@arcanaaa inquired: ‘ you know I have feelings for you ’
Haze. For the past week, his vision turned foggy -- relentlessly dropping. Their fight with Phantom Lord had seeped every ounce of magic he had left, and it felt like he was using fumes until the sputtering began. Lines under haggard eyes began to deepen, more defined then before; cheekbones were slightly sunken in, collar bone had more depth, and his toned muscular form decayed daily. Loke made the desperate move ( a selfish one, more likely ) to drag Cana back into arms and this time, she came willingly, as if she had missed him as well. It was not out of ill intent that he sought her company, but knowing his ending was drawing near, she would be the last good thing. If he were to leave, he'd rather do it on his own terms then to be miserable before ceasing to exist. All doubts and insecurities were tuned out, leaving the atmosphere in pure ignorant bliss. Even the Seer's comments about his withering stature were dismissed, and he stood defiant, yet, tolerated her worries by mustering up some strength to appear natural to her.
Drinking became heavy. It tethered to him, like a ball and chain -- another form of punishment. The resilience of alcohol's poison were slim to none, in the beginnings of banishment. By the ends, slurred words and lack of balance became first nature after a few shots. To out drink the lush would've been a death sentence, given the circumstances. Loke laid low on his drinking, using the last bit of his quick tricks to keep the other from suspicion as she clung to his arm.
They stayed in, taking comfort in the ambience of the low lit patio as the rain strewed against the awning above them. A bottle was loosely clenched in the foreteller's grasp, making that the fifth bottle she had finished for the evening. A personal best, in the short amount of time she had consumed them all -- color him impressed. Which is why her comment left him frozen, doubtful.
Truthfulness was never her strong suit. But -- when alcohol was involved, she tend to let a few things slip here and there. Could this.. be one of those things? Or... was she trying to get a reaction? Either way, Loke's body grew stiff.
‘ Ha ha. . . Very funny. Let's not start anything hilarious -- you might pass out anytime. . . ’ Nothing like turning things into a joke to ease the tension, a Loke specialty. ‘ Don't start saying things you probably don't mean. . . ’
Heart shriveled, making room for the hollowness to consume the empty space. Head refused to connect to it, cutting ties to feelings entirely. There was purpose in her company, to sustain what little source of endorphins there was left of this existence. It was best to make sure the ties between them were untied to feelings. Didn't they both know this was just a fling? A casual thing? At least, that's what he told himself. Though, his heart may plead -- beg -- claw -- it's desires to unfold, the dense will of assuredly was stronger.
Heart wept; ( I love you -- feverishly -- vigorously -- you consume my being, my thoughts, my desires. How dare I meet you like this, how dare I have you this late.) Push it down, this can't be said. ( Yes, she'll meet someone better -- someone who deserves her. ) Finally a heart string they played a reliable tune. ( But, I also deserve to be happy --)
Enough.
‘ Come on. . . It's time for bed. . . ’
( I deserve less then happy. Death will suffice, for now. )
