Unfair
Endrali couldn't remember the last time she'd been sick. Truly sick, really sick, the kind you couldn't power through.
Jedi had strong constitutions and ways to nullify disease, and her strong connection to the Force made her even more adept at avoiding 'mundane' illness. Which may have been why it took so long to click.
She thought she was tired from long days with little chance for rest or meditation. Thought the dizziness was from inadvertantly skipping a meal or two. She could remedy both of those after this meeting. While the uptick of discontent had slowed after the events of Umbara, they still popped up. People always wanted to test the powerful, it seemed. What Arcann and Senya learned on Hoth might be important. She needed to pay attention--
"Commander?" Senya's brow was furrowed in concern.
"Sorry." Endrali cleared her throat and rubbed her eyes. "Mind wandered a little."
Now Arcann was looking at her with an expression duplicating his mother's. "Are you alright?"
"Just a little tired, I think," she replied, reaching over to squeeze the edge of his hand. "After we're done and I talk to Lana real quick, I'll take a nap. Promise. What were you saying about the lavaworks?"
The knot in his brow didn't ease, bu Senya accepted the reassurance, speaking of the information saved from the computers, shipment logs for the production, leads to other malcontents.
Brief as the report was, Endrali still struggled to concentrate on it. She was so tired it was making her head feel heavy. Overdid it worse than I thought... she mused, running her hands through her hair as she mulled over the new information. It was sluggish, like that syrup one of the other Padawans had like on his flatcake; thick and reluctant and why was she thinking about that now?
"Alright... if you two want to follow up on these now, you can," she said. She shook her head slightly. "Or if you want to split, take others, I'm sure someone around would help."
Senya nodded, though there was still an edge of concern to her sense. "I'll take care of it, Commander. You... look like you could use that nap."
Endrali sat straighter as she nodded. "After I talk to Lana, I will."
"Endrali..." Arcann lingered, hesitated as his mother left the room. "Are you certain you're alright?"
Another nod, making her head feel sloshy and sluggish again. "Yeah. Just overworked. Promise I'll rest after I talk to Lana." She went to squeeze his hand again, but he twisted so he was holding hers instead.
"You are... quite warm, compared to normal," he informed her, thumb rubbing the heel of her hand.
Part of her smirked at him knowing her baseline temperature, the rest was more interested in protesting the implication. "No, just tired. I'll... I'll be better after rest. I'll talk to Lana and then rest."
"Perhaps resting should come first," Arcann said.
"No, it's fine. It's just talking, Arcann, shouldn't even be a long conversation. I've got this," Endrali insisted. She pushed to her feet.
And the world tipped so sharply, diagonally sideways she would have fallen if he hadn't caught her.
"I think rest should be the priority," Arcann said firmly. One arm went around her shoulder and the other slid behind her knees to scoop her up and settle her against his chest.
The instinctive protest she wasn't a baby died before she voiced it. She was tired, her head was muzzy, and it was nice being cradled like this, she had to admit.
They didn't exchange a word as Arcann carried her to her quarters, even thought Endrali was technically awake. It felt like too much effort for her, and for him... well, she could tell he was worried even without him saying anything.
He set her carefully on the bed--ignoring Opi's protest at being dislodged--and reached to slip off her boots.
Endrali batted his hand away. "I'm tired, not an invalid." She offered a smile that didn't seem to do much allieviating his worry. "I can handle it. Go get some rest or food or whatever. Maybe we can spend some time together after I nap."
Arcann nodded, not looking a smidgeon less concerned, and watched her kick off the boots. "Perhaps we can. Do you... Should I have one of the med techs come check you, just in case?"
If he was worried enough to ask, he wanted the answer to be yes. But that seemed like an ovveraction to her just being a little tired. But she hated how worried he looked...
Endrali sighed and flipped up the covers, snuggling in to her pillow. "If it makes you feel better..." she said, trailing off as Opi curled up next to her with a deep rumbling purr.
Arcann nodded, hesitated, then leaned over to kiss her forehead. The gesture made her all warm inside, but she picked up the fresh pulse of concern to his sense.
"Still warm?" Endrali mumbled.
She was asleep before she heard the answer.
