Ruins | Bury Me
Pairing: Yoongi x Reader Summary: “I’m so good at telling lies / that came from my mother’s side.” - Conan Gray (Family Line) Genre: Mafia!AU, Arranged Marriage, Angst, Fluff Warnings: Violence, Swearing Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 4.1k A/N: y’all i’m so sorry this took so long. I’m working on college apps and man o man this might be my last update in a while just because of that Other: Masterlist ; Series Masterlist
Previous | Next
“You were wee high,” your father had motioned to about his waist. “When I found you playing by the river.”
He moved from his place by the door and sat down in his luxurious leather chair. The man across from you felt foreign, and you somehow felt smaller than a mouse.
“You proclaimed that there were mermaids in the river and you wanted to swim.” Your father hummed unhappily. “I had to drag you away.”
Your back was rigid and stiff, the feeling of the wood was not enough to support an overwhelming tide of emotion. You had glanced down to the papers on his desk. It was a quick movement, because for some reason you felt as if he’d pounce the second you got distracted. You hadn’t been sure what game he was playing when you first sat down. The stack of papers was unusually tall.
“Why must you regale me with meaningless stories?” You snapped.
“Humor your dear old dad for one more moment before you leave.” There was something heavier in his tone. Maybe he really was sad to see you leave to start your life?
You calmly looked him in the eye. “You are making no sense, father.”
“I wanted to sit you down so I can apologize.”
“For what?” What ever could a hardened criminal like your father have to apologize for? You had never even heard him say the word ‘sorry’ to your mother, much less to you. Maybe it was a few mumbles here and there, but he had never made a grandiose apology. Something in the way he was towering above you right now, in the way he was imposing himself, made you think that maybe this was more than a simple apology. An apology for an unstoppable train.
“I would like to apologize for ripping you away from the river once more.”
“What?” Your words were barely above a whisper as the gears in your brain tried to turn, but they were blocked at every exit with the hidden understanding of what was truly happening.
Papers were shoved in front of you.
You couldn’t describe your feelings towards Yoongi as fear, per say. The feeling was a queasy, uneasy, sinking feeling. The part with fear could only come from the knowledge that you’d be killed if they found out about what your father did.
You recalled an old news story. The mysterious “snakes”, as the Min family was called by unknowing newspapers, had killed a family of four; all because the father stole from them. There was no doubt in your mind that Yoongi would serve the same punishment to your father. A life for a life. Three lives for a life. You shivered. When you looked at him, from across a dining room table, you could see the darkness in his eyes that he tried to hide. Or maybe it was just your imagination, just like how those promises years ago felt like a fever dream.
Promise me. I never want to be a part of your life, your business, or your plans. Don’t even look at me once I leave.
That’s what you had told your father all those years ago. Now you were here, in this place, in this living room with fine furs and drapes.
“I think it’s time we talk about-” He gestured between himself and you. You refused to meet his eyes, instead focusing on the fine oil painting behind him. It was of two people embracing, the woman’s hand on his arm.
“There is nothing to talk about,” You said, “My father betrayed me and that’s that.” Yoongi’s eyes trailed yours, finding the point where you looked into the distance. The painting was swirled with green and yellow hues. The man stared with such conviction and pure intent down at his lover.
“A Huguenot on St. Bartholomew’s Day,” He stated, his voice calm and tentative. Your eyes finally met his. “Millais.”
“I didn’t take you for an art lover.” You hummed questioningly.
“I have always loved that painting.” He replied and you found your eyebrows lifting.
“Quite mysterious.”
“I apologize.”
You scoffed at his formalities. “Quit apologizing.”
His smile lifted, so carefully and with such hesitancy that you began to wonder just what was behind those eyes. Yoongi was a mystery to you, really. It was like he wanted you, but was scared to make any moves, especially since your proposition. Time was running out on his clock and it felt like he’d barely made any effort. Did you want it to work out though? A part of you screamed to leave, get out, try and make a break for it as soon as possible. After all, you could always just avoid him for this month.
“I’ll go first.” He cleared his throat. “My father never asked me how I was doing.” Yoongi stated as he put his knife and fork down. “He never told me that he loved me, but he did do things for me.” A swift motion and his napkin was neatly folded on his plate.
“He gave me a pat on the shoulder and an appreciative head nod when I did something good. He only seemed to speak criticism, yet he showed love in his actions.”
You couldn’t help but see the same man of your father in Yoongi’s father. Although, your father never showed love in any sort of manner. He was…a bit of a tough love kind of father.
“Did we have the same father?” You found yourself saying, trying not to laugh at the similarities, despite Yoongi’s more serious expression. This did elicit a surprised response on his face, which you took great pride in claiming. Hah! Got you. Yet, the mental celebration in itself was a cause for concern. It meant you were getting attached to his little anecdotes and goofy reactions. It meant that you were in serious trouble.
