#aradia rambles

[entropygrapple]

been playing abyss veil 2 pass the time of being fucked up and plagued

its really good

i dont wanna spoil anything about it but it really genuinely fills my heart with joy to see people creating these lil punk indie projects of video games the graphics are crunchy & the map design has all this empty space & it just lets you walk around & you get lost because there's no signposting and honestly i would not have it any other way, i love that it wears all its influences on its sleeve

the story is also just good! it's not some crazy intricate 5000 page lore kinda thing, it is a basic & heartfelt story and if you put down the snobbery and just enjoy it this whole thing will hit u like a freight train (especially if yr parents hit u as a kid )

i dunno im actually delirious with fever but i just wanted to put some of my general thoughts about it somewhere, maybe once i've taken painkillers & my head isn't exploding i'll write more

oh the gunplay is kinda average & the knife sucks but the slomo + dash is kinda cool makes me think of like, basically a 3d Star Fetchers

holy shit im so looking forward to star fetchers

[entropygrapple]

aradia rambles about her ex, probably of no interest to anyone

i looked at my ex's blog again, just to see if it would make me feel anything.

to my surprise & relief I felt very little at all! i'm free of it! i was expecting the agonising, immediately burst into tears reaction i used to have, but like, instead just a very mild feeling of discomfort

feels weird to be so over someone who put me through so much pain and made basically 3 months of my life one long re-traumatisation but i'm kinda like,, happy? for the first time in ages

not gonna pretend i was perfect, or that the relationship fell apart solely because of my ex, but I think I have enough distance now to say with some certainty that it wasn't just me freaking out; morri was treating me like shit.

& i'm just kinda,,,, okay with the fact that everything ended. i have so much more in my life now; i play gigs & make art & i think i've gotten further with my video game in the past month than like, all of 2023.

idk - if i'm gonna be brutally honest with myself - i went into a relationship hoping it would patch the holes in my own life, that i'd find something in someone else that would fill a hole in my heart. that kinda shit is always doomed to fail.

just wish it had been with like, literally anyone else lmao.

i do have things to be thankful for though - i ended up finding some really good friends because of all of this, people who saw me at rock bottom, genuinely unhinged & still decided to stick around. i am genuinely very grateful for them.

it's comforting to think that the day will come when i forget morri's name & it becomes a footnote to how i met some of my dearest friends. (note at the end here, idk who is reading this but just in case; i'm not using it/its in a derogatory way. my ex, as far as i'm aware, still uses it/its pronouns & used them while i knew it.)

[entropygrapple]

I did get confield repress though, haven't had the heart to unseal it yet ;w; for a brief time I had Amber & new squarepusher release also but I ended up giving it to toffo/sbd (check her out, she makes good shit)

Other recent gets, Four Tet was on Psychic Hotline so was kinda a must

Klpr I got another copy of because first one scratched (I used it as a fill wayyyy too much) but it's good weird noise stuff

camera turned the vinyl orange but its a neat translucent yellow irl

[made0ftime0u0]

I d0nt understand human men.

[reddestrebelaradia]

i'm dead b0red. n0b0dy seems t0 want t0 talk anym0re... hm. it's pr0bably n0t my fault, n0r is it any 0f my business. things have g0tten c0lder here, th0ugh i guess that's n0t really a viable t0pic f0r c0nversati0n it's rather l0nely here in the sanctuary, even with m0ther ar0und th0ugh she's n0t ar0und right n0w where is she, anyway? g0d i h0pe she's 0kay it w0uld stink maj0rly if she were t0 die i'd be al0ne and i'd have t0 take her place w0rse if the empress g0t t0 her n0t dead, but brainwashed int0 wanting t0 kill us all plus she kn0ws all the l0cati0ns 0f 0ur bases

[roguewitharifle]

Hey! so i made a new dA now that i have better cosplays and photo's of them!

If your interested please check it out and maybe even watch!

It would mean so much to me! :3

[roguewitharifle]

i cant find my pj's so im on tumblr

im even procrastinating about sleeping now wtf is wrong with me OTL

[roguewitharifle]

FINALLY BACK IN SOUTHAMPTON BUT IM NOT EVEN HOME YET BUT IM 90% SURE I WONT MAKE IT INTO COLLEGE TOMORROW OTL