Something that isn't nearly talked about enough even within in the aroace community is that you don't only have to be replused by romance or sex to belong anywhere on the spectrum, you can also simply be apathetic to romance or sex, too. And I think solely using the term "replused," in the community may actually make it harder for people who realize they're on the aro/ace spectrum since not all aro/ace people are somewhat or fully romantic and/or sex replused. Sometimes they're also somewhat and/or fully romance and sex apathic. Which is NOT the same as being allo.
Being on the aro/ace spectrum not as simple has different levels of repulsion to romance and sex. It's not that either your fully replused or your not fully repulsed but not allo, either. It's more so a combination of three things, apathy, repulsion, and enthusiasm (basically allo traits) and how strong each of those are both individually and together.
Being alloromantic and allosexual, is actually the one thing that's all or nothing, And it's very important to separate romanticism and sexuality here in this topic. Because you can be alloromantic and somewhere on the asexual spectrum, and you can be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum and be allosexual. Both are possible.
You can also have a combination of repulsion and apathy, you can have allo views on certain things and still be on the aro/ace spectrum. Anything about your romantic and sexual experiences that don't fall under what is considered typical for allo people is enough to be on the aroace spectrum in some way.
it's important to also not confuse apathic with shame or shyness, a lot of allo people experience shame and shyness, especially allo woman, but it's not the same as apathy.
So when you think about the aro/ace spectrum beyond replusion and how much is someone replused, your eyes get opened a lot.
It's not as simple as "aro/ace people can still have sex/romantic relationships,"
it's more like "some asexual people will still have sex for a lot of different reasons, but not all of them desire to, some ace people do still desire sex, but it needs certain contexts, and those contexts can vary, and some do not desire sex at all for any reason, and this may or may not correlated to an asexual person's views about themselves or others in romantic relationships."
And more like "Some aromantic people will still have romantic relationships for a lot of different reasons, but not all of them desire to, some aro people still do desire romantic connections and relationships, but it needs certain contexta or certain criteria for them to desire it, and those contexts vary, and some do not desire any romantic connection or relationship sy all for any reason, and this may or may not be correlated to an aromantic's views about themselves or others in sexual/inimiate relationships."
And this is exactly why any conversation about anything regarding aro/ace people, especially within fictional settings, is always ALWAYS going to a absolute fucking mess. The aro/ace identity is not only the most forgotten sexuality, but it's also the most complicated and diverse by far.
This is also why whenever an aro/ace character gets shipped, it becomes an absolute nightmare for for aro/ace people fighting within themselves and with allos over if it's okay to do this or do that or to ship the character at all.
This is also how accusations of "You can't actually be aro/ace if x, y, or z," are so common both within the aroace community and outside it, the Education of being aro/ace is so limited that even within our own community people are very uneducated about how vast and complex being aroace really is.
This is how some aroace people are sex workers, since they aren't replused by sex, they are simply apathic to it. They are not any less aro/ace for being sex workers, often they tend to lean more so towards a general apathy towards sex.
This is also why some aroace people will have sex with their partner to make them happy and it still is able to be consensual. Acting like this is ALWAYS rape and these aro/ace people should stick up for themselves in this situation while in good faith, and does help aroace people, using the words always is flawed because this situation is not ALWAYS rape, an apathic ace can still fully consent.
Some aroace people will use sex and romance from anywhere from a bit, to a tool, to a service to whatever else. If you've heard some people say "My sexuality is whatever is best/funny/useful in the moment," it's possible they are simply knowingly or unknownly an apathic aroace.
And sometimes you can be a combination of all three. You can be replused by certain things, you can be apathic to other things, can you can be interested even have some allo views on certain things.
This is the camp I fall into. I consider myself demiaroacs. I'm mostly apathic to sex and romance as a concept when I see it around me, but sometimes I can be replused, and sometimes I can even be enthusiastic. I can be very happy for other people, but most of the time I'm apathic. I also find it weird how the allosexual world embraces sex yet treats it as something to be ashamed off and I find it bizarre how prudish the allo world is at the same time.
I'm mostly apathic to whatever people make like to draw or get off to as long as they put a "dead dove do not eat," warning first, and as long as they are not harming themselves or others. That's not to say I am never repulsed by what some things people do, but it's very context based. There's also some things I'm into, but it is definitely much smaller than the things I am replused by. Most suggestive or even nsfw art I see I have the reaction of "Oh, that's neat." And don't really feel much beyond that, that's reaction of the vast majority of that stuff I reblog. The 2nd most common reaction is repulsion, the 3rd would actually be stuff I like which is a very small amount. The vast majority of the time I won't reshare or reblog those things because I prefer to keep that side of myself private, but there are a select few times we're ill reblog it anyway lmao.
I'm much less apathic towards romantic stuff, especially in fictional settings. I mean come on I'm a huge shipper of everything, lol. I'm not exactly replused by romance much at all when I see it around me, including with others irl, way more likely be enthusiastic about it and sometimes apathetic.
The romance replusion pretty much entirely comes down to myself, and most of the sexual repulsion also comes down to me, too. I am incredibly selective of who I end up having romantic and intimate feelings for and it is NOT a choice I make. It's how my brain works.
Certain conditions must be me for the chance of romantic or intimate feelings to arise, and I do not feel comfortable talking about my own intimate emotions to anyone outside my partner, but in a sense, I have only developed 3 geninue crushes in my life and I'm 22. All three ended up in serious relationships, two of which failed. I am currently in a 3rd 3 years strong.
AND ABOVE ALL. NONE OF THIS EVER HAS ANYTHING TO DO IF YOU'VE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED. ME BEING AN SA SURVIVOR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS.
Idk why I'm making this, this wasn't supposed to get this long, but uh, maybe this will be informative to both the aroace community and allo people looking in or something.