I Know the Stars Will Start to Fade
AO3 @tsshipmonth2020
Masterpost- Previous- Next
Summary- Roman was born with three soul marks but now has only one. He doesn't want to ruin his last great chance for happiness but finds his final soulmate, Logan, isn't what he expected. And neither is he what he expected of himself.
Day 10 LAMP (Platonic Logince focused, Romantic Moxiety)- Soulmates are born with matching soul marks
Roman was starting to feel desperate. He had been born with three different soul marks but now was left with one. He really couldn't blame Patton or Virgil for getting upset with him. Somehow this was his fault.
The soul marks had been beautiful. Three shields with different intricate patterns inside. One had a castle overshadowed by a storm cloud. That one had matched Virgil’s. One had a heart floating in a broiling sea. That one had matched with Patton's. The last showed a brain at the foot of the mountains with a field of stars above. He hoped whoever this brain matched to would be the one who lasted and stuck around.
He'd met Virgil on an online forum for people with multiple soul marks. They hadn't talked much but Virgil went by st0rmcl0ud online and had described a soul mark that sounded remarkably similar to Roman’s. So he reached out in DMs and they swapped photos of their marks and then phone numbers and at Roman's insistence planned to meet up. He was already head over heels for his soulmate and giddy with excitement to meet Virgil in real life. Virgil and Patton had found each other through a dating app. Virgil recognized the heart shield as matching one of Patton's marks and had introduced the two of them as well.
For the first month, it was wonderful. Roman had never been so enamored, so certain of a future together with these two. It felt wonderful and nerve-wracking and exciting and passionate and everything the fairy tales had promised love would be.
They went on dates and got to know each other better. Roman went from infatuated to admiring his soulmates. He still put forth the full effort to love them but his heart wasn't behind it the way it should have been.
The stormy castle started to fade. He loved- no- cared for his two soulmates deeply. But the mark started to fade. Roman’s grand romantic vision of the future started to settle into something more friendly and domestic. He hid his soul marks, not wanting to upset either of them.
The stormy castle faded completely and the heart in the ocean was beginning to dull in color as well. Roman loved going on dates because it made his friends happy, but he felt no happier than if they had a quiet movie night at home together or spent the night video calling each other.
Roman had been frustrated, because Virgil and Patton were still head over heels for each other, in their own ways of course. Why didn't he feel that romantic spark that had pulled them all together?
One day, the heart in the ocean faded completely. Roman was terrified to tell his soulmates that the marks were gone. He was even more frightened by the realization that he didn't really love them the way they loved him and each other. He absolutely cared for Patton and Virgil with his whole heart, but the romantic vision was gone. He wanted them in his life but the idea of dating twisted his gut in the most unpleasant way.
Virgil noticed first. Roman didn't think it was possible to see the man any paler than his normal complexion.
"You lied to us…"
"No, they disappeared. They were there. They were real!"
"How do you expect me to believe that, Roman," Virgil's eyes were clouded with fear and pain. Roman couldn’t meet his gaze any longer and looked away.
"Why would you-"
"I don't know! I- you're my soulmate, Virgil… I don't know why our mark disappeared."
Virgil shook his head and pulled out his phone, dialing from memory.
If Virgil's anger had been difficult, Patton's disappointment was worse. His sad eyes bore into Roman’s soul and he couldn't even soften the blow by blaming Roman.
"Roman, do you not want us?" Roman's heart crumbled at the question.
"Patton, of course, I-"
"He was never our soulmate, Pat! I don't know how but he lied to us," Virgil hissed, pulling Patton back away from Roman.
"Guys, please listen to me," Roman was on the verge of tears.
"Yeah, Virge. I'm sure there's an explanation here that we aren't seeing. Roman, you still love us, right?"
Roman couldn’t help it. He balked and that sealed his fate. The moment Patton's heart broke was embedded in his memory, unlike the disappearing soul marks.
That was a week ago. And here he was, riding the bus to rehearsal as though his emotions weren't in shambles, one chance left to find happiness.
"Excuse me, sir? May I see your soul mark?" Roman turned to the unfamiliar voice and saw the hottest man he'd ever met giving him a difficult to decipher look.
Roman already had names picked out for the dogs they would adopt together.
"Ah, sure," Roman held out his arm and the stranger leaned down to inspect it. After a moment he pulled the sleeve of his jacket up and held up an arm with three familiar marks up to Roman's, "it's you! The brain…"
The stranger cleared his throat and pushed his sleeve back down, "yes. It appears we are soulmates. My name is Logan Crawford. What is yours?"
"Roman Prince," Roman replied breathlessly. He felt like he was on cloud nine and had his final chance.
"Well, Roman, I suppose you'll want to be in contact. Although, I must warn you that I am a disappointing soulmate and refuse date," Logan had pulled out his phone and was handing it to Roman.
"What do you mean 'disappointing'?" Roman frowned more in confusion than any negative feeling for Logan.
