYDRA - so-called scientists who wanted to create super soldiers, like St- like Captain America,” I rectified quickly. We’d learnt long ago that most people found it odd to hear America’s Sweetheart referred to by his first name - though he’d always be a nerdy, skinny teenager to us, no matter how big he got. “I guess they were successful, in a way. Their technique wasn’t as finessed as Stark’s, but... Whatever they’d done to us when we’d been captured a few months before meant that we could survive that fall. Not that we often felt it a worthy trade-off,” I noted bitterly, earning a sympathetic hum.
“Does it hurt?” they whispered, and I closed my eyes briefly before responding.
“Every single second,” I replied quietly.
“Is there anything I can do?”
I blinked in surprise, gaze finding theirs once more, rendered silent by the question. “I... What?”
They shrugged shyly, fingers entwining in front of them. “Is there anything I can do - anything that might help?”
... We could-
No.
But-
No, Temnota. We don’t do that.
I jus-
Win’s right. We can’t - it’s not safe.
Reluctantly, I shook my head, the endless ache of damaged nerves throbbing along my chest more than ever at the tantalising opportunity for relief. “No... No. There’s nothing you can do.”
No matter how I fought it, I found myself inching closer to their side as evening faded into night, an age-worn blanket adorning our laps without my noticing. By the time I became aware of the encroaching darkness, we were all but huddled together, the winter chill driving us to seek warmth in one another.
They shot me a look as they lit a candle on the coffee table, an unreadable expression in the flickering light, and I cocked my head. “What is it?”
“I... The bottles.”
I opened my mouth to clarify, confused, then slowly closed it with a click as comprehension dawned. “Oh.”
“That- It was a lot of empty whisky, Tem...”
With a subtle grimace, I waved a hand. “It takes much more than that to have an effect on us, I promise. Zeus is safe, if that’s what you-”
“It’s not just Zeus I’m worried about,” they interjected softly, glancing at the dog snoring contentedly beside them. “I care about you guys, too.”
The intimacy of the soft, shimmering light kept the flush from my cheeks, but my eyes still dropped timidly, shy under their gaze. “I... It’s the only way we can sleep,” I admitted, my voice barely audible. “And even then, it’s not... We don’t... We don’t sleep much.”
They nodded slowly, expression thoughtful. “...Would you like to stay over?” I felt my eyes widen in surprise, and they paled. “I don’t- I’m n- I j-” They cleared their throat, cheeks vermillion in the low light, and started over. “You seemed to sleep pretty well when you weren’t alone. If ever you need some rest... I know this place isn’t much, but...”
Pausing, I chewed my lip, holding back my own answer reluctantly.
We shouldn’t.
Why not?
Do we really want to get them more involved in this mess?
It’s putting them at unnecessary risk.
But they’re right... I slept so much better with them...
That doesn’t matter, Tem.
It would be selfish to endanger them like that.
The rejection was gentle, but still it stung, and I found myself blinking back tears that threatened to spill as I shook my head slowly. “I... I can’t.”
“I’m not afraid of whatever demons you have, you know.”
Startled, I looked up, the motion causing the water clustered along my lash line to trail down my cheek, and they offered me a sad smile as they reached out to brush it away. “I know you think you’re haunted. Or hunted, or whatever. But I’m not afraid of you, and I’m not afraid of any ghosts that y’all may have.”
“And what if those ghosts come calling?” I clarified softly, and they smiled.
“Then I know you would never let anything happen to me,” they responded simply.
Never.
No... Never.
Woe betide anyone who dares try.
“You can stay, but only if you’d like to.” Their fingers found mine and they squeezed softly, leaning against my shoulder. “It’s okay to be afraid, though. I can be brave for all of us.”
By the time I woke, daylight was streaming across the pillow in front of me, and I sat upright quickly, startled.
The bed was empty save for a small calico curled up against my side, who opened one eye at the movement, swiping a paw over her ear before returning to her slumber, unphased. I scanned the room quickly, panic rising in my throat at Mars’ conspicuous absence.
Oh God, what did we do?
Did we have a nightmare and freak them out?
Did something happen to them?
