My AU Headcanon: after surviving the attack on their house, James had constant nightmares about seeing Lily & Harry dying & Voldemort, Wormtail and Snape taunting for failing them, despite being the great James Potter. It hurt Lily to see her once happy and mischievous husband be in so much pain.
I'm alive! Risen from the ashes like Fawkes!
Lovely anon, thank you for your patience and for sending this prompt, which allowed me to write James from another perspective and analyze his marriage with Lily with a more mature eye.
As always feedback and other suggestions on how to continue this (or any other) story are welcome but I'm also open to having a chat, exchanging headcanons and making moodboards and playlists for your favorite characters/couples.
Words: 700
After years of uncertainty and terror, with heavy casualties on both sides and entire bloodlines wiped out, the war ended, and the Wizarding World celebrated with displays of fireworks and jubilation. He Who Must Not Be Named was dead, just a corpse made of skin and bones buried beside his father in a forgotten graveyard, his remaining followers were locked up in Azkaban, and peace reigned once again, an outcome Lily failed to truly believe in as she held little Harry to her chest on the darkest nights, in fear it could be their last moment together. They had been lucky to survive Pettigrew's betrayal, something he did not, and Lily was grateful for every quiet day she was allowed to live, but James hadn’t gotten over the tension and the constant fear as well as she did. When there was light outside, from breakfast until he put Harry to bed, everything seemed fine despite the purplish dark circles under his eyes, and at work he was his usual mischievous self, at least according to Sirius, but when he got under the covers, once he had given a kiss to his wife and they both turned off the lamps on their respective bedside tables, he became a mess, clinging to her body as if she was a lifeline. The nightmares hadn’t given him a full night’s sleep for months now, and if sometimes he didn’t feel like talking, if sometimes the only thing that soothed him was sinking into Lily, taking her in desperation, letting her gentle words of encouragement and muffled moan ground him, during others he was more inclined to dialogue.
“He killed you,” he had murmured one night, heavy tears sliding down his sunken cheeks. “You were dead, and he… Harry… I couldn’t do anything but watch.”
It was like this, between stammers and fragmented sentences, that Lily discovered what was plaguing her husband’s sleep, a sense of guilt he shouldn’t have felt, an anxiety he couldn’t leave behind.
“It’s not my fault, Snivellus, it’s not my fault!” he had shouted on another occasion, before sitting up in bed, his forehead drenched in sweat.
“Dad?” Harry had called from the small corridor dividing their rooms, rubbing his eyes with the small fist.
“Dad had a bad dream, love,” Lily had quickly explained, as he guided him back to bed. “Every now and then it happens to adults too.”
“Can you give him this, then?” her son had asked, with the innocence only children possess, handing her one of the stuffed animals he usually slept with. “It will protect him from monsters.”
“He will appreciate it very much,” she replied, taking the fuzzy Welsh Green, his favourite birthday gift from uncle Remus.
“Did I scare him a lot?” James asked, defeated and worried, as soon as she closed the door behind her.
“No, but he wants you to have this, to protect you from monsters,” she answered, passing him the stuffed animal. He stared at it for a while, as if seeing it for the first time, or glimpsing something in his black plastic eyes, and then he hugged it tightly, curling up his knees and bowing his head until his dishevelled hair almost touched his arms. Seeing him like this, it was evident how young he actually was, how the weight of the carefreeness the war took away from them weighted on his hunched shoulders.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered, breaking the heavy silence engulfing the house. “I wish I was stronger, I wish I had been able to do more, but instead I had to hide like a rat, I had to wait for others to defend my family for me.”
“We’re all alive, and that’s enough,” was all Lily could say as she caressed his bare back, where the bones of his spine visibly protruded. When had he gotten so thin? When, among the pile of things he had to care about, had he stopped considering eating a priority? Just two more questions to add to the thousand she would have to find an answer, a solution, to alone, so as not to break the young man who that night slept hugging his son’s stuffed dragon.
Everyone, welcome to Annie's 500 followers' event! Again, thank you for helping me reaching this huge milestone. I always cherish any feedback I get from you and it's mostly what has kept me on this site so long. So, thank you once more💗
The event will be on from 6pm CET the 20th of October to 6pm CET the 27th of October, so you have until then to send in your asks!Anons are, of course, more than welcome to stop by!
(more details under the cut)
🍰So, what would you prefer to eat?
—As you might already know, these are the fandoms I write for:
The Originals;
The Vampire Diaries;
Marvel (including the Venom's movies);
Supernatural;
Bridgerton;
(if you're not sure if I write for a certain character, ask me with no worries)
🍰Let's chit-chat, shall we?
— I'd love to talk to you, guys, so send in via ask whatever you want! Funny things, fic/book/movie recommendations, even just a 'hello'! And if perhaps you want to know more about me, ask me anything you're curious about!
— And of course, I'm open to all kind of games you can come up with! Fmk, would you rather, this or that, I'm ready to play!
🍰How about some music?
— If you didn't know, I love music, so send me a character/ship and I'll make a small playlist about them.
🍰Here's the buffet!
— In this week I will also opening my requests, so you can send in yours with a prompt of your own choosing and I will write for you a short BLURB. It can be whatever you want, really, but in case you don't have any ideas, you can choose from this list or this other one.
It might take a while to answer to your ask, but don't worry: I'll reply to everyone throughout this week (and maybe a bit after that) <3
Tagging some lovely mutuals that are the best and that I dearly love: thank you for your support👉👈💘
Hello moonbeams~! Writing letters is something I’m good at, because even if I stumble in all other forms of communication sometimes, my writing, my words never fail me. The overall negative energy, annoyance and sometimes hatred towards the pandemic, the social/political topics and the year in general can be very draining and or taxing on me and you all. Of course we’re upset too but seeing so much hate can be draining for people like me, and maybe you. So for a moment, grab a seat and a blanket and listen as I read this letter to you. This is a letter from me, to you, and I offer a blessing from her majesty the moon herself as well.
2020 has been one hell of a year that’s for sure. I experienced a lot of sadness, fatigue and overall lower moods as I tend to take on the energy of the world heavily. There has been so much that’s happened to us all, sadness, fear, anger, heartbreak; but even still we survived it. There were so many that felt we wouldn’t make it through this year or make it to the end as it felt like it would go on forever, but we’re here now, to write these letters, to tell these stories.
Even in this hectic year, I experienced so much, I felt happiness, joy I cried a lot and released so many pent up feelings, I came to terms with things I had locked away, I laughed a lot, I found passions that I thought were long lost. So much has happened to me in this year both ups and downs and I’m grateful for it all. You may be wondering why I would be grateful for downs as well, they helped teach me things, how strong I am; how it’s okay to give in and feel your sadness or pain; to validate my emotions; and a lot more. I hope that with all that’s happened you were able to take in some lessons yourself.
Below this cut, I wanted to thank some people who made my experience on tumblr as wonderful as it has been, more amazing than I had ever expected it to be. I came on here extremely nervous about sharing my stories and these people have been so warm and welcoming and honestly I wouldn’t have enjoyed my time as much without them. I’ll have my ending message at the bottom of this.
@sleepylixie Lily darling, my brain twin!! you’ve made my short tumblr life so much fun! sharing brain waves one moment, soundboarding ideas the next, and having so many things in common between us it’s crazy (wolfie gang). You’ve become one of the best things to happen to me on this site! xoxo thank you for always sharing your wonderful ideas with me and for sharing my love of fantasy!! Oh and I can’t forget all the shared screaming we do over skz and anything else xD I’m so glad we started talking and even in just a short time I feel so close to you already!! Thank you for letting me vent out all my ideas and for letting me be that person for your ideas too, thank you for always giving such good feedback and opinions and thank you for just overall being one of my favorite people to talk to. I hope we can make more wonderful memories in the coming year and beyond it. love you darling have a beautiful 2021~ 💜💜💜
⟪ song rec: Another Day - Stray Kids ⟫
@rebecca-noona Becca! You were the first person to interact with my blog and when I look back on it, I’m so thankful you did. I love our talks about Korea and skz and writing. Your support has always been incredibly helpful, thank you for always being a cheerleader for me, it means the world. I hope you know I love you and support you and your works and whatever you wish to do so much as well!! I’m so happy we started talking and you make me so happy. Thank you for being my friend and when I finally get to Korea you gotta show me around when you get back!! I hope your process of getting back is smooth and easy, stay as optimistic as you can love!! xoxo
⟪ song rec: motive - Ariana Grande (ft. Doja Cat) ⟫
@skzctnightnight bel! bel! :DD it’s your words of encouragement that helped me create this blog, you’re one of the reasons I’m here!! your works have been some of my favorites and I was so happy when I first reached out to you. Your kindness really touched me and being your anon at the time was so much fun >v< Prowl will forever be one of my favorite series and you inspire me with your works!! I love talking with you no matter if it’s a quick chat, or a long convo, I always love talking to you. Thank you for making my 2020 so nice! I’m glad I know you and let’s talk more soon! <3
⟪ song rec: Clarity - Kim Petras ⟫
@aliceu Alice!! I’m so thankful we met by chance when replying to one of Lily’s posts LOL I think it was an ask of yours about fantasy, and we shared a mutual love for it xD I want you to know that I always smile and I’m always happy when you send asks or dms so please I hope you never worry about being a bother and keep sending them hehe >v</ Thank you for always taking some of your time to check out my stories and for always leaving such wonderful feedback too!! It makes me happy to read your mini reviews about them!! Thanks for having little chats with me too. I enjoy them always and I hope we can continue to chat more 2021!! Please have a great new year and stay safe and comfy uwu
⟪ song rec: TMT - Stray Kids ⟫
@t-toodumbtocare Bar! xoxo I’m so glad we finally started talking and I’m hoping we can talk more soon >w<b You’re so fun and sweet and your stories are cute!! I wanna read more soon!! >^<9 Thanks for our little chats and thanks for checking out my stories as well I appreciate it. I hope to get to know you better in the coming year and I hope you have the best 2021!!