"I suppose you'll find out anyway. I am romance-repulsed. Even as one of my soulmates I won't date you or the others. Most everyone tells me that I will be a disappointment for you three but frankly, I know my boundaries and refuse to change them."
Roman stared at his final soulmate. He hadn't expected this. He took the offered phone and plugged in his number, taking a quick selfie for the contact photo.
"Well then, Logan, let's agree to just talk. Have you met Patton or Virgil?" Roman was met with an indifferent look that lacked any recognition.
"No, I have not. Have you?"
"Yes and I don't think you'd like them…" Roman said bitterly.
"Do you think I dislike you, Roman?" Logan said with the most emotion Roman had heard from him yet.
"No, I didn't mean that," Roman stammered, "I- I just meant that they're… very romantic. And I thought I had 'hopeless romantic' cornered!" Roman laughed to hide his discomfort.
"Wait, but you only had one soul mark. How did you meet them?" Logan asked with curiosity.
"My stop is coming up, perhaps we save the tragic backstory for another time?" Roman grinned as the bus rolled to a stop a block from the theater, "call me!" He rushed off the bus before Logan could respond, bewildered by the chance meeting with the handsome stranger.
Over the next few weeks, Roman and Logan texted and met up for coffee a few times. Roman was terrified of pushing things too fast and watched the soul mark on his arm constantly for any sign that it was fading. Logan never asked about the other two soulmates so Roman decided to not talk about them. He was still hurt but they had to be happier without him.
"So, Roman, you never told me the tragic story of how you met Patton and Virgil," Roman nearly spit out his tea.
"Do you really want to know, dear?" Logan bristled at the nickname but nodded.
"Well," Roman recounted the events of how they met and started seeing each other almost casually. He slowed down as he got to the part where the soul marks started fading. Logan encouraged him to continue but he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud.
"Roman, did they hurt you?"
Roman shook his head no, not meeting Logan’s eyes.
"Can you tell me what happened?" Logan asked gently, resting his hand on Roman’s across the cafe table. Roman felt a metaphorical shock at the physical contact. He wanted a romantic connection with Logan so badly sometimes that the other’s staunch refusal to date felt like an arrow to the heart.
"My soul marks disappeared," Roman whispered, "and I couldn't promise them I was still in love, so they left."
"Disappeared? How unusual. Did they match before disappearing?" Roman looked up, surprised by the reaction. Logan just opened a new tab on his laptop and started searching a few keywords, "what? You know I don't care for sentiment. But soul marks that aren't permanent is a fascinating concept. And you say you fell out of love when the marks disappeared? Was it sudden overnight?"
"N-no… actually the marks- and the feelings- faded over time. About a week, really," Roman sighed, "actually, Logan I need to confess-" Roman pulled up the sleeve of his jacket to reveal his last soul mark, "-yours started fading a few days ago. The colors aren't as saturated as before."
Logan looked down at the mark, "and how do you feel about me? Regardless of my stance on the matter."
Roman sucked in a long breath, "I…. Honestly, I've been in love with you from that day on the bus. But I respect your boundaries and I wasn’t going to push it and as we have been talking and getting to know each other, I really value you as a friend as well. I'm still a little hopelessly over the moon about you but it's not like when we first met."
"Fascinating, it seems the intensity of your soul mark is directly proportionate to your capacity for romantic attraction. One moment," Logan turned back to the laptop and after a moment turned the screen to face Roman, "does this sound like you?"
The word and definition almost popped off the screen at Roman. Frayromantic - an aromantic spectrum identity where one feels an intense romantic attraction to strangers that fades as they get to know the person
"Yes…" Roman took a sip of tea to try and calm his swirling thoughts.
Logan turned the laptop back around and did another search. He read for a moment before reading aloud from the screen, "other frayromantics have experienced fading soul marks. Some say that the marks came back after they realized and recognized their identity or came to terms with their soulmate about it. Others never had the marks come back naturally but rather decided to get them recreated. Or they decided they didn't want the marks and carried on markless, with or without their soulmate."
"So I'm not broken, it's happened before? The marks could come back? It's not wrong to not love my soulmates romantically?" The questions spilled from Roman’s mouth before he could stop them.
"I'd actually prefer if you would hurry up and get over your crush on me, thanks," Logan said with a smirk.
Roman held back a snort of laughter. He was feeling immeasurably better.
Roman was glad he had kept Patton's phone number. After discussing it with Logan, he decided to reach back out, hoping Patton would be understanding and could encourage Virgil to be as well.
The phone rang and rang. Roman started to sweat. Logan was preoccupied with personal research but he offered a comforting hand on Roman’s shoulder. Roman was glad for his friend's support, the soul mark a faint but distinct outline anymore. It had never fully disappeared even as Roman’s crush had evaporated.
Roman was ready to give up when the line connected, "Roman?"
"Patton! Oh, thank the stars you picked up. Do you have time to talk? If not now, maybe we can meet up?" Roman grinned happily.
"Why? I thought we weren't… " Patton trailed off.