“I guess we did.” He smiled and his lips pulled into the most adorable gummy smile. He was a charmer, for sure, but you still had trouble feeling comfortable in front of him. The way he softened his stone walls for you was unfathomable. In your past, every effort you had made to connect had been met with resilience. With a dry mouth, you realized that this was how you were treating Yoongi.
A child raised by a monster will always, inevitably, become one, right? That’s what you believed. Were you a monster? Maybe emotionally stunted, but you weren’t a monster were you? Your heart plummeted. Oh right, you basically helped cover up his father’s murder. Did blood run thicker than water? You hated to think that you aided your father in any way. What choice did you have? You didn’t want to die. His face, would that be the last thing you saw?
As the days trudged on, you were beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, you and your father were one in the same. It wasn’t that you were blood thirsty and cruel like your father, or that you were particularly lacking in emotion. If anyone had asked you what you admired most about your father, you would have said his ability to keep a secret.
More importantly, his ability to keep a lie. There were certain things you were sure he would take to his grave, secrets no one would ever know. Maybe you could take this secret to the grave, but honestly? Yoongi would probably figure out who did it, and you would follow suit on the chopping block. You had really dug yourself into a hole.
You should have just told him when you first realized. A voice in your head scolded. But we were scared. We didn’t know it could get any worse. Another voice whispered.
“Holy fuck. What am I doing with my life.” You whispered into the mirror. You leaned against the counter, staring yourself in the face. “Come on! Just say it, Just. Say. It.” You hissed at yourself, dragging your hands unhappily down your face.
You slapped the counter with annoyance; annoyance with yourself. You were so fucking stupid. You would have shown loyalty to your new family, your new husband, if you had just confessed. The little voice said in a low rumble.
You are going to get yourself killed. The stronger voice warned.
“Shut up! Shut up.” You murmured and shook your head. Deep breaths, deep breaths. Like the bloody sun, your body felt on fire. This place felt too cold. You wanted to burn it down.
“Miss, are you okay?” A maid knocked on the door. With all this freezing marble, the voice felt like a sharp knife piercing your skull. You were bleeding knowledge like an overflowing sink. Why did this secret bring you so much pain? If you didn’t care at all about Yoongi, it wouldn’t matter.
But you did. His smile and the way he so unknowingly made you laugh. Family? You didn’t need a family. Yet you felt like you needed him, his voice, his presence, just to help guide you through this unknown life. His hand on your shoulder, like that would make everything alright. You clung to him like he would make everything alright.
“No. He’s not the answer.” You exhaled. “I can’t do this anymore. What am I doing here?”
Another knock. “Miss?”
“Go away!” You barked. “I need to think.” You said to yourself with a deadly tone.
The maid’s shoes clicked down the hallway.
Suddenly it felt like you were ten, listening to your mother’s heels clicking down the hall as you pretended to sleep. She would stop outside your door every time. You had no idea why she pressed herself to close to the door, why she paused for so long.
“Fuck.” You released yourself from the knuckle white grip on the counter and walked back into the bedroom. The manor was so still at night. It felt wrong. You were so used to screaming and fighting, to bottles smashing and tears falling. It was making you shiver.
Even under the covers, you couldn’t rest. It all felt too cold, too foreign. Yoongi’s door was nearby. You could always just tell him. Get it all over with. What was it worth, staying like this?
Everything told you stop, but you still left the safety of your room. The closer you got to his door, the more and more sure your footsteps fell.
“I hate that I’m doing this.” You muttered as you stood outside his imposing doorway. Time to pay penance.
“Doing what?”
Your heart skipped a beat, and not in the good way, no you were pretty sure you had a minor heart attack. You turned around to see him standing. His eyes scanned your appearance, a little disheveled, and his head tilted in confusion.
“What are you doing here?” He inquired curiously.
“I–” You started and then stopped before figuring out what to say. Just spit it out. But no, you were a coward. A coward for your own life. “–do you have any more blankets?”
“Are you cold?” He hummed and scooted past you to the door. He didn’t even hesitate as he unlocked his door and gestured for you to follow.
Inside was more colorful than you expected. His room was a dark forest green with bronze accents. His bed posts were silver and draped in gold. The Min family crest rested above the bed. A snake, it’s fangs poised and ready to strike. The tension felt stiff as he rummaged through his drawers. You took the time to wander around his room, your hands brushing metal trophies and green tapestries. Decadence at its finest.
Yoongi finally pulled out a dark green blanket that would certainly clash with your lightly colored room. His entire room felt dark and brooding, a little too dark for your taste, but you supposed that’s why he gave you a brighter room.
He handed you the blanket and started to walk towards the door. You took that as your cue to leave, but you hesitated at the door. The man stared with a mixture of confusion and careful observation.
