I've talked about this before, but I'm seeing this take more and more among antis and even other aro/ace people. I just keep seeing the take that "Alastor being aro/ace rep is bad or was ruined because he was sexually assaulted or is just a target of Vox's stalking."
I have finally fucking snapped. I'm gonna put as much detail as I possibly can, and as calmly as I can.
There are plenty of vaild arugements for why people don't feel seen by Alastor, I'm not here to discredit any of those, but this is NOT one of them. It is incredibly harmful. This take the single most harmful arugements I've seen when it comes to aro/ace representation in any media.
Firstly there is a difference between the overall discussion of how Habzin Hotel handles sexual assault overall. A vaild arugement would be explaining why you don't like how the show depicts how Alastor has been sexually assaulted by Vox. This post isn't about that.
This post is about the specific argument of saying that Alastor getting sexually assaulted at all is what ruins his aro/ace representation or one of the reasons it's bad.. Which I consider to be an incredibly harmful arugement.
And if you still don't understand what exactly I'm getting at, let me put it this way.
This arugement is like as if you said "Angel Dust's gay representation was ruined/is bad because he was sexually assaulted." Instead of "I don't like how the show depicts Angel Dust's sexual assault," and then giving reasons why.
You are boiling down the character's vaildity as a survivor down to just their sexuality.
Moving on, you guys do realize that aro/ace people face significantly higher levels of sexual assault then the straight population and even most over queer sexualities right? I'm on the aro/ace spectrum and an a viticim of sexual assault.
This exactly the attitude that shoves real aro/ace survivors into silence; I hope you guys know that. I am brave enough to be opem and vocal about this, but a lot of fellow aro/ace people are not.
You are essentially telling us "Aro/ace people can't be assaulted or they have failed as aro/ace people and should be ashamed."
Overcorrecting and saying "Aro/ace people who have been assaulted aren't vaild aro/ace people," is why the survivors in our community don't speak up. But both give off the same effect "You're can't be aro/ace because you're just traumatized from being assaulted."
You are just inherently inversing the stereotype. Saying that "You can't be aro/ace because you're just traumatized from sexual assault," is hardly any different compared to, "You only consider yourself aro/ace because you've been sexually assaulted."
You are still directly enforcing the acephobic precedent that aro/ace people aren't real because of some sort of trauma from sexual assault.
I have to go out in the world knowing I have to prove that I'm aro/ace because I've been sexually assaulted. It doesn't help my abuser was a woman. Puts me into double the uphill fight to prove that I was assaulted and I get double the doubt and dismissal.
And by the way, yes, forcing someone against the will to watch you have sex is sexual assault. Sexual assault isn't just full blown rape. I cannot beileve that has to ne stated nowadays and I have to pull up a page that defines what sexual assault is.
Not only is it a form of sexual assault, it is a CHARGEABLE OFFENSIVE. And SA advocacy groups ALSO consider it assault. You CANNOT aruge that it isn't SA for Vox to force Alastor to watch him. Anyone who says that need the absolute hell called out of them.
And If you deny that I'm gonna be real here, that is such a red flag as a survivor, and I view you as a danger to be around, and someone I need to stay the fuck away from.
Also, no, being a fellow aro/ace person saying this doesn't give you an excuse either; it's honestly even worse. Imagine being told by your own community that being assaulted isn't vaild because you're "one of us." It is absolutely an awful feeling. It is a privilege to aro/ace and not have been sexually assaulted. And if you have and still say this stuff, just be aware of how much damage you are doing to fellow survivors when you say things like this.
Hardly anyone uses that spefifc arugement for why they don't like Angel's gay rep or why they don't like how the show handles him being a sexual assault survivor. And whenever they do, even antis completely shit over that person.
Yet when it's used for Alastor, somehow it's a pretty common opinion amongst the critical community (I don't think it's the majority opinion, though) and is far more acceptable.
Sexual assault is sexual assault, people. Making it a competition of how vaild someone's sexual assault was/is based on both the abuser and the viticim's sexual orientation, gender, sex, is ALWAYS sexist, transphobic, queerphobic.