⟪ song rec: Cruel Summer - Taylor Swift ⟫
@delicatewerewolfsoul Vicky!!! I’m so happy we started talking! I loved talking about animals and pets with you and I loved all the skz soft hours asks you sent (I hope you send more of them psst psst) they made my day!! You’re such a sweetheart and you’re a master of heart memes xD I hope your 2021 is wonderful just like you are!! Stay safe and warm you cute bean xoxo
⟪ song rec: Inception - ATEEZ ⟫
@dreamescapeswriting Hi M!!! Okay full disclosure!! I’ve actually read some of your works before having tumblr LOL Like I really enjoyed them (Lucky and You Love Me are so cute) and honestly I was shy about reaching out but I’m so glad I did because now I wanna continue to talk and send you hugs! >V< I’m so glad we’re both gamers and your asks make me so happy! Thank you for being the sweetie you are and I hope we can talk more in 2021!! Have a great new year cutie!! <3
⟪ song rec: False God - Taylor Swift ⟫
to my mutuals and other moonbeams who I wanna talk to more and love and support so much!! @mikoto-ica-fics @hanflix @chogiwow @redsandroses @meiiyue @missskzbiased @rosieecheeks I hope we can talk more in the new year and I love you a lot!!! You’re all such beautiful souls!! Know I’m sending you love and hugs and all the support I can muster \>v</ xoxoxoxoxo
⟪ song rec: Breath - GOT7 ⟫
To my beautiful nonnies, I’m super happy you’re here. I miss you all and hope you’re well and to the new ones welcome welcome!! I hope you know all your messages make me so happy! When I started my blog, I didn’t imagine I’d have as many anons as I do now, I didn’t think I’d have many, maybe 2 or 3? You guys make me so happy and I hope to see you more in my inbox when you have the time!!! <33
⟪ song rec: You Can STAY - Stray Kids ⟫
To all my followers, my darling moonbeams!! Thank you so much for joining on this journey of practice and self-love that I’ve been trying to embark on. The comments, the reblogs, the likes, the asks, all of it, it means the world to me. To re-learn that it is possible for people to enjoy what I do, and not tie it to my own self-worth has been something I’m so thankful for. You all helped me learn that so thank you. I hope you continue to enjoy the stories I put out and feel free to reach out anytime! I’m so happy to have 300+ (almost 400) of you lovely moonbeams here! I hope you all have a wonderful 2021! It doesn’t matter who you are, how old you are, where you come from, what you identify as, what you believe in, or who you love; you are all precious moonbeams here in this haven.
⟪ song rec: Haven - Stray Kids ⟫
I know I say it a million times but since this is a wrapup letter I’ll share it again shortly. My blog was made for the main purpose of learning to appreciate my passion for writing and to not cage myself from posting and sharing my stories. I wanted to learn to write for myself and that posting stories in and of itself was the main victory, and everything else was the bonus, instead of thinking when people like it, only then is it good. I’ve done that before and having learned from it I now feel more prepared to tackle this. Thank you again for all the warm welcomes and the love I’ve received it still hasn’t quite sunk in for me and it feels so unreal. To know you all enjoy my stories and give me so much love, it’s crazy and it’s happening and I am so happy. I’m very thankful I took the leap of faith even though I was scared and decided to create this blog! 2020 challeneged me as well as pushed me and supported me. I experienced hard times yes, but I also experienced some really amazing things. I found comfort in things new and old, I feel like the quarantine made me come to terms with myself more, not run from things I wanted to confront and talk to myself more. I feel like 2020 albeit really draining in all ways, helped shape me and I got stronger because of living through this year. Now before I get any more preach-y than I already have LOL Thank you for being a part of my 2020 everyone!! I hope to have you with me in 2021 and I hope you experience the blessings of the moon like I feel we all do. See you in 2021 y’all! We’ll get through next year and the next and the next, I know it! 💜
+ I would like to thank the anon for giving me the opportunity of bringing his/her PROMPT to life; I hope I executed it properly. Thank you again and readers enjoy! Constructive and Positive feedback is always welcomed. -Mo
“You got me treading on the water. Because I've never learned to swim. And now I know that it's all over. I better learn to start again.” –Kodaline (Everything Works Out In The End).
Mercedes looked over at Samuel as he slept peacefully beside her naked frame, she watched slowly as his chest rose and fell and she shifted gently. Turning her body to face his, trying her best not to disturb him during his peaceful slumber. She’d be leaving for LA in a day and he had managed to convince her to do the unthinkable. She pulled the covers up, a cold night’s chill rushing over her as she laid their bear with him and she managed to pull her herself out of her head long enough to lay her head there. Hazelnut skin pressed against his perfect chiseled chest as she inhaled his scent deeply, what if she never got to relish in this exact moment again. The sex was something, but with or without it, she’d still long for the man as she departed across what felt like the highest mountains and lowest of seas. But she had to follow her dreams, right? She asked herself would it be worth it, as she drew tiny hearts across his skin sadly.
“What are you doing?” Samuel’s gruff voice spoke, a smirk sporting his thick pink lips as he opened his eyes looking down at Mercedes. Her hair was a mess of curls that had fallen and sweated out, however, in this lighting as the moon danced across her skin, she’d never looked so beautiful to him. He grabbed her hand, stopping her motion and he pecked the back of it tenderly before he said “I thought you were asleep…”
His eyes rolled back shut tiredly, as his other hand stroked her head of hair idly. Mercedes head leaned upwards as she looked to him. “Writing I love you across your skin” she answered honestly, not matter how it may how sound leaving her lips. At his next remark she shifted, looking at the window where the moon glowed. “I can’t sleep” she breathed to him; she should’ve been able to after all. He had, had her locked away in his room all evening; losing her virginity had been a full-time job. Or a lesson, depends on who you asked out of the two. He’d done all the work and yet she was still able to please him as he’d done her. That was once she got over the initial shock and uncomfortable adjustment to a size, she didn’t quite picture this entire time. She licked her plump lips at that and looked back at him.
Samuel smirked; his forehead managed to crease between his brows as he asked himself why she was doing that subconsciously. “You should get some rest” he reasoned as he shifted wrapping her up in his long arms. “You have so much to do…” he reminded her, his hand resting on the small of her back, drawing circles there. His eyes never opened though he was watching her no doubt, his chest was pressed against her ample bosom and he wouldn’t deny how incredible that felt. He finally opened his eyes again and looked to her “what’s on your mind?” he asked her knowingly, the words left him just as he left a kiss on her lips. Drawing back to look into her almond orbs, “you can tell me anything” he said softly, green eyes piercing hers.
As he shifted his long body, pulling her closer to him, his arms pressed fluff against muscle mass. She closed her eyes for a moment as he reminded her yet again about her new phase in life. Heartbreakingly she opened her eyes to stare into his, this time they were glossy, and she said “I don’t want to leave you” her chine quivered only a little as she closed her eyes again. Hugging him back tightly she fell quiet.
As she confessed her true feelings, he nodded his head at her, he hadn’t thought of her move as a negative thing. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he selfishly let her stay, only to waste a dream as big as hers away. He needed her to go to LA, not just for herself, but for him. He wouldn’t be any prouder unless he had the opportunity to fly the plane himself. “You know I love you” he said against her skin as he pecked her forehead “and I’ll do anything for you” he added pecking her forehead again. “And that means sacrifice” he told her sternly. “It’s going to hurt like hell being apart, but you have to do this, it’s your destiny” he reasoned. He kissed her forehead again, lips lingering there for a while as his eyes closed “we will get through this” he said confidently. “It’ll work out, you’ll see” he sighed heavily as he opened his eyes again to look at her.
Mercedes nodded her head against him sadly, she bit down on her bottom lip as her warm tears spilled anyway. As he went on, just making the idea of being away from him harder she sniffled. She continued to nod her head at him, maybe if she kept repeating his words her heart would eventually catch up with her head and she’d convince herself that it would be fine as well. “Okay” she said in a shaky voice in response to him. Words had left her, she knew it would hurt, because it was killing the hell out of her already. She nodded her head again for good measure as she sucked her tears up, wiping them away slowly.
Samuel’s thumb swiped against her skin gently, he’d never like to see her in this light. What man wanted to watch the woman he loved cry? As she finally replied he nodded his head saying “okay” back to her sweetly as his lips met hers in a feverish kiss. His lips parted only ever so slightly so that their tongues could meet with each other again. They’d been apart for too long and the blonde had realized that now. He needed to remind her body and soul, just what they had and why no amount of distance in the World could separate them truly. They were soulmates, destined for a life full of happiness and lifelong memories. He was hers, as long as she were his. And only God could take that away. His hard body shifted against the bed as he positioned himself above her now, moaning deeply into their kiss ever more as her delicate hand slid its way up to his face to cup it lovingly. Oh, how he adored the way, her hand felt resting over his heart, it would be death they’d part.
“Thank you so much for picking me up at the last minute” Mercedes said to Mike as she closed the door to the backseat of his sedan. She looked down at her little boy Cameron safely fastened in his car seat, she kissed his head of hair and looked towards her old friend again. “Something came up and my mother totally forgot about us here at the airport” she finished as she placed her seatbelt on herself.
“It was no problem at all, I didn’t know if you were actually going to come into town or not. Glad you did decide to” he smiled sweetly. “I got to see little Cameron again so that’s a plus” he chuckled as he drove down the road. “So where do I need to go first?” he asked her curiously. “You know… everyone is uh… meeting up” he paused looking at his watch for a minute “at the diner at around 5 pm today” he told her looking back at her and the curly haired little boy in his backseat. He didn’t know how things were doing to go, he was in the middle of all of this and truthfully it was hard to lie to his dearest friend. Though he guessed it wasn’t a lie if the topic wasn’t actually spoken about publicly. However, he still felt terribly bad for Samuel’s sake.
“I decided at the last minute. Cameron is so young you know” she told her friend. “I haven’t really traveled with him like this before, mother always came to us” she said looking back down at the tired child once more. “But it’ll be fun to catch up and see everyone, it’s been what? Almost two years?” she sighed. “My mother’s house, I’ll be staying there. I opted out of a hotel” she acknowledged. “I just” she sighed heavily to the man shaking her head, “I uh, I don’t know Mike. I have so much guilt weighing on me it’s hard to think or breathe most days…” she actually confessed to him for a change.
Mike continued to carry them down the road in the vehicle and he licked his lips slowly listening to her. He got it, lapsed judgement and scare caused her to lie to the man, break off their relationship, and hide his only child from him for the last how many months? He could understand her desire to protect everyone in the situation at all cost, but he also understood the negative impact it had on her life no matter what she was trying to accomplish in all of this. He didn’t really see how it would be possible for someone to attempt to hide a child, but he intended on honoring wishes to his fullest ability. “Listen” the man spoke confidently “you are a lot of things, a big character” he chuckled lightening the mood. “However, everyone knows your heart ‘Cedes” he breathed “if it’s becoming too much lessen the burden, release it to the wind” he said poetically. “Tell him, Samuel knows your heart better than we all do. He would have to understand exactly what you were trying to achieve; don’t you think?” he asked her though he didn’t really believe that statement himself, he’d be livid if the love or his life or past love had done this very thing to him.
Mercedes looked up at her friend, watching the back of his head as he spoke. At one point of time, she looked away and out of the window as she offered Cameron her hand to play with as he sat there. She nodded her head despite the man being incapable of seeing her, she didn’t know. All of this happened to be overwhelming and confusing at times. “You are right” she finally offered to him after a while of going over the thoughts and things he just said in her own head. “Thanks again Mike.”
Mike walked into the diner that they were all supposed to meet up at mutually, 5 pm on the dot. He asked the hostess for the party’s location and happily traveled towards the table. He saw Samuel, Artie, Blaine, Kurt, and Jake at the table chatting among themselves. They were early to the reunion or perhaps on time, which was unexpected in his opinion, but he greeted them all casually and grabbed himself a seat. “How is it going?” he asked them all mutually. “I expected to be one of the first ones” he said with a smirk as he made himself comfortable sitting on Samuel’s right.
Jake looked at Mike offering the man a simple head nod, “we all kind of hitched rides with each other” he chuckled lightly.
“We didn’t expect to be on time either ole pal” Samuel said with a goofy grin.
