#ao3:sobsicles

[kythwena]

A bit deliriously, Harry huffs out a wheezing laugh and blurts, "This is ridiculous."  "Mm," Voldemort hums, "that it is. Do you plan on removing yourself from my person?"  "At the moment?" Harry chokes out, half-crying and half-laughing. "No, not quite. Get back to me in a few minutes, yeah?"  Voldemort sighs. "Such a troubled child."  "I know," Harry whispers.  And, for a while, that's that. In the hall that represents the worst parts of so many things, Harry leans against Voldemort like it's not the most bizarre thing that could possibly occur in the world, even though it is. He closes his eyes and breathes, waiting for the trembles to pass, waiting for the tears to dry, waiting for the strength to pull away and push down the thought of cupboards and a past that he hates being weak against.  Voldemort simply lets him. He doesn't move. He's not comforting Harry, not exactly, but he's obviously aware that Harry is drawing comfort from him, and he makes no move to stop it.  Eventually, he doesn't even seem made of stone. It's easier for Harry to slump against him, at least, like Voldemort suddenly became aware that he was too stiff and inhuman and worked to fix that. Now, instead, he's a bit like the harsh waves of the ocean—not soft and yielding, but something Harry can succumb to, letting himself relax against. Even like this, Voldemort is maddeningly powerful. 

Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey by @sobsicles Part 1 of Absence of Simplicity

[kythwena]

As simply as one might drift off into sleep, Harry cries—open and honest and soul-deep.  It's the quiet sort of crying. Weeping. The kind you associate with pain that can't be healed, pain that lasts until the tortured soul saddled with it learns to deal with it. The kind that comes out in tragic moments of grief and loss, in departure that will not eventually turn into reunion.  Harry has cried many times in front of Voldemort, but never quite like this. It's naked and true, like he's splitting himself open and showing something that should be his secret and no one else's. Tears like this are reserved for the stuffy silence of a cupboard, or the fabric of his pillow on Halloween night; it's never been out in the open. 

Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey by @sobsicles Part 1 of Absence of Simplicity

[kythwena]

The lesson is this, and it hits Harry like a Stunner to the chest: saving only those one believes is worthy isn't heroism; saving those who need it, regardless of who they are or aren't, is.  It's doing the right thing, not because someone you care about needs it, but simply because it is right. Harry is capable of this, too. He wants to be. Taking a stance in front of wrong, because it is wrong, is what Harry knows like second-nature. Yes, he has murdered. Yes, he has done wrong. And yes, he cares for the very person inflicting the wrong that he has to face. But that does not mean Harry should stand by and do nothing, when the option to do right is there, and he won't. He never will.  That's just not who he is.  There's a duality in the world; an earth filled with cruelty and horror, an earth so beautiful and home to depths of love that can't be denied. That same duality exists in everyone. It exists in Harry. 

Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey by @sobsicles Part 1 of Absence of Simplicity

[kythwena]

Being here doesn't make Harry's problems go away, not at all. But there is something about watching the rain with his knees pressed against Draco's that makes it easier to handle. It doesn't all feel so impossible when he's breathing perfectly fine, dealing with each minute that comes.  For once, he doesn't think about everything going on, even though it's all that has plagued his mind this entire time. Instead, he just sits here with Draco in the quiet, feeling a bit lighter every passing moment. He can relax, at least for now, so he does. 

Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey by @sobsicles Part 1 of Absence of Simplicity

[kythwena]

Who even gets soft about hands? 

Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey by @sobsicles Part 1 of Absence of Simplicity

[kythwena]

"Goodnight," Harry says without thinking, grimacing as soon as he hears himself. He instantly turns and starts for the door.  Voldemort hums in undeniable amusement from behind him. "Goodnight. Nagini, say goodnight." Goodnight, Nagini says agreeably.  Harry does not respond. 

Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey by @sobsicles Part 1 of Absence of Simplicity

[kythwena]

Draco ushers them off before Harry can work out how to actively show Draco that there's a swooping in his stomach and a fluttering in his chest. By the time they're outside, walking along Muggles, it's gone.

Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey by @sobsicles Part 1 of Absence of Simplicity

[kythwena]

What's murder to an owl, really? As intelligent as she may be, she likely doesn't understand the very human concept of morals. She kills to eat, swoops down on her prey and never once feels guilt for it.  It makes Harry wish he was an owl.

Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey by @sobsicles Part 1 of Absence of Simplicity