Just a Late Bloomer
[ID: A Tokyo Ghoul:re manga panel showing Saiko at the CCG's Junior Academy, playing a video game in class and eating a lollipop. Shirazu is sitting beside her, and Urie and another student are in the foreground. End ID]
Before she was a Quinx, Saiko was just another school girl trying to figure out her sexuality.
Featuring: AroAce Saiko Word Count: 750 Content Warnings: Commonly-heard aphobia and amatonormativity, and a bit of internalized aphobia
[ID: a long arrow pointing right, serving as a text break. It has repeating bands on the stick, alternating between the aromantic and asexual flags. The arrow has a grey point, brown stick, and green tail fletching. Credit to K.A. Cook @/aroworlds. End ID]
“Do you have a boyfriend?” One of Saiko’s classmates decided to ask her out of the blue one day.
“Nope, I don’t.” Saiko replied. “And I don’t really want one.”
The girl’s eyes widened. “What? Really? Why not?”
“I don’t have time. I just got this new game and it's got so many chapters!” Saiko exclaimed. She had been waiting for this game for years now.
The girl laughed and rolled her eyes, thinking Saiko was joking.
But she was completely serious. Between being forced to go to school, playing video games and watching tv, and then sleeping, she didn’t have any time for a boyfriend.
---
“I’m swearing off boys! I’m going to focus on school and getting a job!”
“Guys are overrated.” Saiko agreed.
Her friend laughed. “How would you know? You still haven’t had your first relationship yet!”
---
“Saiko-chan! Guess what!”
“Did you get an A on your math test?!”
“What? No, I bombed it! But my news is much more exciting!”
Saiko gasped. “Is our favorite game of all time getting a sequel?!”
“Even better!”
Saiko gaped in awe at her friend, awaiting the news. What could be better than that...?
“I got a boyfriend!”
Saiko’s smile dropped. She raised an eyebrow, confused. “But... I thought you said you swore off dating guys...?”
“Yeah, well...” Her friend laughed nervously. “That was, what, a year ago? I changed my mind. I’m surprised you remember me saying that, honestly.”
“But... I thought we were both going to wait until college to date?” Saiko asked. She felt a little hurt. Everyone around her seemed to be absolutely obsessed with dating, and it was nice to have the solidarity of being single with her friend. But now... Saiko was the only one left who wasn’t in a relationship.
“College? That’s so far away!” Her friend laughed. “Anyway, you’ve gotta meet my boyfriend! He’s so hot! And he’s really sweet! You’ll love him! Oh, and his friends are pretty good-looking too, if you want me to hook you up!”
Saiko reflexively made a face. “No thanks!” She really did not want to date.
Her friend laughed again. “Alright, suit yourself!”
Saiko met her friend’s boyfriend the next day, and she didn’t really get what the big deal was. He wasn’t that hot. He wasn’t unattractive, but he wasn’t anything special. He was just a guy. He was just a person. She really wanted to know what about him she was missing, but she knew that if she asked, her question would be taken the wrong way for sure.
---
Her friend kissed her boyfriend, and Saiko had to hold back a cringe as she quickly turned away. She felt disgusted, but she did her best to not show it. Guilt stabbed at her chest.
It’s just a kiss. They’re in love. Why is it so gross to me?
Saiko heard the boyfriend stand up and walk away, so Saiko turned her head back. She hoped her reaction to their kiss wasn’t too obvious.
“You two are so cute together!” Their other friend cried out.
“Yeah!” Saiko chipped in.
She supported her friend, she truly did. Saiko was happy for her, but she was still uncomfortable by seeing the affection in their relationship and she didn’t know why.
---
“Maybe I’m not really a late bloomer...” Saiko realized. “I am 16 now. I’m pretty sure I should have felt something by now...”
But if she wasn’t a late bloomer, then what was she? If she didn’t feel attracted to people, was there something wrong with her?
She fussed over it for a week. Just as she was beginning to feel broken and inhuman, a notification popped up on her phone. It was a new post from someone she was following.
I’ve been agonizing over this for a while now, but I think I’m finally ready to come out. So! I am asexual! 💜💜💜
Saiko blinked.
Asexual...?
She had only ever heard the word in a science class, but Saiko was pretty sure this person wasn’t saying they reproduced asexually.
Saiko refreshed her feed and just as she had hoped, there was another post.
If you haven’t heard of it before, asexual is a sexual orientation that means you don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone. I’m also aromantic, which means I don’t feel romantic attraction to anyone.
Saiko stared in shock at her phone.
“That’s... That’s me...”