Eid Mubarak, please don’t talk to me
Eid Mubarak to those of you who celebrate!
To those of you who don’t, here’s a very quick summary. Muslim Christmas.
This is the first Eid (we have two) and it’s the end of Ramadan where we’ve been fasting so we make up for that month by eating a shit ton today.
It’s great. LOTS of food and nice decorations, gifts from some people, cute outfits. It can be fun. But it can also be so fucking annoying.
Have you seen Bridgerton? You know the scenes where the women and men are separated and the ‘mamas’ have to connect with other mamas to set up their daughters with husbands? Eid is a perfect occasion for that very thing.
Cuz generally everyones at this big park or a rented gymnasium where the men stick to one side and the women to the other, but theres a middle section for the food. So there’s an awkward middle area where people can ~connect~
The backwards victorian area dating is disgusting. But what’s even more disgusting to me (on eid specifically), is the small talk.
Muslim men can generally be divided into 3 categories: muslim bros, rich oil tycoons, and super religious devout psychopaths. Technically there’s also a fourth category of normal men, but this is so slim where I live that I’m not counting in.
These men will always try striking up a conversation at the food table, and they always ask the dumbest questions.
Muslim Bro: Yo, how many, like, kids do you want? I’m good with whatever man. You like football bro? I need a wife who can support my hobbies.
Oil tycoons: Do you cook? Do you clean? What’s your dress size?
Devout bros: My mother told me you are a good girl, but here you are talking to a man that you don’t know. My mother is never wrong, but clearly this is an exception.
Somehow, they expect these lines to work? I’m not really sure what they’re going for, but I’m not having it.
So every Eid I do the same thing. I go up to the food table and when I’m approached I steal a donut off their plate and walk away.
I recommend this to everyone in any uncomfortable situation
Eid Mubarak!