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@speispy ╱ ❝ you brought a sword with you ---- ❞ it’s always peaked her curiosity, wondering if it was sentimental or if it was just what she had. she’s never been part of any community on the ground; most of her own training hadn’t pertained to any certain weapon, so she wonders about echo now. ❝ was that your weapon? ❞
“ha. that’s my girl.” ╱ @damnbrain.
validation from raven means more to emori than she can even begin to explain, so much so that she can’t stop a smile that tugs at her lips ( something that used to feel so vulnerable, but got so much easier the more time she spent with raven. ) so much of her life’s greatest accomplishments were celebrations only for herself, for her own gain. but raven’s taught her how to live beyond that, she’s given her value that emori never imagined for herself --- and moments like this, she remembers how good it feels to be part of something bigger than herself, to do things that benefit others, not just herself for a change.
❝ i did that ----- ? ❞ her words are a mixture of surprise and pride, almost disbelieving herself. it’s followed with a laugh, her head shaking slowly. it’s only emori’s first time spacewalking after watching raven doing it so many times, finally getting the chance for it herself --- she was scared, despite never saying it out loud ( though, she wonders if raven was able to see beyond that. ) ❝ you said it was amazing ----- but i didn’t know it was like THAT. ❞
it’s quiet in the room that she now shares with raven, trying to sleep but her mind is racing, forcing her to toss and turn until that frustration is pushed out in a sigh. she doesn’t want to bother raven ( she’s already convinced that she is, having moved in at all ) but raven is the first person emori could ever call a FRIEND, and now ---- she wants to actually take advantage of that. because that’s what she needs, her friend.
❝ raven ---- ? ❞ her voice is quiet, not to disturb her, yet loud enough for her to hear. she feels strange about the question following, never having assumed it was her place with anyone before, but she can’t help thinking it might actually calm her down. she’s getting better at the idea of being close to someone else --- both emotionally and physically --- so she’s trying to take that a step farther. ❝ can i sleep with you? ❞ but she doesn’t mean sleep, at least not yet; she means she wants to talk, she wants a chance to focus on someone and something else to soothe her wandering mind. she is no longer used to sleeping in her own bed, she just wants the comfort of knowing someone else is nearby. ╱ @damnbird.
“i'm sorry for what happened to you.“ ╱ @loveisaviolence
she looks down, focused on the glove she wears on her arm, something she’s gotten more comfortable wearing less and less on the ring as the months pass. she doesn’t feel like she’s completely READY to say goodbye to it just yet; it’s always provided her a sense of comfort, no matter where she was or what’s happening. being isolated here with few people ( one of which her existence has been threatened by their community all her life ) makes her feel TRAPPED, like she has to be more careful than she ever was on the ground, because there is no escape route.
she was always comfortable having no home and being a nomad because it meant if she was ever in danger, she could just move on. but not here —- there’s no getting away from anyone here. and that’s when she starts to grow more and more worried, feeling suffocated, like she would have been better off inevitably dying in a few months once she and john ran out of food in the island bunker. but then ———
she looks at her. she, a bridge to this world that she’s never known, a world in which she gets to be more than a frikdreina, more than a nomad, more than a person who chooses whatever vicious survivor move is available before she thinks about anyone else but herself. she latched on to raven early on because raven looked at her as a person, as someone who could be valuable —- and emori so badly wanted to prove her right. raven is the first real friend she’s ever had, the first person who has taken a chance on her like this —- in a way that shows emori that even though she’s never done something before, she can learn. she can be useful to the people here, not just for her own survival, but for everyone’s, and there’s something so intriguing about that.
could she ever really be that person? raven makes her feel like she can.
so she takes a deep breath, her other hand moving to her glove, unwrapping the strings and pushing it down. she’s not revealing herself for raven’s sake, but for her own —- a reminder that it’s okay to do this. she wants to find comfort in that. she wants to feel that freedom, knowing that she can just BE without people wanting her dead for it. she’s silent for a long moment before she takes a deep breath and nods her head, eyes looking up to raven again.
❝ what happened to me ——- ❞ she repeats her words, studying them silently, her brow furrowing. ❝ when you say it like that, it doesn’t feel . . . right. doesn’t feel like ‘ what happened ‘ to me. just feels like the way things have always been, since i was born. ❞ and putting that into perspective is strange. everything that happened following that has been so tough on her —- she’s right to push that sympathy towards her, but it’s just so difficult for emori to process. ❝ you know, john and i did everything we could to get into that bunker, ❞ she says, shaking her head as she lets out a soft scoff. ❝ i wanted to be there because i wanted to BEAT praimfaya. i didn’t want to be there because i knew it was the best place for me. it wasn’t. ❞ she always recognized that, but she was too scared to admit that to john. her life would have always been in danger, and if she thought she was trapped up here, it would have been WORSE down there —- she knows that.
she takes a moment, finally nodding her head slowly as she looks over their work station, then back to her. ❝ this is the place for me. ❞ not just on the ring, but with raven, learning from her and finding a FRIEND in her. ❝ you’re the last person who has to be sorry for what happened to me. ❞ she pauses, silently debating whether or not she can go on and reveal a vulnerability she’s trying to understand for herself, for the first time. ❝ you’re letting me have a life i was never allowed on the ground. i just hope i’m helping YOU as much as you’re helping me. ❞
“LET’S FIND ANOTHER REASON TO LIVE.”
⇢ @lingeringscars
she is allowing herself to look down at earth for the first time in weeks, always doing everything she can to avoid looking in the direction at all. it’s not that she doesn’t enjoy the view --- it has always enraptured her, but as they get closer to year five, she finds herself wanting to look less. it’s not that she doesn’t want to return; she’s doing her part to help raven figure out a solution, encouraging bellamy that he will see his sister again soon, silently supporting everyone as they talk about what life will be like once they return. but the truth is, she’s terrified of leaving the sanctuary of space, a place that had become her home for the first time ever.
she’s a better person here; she knows it, she can feel it, she can see it ---- - but she never had that option before. what happens if she returns to the ground and that option is taken away again?
❝ what is yours? ❞ she asks quietly, arms crossed over her chest as she looks over to harper. she’s always looked to her for guidance, always expected her to have answers to these life questions --- even if she doesn’t.
emori isn’t sure she could answer that question herself. before, it felt like she was surviving out of spite, telling the rest of the world that she belonged here despite them not welcoming her. but she looks around the ring, and she wonders if it’s this ---- are they her reason to live? are they her reason to be better when she returns to the ground? she doesn’t want to return to a life of brutality; she knows the others don’t either. but harper speaks about another reason to live, and emori starts to feel like she’s going to be entirely lost upon returning.
❝ you . . . weren’t going to come here, right? ❞ it’s not something she knows a lot about, doesn’t understand it entirely, but she does know that she herself almost chose an option that would have inevitably led to her death. ❝ have you ever regretted it? ❞ she hopes she hasn’t, because she can’t imagine not having harper here, in her life, but she can understand it. even she’s had moments of fear, of longing for the island bunker with john even if she would have died anyway.