“Well, we don’t get to do this often, so, you know” Artie said with a shrug “it’s worth being on time for” he said with a smile. “The whole gang is back, give or take a few….”
“Agreed” Mike said gesturing to Artie with his pointer finger. “This should be a fun gathering…”
“What held you up anyway?” Samuel asked Mike turning his head towards him, once the thought occurred finally.
“Ah, I had some errands to run” Mike said to Samuel, “had to swing by the airport and stuff” he told the man without much thought.
Samuel nodded his head and said, “oh yeah, who did you pick up?” curiously as he picked up his glass and took a sip of his drink.
“You actually would never guess it” Mike said to the man with a small smirk. He opened his mouth to respond to him the best way he knew how, however he was interrupted by their server.
“Hi there” the woman said to Mike “what could I get you to drink this evening?” she asked as she grabbed her guest check pad and pen from her apron.
“Hello” Mike told the woman and he looked down at the menu for a moment before he went with his gut and ordered a “root beer” he spoke. “Have you all ordered?” he asked the guys.
“Not yet, we were waiting on everyone” Kurt said “we did order a few starters” he admitted.
“Well in that case, just the root beer” Mike said smiling to the woman.
Nodding her head, she said “alright, one root beer. And do any of you guys need anything, while I grab that and check on your starters?” she pressed the group. After getting a moderate no thank you from everyone, she moved to walk off from the table again.
“So, who was it? Tina?” Blaine asked nosily, curiosity would kill the cat today because unlike everyone else he actually really desired to know who all planned on coming.
Mike chuckled shaking his head “no, no. I’m not sure if she came in town, you know not everyone really responded to the email threads. But I did uh, pick Mercedes and Cameron up from the airport, dropped them off a few hours ago and then I had some other errands to run” he shrugged, having let slip a huge secret in the process.
Kurt eyes grew as Mike went on to explain where he was, what he was doing, and finally who he had picked up from the airport.
Artie eyebrows stitched together as he tried to recall a Cameron in his memory bank. It wasn’t ringing a bell however and perhaps he was the only one who didn’t know. Wonder if it’s a new boyfriend, juicy, he thought to himself know all the details to Samuel and Mercedes’ break-up.
Blaine tilted his head “who’s Cameron?” he asked aloud before he looked at Kurt with a raised brow. The forceful kick the man supplied him under the table was a red flag that clearly his significant other knew something he didn’t. He had overstepped somewhere. So instead of meeting the eyes of the other men he grabbed his glass of water and took a long sip from it.
Samuel rolled the paper from his straw between his fingers “Mercedes” he said first, very unaware that she was coming. Afterall, she hadn’t been seen in almost two years and they weren’t quite on speaking terms. Well in his head at least. However, upon the mention of someone named Cameron he raised a brow and looked at Blaine then Kurt to his left. “Who’s Cameron?” he asked Mike looking over at him again.
Mike looked down for a moment, shit, he said to himself before he looked over at Kurt. He needed the man to throw him a life vest but obviously he much like Mike couldn’t think of a good enough lie at the moment. And just like that save by the bell again, thank you God he said as Quinn approached the table with Brittany in toe.
“The boys beating us to the punch, how lovely…” Quinn said cutting in with a wide grin. “How is everyone?” she questioned them as she moved to grab a seat between Mike and Samuel.
Brittany smiled at everyone scattered about the chairs around the huge table. “Hey guys!” she said cheerfully. She followed behind Quinn who happened to have been her ride, she sat down at the table next to Artie planting a soft kiss to his cheek before she smiled at Jake who was sitting on her other side. “I missed you guys” she said hugging Artie gently.
Kurt looked towards Quinn, thankfully and he smiled at her as he moved his hand for Blaine’s knee. “Well, we all just about piled into each other’s car so that helped” he said to her changing the subject gladly. “Doing great, you?” he asked, looking at her directly.
Samuel looked at Mike who avoided his question, yet again. He looked over at the women as they rolled in and he sat back in his chair. If any of them thought for a second he was going to sit at a table with Mercedes and her new boy toy they were sadly mistaken. Just the simple thought of that was making his blood boil. He pushed the straw paper aside as he lifted his glass and took a long sip from it again, his eyes fixed on the side of Mike’s face.
Artie blushed a little at Brittany and looked at her with a fond smile on his face “we missed you too” he told her kindly. He stared at her for a few more minutes before he looked at Quinn and said, “no complaints here, everything has been great.”
“Who else is showing up?” Quinn asked them all as she removed her jacket and draped it on the back of her chair revealing her, somewhat revealing dress before she laced her fingers together and rested her hands in her lap.
“Rach” Blaine said in response to Quinn politely as he took her in, she looked amazing. Though he guessed she kind of always did.
“And Tina” Kurt added looking to Blaine for a brief moment a smile on his face. “She text me a hour ago and said she made it in and will meet us here as soon as she’s freshened up and stuff” he added, his eyes moving towards Mike now. Confirming what the man claimed he didn’t know just moments ago.
Samuel looked to Kurt before he said “and Mercedes” all the chipper tone in his voice gone now. “As a matter of fact, Mike was just letting us know she was bringing some Cameron person with her, however none of us know who that is” he said as he looked over at Mike once more, bitterness in his tone and a great deal of anger in his eyes. “Weren’t you Mike?” he asked.
Quinn looked between Blaine and Kurt before lastly, she looked at Samuel, her eyebrows rising as he spoke. Well, it was no secret that Mercedes untimely breakup left the man bitter, angry, and alone. Among the group of friends there had been plenty rumors but even she had no idea who Cameron was. However, if it were another man of some sorts, she might have lucked up tonight. She almost canceled on them for work sake, but she had to admit no amount of money would be worth missing this.
Mike looked over at Samuel, sighing a bit to himself as the man spoke. “I never said that” he told him his head hanging low “I didn’t say she was bringing him here” he corrected. “And he’s not a boyfriend of hers, she doesn’t have one” he said before he looked up at Kurt from across the table.
Kurt swallowed hard as Samuel pressed Mike to speak up and the man finally did. Kurt kept his eyes low after he swapped a glance with Mike and he focused on his glass sitting above the wooden table.
Artie looked at Samuel, then Mike, his eyes moved to the rest of the table as everyone stayed silent for a while.
“Then who the hell is Cameron?” Samuel asked the man, his eyebrows stitched together.
Quinn looked at Mike as he spoke, and she followed his eyes over to Kurt. As it was made clear that Cameron was not Mercedes significant other it then and only then dawned on her who this person could be. Her eyes quickly shot towards Kurt again. “Did you guys order?” she said quickly trying to change the subject once more and she finally picked up her menu.
“Hello, hello, hello everybody” Rachel said as she Tina and Mercedes walked up towards the massive table. “I cannot believe you guys successfully put together some kind of reunion without my help and expertise” she teased them all as she moved to sit down beside Blaine. Offering Jake a kind pat on the shoulder.
“What did we walk in on?” Tina asked sitting down beside Mike at the table and she pushed out the chair beside her a bit for Mercedes to nestle between her and Artie.
Mercedes smiled despite herself, she was well aware that today’s events had two possible ways of ending. On a good foot or perhaps a bad, depending. She hadn’t been in the same room as Samuel since she departed from him to leave for LA. It was her fault that happened to have panned out that way, she knew. But it was didn’t make it any less awkward when you really thought about the reasoning behind her doing so in the first place. She moved for the seat next to Tina it was the only free chair anyway and looked at everyone with a smile deciding not to glance in Samuel’s direction.
Quinn looked at the other girls as they came in one after the other and she sighed heavily, welp, when you speak of the devil, he shall appear she thought to herself. “You guys look good” she said taking them all in, but truly examining Mercedes from head to toe as if that would give her a real inkling to what was going on. But it didn’t especially considering the girl did have a massive coat on. Even if she didn’t you couldn’t look at her and tell she ever had a baby, or could you?
Artie leaned towards Mercedes gently and said “I missed you” with a slight hug assuming they were all going to drop the conversation from beforehand once again. Which was probably for the best anyhow.
As the rest of the group finally joined them Kurt looked towards them and smiled, it really was great to see everyone despite what was currently being examined. He looked over at Samuel, after Tina made yet a very leading question that he truly hoped didn’t cause the blonde to have yet another unnecessary meltdown. “The waitress should be back any minute with starters and, Mike’s drink, we could all like order or something” he chuckled awkwardly.
Samuel watched Rachel as she walked into view, and then Tina thereafter. Mercedes was behind the shorter girl and he looked away, focusing on the table before him and he found that piece of paper again. He toyed with the paper as he did before, rolling it against the tabletop as he fell silent, allowing the group to talk among themselves.
Tina nodded her head at Kurt and said “cool” before she turned to Mike, bumping him with her shoulder lightly. They weren’t together at the moment, but did that mean they had to be awkward, no. They were planning to just be friends until they figured everything all out with themselves. “I was going to call you for a ride, but you had to go get ‘Cedes” she said in a soft whisper to him.
Mercedes looked to Artie and smirked at him sweetly leaning into the man. “I missed you more” she breathed sweetly to him.
The server returned to the group seeing that everyone who should be there was finally there, she sat the root beer in front of the gentlemen who ordered it. She quickly sat the starters in the middle of the table one at a time before she lowered the tray in her hand. “Hi ladies, what can I get you all to drink?” she asked, she sat the tray aside and moved to grab her pad and pen again.
Looking up at the woman, Mercedes she shifted and said to her “water please?” without thought.
Seeing the appetizers, she smirked “water with lemon” Rachel said to the woman before she actually turned her attention to the menu before her to figure out what she wanted for dinner.
“Coke for me” Tina said lifting one finger up for the woman to see as she wrote down the drink orders.
“Sweet tea, please” Quinn said to the waitress, looking at Samuel who sat next to her, finally since Mercedes walked in. She looked at him for only a moment before she looked away again.
“Can I have a coke too?” Brittany asked the woman, the last to order within the group before she grabbed an onion ring and popped it into her mouth.
“Two waters one with a lemon, two cokes, and a sweet tea” the young woman repeated back to the table before she said, “are we ordering now too, or do we need some more time?” curiously. When collectively they all asked to have some more time, she nodded and left the group to grab their drinks.
“So, Mercedes, what have you been up to?” Jake asked curiously, despite the early conversation he always though it was pretty cool she got out of Ohio and moved all the way to LA. “I mean what is LA really like?” he asked her as he grabbed a mozzarella stick.
Quinn looked over at Jake with a bit of disappointment. They were all deflecting here, and he was obviously not on board with everyone because he just opened another door or window, depends on who you asked.
Mercedes pulled her eyes and attention away from Brittany and Artie, “uh” she paused smirking at Jake. “I have been great; I have no complaints whatsoever” she told the boy. “LA is” she said trying to think very hard on her answer “sometimes it’s everything I pictured and not so much during other times, but I could have never asked for a better opportunity” she told him. “Life throws tons of surprises and I try to handle, well uh take it in strides” she breathed.
Samuel looked up as Mercedes spoke and he squinted his eyes a bit before he looked away from her. “Care to elaborate for us small town folk?” he asked her sarcastically.