---
When she woke she didn't feel nearly as refreshed as she expected, her head may well have weighed a hundred pounds, and the shadows had shifted to a degree that made her think that nap had wound up longer than intended. The blankets were stifling, she pushed them down--
--and immediately shivered so hard she curled in on herself. Okay, bad idea. Blanket back up.
That was when the other presence in the room registered. "Have you been there the whole time?"
"More or less," Arcann said, leaning forward in his chair to brace elbows on knees. "I spoke to the medical staff and they said to let you sleep and comm when you woke."
"So you just stayed?" There was a croaking edge to her voice she didn't like. Maybe he was right; this was more than exhaustion.
"I have no pressing demands on my time, Endrali," he pointed out. "And... I cannot help but worry."
"I'm sure it's nothing serious," she insisted. "...even if it is more than just exhaustion."
Arcann's brow twitched at her conceding even that much. "I suppose we can find out soon enough."
Endrali didn't have the energy to argue, and her bed was so very comfortable. "Mm."
It only took a few minutes for one of the medstaff to arrive, whether they'd been waiting to the summons or this was a perk of being in charge Endrali was too cotton-brained to wonder. All she cared about was the rangy orange-skinned twi'lek had a decent beside manner without being too chatty and seemed to know wht she was doing.
"Csillan fever," was the diagnosis, somewhat easily obtained between tallying symtpoms and the diagnostic scanner. Far from life-threatening, but a sure way to spend a few days laid up. The only unique thing about this strain, compared to other similar variants, was that being native to Csilla meant it only affected Chiss.
"Where did I pick that up?"!" Endrali croaked, now sitting up with knees tented and Kyber wedged in her lap. "I haven't set foot near Chiss space since I was four, let alone on Csilla." Never mind she didn't know which planet her family had lived on before giving her up--she might never have set foot on Csilla. "When would--" she cut herself off, looking at Arcann. "The defectors."
She saw and sensed the pieces click in his mind. "The only reasonable assumption, I think."
"You think you know the point of contact?" the medtech asked, fiddling with the scanner.
Endrali nodded, which was a bad idea. It made her headd swim. Euch. "A few days, maybe a week ago, we helped some Chiss Imperial defectors move through Coreward space undetected. A couple of them seemed... under the weather, but I marked it up to stress from what they were doing."
"That timeline would match the incubation period," the medtech said, nodding. "Are any of them stil on-base?"
Endrali shook her head--also a bad idea. "I was just helping them move along; the whole reason for defecting was not wanting to fight anymore. They never set foot on Odessen."
"So you're the only one I need to worry aout." It was murmured almost half to herself but Endrali hummed confirmation anyway. "That'll simplify it. Rest in bed, drink plenty and eat if you feel hungry, and there's medication I can send that will help lessen symptoms and generally speed up recovery."
"I like the sound of that," Endrali croaked.
"I'll get that right up," the medtech promised with a sympathetic smile. "Feel better soon, Commander."
"Thank you." it came out more pathetic thn intended, and embarrassment, not illness, heated her face.
The medtech nodded, slipped the scanner back on its belt hook, and left the room.
"See, I told you it wasn't bad," Endrali said, flopping back on the pillow. Kyber croaked protest and butted under her hand. She sluggishly scratched his ear nubs.
"Endrali, it hardly sounds good that you will be ill several days," Arcann said dryly. He moved to sit on the edge of her bed.
"It's not gonna kill me or anything, though," she said, then narrowed her eyes at him. "What are my odds of getting you to stop fussing and go about your business?"
"Extremely low," he replied. "They would be regardless, but knowing you aren't contagious... I have no 'business' beyond doing as you need."
"And if I said I need you to run down one of those leads you and Senya found at the lavaworks more than I need you sitting here to fuss over me?" (though the fussing was nice, she did have to admit.)
Arcann gave her a frustrated look. "Endrali."
"Arcann." She squeezed his hand. "I'm not dying, I'll just be miserable and pouty and prob'ly sleep a lot the next few days. Don't really need a nursemaid for that." Her thumb rubbed the edge of his hand. "I'm down an advisor and there's lots of people who think the galaxy would be better off without the Alliance. It would mean more to me if you help protect it while I can't."
She felt the 'That's not fair' he bit back before giving a deep sigh. "If that is truly what you wish."