It is already very hard for a cis woman who is a survivor of a cis man to be seen, heard, and vaildated. Anyone who does not fit in that mold faces an extremely long set of extra barriers in their way.
Aro/ace people who are survivors see what you say about how Alastor being sexually harassed and assaulted ruins his representation, and many end up just shutting down and never opening up about it.
It's fine if you don't feel seen. I'm not saying you must feel seen by Alastor to be vaild as an aro/ace person. What I'm saying is your words have serious impacts on real aro/ace people, including fellow aro/ace people who have been sexually assaulted when you say Alastor's rep is horrible directly because he got sexually assaulted, or use it as one of the reasons. You are still defining the aro/ace experience by how sex effects us. Please find other reasons to criticize Alastor's representation if you don't like it or don't feel seen by him.
This criticism basically does nothing but harm the aro/ace community, whether you like to hear that or not.
You have absolutely no idea how much as an aro/ace SA survivor that we have cannocial aro/ace character who's a viticim of sexual assault means to me. I never thought I'd ever see anyone have the guts to protray that incredibly harsh reality on screen, solely because of the fact you KNOW people are immediately going to begin saying shit like this.
And I have to sit here and deal with antis, the people who claim to the ones who care about these issues and people like me, say I'm a rape apologist, that I'm lying about being an aro/ace person and/or a sexual assault survivor, say I can't be a aro/ace person because I'm a sexual assault survivor, saying that I must be mislabeling myself, using the incorrect labels, I must be misunderstanding myself and I should be using other labels instead. Implying that because I'm a sexual assault survivor and feel seen by a aro/ace character who also an aro/ace survivor must mean that I'm simply must confused about my asexuality because "No self respecting aroace person would feel seen by Alastor being sexually assaulted,". Even people who say that I must be lying about antis saying any of that to me.
I'm gonna be real here and admit that that sort of shit has geninuely made me seriously relapse something I hadn't delt with in over a year. This shit, along with other pressures from real life, and other harrassment outside of just the stuff I've received outside just for feeling seen by Alastor, has made me seriously have suicidal thoughts.
A fictional show in itself does not harm reality. Alastor and Vox aren't real and Vox abusing Alastor also cannot harm you or me.
Saying shit like THIS all because you hate a tv show and anyone who likes it causes serious real world harm, especially to real people who are just happy they saw themselves on screen for once.
There's a special kind of pain when your own community devalues you compared to ignorant bigots who proudly wear there bigotry on their sleeves. I don't think people who've never experienced that stuff understand just how much that fucks you up. It's exactly that experience when I was going through my gender identity crisis between the ages of 16-18 I barely made it out on the other side alive. I mean it when I say I don't know how the hell I didn't actually got through to the other side with any of the countless attempts I made during that period of my life. That didn't come from external bigotry faced from the outside world, it came from a fellow trans person, who I opened up to first and someone I thought I could trust who immediately shut me down and said it was a slap in his face. I knew my family would accept me if I came out. I was already out as a sapphic since I was 13. My mother, who I don't have a good relationship with for entirely separate reasons, actually had a guy feeling I might've been queer when I was 12. That should really tell you how much of an effect being rejected and shut down by your own community can do to someone.
This behavior is not much different. Sure it's a bunch of idiot strangers compared to a close friend you thought you could trust, but that doesn't mean it can't do any serious damage.
I'm lucky I have much tougher skin now, but that doesn't mean I can't be knocked down having to deal with this shit. And being told "oh it's not that deep, people saying this doesn't mean they actually dismiss your experience, they just don't like the show. Get over yourself," only serves to prove my point here. Just because the intention is not to harm people doesn't mean the harm people feel just doesn't exist at all.
At the bare minimum I seriously hopes this causes some people to wake the fuck up about this and understand just how harmful this shit is to real people. I get most people mean well and have their own shit they're going through and haven't gotten over and just want to take their anger out on something, but you cannot claim to care about these issues and go around saying anything like this, especially after if you actually read this far and go on to deny it.
If you wanna go make progress with social justice, this shit not only ain't it, it is the LAST fucking way to help. Welcome to the harsh reality of how much you can do harm without meaning to, and please self reflect DON'T do this shit anymore after reading this.