Mercedes slowly looked towards Samuel across from her and she furrowed her brows.
“Now Sam” Rachel said from the left of him, she gave the man an all well knowing look. He didn’t need to make a scene right now; they were here to have a good time.
“Now Rachel” Samuel said as he looked over at her “I asked her question let her answer” he said back to the brunette, who he had no trouble leaning forward to gaze it from across Blaine and Kurt.
“Sam, we are here to have a small gathering to catch up. Are you sure you want to do this?” Kurt asked the man leaning in a bit. The two men was sitting directly next to each other, in another world Kurt would’ve probably slapped him. However, his personality didn’t allow him to inflict someone with such violence. But the blonde was really becoming annoying and all around excessive.
“Yes, I want to do this” Samuel snapped as he looked at Kurt. “Why not do it?” he shrugged, a small chuckle leaving him. “Why not do this right here and right now…”
Mike licked his lips and looked around the table before he sighed and said “Mercedes, I slipped up about Cameron. But Samuel doesn’t quite know who that is…. still….” He said quietly.
Mercedes looked past Tina and at Mike, her eyes large and confused. How could the man have let that slip? He’d kept the secret for this long of course today he lets the cat out of the bag. She couldn’t be mad at him of course, any of them keeping the secret was doing her a favor everyday of their lives. But what was she supposed to say or do right now?
“I think we all should maybe let Samuel and Mercedes talk” Kurt said looking around the table.
“No, let her say what she has to say right here in front of everyone” Samuel said to Kurt. “I think to many of you have been talking among yourselves this whole time anyway.”
Mercedes blinked a few times and she looked at Samuel “okay” she said simply to him. “I ended our relationship, against my better judgement because I was trying to keep a secret from you that I thought would be very detrimental to our lives and relationship” she offered him. “We have a one-year-old son, his name is Cameron” she said. “And before you get angry, I was just trying to do what I thought was best for all of us…”
Samuel looked at Mercedes as she spoke, she really had put a very cute spin on breaking his heart and he couldn’t believe that was the story she was going with. They were fine when she left, everything was perfect outside of the distance. And then a few months into her moving to LA she hit him with the words he’d never imagined leaving her lips. A breakup was what it was, a breakup that was not mutual among them both, that she didn’t even give a good enough reasoning as to why for. And now after all this time he finally gets his real reason, and it was because she was pregnant? With their child. His son? And she didn’t tell him because she thought that was what was best for them both? “Wow” was the only thing his lips could form in the moment as he moved to stand up from the chair, he was in. “You are despicable” he said his finger gesturing in her direction “and any of you at this table who knew this shit and didn’t say anything can rot in hell along with Mercedes” he said coldly as he left the table and the group.
Mercedes looked at Samuel as he spoke, she looked down, she didn’t know what to say. As he continued, she looked back up her eyes watering a little from his harsh words. She couldn’t blame him, what were she to expect from telling him this? When he stormed off, she looked back down again as the embarrassment set in.
“I sorry Mercedes” Kurt said from across the table as, his eyes left her and looked towards Samuel as he moved through the restaurant to leave.
Rachel walked up towards the Evans’ home with her purse in hand and she rang the doorbell gently waiting for someone to surface.
“I have it” Samuel said as he moved for the front door slowly, he looked outside and saw Rachel and he huffed. Unlocking the front door, he looked at her and said “I don’t want you over here so it’s in your best interest to leave” without even thinking, his finger pointing towards her car.
“Look, I don’t want to come into your home, I don’t want you to forgive me if you don’t want to, you don’t even have to listen. But I am going to say what I have to say to you face to face” Rachel told Samuel. “Some of us knew, we didn’t all agree. But we understood and as friends and family we supported her. We supported each party the best way we knew how during this time” she told him. “I am sorry that a secret that big was kept from you for the two years. And I really can’t imagine how you must really be feeling right now” she said her eyes low. “But I say that for you, not her, you. It would be best if you hear her out and at least demand to see your son” she said to him. “She’s owes you that much, and I know that is what you’d want to do right now” she told him simply. “We don’t always do the right things, none of us are perfect. But we deserve the right to make it better if we can” she sighed. “That’s it” she said quickly as she tossed her hand up at him, moving to turn around and leave the front porch of the man’s home headed for her car.
Samuel listened as the woman spoke and he squinted at her slightly, didn’t she know he had every right to close the door in her face if he really wanted to do so right now. It would be that simple. He didn’t want to hear anything from Rachel, she wasn’t the one that owed him an explanation or apology. However, he listened to her, every word even if he didn’t want to. He licked his lips slowly and watched her as she departed from his presence “Rachel!” he called out to her. “Rachel” he repeated even as she kept walking.
Rachel ignored the man as she unlocked the car door and climbed inside to leave. She had said what was needed to say to the man and she didn’t plan on speaking on the subject further. It was between the both of them now, she felt compelled to say what she needed in regard to the part she played in it but that would be it. She couldn’t give him any more details, that he had to seek for himself from Mercedes own mouth.
Hearing a knock at her parents’ door Mercedes squinted slightly, who could it have been she didn’t know. “Stay right here” she told Cameron with a stern finger as she moved to walk out of the living room and towards the front door. She looked to see who was on the other side of the door before she opened it “Sam?” she breathed as she looked up at the man.
Samuel stood before the Jones’ front door with his hands in his pants pockets, he waited for someone to answer and when Mercedes did, he looked at her. “Hi” he breathed he didn’t know what else to say. He hadn’t thought this far ahead and now that he was here, he was conflicted. He wanted to curse her out no doubt but now as he stared into her brown eyes he couldn’t. “Look, I am pissed at you, I am so damn pissed at you, I can’t even think straight!” he said voice booming. “I can’t believe you had the nerve to end things with me, and because of a baby?” he asked her. “I would have given anything to be there, to help, to experience that with you! How could you be so got damn selfish?” he asked her seriously. “I loved you” he told her “I love you” he corrected “how could you do that to me Mercedes?” he said.
Mercedes waited for something to be said and he said ‘hi’ to her, which was a shocker considering. Before she could even get her own greeting out to him, he said what he felt deep down inside from the events that happened from the day before. She looked down unable to say anything at first, she knew she was wrong, and she didn’t really have an excuse for it at all. He was right, he was in love with her as she were with him and it was inconceivable that she did break it off with him and justifiably so. A child had not ruined everything but in her mind it would have. He believed in her, believed she would go off and make him proud. A baby was not a part of the deal, but it had not been a deal breaker. And perhaps it was her own immaturity that did not notice that until now. “Sam” she said softly, blinking gently as her eyes watered, tears filling it. “I didn’t want to let you down” she said blinking heavy tears, allowing them to fall as she looked up at him.
“Well, you ended up doing far more than that, you do realize that?” he asked her. “Keeping my son from me, was a bigger let down then the entire situation and all of its layers combined” he breathed. Samuel folded his arms over his chest as he looked at her still in disbelief a little.
Mercedes tucked her lips inward as she sniffled, her hand wiped away a few tears. Nodding her head at him she agreed with his statement, “I get that now, yes,” she breathed. “I don’t know” she shrugged a little, a bit of a cry leaving her lips after she did. “I didn’t say anything, and then he was here. And I just didn’t know what to say after that” she added. “I was confused, embarrassed” she listed. “It was stupid, and I am truly sorry Samuel. I did not mean for this too grow into all of this” she stressed. “I just didn’t know what to say, or how to even say it when I did find the words” she swallowed hard. “I never tended to hurt you, with any of this. The breakup or with keeping him as a secret from you” she said looking into his eyes.
Samuel listened to her, he continued to stand there with his arms crossed over his chest. In his heart of hearts, he didn’t feel she were lying about a single thing. Though his brain throbbed as he tried to understand what the hell possessed her. Even now, the move was one he could not have pictured her making. Not her out of all people in the World, it didn’t fit. He nodded his head back at her and he said “is he here? Can I see him?”
Mercedes watched him and she sniffled again, wiping more tears from her face. She dried the tears that rested under her chin with the back of her hand before she nodded her head. “Yes, of course” she nodded as she moved to allow him into her parent’s home. Opening the door wider from him she sniffled once more as she waited for him to walk in and once, he did, she closed the door behind him and locked it. “He’s in here” she said as she moved to walk through the home towards the living room where Cameron stood eating cheerios from a kid sized bowl while watching Blue’s Clues idly.
Samuel nodded his head and he moved into the large home; it was as he remembered it. Always neat, clean, and in decent order every time. He didn’t know why but in the moment all of the anger he had melted away. Not because he was understanding of the situation at this time but because it had been replaced with nervousness. He didn’t see fatherhood greeting him for at least another few years and now he was being thrown in it full speed, in a very instance. And he didn’t know what to think or how to feel about that, what if he wasn’t good at it? Despite that the boy didn’t even know him. As he followed Mercedes into the living room, he took the boy in, though it was only from behind he could tell how ridiculously adorable he was.
“Cameron” Mercedes said sliding her hands in her back pockets as she watched him. “Someone is here to see you” she said to him softly. She watched the boy turn around, his hazel eyes moving from her to the taller man next to her and back to her familiar face. “Mama” he said in response back to her before he turned back to the bowl and placed another cheerio into his mouth chewing lightly. He turned back around before he moved to walk away from the bowl and towards his toy car. Mercedes stepped towards the child and hoisted him up into her arms pecking his cheek lightly moving closer to Samuel.
Samuel watched the little boy as he turned around, his full head of curls bouncing lightly as he looked between her and him then back to her cutely. He smirked a little, he looked like the perfect mix of them both, it was astonishing. The little boy continued his snack eating and playtime, ignoring them both until Mercedes moved to go pick him up walking over towards him “hey” he said waving at the little boy awkwardly.
Mercedes looked at Cameron and then grabbed the toy car that was stealing all of his attention, holding it in her hand and at her side. “Say hey” she said as she looked at him, he cowered in front of the tall man sticking his hands into his mouth as he looked at him. He pulled his hands down eventually and said “hey” before he rested his head on his mother’s shoulder shifting in her arms gently. “Cameron” she said softly as she shifted him in her arms again “this is your daddy” she said pointing to Samuel with the same hand the car was is.
Samuel watched the kid placing his hands in his pockets gently as she tried to get the little boy to interact with him. When the child finally did talk and then moved to hide himself away from Samuel he smirked. When she told the boy who he was he looked at her then at the little boy. He risked the chance and held his hands out for the boy, he could or could not come. What would it hurt?
Cameron watched Samuel and he looked at his mother before he leaned into the man and allowed him to hold him as well. He looked at the side of the man’s face, blinking a few times before he looked at his mother and then back at Samuel. Mercedes sat the car down on the couch and looked at Cameron again “daddy” she said pointing to Samuel again.
Samuel and the little boy glanced back and forth at each other, when he looked at his mother again Sam adjusted him in his arms. He hugged the boy to his chest gently closing his eyes as he basked in it for a moment or two. He opened his eyes again and he looked at the little boy who had his fingers in his mouth once more eyeing him.
