The Week of September 9, 2013.
Hello ladies and gentlemen. I'm A.P. Ticker, reporting from high atop the Scrapple News Towers in downtown Philadelphia. It's time to take out your notebooks, 'cause y'all are about to get schooled. Welcome to Scrapple News.
We begin with the latest in the Syrian debacle. This week, President Bashar al-Assad welcomed the idea of destroying his chemical weapons to avoid an American attack. And while President Obama insists that al-Assad's use of poison gas is his reason for wanting to strike Syria in the first place, he'd still like congress to back him up in taking military action. In a related story, members of the medical community are urging Obama to seek immediate medical attention. Said one specialist, "The President should have gone to the ER after his boner for Syria lasted longer than four hours, at this point it's been weeks. I really fear for his health."