"I like your company, it isn't that," she promised. "And I'm glad I can't get you sick. There's just... so much to do, and it's worse with Theron gone, and of course now would be the first time in fiftee-- twenty years I get sick sick--" Her voice wobbled and gave out, which made her sound even more pathetic when she croaked, "I hate not being able to do anything."
Arcann smiled sympathetically and brushed sweat-damp hair from her face. "I'll take care of it."
Endrali squeezed his hand. "Thank you."
He held her hand a moment longer, his thumb rubbing gloriously cool arcs against her skin. "I hope you will be on the road to recovery upon my return."
"Yeah, me too," Endrali mumbled hoarsely, and was drifting to sleep again before he left to room. She would have liked to tell him to be safe.
---
She woke to the sunrise, which was wildly disconcerting to her fevered brain.
Sitting up felt like fighting through tar or slow-setting carbonite or something, but she still did it to look around the room. Opila and Kyber were sleeping on the foot of the bed, there was a squat, square bottle of orangey-green liquid on the nightstand that hadn't been there before--the medicine, she assumed--and a familiar presence radiated from just outside the bedroom.
"Senya?" She was very proud her voice didn't sound half bad.
The woman unfolded herself from her meditative pose and smiled as she entered. "Good to see you truly awake."
Endrali arched her brows. "Truly?"
"You roused enough to drink something a couple times during the evening, but didn't even seem to register I was here."
She wrinkled her nose. "Sorry if I was rude."
Senya shook her head. "Just tired."
"Mm." Se stared at her knees a moment, her thoughts fascinated by the weave of the blanket, then forced it back up. "Did Arcann ask you to sit with me?"
Senya nodded.
"When did he leave?"
"Perhaps an hour or two after you fell asleep. Were you hungry, Commander?" Senya tapped the top of a thermal retention canister. "The kitchens sent up soup, if you'd like some."
She was a bit hungry, in the vague, distant sense of the word. But that could wait; her brain was stuck on a different concern right now.
"Senya? If you're watching me, who's watching his back?"
"Your Trandoshan friend, I believe." Senya smiled. "Qyzen? He said something about protecting the Herald's mate that Arcann was too distracted to catch."
But not you. Endrali wished she could blame the heat of her face on the fever, but was pretty sure this had a different cause. Awfully unfair of the galaxy to throw this at her while she was sick. "Well, distracted's not good," she muttered, trying to make her brain work between illness and embarrassment. "Distracted could get one of them hurt."
"I'm sure they'll be fine, Commander," Senya said reassuringly. "And that he'll be more focused by the time they reach Coruscant."
Coruscant. So that was Captain Kallin, the disillusioned Republic soldier, angry at the Alliance for... reasons she couldn't remember. Not with her head all full of cotton. She eyed the medicine. Maybe a good idea... "I hope so; the Works are a nightmare when you're paying attention, and a deathtrap if you aren't." Qyzen knew what he was doing, even if Arcann was distracted, but that was small comfort. Nothing to be done from here, though. "Do you know what kind of soup....?"
Senya laughed and unscrewed the canister lid. "Something with noodles and not a lot of seasoning. It does smell good, though."
After a small bowl of soup and dose of medicine--which tasted citrus-y but fake--Endrali burrowed back down in the blankets to sleep more. Hopefully she could knock this down quick; she hated not doing her job.
---
Sunset was teasing the sky when next she stirred and found Opi sleeping on top of her. No wonder I'm so hot. She rolled over gently, trying to dislodge the loth-kitten without being rude about it, and looked for Senya. She could sense her--meditating, out on the balcony, and no one else in the room.
That woke her up a bit, and she reached further through the Force, feeling for a pair of presences she knew almost better than her own. She came up empty.
Frowning now, Endrali sat up, feeling briefly guilty about Opi's mroaw of protest at being unseated. "Senya?"
"Yes, Commander?" the words slightly preceded the woman.
"Are they back?"
Senya shook her head. "I haven't heard as much."
"Shouldn't they be? Do you think something went--"
Senya put a hand on her shoulder. "Endrali, it's only a couple hours past best estimate for their time. Even a small complication could add this much. Both my son and your friend are skilled fighters, give it more time before worrying."