Mercedes sat on the edge of the couch watching Samuel, she picked Cameron’s car up in her hand and she toyed with it for a moment. She looked between them both and the toy car a few times as the man got acquainted with his son for the first time.
Samuel moved towards the couch with the child in his arms and he sat down with him. Shifting the child in his lap he looked at Mercedes “how is it possible to be in love with someone you just met for the first time?” he asked her seriously.
Mercedes shifted on the couch and looked at Samuel, a smirking forming on her lips and she spoke. “I don’t know” quietly “it just happens, I can’t explain it” she said with a small chuckle as she looked at the child. “He looks just like you” she commented as she looked down.
Samuel looked at her and then back to their son, he hugged the boy close who was now stretched out across him watching tv again. He was a little more comfortable with him he guessed, and he relaxed himself on the couch. He looked back at her and smirked “no, he looks like you” he told her. He looked back at the little boy, he couldn’t believe one night filled with love and adoration for each other could create such perfection, but not only that night however perfection that would last them both a lifetime. “I can’t be mad at you” he told her seriously as he moved his hand to hers, grabbing it in his and holding it gently. “But I really wish I could have been there” he said sadly “he’s so perfect, I can’t imagine what it would have been like to see him when he was first born” he sighed.
Mercedes looked at Samuel again placing the boy’s car aside, as he grabbed her hand, she allowed him to. It was comforting receiving any kind of touch from him even after all of this time. At his words she looked at Cameron and then pulled her bottom into her mouth biting down on it hard. She didn’t say anything in response to him, there was plenty of photos, videos, and things she could show him, and she would in the future. She knew she owed him that and needed to make sure it was something that she did out of respect for him. “Despite how it panned out, I am glad that you finally got to meet him. And that you can now be a part of his life.”
Nodding his head at her, he said “thank you” quietly. “Especially for him, you could have done something totally different, but you didn’t. Thank you for that” Samuel said sensibly as he looked her in her eyes.
“The thought never crossed my mind” Mercedes replied back to him seriously, looking into his eyes once more.
Summary: John deacon x fem!reader. Your first week of classes with Professor Deacon.
Word Count: 2.9k
Warnings: little bit of awkwardness, cussing (probably)
A/N: This is the first part of a probably miniseries or two-parter to fill the request I got. I just am incapable of not writing some backstory I guess. Side note: this takes place in the present but John is in his late 30′s. For you, anon, don’t worry, spicy things are coming soon! I hope you all enjoy, and any feedback including likes, replies, reblogs and asks are greatly appreciated! Requests are open!
Request: idk if you write for prof!deaky but like… i’d be so down for that.
Part ii, Part iii*, Masterlist
(look at this picture, what the fuck)
💥💥💥
In your junior year of university, you had finally decided on your major after switching between math and physics. You had definitively chosen electrical engineering. While you had enjoyed math and physics, they were much too focused on theoretical equations than on real-world objects, which is where you found most of your interest.
The problem solving and designing aspects of electrical engineering were what had appealed to you the most. You could plug input into equations and get the correct answers in your sleep, so creating was what would challenge you in the way you wanted to be.
Since you had taken all of the math and physics prerequisites already, you were able to jump straight into the engineering classes and labs right away in the fall of your junior year. When you had registered in the spring prior, you had wanted to keep two days empty so that you could have days free for your part-time job at the admin office. This had somehow ended up in you having five classes between three different professors. Two of the professors you had only one class each with, which meant you had three classes with the same professor. Your days off from classes had landed on Mondays and Fridays, which you thought would be good bookends to your pretty heavy Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Plus, the admin job would be good for starting and/or finishing homework when it was slow.
_____
The first Monday of the semester was spent getting a quick brief on your duties as administrative assistant. It seemed like it would be pretty simple; answering phones, putting appointments into the computer’s calendar, scheduling tours, and directing people to the correct offices around campus. They also said that you were free to do homework in your down time.
That Monday was pretty busy though, which was okay since you didn’t have any homework aside from printing out the syllabus. (Which you might have used the office printer to do.)
You had some pretty frantic-looking students asking questions about how to change their classes or where to find their professor’s office. Since you were a junior and had changed your major twice, you were pretty fluent with all of the forms and were able to answer their questions easily. You went home around 5:00, which, with the hour lunch, made for an eight hour day. Since you were taking 16 engineering credits, you felt pretty good with working 16 hour weeks.
Tuesday you started with a System Modeling and Control class that was 75 minutes long, and started at 9:00. The professor seemed nice, which was good, but you were more worried about the professor you had later that day since he was the one you had three classes with. Two of which were labs of no more than 25 students. First, though, you had an Electromagnetic Theory lecture with him on Tuesday and Thursdays.
The class was at 10:30, which meant you had fifteen minutes to walk down the hall from your first class. You figured you would at least get a good seat.
Walking from room 215, you counted the numbers on either side of the hall until you reached 220. The door was cracked open with a rubber door stop and you looked through the crack to see that it was empty. There must not have been a class in there yet. You pushed the door open and walked in, seeing there were actually a couple people there on the edges. The room was lecture style, but pretty small with only four rows with 10 seats each going up from the floor. There was a lectern in the middle of three blackboards that had been wiped completely clean. You nodded at the other students as they looked up at you, but chose to sit in the middle of the front row. Since you were probably getting a later start to electrical engineering than most, you wanted to be front and center to absorb as much information as possible. And perhaps you were a bit of a teacher’s pet at times.
You pulled out the fresh, three subject, college ruled, spiral notebook you had gotten for this course and a mechanical pencil. Labeling the first page “Electromagnetic Theory,” you then flipped the page and wrote the date. You also took out the syllabus for the class and skimmed over it again while you waited for the professor and the rest of the class to get there.
Students slowly trickled in, most opting for the edges of the room and a couple joining you in the front row, but still near the sides. Once it hit 20 past, the professor walked in. He was on the taller side, a man in his late thirties from what you could tell, with brown hair that was shorter on the sides and longer and kind of curly on top. He was pretty handsome, in kind of a dorky way. He was wearing a plaid button down shirt tucked into jeans with a black belt and dad sneakers. You giggled at that last part and found your eyes drifting to his left hand to see if there was a ring there. There wasn’t. You shook your head slightly at yourself. He was your professor, and your professor with who you will be spending over five hours a week, and a crush will not make it any easier to learn, you had to remind yourself.
Just before class started, a rush of ten students came in at once, and one finally filled the spot next to yours. The two of you said hi and exchanged names (hers was Sarah), and were starting to talk about majors until you heard a loud scraping sound. The class turned their heads to the front of the room to see the professor pushing the lectern all the way against the wall. He finished and faced forward, noticing that the class had its eyes on him.
“Well, since I’ve got your attention, I might as well start,” he said with a smile and the class chuckled. “As it says in your syllabus, I am Professor Deacon, but as I know some of you know by your familiar faces, I am often referred to as ‘Deaky,’” he said, putting air quotes around the nickname, which earned another laugh.
“You can call me whichever you prefer, because I really don’t care. Alright, so obviously this is the class for Electromagnetic Theory, so if you’re in the wrong room, go ahead and leave now, we won’t judge,” he paused for a second and when no one moved, continued. “Good, we can get started.”
That first class was spent going through the syllabus mostly, and outlining the type of assignments and materials everyone would need for the course. He had a pretty dry sense of humor, and cracked jokes throughout the class, which helped to put everyone at ease. That being said, it seemed like it would be a very technical and involved class, and the assignments would require a lot of time and were process-heavy. Professor Deacon highly encouraged using his office hours for help or to answer any questions, and you made sure to highlight when they were on your syllabus.
When the class came to an end and everyone was packing up, you chatted to Sarah about it.
“Have you had Professor Deacon before?” you asked her.
“Oh, yeah, I had him for Introduction to Electric Circuits my freshman year. He’s a nice guy, and not too tough a grader. Everyone does really call him Deaky, just so you know,” she answered with a smile.
You nodded, “Good to know.”
She left for her next class and you said goodbye to each other before you walked down to the front of the class where Professor Deacon was.
He was writing something down in a little agenda and you stood waiting for him to finish when he looked up and saw you.
“Hello,” he said cheerfully.
“Hi. I’m Y/N Y/L/N,” you said, extending your hand for a handshake. His hand met yours and shook it firmly, and you didn’t miss how warm it was against yours. “I just wanted to introduce myself because I’ll be in both of your labs tomorrow.”
“Oh, that’s you. I had noticed that there was a student on all three of my rosters. Did I have a really good rating on ratemyprofessor?” he joked.
You laughed lightly and responded, “I couldn’t say. I just declared as Electrical Engineering at the end of last semester, so I have some catching up to do.”
“Really? Most people would have a lot of prereqs to get through first. What was your major before?” he asked warmly.
“Well, first it was math my freshman year and then it was physics last year,” you explained a bit sheepishly.
Professor Deacon didn’t seem to think there was anything unusual about changing your major three times however, and just smiled a toothy smile and said, “Ah, that makes sense. Well, welcome to the department, and I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Thank you. See you tomorrow,” you smiled back before turning around and walking out the door. You were relieved that the professor you would be seeing so much of this semester was nice, although weren’t sure you would be able to bring yourself to call him Deaky.
_____
The syllabus for the labs had said to only bring a folder, pen or pencil, and to wear at least short sleeves, long pants, and closed toed shoes, all of which you had to be willing to get dirty. As you got ready in the morning, you pulled on a faded pair of jeans, a shirt you had used in the past when painting, and your old pair of tennis shoes. You grabbed a jacket to wear over your clothes as you walked through campus and headed out with just a shoulder bag instead of the backpack you normally took to class.
You drove over to campus and parked in the engineering building’s parking lot. You had bought the parking pass for that building since three of your classes were in it, but hadn’t realized that the engineering labs were in a different building on the other side of campus until the day before. You sighed as you turned your car off, knowing you had close to a twenty minute walk, but put on your headphones, turned on some good music, and started walking over.
The building was old and the cinder blocks were painted white, though you could tell from where it was peeling that it had had many coats over the years of varying colors. You had heard from someone in your Computer Science class (which was an hour after your first with Professor Deacon on Tuesdays and Thursdays) that the building used to be the main Engineering building until the university got an endowment for the new, fancy one. Looking at the building, you thought that it must have been pretty cramped since there were only three large rooms and four little ones, which had since been turned into professors’ offices and what could be called the lobby with a check-in desk and no one behind it. There were two offices for the professors whose names you didn’t recognize and they were both of the left side of the building, opposite of the labs. The last one was on the right side, in between the furthest lab and the “lobby” itself, and had a nameplate labeled “John Deacon.”
Each of the lab rooms were designated for a different type of lab. Lab A was filled with cars and engines which you assumed was for mechanical or automotive engineering, Lab B was filled with drafting materials and models which you assumed was for civil engineering, and Lab C was filled with old computers and motors, which was exactly where you were supposed to be.
There were a couple people already in the room, milling about and chatting to each other. You were glad to see Sarah and went up to her to say hi. Looking around at everyone, the two of you laughed at how you all looked more like house painters than engineering students.