"Pat, two things. One, I figured out why the soul marks faded. Two, I found Logan. We can all know each other and work things out because despite what Virgil said, we are soulmates," Roman waited with bated breath for the response.
"Hold on a second- Virgil!" Patton pulled the phone away from his mouth as he called out. Logan squeezed Roman’s shoulder to comfort him.
"Yeah, Pops? What's up?" From what Roman could hear it sounded like Virgil had just woken up, at 3 in the afternoon. What followed was a muffled conversation from which Roman could only pick out a few words.
"Okay, Roman. Can you and Logan meet us for dinner tonight?" Patton asked brightly.
"Logan, how does dinner tonight sound?" Roman grinned as Logan nodded, "sounds great, Pat. Where do you want to meet?"
"You two should come on over here about 7, alright? Awesome, see you soon!" Patton ended the call, mind already bustling with plans to get ready for dinner.
"Roman, please don't try to speak for me tonight," Logan smiled nervously as Roman parked the car.
"Of course not. I know you can handle yourself," Roman replied.
"Yes, I just worry that you're going to try too hard to be what Patton and Virgil want, not who you are. I like you and respect you for who you are and they will too if they're smart. But in the all too likely case that you can't help trying to be a people pleaser, at least let me establish my own boundaries."
Roman gasped, "do you have so little faith in me?"
"Yes," Logan grinned and stepped out of the car. Roman started chuckling and both were smiling as the front door of the apartment duplex opened.
"Roman. And I guess that makes you Logan. Come on in, I guess," Virgil was as dour as ever as he showed them to the living room, "Patton says dinner should be ready in a few minutes so make yourselves at home."
"Virgil, it's so good to see you! I've missed your pale, crabby face," Roman grinned although Virgil did not seem amused.
Logan held out his hand, "it's nice to meet you, Virgil."
Virgil stared at the offered hand and poked it with his finger, "Nice to meet you too, Logan."
"Are they here? V, why didn't you tell me?" Patton came bustling from the kitchen and immediately wrapped Roman in a tight hug, "oh it's been too long! How ya doing, Prince?"
Roman grinned and hugged Patton back, "better now, that's for sure."
"Ah, and you must be Logan, come on in buddy!" Patton turned to offer Logan a hug.
"No, thank you. I'd rather not," Logan tried to wave Patton off.
"You sure?" Logan nodded, "Okay, dinner is almost done and we've got so much to talk about!"
Roman helped Virgil set the table while Logan followed Patton into the kitchen to help with the final preparations.
The conversation was light as they ate until Virgil asked the question no one else was bringing up.
"So Princey, why did the soul marks disappear?"
Roman took a deep breath. He could feel Logan’s hand on his knee under the table and was grateful for his soulmate’s support once again. "Virgil, Patton, I have discovered that I am frayromantic. I know that word doesn't make sense, but hear me out," he proceeded to explain, talking about how he had truly loved them when they met, and still wanted to care about them now. He even showed them the faded soul mark that matched Logan’s, explaining that it never faded completely because they had come to an understanding with each other about their relationship. He didn't bring up that the soul marks could come back, not wanting to give them undue hope or misguided ideas about his emotions. By the time he was done explaining, Patton was smiling with tears in his eyes and Virgil was nodding.
"Mark or not, I still want you in my life," Patton sniffed and reached across the table to take Roman’s hand, "we can work out the particulars later."
"Ah, Roman, I'm sorry. I was wrong to accuse you and I can't imagine how much that must have hurt you," Virgil spoke just above a whisper.
Roman nodded, "thank you, Virgil. I'll consider forgiving you."
"That's fair-"
"Consider it done!"
"Oh- kay thank you," Virgil chuckled.
"So Logan, why is tonight the first time we're meeting you?" Patton smiled at the stoic man.
"Simply put, I wasn’t seeking out my soulmates. I happened upon Roman by chance. I want to make it clear that I am not interested in dating any of you," Logan spoke with confidence. Roman was proud of him, returning the comforting hand on his knee gesture.
"Wait you two aren't dating?" Patton asked, confused.
"No. We are not dating. I am aromantic and romance-repulsed. I want nothing to do with mushy, complicated romantic emotions. However, and I hope Roman doesn't mind me saying this, I do consider him my best friend," Logan coughed, "and I actually wanted to talk with you later about a platonic partnership," Roman was surprised to hear this but more surprised by the blush on Logan's cheeks.
"Yeah, we can talk about that later, Lo. I definitely think you're my best friend as well."
"Wow, so… being soulmates isn't going to be easy for any of us," Virgil murmured.
"But we'll all work it out together!" Patton finished the sentiment, clasping his boyfriend's hand in his and smiling at the two soulmates across the table.
The soul marks that had faded completely never came back on their own. After a few years together, Roman decided to get them tattooed back on, asking the artist to match the intensity to Logan’s mark. The three faint marks helped reassure Roman that he was who he was and that he didn't need to change that to love his soulmates just as much as he could.