"I hate myself."
the words slipped out so easily, hinting at the overuse of it. three simple words, yet they expressed everything you felt about yourself—and more. years of pent up insecurities, doubts, feelings of worthlessness/loneliness/hopelessness, all slipped out at once. ignorance is a drug, and when it wears off, its side effects are unbearable beyond belief. the pain you'd been able to ignore for so long was magnified tenfold because you'd forgotten just how much it hurts. hurtful words echoed in your brain: useless, failure, weak, pitiful, dirty... freak.
but you're none of those things. in their eyes, you're simply human. you don't have to be anything particularly special in order to be worthy of living. humans are supposed to be imperfect, and that's part of what makes living so bittersweet. there is pain, loneliness, fear, disgust, and joy. the human experience is all about the emotions and memories you're able to make during your lifetime. as long as you're doing that, you can never be anything less than human. to them, you're nothing less than perfect.
"I love you."
the words slipped out unexpectedly, indicating the memorableness of it. three simple words, yet they expressed everything they felt about you—and more. years of pent up appreciation, gratitude, feelings of fondness/passion/admiration, all slipped out at once. love is the most pleasurable drug of all, and it's an experience humankind will never cease chasing after. they loved you so much it hurt, just the mere thought of losing you nearly brought them to tears—it hurt too much to think about it. you were everything to them, their darling, love, sweetheart... world.
© tianden 2022