What if we-
Our internal dialogue cut off as the front door opened, Zeus leading the way inside, his tail wagging energetically and mouth hanging open with glee. Mars seemed surprised to see me sat upright, but their expression recovered quickly, and they shot me a broad smile, holding up a tray of two coffee cups that shook from the straining on the leash in the other hand.
“You’re lucky you’re super strong - this guy is like a bulldozer!” they laughed, shaking their head fondly as they deposited the tray on the table before kneeling, calling the dog to them before removing his collar and smoothing a hand over his brindle fur. “I nearly ended up wearing the coffee!”
An odd, sweet scent permeated the room, and I cocked my head. “That doesn’t smell like coffee,” I noted, and they chuckled, shrugging shyly.
“It’s pumpkin spiced latte,” they admitted, seemingly slightly ashamed of this choice. “Which, for the record, is not spiced with pumpkins, nor does it taste anything like pumpkins.”
“Then where does it get its name?” I mused aloud, taking the cup offered to me - which, mercifully, smelled only of regular Americano.
“I think it’s made of the same stuff they spice pumpkin pie with?” they offered, sitting beside me and crossing their legs beneath them as they shrugged. “I’m not sure. It’s not terrible, though. But I kind of wish it did taste like pumpkins.”
I laughed aloud, taking a sip and shaking my head fondly. “Never been a fan, myself. Stevie loved pumpkin pie, though. My mom used to make it for us every Thanksgiving, just for him.” I smiled softly to myself at the memory of a warm house, the scents wafting from the oven, and the laughter of our small, broken band of misfits.
“What was she like?” they asked quietly after a moment, turning to face me fully, dark eyes locked on mine with undivided attention. I hummed thoughtfully, letting the aroma of their drink wash over me as I considered how to respond, before chuckling under my breath.
“Kind. She... That’s the best way to sum her up, really. She was one of the kindest people you’d ever meet. Steve’s home life wasn’t great - neither was mine, before my father died. She knew what it was like to live with fear. She couldn’t save him from that - much as she tried - but she could give him somewhere safe to go. This small, scrawny shrimp of a kid who seemed to have a target on his back and a knack for making it bigger. He was easy bait when he was young. There was nothing to him - no matter how much my mom tried to fatten him up, he was always so small, so sickly...”
They nodded once, head cocked thoughtfully. “I’ve seen pictures, somewhere. Before the serum, I mean. He looked like he might break a rib if he coughed too hard...” They grimaced and flushed, looking away. “That was mean.”
“No, it was accurate,” I reassured them softly, reaching out to squeeze their hand gently. “He wasn’t strong - not physically. He was ill a lot. Sarah - his mom - she told us once when he was sick that she never thought he’d make it past the first year. She loved that boy, but every day felt like borrowed time. She always assumed he’d be taken from her one day, so every time he got ill, she was prepared for the worst. But not our Stevie,” I added, shaking my head fondly at the memories. “He got better every time, no matter how many doctors said he wouldn’t survive the night. And my mom - she’d make him broth when he could barely eat, even when she was working twelve, fourteen hours a day. She’d go over every evening and stay until the entire thing was gone, even if she had to spoon it into his mouth herself.”
“She sounds like a good woman,” they replied gently, and I nodded, jaw tensing a little as my eyes stung.
“She was,” I answered, my voice cracking minutely.
I never got to say goodbye.
I thought, then, about what it must have been like for her. To have an officer at her door tell her that her child was missing and presumed dead. They never found a body, of course. I couldn’t help but wonder if she waited, if she spent the rest of her life rushing to answer every knock at the door in case I’d come home.
It wasn’t just me she would mourn, either. Steve was as much her child as I was by the time we joined up, and I wouldn’t have expected anyone ever told her - or Sarah, for that matter - what really happened to him. And by the time anyone knew either of us was alive...
“She’s gone now,” I noted softly, allowing waves of grief I’d scarcely permitted myself to acknowledge over the years wash over me in the safety of this small apartment with its leaking roof, dark eyes watching me quietly. “I wonder what she’d make of me now.”
I wonder if she’d fear us.
I wonder if she’d still love us.
I wonder if she’d recognise us after everything we’ve done.
“She’d be so proud of you, Bucky.”
I bit my lip, fighting the tears that build along my lash line.