“I’m not entirely sure how our clothes would get dirty, but I guess it’s better safe than sorry,” she commented to you.
“I don’t know, maybe if we accidentally blow something up or it catches on fire, the smoot won’t ruin our clothes?” you guessed and the two of you laughed.
“I for one, wasn’t planning on any explosions, but I guess I know to keep a close eye on you now, Y/N,” said a voice from behind you on your right. Sarah and you whipped around to see Professor Deacon standing right there with a smirk on his face. You felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment and Sarah had to hide her giggles behind her hand.
“I-I’m- that was just a joke,” you stammered out.
“Hmmm, I guess we’ll see,” Professor Deacon said, walking to where there was a chalkboard at the front of the lab. Before he turned completely away, though, he shot you a wink that eased your nerves about the joke you made, but for some reason sent a shock of adrenaline (or something else) through your body at the same time.
The rest of the lab went better. Professor Deacon started with introductions of everyone since it was a smaller class and people should definitely know each other by the end of the semester. He then went over the lab and safety procedures, congratulating everyone for their proper attire. He himself was wearing these old carpenter pants that looked straight out of a 90’s catalogue and an oversized t-shirt that seemed like it was a souvenir from Bali but had grease stains all over it. And he was wearing the same sneakers as the day before. You couldn’t help but think it was kinda cute that he wore the same sneakers all the time.
He also took everyone on a little tour of the lab building, starting with Lab A and B briefly and then a more indepth look at a room only accessible through the rear of the building. It was a storage/equipment room that housed a bunch of scrap metal, lumber, spare parts, abandoned student projects, and tools. Everything in there was for free use of students of all labs to work on their projects and the projects for the department. To a bunch of engineering students, it was a treasure trove.
Finally, he took everyone back to Lab C and pointed out all of the stations and larger equipment in the big room. After the tour, he had everyone do a little exercise with some of the tools to get acquainted with them. By the time everyone had completed the exercise, the two hours and forty-five had pretty much elapsed and Professor Deacon let everyone head out a little early.
Of course, since you were in his next lab that took place in 15 minutes, you stayed. And, it seemed that you were the only one in both of these labs, so you stood around awkwardly as everyone left. You were about to grab your phone from your pocket when you heard his voice.
“So you didn’t blow anything up, I’m relieved,” he teased from behind you.
You turned around to see him smirking yet again and laughed lightly before replying, “I mean, it’s only been the first part of the first day so I wouldn’t take your eyes off me just yet.”
There was a beat when both of you realized what that sounded like and you saw Professor Deacon’s ears get pink as you felt your neck heat up. Your eyes widened and you determinedly did not make eye contact.
Trying to relieve the tension, he cleared his throat and said, “Anyway, I’m sorry, but you’re about to have the same exact lab in 15 minutes. I would say you could leave but then you wouldn’t meet everyone else, and there are a couple different things that I talk about.”
You were glad that he changed the subject, and further tried to get things back to normal, “That’s okay. I’ll have a leg up on everyone when we try out the equipment.”
The two of you laughed, and you couldn’t help noticing what a nice laugh he had, “That’s the spirit. They’ll be baffled at your ability to use the air compressor slightly better than they can.”
“Hey, I was the best and fastest in the class just now. It might not have been a competition, but you know it’s true,” you said, still smiling, but pointing an accusatory finger at him.
“You’re very passionate. I like that in a… student,” he said, matching your intense gaze. Neither of you had time to think about his hesitation before saying “student” because a group of your classmates walked in at that moment.
Looking down at his watch, he noticed that it was only five minutes before class started, and he walked away, giving you a nod, to go grab the lab rules handouts.
You watched him walk away and sighed to yourself. It seemed the crush you were trying to fend off wasn’t going anywhere, and with all this time spent with him, was only continuing to grow.
I just kinda created this taglist so if you would like to be taken off or added, just send me a message or ask!
Reminder that my requests are open! If you would like something in a sort of one shot format/length or blurb, etc. send it in! I’ll write for any of the Borhap or Queen boys (Freddie only platonically), Lucy, Patrick Murray, Gardner Langway and adult!Tim Murphy or possibly any of the other characters these people have played if I know enough about them!
A/N: Another update! Sorry for taking a while to complete and post this but I was extremely busy. This piece is inspired by this request and I hope I lived up to the anon’s expectations! Once again, feedback is very much appreciated and I would be more than happy to hear what you want me to write next! Till next time, happy reading! x
‘’Shawn Mendes and Y/N Y/L/N’s relationship is thriving and we couldn’t be more happy’’. That was what all the famous tabloids were saying about yours and Shawn’s relationship but it was pretty much expected since he was the worldwide phenomenon of pop music and you were a very big name in the industry of acting with over ten movies in your history.
The thing with Shawn came as something completely unplanned and unexpected which turned out to be beautiful and priceless. He had attended one of your movie’s premieres and he was congratulating on you and your acting abilities all night long being the gentleman you were soon about to find out he was. You had hit it off pretty well even from that very first introduction to one another. You were familiar with his music and his touring and you had always wanted to meet him in person. So when that happened you couldn’t help but feel yourself explode with happiness and a little bit of fangirling. He was a heartthrob for God’s sake.
The thing is that he was also a fan of your own work and career and he would be pleased if he had the chance to chat with you and perhaps catch your number in order to keep in touch. His friends would make fun of him telling him that he was being crushing on you and even stalking your Instagram account behind their backs which was partly the truth. He was stalking your Instagram account even when they were in his close proximity with no shame whatsoever. So when he saw your post that you would be attempting both the premiere and the after party for your movie he knew this was his chance to make a good first impression to you and chat you up.
And this is exactly what had happened that night. He had made his way towards you and started with his good words and his wishes for your future in the industry, something you gladly welcomed and appreciated. He made it his mission to keep the conversation going that night and he succeeded since you were stuck to the hip throughout the after party as well, sharing glances and drinks along with funny stories about what made you choose acting as your profession and how Shawn had eaten all of his sister’s birthday cake, on her birthday.
Things were pretty easy from there. It was pretty visible he fancied you and you fancied him and many people even urged you to get together since they couldn’t handle the mystified glances and the romantic activities you two shared together. At first, you would laugh at their efforts and tried to cut them off by telling them that you weren’t Shawn’s type and that he had no time for romances since he was working on his upcoming album at that time. Deep down, you were only saying those things in order to persuade your own self that maybe Shawn hadn’t properly asked you out yet because he was so caught up in his work and his music.
This was soon to be changed though when he had asked you to go to his place to run movie marathons with lots of candy and beers. You had thought nothing of it when this proposal was aimed at you since this was something very normal and ordinary for you. What you hadn’t expected though was the fact that Shawn had thought everything through and he was about to ask you to be his girlfriend that night. Something that indeed happened. And something you eagerly accepted. You had waited far too long for this moment to finally arrive and when it did, you thought that everything made sense.
Shawn was over the moon when you had announced your decision to his proposal, which wasn’t very difficult to be made anyway. He was the definition of boyfriend material and you wanted to be the only one who got to experience it.
‘’I can’t stand you anymore guys. You are always so lovey dovey and you make nothing to hide it. Yuk!’’ Brian had playfully commented on your sitting on Shawn’s lap when you were all together one night in Shawn’s place.
‘’You are only jealous because you don’t have what we have mate. And especially, you don’t have her’’ Shawn replied to his friend and averted his gaze to you, kissing you gently on your lips.
‘’I love you’’ you had truthfully said and his smile lit up the whole room.
‘’And I you’’ Shawn had confessed and continued to hold you tight to his chest, his heartbeat being your favourite soundtrack.
Everything seemed perfect and ideal and you couldn’t ask for more. Shawn’s fans were somewhat encouraging your relationship with their idol but there were also the ones who made everything in their power to bring you down and make you feel insignificant next to Shawn. Comments like these made you want to call it quits with him and exit his life thinking it would be for the better but then Shawn would come along and reassure you that you were giving him the strength to move on and keep going with his music. You were his muse and he would be damned if he let you go.
Apart from the hurtful fans though, many other obstacles started to appear in your relationship with Shawn such as his management and their plans to grow his fame and his streams. One particular plan which was employed for those reasons was the promotional stunts with famous models and singers that Shawn was made to commit to and pull off. He knew this was something you deeply despised because it made you feel like you were coming second in his heart even when he was just pretending.
He had spent countless nights explaining to you that you owned something that no one could ever own even if they tried and that something was his heart. You knew Shawn was trustworthy and faithful to whoever was by his side. Besides, he had never showed anything to you to make you question his loyalty and his devotion to you but it weren’t Shawn you were afraid of; it was all the other girls seen with him. You feared they wouldn’t pay attention to his companion-you-and that they would make a move nonetheless. That is what bothered you.
Shawn always had an ear for your darkest fears and worries and he made sure all those thoughts were erased from your mind before they took their toll further on you. But the glass was already fragile and unfortunately Shawn was the one to break it even though he tried to assure you he would never do something to hurt your or your relationship.
You had arranged a peaceful night at the pool Shawn had in his mansion with two glasses of white wine and some of your favourite snacks in order to celebrate your one year anniversary. Minutes kept ticking by and Shawn was nowhere to be seen until the front door was opened and closed almost immediately. You waited for Shawn to spot you by the pool and when he did you really wished he hadn’t. He was wasted out of his logical mind, his appearance was muffled and his clothes messily put together.
You didn’t want to believe that your boyfriend of one year had forgotten all about your anniversary but more importantly you didn’t want to believe that he had preferred a packed club to an affectionate night with his girlfriend. Just when you thought you had seen it all, your attention was casted upon his shirt’s collar which had a pinkish hue onto it. Just then, the whole yard started spinning and you swore you could faint any time.
How did that spot make its way there? Who got too close to your Shawn? But above all, how did Shawn allow it to get this far? So many unanswered questions were swirling in your mind and your tried to stop the tears which had already made their way down in your eyes threatening to spill right now and then.
‘’Really Shawn? After all we’ve discussed and solved? You just go ahead and crush it all just like that?’’ you had risen from your previous spot by now and you were walking towards him, wanting to rip that disgusting laugh from his lips.
‘’What are you talking about baby?’’ he said, briefly slurring and tripping.
‘’This! This is what I am talking about!’’ you frantically moved your hands around including your surroundings and raising your voice.
‘’I don’t think I understand Y/N. Had you been drinking?’’ Shawn had the nerve to joke around and you had just enough.
‘’What is this? Who was this close to you and why didn’t you push her off of you Shawn? Goddammit!’’ you screeched and turned your back to Shawn after tilting his shirt towards him showing the rosy mark.
‘’Ohhhhh you’re talking about this one!’’ Shawn stressed but you wanted to hear nothing.
‘’Yes this and the fact that on our one year anniversary you decide to go out, have fun doing God knows what and who knows with whom and leave me waiting here looking like a complete idiot for trusting you completely ignorant’’ your tears were spilling now and you cared less how defenseless you were appearing. You just wanted all of this to be a bad dream which would come to an end with Shawn cuddling you in your sleep.
But no. Shawn was standing right in front of you, grinning like a child and watching become smaller and smaller in a matter of seconds.