“Could the man have been a complete stranger with no affiliation or motive?” Yoongi whispered. “Or perhaps they were closer than they appeared. We’ll find them. Take what we need.” He smiled.
You stiffened, but tried to play it off as a shiver. He took the blanket from your hands and placed it carefully around your shoulders.
“We’ll be doing an internal investigation soon.” The man continued.
You could barely breathe. This was it. You were about to be killed. His eyes felt colorless and endlessly dark in this imposing light. Finally he let his lips pull into a tight smile.
“But I wouldn’t be concerned, wife. You’ll be interviewed for protocol’s sake but really, no stress.” He said soothingly, yet your heart was thumping wildly. “I just wanted to let you know, in case you hear anything.”
“Of course.” You dipped your head. Then you slowly turned around and walked back to your room. You could feel his eyes on your back, but you were focused on slow and measured steps as you tried not to give away your panic.
“Goodnight.” He called to your back.
“Goodnight!” You responded, trying to hide the shake. You heard the soft footfalls of his steps and his door shutting. You took off running.
You had begun to hear things at night. Footsteps thundering down the halls. Shouting and a bang every now and then. You were at home. Josh, no, Taehyung stood by the door at night now. He often shot you a little smile, but you didn’t often have the energy to return it.
“Your father and my father had a lot in common. It’s not wonder they put us two together.” You tried to make conversation, anything to keep the subject off of the upcoming investigation.
He seemed almost startled as he looked up from his desk. His head had been buried in papers, his pen scratching against the grain. You had decided to pop in and have a chat. You found yourself pausing by his door and wanting to say something. Anything. Anything to get your mind off your conscience.
“I think we have a lot in common too.” Yoongi responded, his eyes refocused on his work.
“What makes you say that?”
The pen stopped. He sat back slowly, the leather of the chair stretching as he leaned. His hand went to his lips as he considered the question.
“Hm, well, for one, you and I had terrible fathers.”
You snorted. “Not by choice.” That earned a smile which brought you an unspoken happiness.
“I dislike violence, I assume you do too.”
“That’s true.”
“But we have grown so accustomed to the violence in our homes as we grew that what we consider mellow, others might find atrocious.”
You fell quiet and let him speak.
“Do you ever feel so angry that you won’t ever get the chance to grow up normal? Your childhood has passed and so much of it was out of your control. Now you are where you are and that’s that. There is no chance to go back and change everything. That is just the unfortunate situation we were raised in.”
You felt your throat close up. No one had ever been so frank with you. And no one had ever been able to understand your life, but he could.
“Yes.” You responded. You entered his office and sat slowly in the chair across from him. His eyes followed you the whole time. “Sometimes, I get filled with rage. And it scares me.” You admitted quietly. His attention was fully on you and you could tell he was truly trying to understand you. You hadn’t felt that in a long time. “I get so angry I want to throw something. I want to react like my father. But,” Your hands folded into fists in your lap. “I just remind myself that I didn’t make myself a monster, he did.” You took another shaking breath and stared him in the eyes. “How could they do that…to a child?”
His eyes saddened, his mouth becoming an uncomfortable frown. He hesitantly reached across the table and you reach over, letting him hold your hand.
“I can’t answer that.” Yoongi said, his voice a soothing scratch. “But I can say that you’re not a monster. At least not in my eyes. I don’t think you will ever be.”
You stood and pulled your hands away. What were you thinking? Coming here, having this conversation with him.
“I hope so.” You didn’t know if he heard you, but he seemed satisfied with your conversation, a smile on his face as he returned to his work. How could you break his heart with your knowledge?
You were sweating now. The green blanket was long discarded on the ground by the time they came to get you. It was all too much. The shouting from those held in captivity, the people murmuring about gold roses. You felt like a rose about to be plucked and all your thorns had been torn off. You felt raw, exposed.
Yoongi walked at a pleasant pace behind you, keeping an eye on your hands. Your blood pressure was rising like the swell of a wave. The place they brought you was a basement, a part of the mansion you hadn’t seen before. It was hidden, a trapdoor under the office rug. The stairway was cramped, painfully dark, and every sound was amplified.
You’re going to die down here. Yet your soul felt hollowed out, like none of it mattered. It was like you were already a ghost. You didn’t want to die. Suddenly your inner voice was screaming. I don’t want to die! I don’t want to– You clutched the sides of your head and the party stopped.
“What’s wrong?” Yoongi quickly hurried to your aid and you accepted his warmth, just like you had in the past. It was instinctual. He opened his arms and you leaned in.
“I’m scared! I don’t want to do this!” You cried and it felt so wrong, yet so relieving to let yourself sob in his arms.
“It’ll be okay.” He hummed. “You just have to answer some questions. It’ll be short.”