Normally that would be much more easily followed advice, but something about being sick was making her anxious. She didn't voice it, just sat picking at the covers and reaching to sense Arcann or Qyzen through the Force. Her concentration was off with being sick, and it was hard to hunt down specific people--especially off-planet--when her head felt three times its normal weight.
She flopped back with a discontented huff and stared at the ceiling, mentally grumbling again about the timing of getting sick. But there wasn't anything she could do, and Senya was right; it hadn't been that long. She should trust them to handle whatever was going on.
---
Endrali dozed fitfully after that, never fully able to drift off but never awake enough to be cognizant of the time. Not until Senya nudged her to eat some more. The soup was still warm, and stars just beginning to sprinkle the edge of the horizon.
"They are returning," Senya said, before she could ask. "Arcann wanted to know how you were doing. They both expressed intent to check on you upon return."
That was... touchng. And promising. They were both alive, and on their way back. Between the update, the soup, and having already done an absurd amount of sleeping, Endrali shifted the pillows to support sitting up and reached for her datapad.
"Not working," she said, sensing a flicker of protest from Senya. "I was only half-done that archaelogical treatise Talos sent me. I wanna finish it."
That earned her a skeptical look.
"This is one of my hobbies," Endrali promised. "Flowers and old things are what I do for fun." And collect lightsaber crystals. "I'm just reading. Did you hear how the mission went?"
Senya hesitated a beat too long answering. "There... were complications, but they're both fine and succeeded in stopping the rogue captain. And like I said, they plan to see you when they return."
"Right, right, I know." Endrali fidgeted with the datapad, only half reading the treatise now that the word 'complications' was in her head. Hurry back, you two."
---
Qyzen made it up to her room first, and it was immediately apparent 'complications' was underselling whatever happened, because he was missing a hand.
Endrali tossed aside the datapad and practically launched herself out of bed, fever or no. "Qyzen--!"
He held up his remaining hand to stop her. [Will regrow, Herald,] he reminded, and that settled her, at least for the moment. Their converation about his hunt in the Kashyyyk Shadowlands was so long ago, she had half-forgotten. [Maybe slow, as am old now,] he amended, examining the stump of his wrist, [but will be well in time.]
""Good." Endrali couldn't help a pang of guilt as she followed his gaze. "How bad was it, for you to lose a hand?!"
Qyzen gave her a measuring look with his good eye, the ones that made her believe he was wiser than he thought himself to be. [Mate Arcann is well] he said, answering the implied question rather than what she'd asked. [Made certain of that.]
The implication of the second half distracted her from clarifying protest about the word at the beginning of the first.
"Made certain," she repeated. "Qyzen, did that" --a nod to his wrist-- "happen protecting Arcann?"
[This from cthon] Qyzen said [large, fierce prey, worth many points. Would have fought anyway.]
So that's a yes. Endrali shifted, pulling her legs up crisscross underneath her. "Well, thank you. For keeping him safe."
[Is owed to Herald.] Qyzen said with a nod. [And not hard; Mate Arcann is mighty warrior, earned many points. See now why you chose.]
Alright, two times, pluse Senya's earlier mentioning of a comment, needed correcting. "Qyzen, he's not my mate. Not in the way you mean it." Super unfair of the universe to make her have this conversation while sick.
Qyzen cocked his head and waited.
Endrali sighed, chewing her lower lip in thought. "He is special to me, and I care about him, deeply, so I appreciate you watching his back as you do mine. But we're...." Another sigh. "Many cultures have a period, whether they call courting or something else, where you find someone special, someone who could be a good mate, and spend time getting closer with them. To be sure the two of you are a good match before you bond." She was making a mess of this, but it wasn't as if the Jedi Order had been big on relationshp advice.
Qyzen was quiet, waiting for her to continue.
Really unfair. "Even though I care about" --love-- "him a lot, we aren't quite that far yet. So, for now, he's just Arcann." She flashed Qyzen a smile. "But he means a lot to me, so, again, thank you for helping him."
[Is great honor, Herald.] Qyzen nodded. [Happy to help.] He paused. [Will let you rest, look pale.]
Endrali wrinkled her nose. Ugh. "Thanks. I'm glad you're alright. Mostly." A last glance at where his hand should be. Won't be sending him out again 'til that heals.
Qyzen bowed and left.
Arcann entered so closely after they must've passed each other in the hall.