‘’You know what? I think I am going to head outside for a little while. Clear my mind of this… new you. I hope she deserved it Shawn’’ you said, putting on your coat and going inside the house, ready to storm off.
‘’Baby wait, I don’t underst-‘’ Shawn started to chase after you but stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the front door being slammed at him. He took a seat on his sofa and tried to call your number before collapsing and passing out right there with his clothes on.
The next morning found him in the same spot he chose the previous night but instead of being greeted with your warm and gentle kisses he was met with a cold and a disheartening silence that tore his ears apart. He tried to stand and cursed at himself when he felt his head spinning and ready to explode, being unable to fully concentrate on what happened yesterday. The only thing he saw were the two wine glasses standing by the pool along with some snacks. He tried to connect the dots while climbing up the stairs to your bedroom, hoping he would see you peacefully sleeping, wiping all of his building worries and questions off his mind.
When he made it in your shared bedroom though, he was disappointed to discover that the sheets were covered in rose petals but you were missing. Going into the bathroom in a final attempt to find you there, he came across his awful state in the mirror and his eyes moved to his collar which was still marked by some rosy shades of lipstick. Instantly, he put the pieces together and he saw everything clear as day.
‘’Shit, shit, shit. No please no’’ he frantically pleaded while looking for his phone, ready to dial your number and spill his guts about what really happened the night before. No matter how many times he tried to contact you, his calls went straight to voicemail not giving him the chance to explain himself.
‘’Fuck! This isn’t supposed to end and it won’t! Please!’’ he desperately cried at an invisible friend in the living room as if trying to make him help him fix the mess he had made.
‘’Y/N please, give me the chance to explain. I know it seems like I fucked up big time but it is not what it seems. Please. Answer my calls and you’ll see I’m still your Shawn please’’ he cried through his speaker, leaving what felt like the hundredth voicemail to your number.
Part of you wanted to give in to his pleas and hear him out but the other part of you felt humiliated and stepped upon. How could the one you were helplessly in love with treat you like this? It was just too much to take in and you knew that if you heard his voice, your walls would come crushing down one by one. However, you felt it was unfair not letting him voice his opinion on the matter no matter what difference it would make if it would make any concerning your feelings.
-Meet me in the park in one hour.
Was the only thing you allowed yourself to send him and tried to collect yourself and prepare mentally for what was to come out of this meeting. Deep down, your decision had been made and you weren’t exactly sure if Shawn would be able to get out of this that easily. Your heart was aching at what happened and you wished it hadn’t happened but reality was there to make you see things objectively and clearly.
After one agonizing hour of thinking and crying in the depths of your bed sheets, you reminded yourself of the meeting you had arranged with Shawn in the park. The walk there was filled with anxiety, nervousness and nerves ready to snap at any given moment. You had to make sure not to let your feelings overflow and just listen to what he had to say on the situation. You wanted to make clear that he hurt you and that he cut too deep with his actions and his behavior afterwards.
Your steps came to a halt when you saw a familiar mop of curls waiting patiently under an oak tree, ready to be faced with truth and facts. You made your way to where he was standing and you cleared your throat to let him know that you had arrived.
‘’Y/N you came’’ he said letting out a breath of relief seeing you standing before him.
‘’Yes, I am curious about what you have to say so desperately’’
Shawn’s face clouded at your harsh statement but you couldn’t help how shattered you felt inside. This was something beyond your powers as it was so he needed to make it easier for both of you.
‘’I see. Y/N please I know I messed up but I want you to know that nothing happened that night at the club’’ Shawn started and you folded your arms in front of your chest in an attempt to keep yourself together.
‘’It seemed more than something to me. I can’t believe you let that happen to us Shawn’’
‘’Y/N please let me be clear. This is not what you think it is. I was at the club with the boys and then all of a sudden a girl approached me and tried to reach my neck for some reason but the boys stopped her before she could go away further. I was shocked at first but I tried to get her off of me which worked. But it was too late because she had already marked the shirt with her lipstick. I swear nothing else happened and I can get the boys here to confirm that too!’’ Shawn said all in one breath and you tried to process all the new information.
‘’And what do you have to say about being outside and having fun with your friends on our one year anniversary Shawn? You don’t know how it felt to see you coming home drunk while I was waiting for something good to celebrate back home. I felt… stupid’’ you said looking down but immediately looking at his hooded eyes.
‘’It totally slipped my mind Y/N. You know that I would cancel everything if I remembered’’
‘’That’s the thing Shawn. That you forgot. Maybe I am an obstacle in your career after all. So I’m making it easier. I will walk away so that you can be free to do whatever you want and continue with your career. Besides I have a career I need to take care of myself’’ you said and Shawn felt his heart clenching at your words. Never had he imagined that you would ask him to part and live separate lives.
‘’Y/N please don’t do this. You know you are all I need and I will make it up to you every day for the rest of my life. Just… stay’’ he pleaded and if you weren’t so hurt and damaged you would have said yes in a heartbeat. But all the hurtful comments, the stunts and Shawn’s pressuring career made you stern and cold.
‘’I am sorry Shawn but I don’t think it will work. I wish you all the best’’ you said and with that you exited a world you thought it was yours as well.
What you hadn’t thought about was the aftermath of your breakup with Shawn. Somehow, the news had leaked and all of the Instagram, the Twitter, the Pinterest and every single platform was posting things about your split up with the dearest boy of pop. You decided it was best if you just disappeared from all the social media for a little while since it wouldn’t do you any good seeing pictures of him pop up every single time of the day. You wanted to forget or at least numb the pain you were feeling and shutting off for a while seemed like the best option.
That little while lasted more than you expected however and even after two months after your parting with Shawn, you couldn’t stand seeing his face being plastered all across your account or even in the TV and the newspapers. Your social life had come down to the minimum and the only thing that kept you sane was your job on a new movie you were currently finishing. To say that your job worked as an antidote to all the aching you had built up inside of you was an understatement. It even made you more passionate in the character you had to impersonate for the movie resulting in a better outcome for the movie.
‘’Okay guys. In five days we have the grand premiere of the movie and I want you all to be there. There is going to be an after party as well but I cannot expect from all of you to be there. It would be a pleasant surprise if you did though. So clear up your schedules from now in order to be free in five days’’ the director told to the crew of the movie and everybody cheered that their newest work would be published soon, except from you.
You loved your job, you really did but the only thing your head wrapped around were the words premiere and after party remembering damn well that those were the circumstances under which you had met Shawn and started talking and hanging out. You didn’t think you had the strength to come to terms with seeing him again, let alone converse with him. Trying to push those thoughts aside, you decided it was best if you just kept your focus solemnly on your new movie and the work you had so passionately invested in it.
‘’Hey don’t you hear me girl? Wait up!’’ you suddenly heard your colleague call after you and you waited for her to catch up with you.
‘’Sorry didn’t hear you. Everything okay?’’ you asked her once she was walking beside you towards the exit of the building you were currently shooting at and offered her a small smile.
‘’I am good I wanted to ask you how you are doing though’’
‘’What do you mean?’’ you were a bit lost and you wanted to make sure you understood completely before providing your answer.
‘’I mean how are you handling your break up? I know it’s been two months but it must be hard seeing it everywhere’’ your friend explained and you were more confused than before.
‘’Can you be more specific please? I don’t think I am following’’ you honestly replied and you saw your friend fishing her mobile phone out of her pocket showing you a picture.
Just when your eyes landed on the picture held in front of your very own eyes, your breath caught in your throat and you felt like the walls were closing in on you. You felt like someone was playing tricks with your mind and just wanted to see you suffering. All of this time, you thought you had made a good job at getting over Shawn or at least trying to escape the aching feeling in your chest but this picture was the proof that you were nowhere near that point.
Right in front of you was Shawn in one of the most attractive suits you had ever seen worn by him hugging and smiling to a very pretty lady. You thought you knew she was Hailee Baldwin from what you had heard before but the sight in front of you pained you.
‘’Oh’’ was all that you said and your vision got blurry. You weren’t ready to face and accept the fact that Shawn had moved on so quickly and so effortlessly like you meant nothing to him.
‘’I thought you knew that’s why I asked you’’ your friend said feeling guilty looking at your saddened gaze.
‘’Well, it’s good I found out this way I guess. No worries though. He belongs in the past and that’s where I intend on keeping him’’ you said more to yourself than to your friend, unable to identify where this certainty came from. Was it sadness? Was it anger? Whatever it was, it hurt. A lot.
‘’I think I’m gonna head home for now. Gotta start getting ready for our movie’’ you said fake-excited and exited the building with hot tears cascading down your cheeks. You didn’t want to accept that Shawn was over you with a snap of his fingers while you were still struggling to make the day without breaking at least one vase in your apartment. Maybe you were never good enough for him and you breaking up with him was the perfect opportunity for him to be freed from you. You didn’t know what to believe anymore. All you knew was that you had to prepare for a premiere which was coming closer and closer.
What you really wished for was for Shawn to be absent and especially unaccompanied by his new lover. You couldn’t have him ruining you both with his physical appearance which was always tempting and pleasant to have around but with this Hailee girl with him as well. You were just human after all and you wanted to finally find some peace. The only thing close to peace you could find was shopping your dress for the big night and that’s exactly how you decided to spend your day.
Walking through busy streets and gazing at beautiful pieces of clothing outside of big windows till a particular one would catch your eye. Just when you were ready to enter a shop, you saw a familiar face coming towards you to greet you. It was Josh, another one of your coworkers who was very friendly and extremely funny to be around.
‘’Y/N! What a coincidence! Shopping for the premiere night aye?’’ he said after giving you a warm hug which you gladly accepted.
‘’Of course. You too?’’ you said giggling.
‘’I have to find a suitable suit I guess. Hey, I wanted to ask you something now that I have you here’’ he said and he grew hesitant by the minute.
‘’Yes of course, go on’’ you encouraged and you sensed him getting nervous.
‘’I was wondering if you’d like to go together to the premiere. Unless of course you have other plans’’ he quickly said and you contemplated your answer for a minute. If you had to endure Shawn coming with his girlfriend, you surely wouldn’t be able to get it through the night alone. Plus, it would be good to finally socialize with someone else rather than your mom and your fridge.
‘’Well, I’d love to’’ you finally agreed and he smiled up at you.
‘’Great. Pick you up at nine then?’’ he asked.
‘’Sounds good to me. See you then!’’ you said and entered the shop, wanting to buy a dress you had been eyeing for far too long.
You weren’t really sure whether what you had just gotten yourself into was for the better or for the worse but the premiere night was finally here and there was no going back now. The only thing remaining was you having fun with Josh and enjoying the thing you had poured your heart and soul into.
Josh was punctual and you both made your way to the crowded venue in which the premiere was going to take place. Arriving there, the flashes of the cameras were blinding as always and you felt thankful that you had Josh to rely upon while trying to get out of the car, ready to answer some of the paparazzis’ questions. You knew there would be a lot of Shawn related questions and you knew you had to answer them no matter what you felt inside.