“I can’t.” You suddenly pulled away. Your world was spinning, but the words were leaving your mouth before you could answer. “My father did this.” You choked. “My father killed your father. The rose is my family crest.” You moved towards the entrance, edging away as his arms fell limp to his side.
“You knew?”
“I’m so sorry, Yoongi. I just–I wanted to tell you but–I didn’t want to die!” You felt like a mess as you inched up the stairs. He remained standing at the bottom, his feet planted and his face crestfallen.
“You should have just told me. I-I wouldn’t have killed you! That was something my father would do, but not me. I…had a feeling you knew, but I wanted you to come clean. I wanted to…to show you that I wouldn’t hurt you so that you would just say it. I--” His voice cracked slightly and the guards nearby looked away out of respect. “I wanted closure too.”
Now you were the frozen one.
“I didn’t want it to come to this. I…I really tried to get to know you.”
“I didn’t ask you to try to know me.” You hissed.
“That isn’t fair! I wouldn’t have held it against you! I just wanted to-to–” You had never heard him raise his voice and it made the hair on the back of your neck stand tall.
“To what? Win my affection? I have no other choice but to love you, Yoongi!” You found yourself breaking apart. Because maybe you did have a choice, and your heart chose wrong.
“Love…me?” He found himself fumbling with the words and you’d never seen that before either.
You felt like a caged animal. Your instincts followed suit. And when a caged animal has the chance to escape, they take it.
Through the halls, your feet pounding against marble. Cool and slick with sweat. You passed pillars and busts of the Min family. You raced by the dining room, the marvelous windows of stained glass and the gold tinted metals.
“Wait!” His voice was thundering.
Out the door. You didn’t look back, couldn’t. You were focused on breathing and trying not to trip. You made it to the bottom of the street when you realized you didn’t know where you were going.
The wind whistled in your ears and your hair ruffled unhappily. Silence. Where were the men chasing you? You found yourself muttering under your breath, your lips forming words but sound barely escaping.
“To the river to the river.” you whispered. “Just keep moving.”
The river always soothed you. It was like a constant in your ever-changing life, which in itself was a bit of an oxymoron. The river always changed, but it changed with you, not against you. The dirt was always a nutrient soil teeming with clovers. The lights of the city in the distance reflected off the smooth stream of water. The toss and turn of the water lapped over new rocks every few seconds, the glistening surface of freedom.
“I knew I could find you here.” Mr. Seong said behind you, stepping from the shadows. You knew you had felt a pair of eyes on you. Your eyes refused to meet his and every bone in your body tensed as you sat against the rough rock bed. You didn’t care anymore. You were too tired, too pained in the twisting of your heart, to move.
You heard him sit next to you. His long legs stretching next to yours reminded you of another time. He used to pull you into his arms, between his legs, and wrap you in a hug as he rocked from side to side. Why did you still grasp onto what was kind and warm when he had been so cold since? Maybe because your inner child knew he was capable of loving you like he used to, he just chose not to. Maybe that broke your heart more than any betrayal.
“A father is supposed to be his daughter’s superhero. A man to look up to.” He mused. “I have not been the best father to you.”
Redemption. God, you wanted to allow him in again. To let him be the father he wasn’t able to be before. You wanted to tell him and then you wanted to let him go. He was dead to you. You tilted your head to look at the moon. It was so bright, not a cloud in the sky. The stars were out, but the pollution hid most in a sort of orange and gray hue.
“You are no father to me.” You found yourself biting out, because you had grown past that younger child, begging for love. No, you didn’t need it, and you didn’t need a father.
“Come on, honey, give your father a hug.” He opened his arms and you turned away, standing from the rocks with a decisive crunch.
“No. How did you even find me?” You hissed as you brushed off the dirt, still refusing a single glance in his direction.
He stood as well and you had forgotten what a big presence he was. He felt like he towered over you, like he took up all the space in this open air. Your safe space, invaded.
“I always know where to find you, honey.” He tsked like you had lost a big game, as if you were dumber than he thought.
“Get away from me.” You turned to face him fully. His features were made of pity. You wanted to kill him for that. It was when the other steps, the unnatural and distinctly human rustle, fell behind you. All the fight left your body.
“No.” Your eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t go against the Min family any more than you already have, would you?”
Mr. Seong stepped carefully over the rocks and reached for your face, which you quickly stepped away from. His fingertips just graced your jawline before he took a step back.
“Oh darling, you were always a Seong and you will remain one until you die.” He chuckled lowly. His eyes snapped to the men behind you. “Take her.”
A crack, a piece of cloth, and you felt the world tumbling away from beneath you. Your world was crumbling. You were already nothing but ruins anyway.
Previous | Next
taglist: @scuzmunkie @iliketowrite-2 @drunkzseok @zae007live @iwanttohitmyself @borahebangtan @sumzysworld