Thoughts on the APA SNAFU
I don’t know how many of you have kept up with the news, but the APA has recently sent out a list of guidelines for practicing psychology with male clients. The problem is that it conflates the term “traditional masculinity” with “toxic masculinity.” Now every conservative media outlet is screeching into the void about how psychologists hate men.
Let’s be honest here: the APA fucked up. It was careless with its terminology, and now it’s alienated thousands, maybe even millions of people. Which is sad, because 90% of what the APA was saying about culture, race, etc. was legitimately helpful. Men genuinely do suffer because our culture stigmatizes things like seeking medical help or pursuing same-gender friendship. But blaming that stigma on masculinity is not helpful.
Masculinity, traditional or otherwise, is not toxic. Stereotypes about masculinity are toxic. Being stoic, independent, ambitious, or athletic...none of these traits are bad by themselves. It’s only when they are pushed to a ridiculous extreme that they are harmful. Being strong does not mean “never visit the doctor.” Being a leader does not mean “never admit you are wrong.”
Some MRA-types complain that society has become too feminine too quickly for men to adapt. This is bullshit. If you look at virtually any point in history, cultural ideals of masculinity were much “softer” than they are now. Things like friendship or humility weren’t merely tolerated, they were glorified among men back in the day. This cultural obsession with the unfeeling alpha male is actually a recent phenomenon.
The term “toxic masculinity” does not mean that all masculinity is toxic. It describes a type of masculine ideal that is maladaptive and antisocial. For the record, femininity can become toxic too. Traits like “empathic” can become “hypersensitive”; activities like nurturing can be pushed into codependency/enabling. Like toxic masculinity, toxic femininity occurs when people internalize cultural gender roles to an extreme. They ultimately end up hurting themselves trying to live up to an impossible and unhealthy ideal.
In toxic femininity, society recognizes that these pressures come from outside and hurt the individual. We recognize that typical, everyday femininity is something to be proud of, not ashamed of. Likewise, it is absolutely possible to express masculinity in a healthy way. We shouldn’t conflate harmful societal pressures on men with the male identity.
tl;dr: Men and women aren’t bad. The impossible cultural standards forced on them are bad.