What you couldn’t handle at all though was seeing him getting out of a car and waving at the screaming crowds like he was born to do this. You wanted if not needed to turn your head elsewhere but Shawn beat you to it and turned his head around first searching for someone and locking his eyes with yours when he found that someone. When your eyes locked, you saw some things that you knew he covered very well even though everyone thought he was ok. You saw sadness, despair and hope. Not wanting to ruin the night further, you averted your gaze towards Josh telling him to move in the building.
Shawn saw that your arm was locked with another guy’s and he felt like the earth was shaking and he was going to collapse at any second. He had come all the way to the premiere because he wanted to have a word with you about your relationship. For him, it was far from over and he wanted to give it another shot no matter the cost. He missed waking up next to you, hearing your steady breathing when he felt like panicking but most importantly he missed how you could keep him down to earth when everything felt a little too much. And he wasn’t willing to lose that.
The movie went smoothly and everyone was congratulating you and all the other actors on the perfect job you had done. You were proud with the outcome and you felt like something was finally going well. Up until Shawn was up next to come and speak to you.
‘’Awesome movie. Congratulations Y/N’’ he said and he shook your hand a little bit longer than necessary. His touch felt warm against your cold skin and for a moment it took you back to the days when you got to experience this every single day. But this was now and he had no right to come here and manipulate you.
‘’Thanks Shawn’’ you replied trying to keep the conversation as small as possible but Shawn had other plans. Gently, he grabbed you by the hand and guided you a bit further from the people in order to be able to talk.
‘’Shawn what are you doing? I need to speak to those people’’ you said and he wasted no time.
‘’Y/N I miss you. Us. And I know you do too. You also know that I am innocent and that nothing happened in the club that night. Please. Look what has become of me. I am half without you’’ Shawn said not caring if people could hear him and he searched in your eyes for any hint of forgiveness or consent.
‘’Who do you think you are Shawn? Coming here and telling me all this stuff while your girlfriend is patiently waiting on you in your house? Please, let me be’’ you said and Shawn was taken aback.
‘’What girlfriend? Y/N I can barely write any music or sleep for that matter and you think I replaced you? I could never do that. You are you Y/N and there is no one else I’d rather be with’’ Shawn tried one last time but you were more determined this time.
‘’Bye Shawn’’. Deep down, you were happy that he didn’t find anyone else and that he was in the same condition as you. It is not that you didn’t want to see him happy, it was just that seeing happy with someone else pained you. Even now. You wanted to jump up in his arms and forgive his stupid mistake of forgetting your anniversary but something was stopping you.
‘’Nothing is stopping you. You have to acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and that since he didn’t cheat on you, he deeply means all that he is saying’’ you heard a voice from beside you and jumped a little.
‘’I was thinking out loud, wasn’t I?’’ you facepalmed and Josh nodded his head in agreement.
‘’I say you go over there and give him another chance. I feel sorry for him’’ he tried to joke but you knew he was right. You missed him like crazy as well. You missed how goofy he was first thing in the morning or how serious he became when he sensed that something was off with you and wanted to help. You missed how precious he made you feel without really trying or how many times he made you feel loved just by looking at you.
‘’Ugh, I love him so much but-‘’
‘’But what? Y/N I know you miss me baby. I just heard you’’ Shawn said appearing from behind you and you turned crimson red in a matter of seconds.
‘’I could always say you’re crazy and that you misheard’’ you thought for a while and he placed his strong arms around your small frame.
‘’I am crazy but only for you. Let’s go home babygirl. We waited long enough’’.
I'm a bit embarrassed to ask this. Have you ever read a fic that, stylistically, it's beautiful, linguistically it's tight, and it's obvious the author poured their whole self into constructing the plot, crafting the world, and nailing down the characterizations, but... You just don't get it? Like, perhaps there's some insight you're missing, and it's almost there, you think maybe you're close to getting what the author is trying to portray, but you just can't make the connection necessary?
(Embarrassed nonny continued) You even reread to make sure you didn’t skip anything, but it’s like it just seems that something missing? Or that you’re the one missing something vital? So you go to the comments to see if anyone else is confused, but all you see are lovely, supportive compliments about how beautiful the story is (and it is), or how heartwrenching it is (usually so). But you seem to be the only one not getting it?
(Embarrassed nonny cont. again) Is it destructive to let the author know that I think a story is beautiful in it’s telling, but that I don’t quite understand it? I don’t want to offend the author, who has clearly worked very hard, and I appreciate them so much. But, I want to understand the story they’re telling, even if I’m the only one not getting it. If that even makes any sense. P.S.- thanks for always taking time to listen to fandom woes and fielding requests. You’re a champion! ❤
Hi Nonny!
First of all, there’s nothing for you to be embarrassed about! Stories are partly about authorial intent, and partly about reader interpretation; no two people will interpret a story the same, and no author SHOULD expect a reader to interpret their story exactly as the author intended. SHERLOCK is a perfect example of this (the writers SAY they meant it to be one thing and literally the ENTIRE FANDOM is divided on what’s actually being shown on screen), or if you want to be more classical, the works of Shakespeare as well.
In fact, Shakespeare is a perfect example of your problem: I love Shakespeare: it’s beautifully written, it sounds lovely to the ear, and it invokes imagery based on how someone interprets it. But I sure as heck have NO idea what I read until someone explained it to me, or how I SHOULD have interpreted it (which, is oxymoronic to my point, I know…). Only after I hear how someone else interpreted the work, I can then RE-READ a work and begin to understand what was meant by it, and then develop my own interpretations.
I’ve read a few fics by a couple authors in this fandom where I LOVED their writing, but I had NO idea what was happening until I re-read the fics… it’s a reading comprehension thing with me, I’m sure (my brain tends to move a bit quicker than I can read and talk, and in turn it also tends to wander when my eyes aren’t going fast enough, LOL), but a lot of times, if I just read a fic a second time I can then grasp the words my brain omitted the first time and then really enjoy and love the fic. I hate that about me, but that’s how my brain works… Perhaps it may be the same with your brain? If a fic is well written and you enjoyed it but just had some comprehension issues, perhaps a second read-through will help you as it has done with me :)
So, now to answer your question: if after reading a fic, and you don’t understand it, is it okay to ask the authorial intent of the story? Unfortunately, there is no yes-or-no answer to this question, Lovely, as every author is different. Personally – and this is just for me speaking, and what I would do or what I would not mind if I were the author – I think it’s alright, so long as you are respectful to them! Dig around their user pages and you can often find ways to interact with the author outside of their fics, or information about whether or not they want to read criticism etc. on their stories. If an author doesn’t want any interaction, they’ll be very clear about it, but most authors have ways to get in touch with them, so to ME that’s a saying “hey, if you have any questions, here’s how to get a hold of me!”.
If they have a Tumblr with asks turned on, you can even do it like you have done for me here; write exactly what you mentioned, just tweak a few things: Mention how much you love their prose and their storytelling, and you can really feel how much love they put into the story. You found it interesting, though you’re unclear on a few parts. Ask them kindly how they intended for an audience to read it. Many creators appreciate honesty when talking about their works, so just be honest and say that you didn’t understand something and wouldn’t mind a bit of clarification about something. They can’t fault you for not understanding something, and if they do, well… I find that rather ableist, in my opinion: That’s like telling someone with dyslexia to just stop mixing up letters, or someone who’s native language isn’t English to just learn one of the most complex languages in the world with so many structure rules that make no sense half the time…. *shrugs* It’s harsh of me to say, I am sorry about that, writers, but reading comprehension doesn’t come easily for everyone.
ANYWAY, back to my point: An author, so long as you are respectful (and maybe peppering in some compliments and praise never hurts either… a lot of us creative-types have praise kinks) and don’t throw a backhanded compliment (like don’t say: “Your work is so amazing! Though I think you should make it easier for people to understand it, your words are too complex”), they will be more than happy to write out their intent for the story. Let them know it’s YOU who’s not understanding (so, “I have trouble understanding this part” as opposed to “you should make this work easier to read for everyone”… make the onus on YOU). DON’T be demanding (like, don’t say something that can be interpreted as “it’s YOUR responsibility to cater to MY need to understand”), and be patient for a reply.
You can see why this isn’t an easy yes-or-no answer, LOL.
Essentially, kindness begets kindness, and respect begets respect. And – this isn’t an attack on you personally with regards to this ask, because I know my audience are adorably shy beans – it might be a show of good faith and intentions to stay off anon when you ask your question; it shows the author that you aren’t being malicious, just simply a smol bean who loves stories and want to learn more about theirs. BUT, it IS okay to stay on-anon if you are shy / worried about not the author but other people interpreting it the wrong way, just make sure you tailor your question to the author in a respectful way that it comes across as respect. Perhaps something like this:
Hi, [author]! I really love your story, [story title]! It’s well-written and I can really tell how much you love this story and how much soul you put into it. I just had a question for you with regards to [name concern here]. [state question here]. I have trouble sometimes with [reading comprehension, English/language, dyslexia, etc.], and I would love to know what your ideas and thought process was for [character, plot point, situation, etc.]. Understanding what the author intended really helps me enjoy the stories even more than I already did, and your thoughts would be really helpful for when I re-read your story! Thank you so much for your time, and thank you for blessing us with this beautiful story!
Or something like that, LOL. And if you genuinely aren’t a native-language speaker, let them know that it’s not your first language so you’re just honestly not grasping a colloquialism that’s common in English but not in, say, German. It’s more common than you think! I’ve had people ask me in private before about a phrase I’ve written or about how they should interpret a meta of mine; I’ve never taken insult upon it, and in fact I love helping people understand my work so that they can enjoy other peoples’ content in the future.
As an additional thought I just had, I think a good example of fandom-understanding-authors is, actually, the @johnlockficclub; every couple months or so we read new stories, and then at the end of the story, we ask authors our questions about their intent of the stories, and in turn the author gets an interesting (I hope) insight into how various people interpreted their stories. Even during the live-chats leading up to the author q-and-a, we all see how we each interpreted certain sections of the chapters we read that week, and see various viewpoints we never considered. So I think that is a wonderful way to see authorial intent vs. reader interpretation, and as far as I know, all the authors we’ve “interviewed” loved just getting that kind of feedback for their stories. You should join in on at least the author interviews just to see how they go and give you some ideas on how an author will take feedback. It’s so fascinating to me!
Just a fun little anecdote that oftentimes, it is a positive experience for an author because most of them love to talk about their stories – their stories are their children, and they care deeply for them, because it’s a part of them, and it’s an expression of their love. They WANT you to understand and enjoy their work. It’s a cyclical thing: if you understand their children so you can love them too, then they will love their fanbase and will want to continue to write since they received feedback that was validating to them that they produce work that people enjoy and want to know more about.
Finally, I’d love for some authors to weigh in on their thoughts about this; would you be offended if someone loved your story but would want your clarification on some things, or want to know how you intended for the audience to perceive it? Please let us know!
Sorry this answer was so long, but I hope it helps! <3 I love you Nonny, and I love all our fandom creators for giving us their works! <3
P.S. Aww, you’re far too kind, Nonny! <3 I know my opinion isn’t always welcome, but when it is, I appreciate it and love y’all for validating me. XD