“I hope so.”
By the time we stepped out into the daylight, the sun was high in the sky, though it did little to ease the chill. Mars shivered violently, wrapping their thick fleece further about themselves as a breeze made their curls sway endearingly. “I’m gonna get frostbite one day, I know it,” they whined, a good-natured smirk betraying their delight.
We’d spent almost an hour practicing Zeus’ leash etiquette, and I marvelled at the progress he – we – had made under Mars’ kind and patient tutelage. While still easily distracted and prone to attempting to chase down anything moving within his eyeline – be it cat, dog, or leaf – during quieter moments there was no more tension in the leash, and he looked to me frequently, checking to see if the treat pouch clipped to my belt would bear delicious meaty fruit for his calmness.
The sky opened as we neared my apartment, and we darted into the building as a torrent of rain began to fall, immediately soaking us to the bone. One glance at one another’s dripping faces had us creasing with laughter, their hand finding my arm to support themselves as they chortled.
When they looked up, laughter fading, I found myself gazing into enchanting, entrancing brown eyes, dancing with joy and amusement, their smile fading into seriousness as neither they nor I looked away. They were close enough for me to see the flecks of hazel buried in the mahogany depths, and my breath caught in my throat as their lips parted infinitesimally.
They were no more than an inch away when Zeus shook violently, showering us in a cascade of droplets and breaking the spell that held us fast. With a nervous laugh, cheeks colouring, they stepped back, hand leaving the fabric-covered vibranium of my arm as they glanced toward the door. “I should probably…”
Wordlessly, I nodded, struck silent as I watched them step back out into the downpour.
Probably a good thing…
We’re not supposed to be getting attached to this place...
We’re not supposed to be…
My internal thoughts, and those of my brothers, fell quiet as I saw them glance back, ringlets forming rivulets of rainwater along their jaw.
“Fuck it.”
I was outside without thinking, and they half-turned when they heard my footsteps on the wet ground, surprised to see me jogging toward them with Zeus trotting along eagerly beside me.
“Bucky – it’s pouring, what are you-”
My hands cradling their face cut them off, and they blinked up at me with wide eyes, nodding almost imperceptibly when I gave them time to object before crushing my lips to theirs with a soft sigh of surrender.
- “Who did this to you?” – @anyfandomgoesbingo (Dark); - ‘Ghosts’ – @buckybarnesbingo (B005); - ‘Hero-Killer’ – Bug’s First Bingo; - ‘Standing in the Rain’ – @darkacademiabingo ; - ‘There Was Only One Bed’ – @eclipsingbingo ; - ‘Nerve Damage’ – Eclipsing Bingo (Dark); - ‘No Anaesthetic’ – @fandom-free-bingo (Flight Edition); - ‘Lazy Sunday’, ‘Deception’, ‘I Know What You Did’, ‘Memories’ – Fandom Free Bingo (Frosty Edition); - ‘Sulawesi Forest Turtle’ – Fandom-Free Bingo (Wild Edition); - ‘Fairy Tales and Folklore’ – Gen Prompt Bingo;
- ‘Aftermath’- @hurtcomfort-bingo (CO42); - ‘Love as Cooking Their Favourite Meal’ – @julybreakbingo (Kofi Exclusive); - ‘Huddling For Warmth’ – July Break Bingo (Flash); - ‘Endless’, ‘Gangrene or Frostbite’ – July Break Bingo (6x6); - ‘Stealing or Running From the Law’ – July Break Bingo (7x7); - ‘Cuddling’ – @lgbtqbingo Bingo;
- ‘Become an Early Bird’ – @multifandom-flash (New Year – Gen); - ‘Reading as it Rains Outside’, ‘Pumpkin Spice Latte’ – @seasonaldelightsbingo (Fall Vibes Bingo); - ‘Sun & Moon’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Five Nights at Freddy’s - BINGO!); - ‘“I’ll Be With You From Dusk Till Dawn.”’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Language of Flowers); - ‘First Kiss’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Rainy Weather Bingo); - ‘Would You Rather… Work a Job You Hate or Have No Money’ – @slumberpartybingo.
I had to remove some cards because there's an image cap *SOBS* but none of them had card numbers or were finished soooooo