"Are you feeling any better?" he asked before the door hd fully losed.
"Maybe a little? I still feel... bleh" --she pulled a face--"but given how much I slept today at least I'm not tired."
"That is good to hear." Arcann strode across the room and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Your mother took good care of me, and I hear Qyzen took good care of you," Endrali said lightly, though this close she could see the scrapes on his unscarred cheek and further bck, and the hint of medseal peeking out his sleeve.
He nodded. "Yes. He was... quite adamant. He's a fine warrior, your friend."
"Heh, he said the same about you."
A smile twitched his lips. "I'm honored by such praise."
"So what happened, that it took so long and you both got injured?" She had to ask.
"Captain Kallin knew how to use the Works to his advantage and had found... many who agreed with him," Arcann said slowly, parsing his words. "And augmented those forces with droids and tamed beasts."
"Cthon, yes. There's been a bit of an infestation down in the Works for decades," Endrali sai. She pursed her lips. "They're feral, usually, but training them would be smart, even if just enough to attack certain people..."
"I believe that is what he did; the cthons didn't seem to follow any commands beyond attacking us and not his people. The captain... slipped away while we were fighting the biggest of the beasts and we had to pursue him further." Arcan paused, rubbed the back of his neck. "Quite the ferocious warrior in his own right, once cornered."
"People with causes usually are. But you still vanquished him," Endrali said with a smile. She shivered at a breeze and worked her way partially back under the covers.
"We did." Arcann helped her with the blanket. He let his fingers very deliberately brush her forehead as he tucked her hair back. "You, however, still seem to be in the throes of battle with your fever."
"It'll pass," she sighed, closing her eyes briefly and pressing her fingers to the lids. "I'm resting and I'm taking my medicine, and I just... I hate being sick, Arcann. It hasn't happened this seriously in a long, long time. I don't like not being able to help, especially while others are out there getting hurt doing my--"
"You do more than enough," Arcann cut her off, gently. He cradled her jaw, tipped her chin up so she'd look at him. "Let us help."
Let me help.
Endrali sighed, subconsciously leaning into his touch. He was so cool, it felt so good. She was honestly (embarrassingly) tempted to grab his cybernetic hand and hold it to her forehead; she'd bet that would feel even better. "The Alliance is my responsibility." And stars knew how this fever was nothing compared to the crushing weight of the shielded masters.
"Leading it is." Arcann's thumb stroked her cheek. "But I would say protecting it is the duty of all who join."
She wrinkled her nose. "My brain's not working well 'nough to argue," she grumbled. "Much as I want to."
He chuckled, leaning closer to whisper, "Does this mean I win?"
"For now," she conceded, the shift making her fixate on how close they were sitting. How easy it would be to steal a kiss, even though she shouldn't. But she wanted to.
"Endrali..." Arcann murmured, and her gaze locked with his in silent prompting. "Could... I want..." His thumb grazed the edge of her lower lip, hinting at his intent.
Good to know they were on the same wavelength. "We shouldn't, I'm sick."
"I cannot catch it." He leaned closer, their foreheads almost touching.
"I'll taste like fakey citrus medicine," she warned, even as she tilted her chin up. If he was sure of taking the chance, he was going to know all the risks first.
"I believe I can endure," Arcann said with soft amusement, a rough edge creeping in to his voice.
But they were denied the opportunity to test that. The door slid open, the medtech stepping in. Fortunately her attention was on her datapad as she entered, giving them a moment to pull apart before she asked, "How're you feeling, Comm--" She winced, skin going darker orange. "Sorry! I didn't realize you had, um, company."
"It's alright." Arcann stood, "I should let her rest."
Endrali wanted to scream at the unfairness of the interruption's timing, but he was probably right. And the lethargy response to all her company hit as the medtech was checking her over, so she snuggled down in the bed.
She still wished she'd gotten that kiss before he left. So unfair.
One more thing to hate about being sick.
--
the stuff with Qyzen is from his conversations during class story; if you say he's lucky he didn't lose an arm/leg on the Shadowlands hunt, he says Trandoshan limbs grow back. Real fun implication there. AND he says it's rare for Trandoshans to make it past fifty, and he's 32 or 33 in Act 2 of the class story so it's been at least... 8 or 9 years since then.