Eunoia // Ch. 24
eunoia (noun): beautiful thinking, the possession of a well-balanced mind, which exhibits goodwill and kindness
Pairings: Hybrid! BTS x reader
Summary: You are a world famous director and you have dedicated your life to your job.You have everything you could ever dream of; wealth, recognision, talent, your friends and family. But loneliness isn’t cured by success. So what happens when you somehow rescue seven hybrids? Can they fill the void?
Genre: Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, eventual smut
Word Count: 8.2k+
Warnings: past abuse, past sexual abuse, cursing, past violence, mentions of blood, panic attacks
Masterlist
Chapter 1, Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23
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There was a deep lull after dinner, surrounded by fairylights on a late summer night with your bellies full of delicious food. You and Seokjin had cooked Michelin-level lasagna and for dessert the best custard tarts you had ever tasted. Seokjin truly was extraordinarily talented at cooking and baking. He could have been one of the best chefs in the world. The only obstacle was his DNA. There were no famous hybrid chefs, probably there were no hybrid chefs at all. For most people it was near impossible to look past the animal ears and tails.
“What are you thinking about?” Seokjin asked. You were the only ones left at the circular bench around the table. You were laying with your back against his side and your head on his shoulder.
“Nothing. Everything,” you said.
You couldn’t see his smile but you imagined it lighting up his face. Seokjin was always beautiful, he was one of the most beautiful people you had ever met. But when he was smiling, he was magical.
“You can never turn it off, can you?” he asked, bumping his hand with yours. You didn’t hesitate to take hold of it and intertwine your fingers.
You looked up at the stars. Away from the heart of the city, they were bright and endless. “I don’t think that’s possible. It’s part of my charm.”
That pulled a laugh out of him and you reveled in it, in the ordinary sanctity of the moment. You took in the view of the garden and hybrids scattered around.
Namjoon and Hoseok were sitting by the pool, their feet dipped in the water, while Hoseok spoke excitedly about something moving his hands around, his tail wagging behind him. Namjoon listened to him like he didn’t want to miss a word falling from his lips. Jimin was curled around Yoongi on the grass, his eyes were closed and you could tell that he was purring without having to hear him. Yoongi was gazing at the stars peacefully, his arms at his sides. Further away, Jungkook and Taehyung were flipping through Jungkook’s latest sketchbook. Taehyung would stop him from turning the page sometimes to run his fingers over a sketch.
Taehyung was still reserved but he was slowly but steadily bonding with the other hybrids. Jungkook had happily told you that they had spent the afternoon painting together and proudly showed off their masterpiece, an artistic mess of colorful lines and funny faces that wouldn’t have looked out of place at a modern art gallery. You had said you were going to hang it up in the gallery unless Taehyung—whose cheeks had turned red for the first time—wanted to keep it. Timidly and in the best english he could master, he asked if he could take it to his room. While the lasagna was in the oven, you and Jungkook put it up on the wall above his bed.
“Summer is ending and I barely felt it,” you said. When you were younger you used to spend summer days swimming and chase the nights until you found the sun with your friends. This year you had only seen the sea from afar or through the window of a plane. “I miss the sea. I miss swimming in water that isn’t in a pool. We should have gone on a trip somewhere with a beach and not as many people as Los Angeles.”
“We can do that next year or whenever your next break is. We can find a place that will be warm enough to swim, can’t we?”
“I’m sure we can.” You had no idea when your next break was. Autumn and winter were full with filming, premieres and press tours. The small breaks in-between were for one or two days and you would usually spend them going over emails and talking with executives. But you would make this happen. “I haven’t been on a leisure trip in a while. It would be fun. We could rent a place by the beach, we could go swimming whenever we wanted, spend the day there. I would drag you into the sea because you would be too afraid to go in.”
“I wouldn’t!” Seokjin protested.
You pushed back against him to tease him. “You totally would. You were terrified to get into the pool where you can clearly see the bottom and there are no currents to be afraid of.”
“I didn’t know how to swim then! And I wasn’t terrified, I was a little scared which is normal, that’s all,” he defended himself.
“A little scared isn’t what I would describe it as.”
“I wasn’t terrified! I wouldn’t have got in the pool if I was!”
You laughed at how defensive he was. It was funny to rile him up, if only just to hear how quickly he could speak. You were too focused on him that you didn’t notice that Jungkook and Taehyung had got up until they had almost reached you. Taehyung was hurrying after Jungkook, struggling to keep up with his fast strides.
The bunny called your name excitedly before they stopped in front of you. “Taehyung wants to go to the lake. Can we please go before your break ends? You said we can go swimming in the summer.”
You had been planning to go to the lake but something always came up. It was only around thirty minutes from your house but you hadn’t been there since early spring.
“There is the trip you wanted,” Seokjin said.
Sometimes, it was hard to believe everything was a coincidence.
“Well, it isn’t the sea. But you can prove to me that I won’t have to drag you into the water there.” At his indignant expression, you turned to the two hybrids. “Of course we can go. There aren’t many days of my break left though. We can go tomorrow if you want, stay there until nightfall.”
Jungkook smiled widely and clapped his hands. You caught the twitch of Taehyung’s lips although his head was bent. “Yes! Thank you! I have never gone swimming in a lake. It will be amazing.”
His excitement was contagious, it got your mind brimming with ideas on how to make tomorrow special. “You should ask the others first. See if everyone agrees about tomorrow.”
“They do,” Jungkook said.
You chuckled. “Okay, ask them just to be sure.”
“You could invite John too,” he added quietly. “And Alice. We haven’t seen her these days and Taehyung hasn’t met her yet.”
You weren’t surprised that John was being missed, he was such an important part of your life and as an extent he was an important part of your family’s life as well. Like you, he was on a well-deserved break and it was almost two weeks since the last time you had seen him and the messages you often exchanged didn’t make you miss him any less.
However, you were worried about overwhelming Taehyung. He had met John back in Seoul but those were memories you didn’t want him revisiting and although little Alice was a charmer she hadn’t developed a filter yet. She was a curious child and you wouldn’t be able to answer all of the questions she was bound to have. Not honestly, at least.
“Inviting Alice isn’t a bad idea,” Seokjin said, placing a hand on your shoulder. “If Taehyung is okay with it, of course.”
Jungkook turned to Taehyung then and proceeded to try to explain to him with simple english and a few hand gestures who Alice was. He didn’t fail to mention that Alice was very cute and gesture how tall—or short in her case—she was. Taehyung seemed thoroughly confused in a way that had you wanting to squeeze his cheeks.
“Hobi,” you called. “We need your help!”
Hoseok’s fox ears twitched. He shot up, ran barefoot across the garden and tackled Jungkook, who was delighted to be in Hoseok’s arms. Both of them laughed wildly, bumping their foreheads together.
“What can I help you with?” he asked, his mouth forming a heart.
“We are planning–” you started but were swiftly interrupted by Jungkook.
“We’re going to the lake tomorrow!”
Hoseok’s face lit up. “Are we? I’ve never been to the lake! Are we really going?”
“If everyone agrees,” you conceded.
It had slipped your mind that Hoseok and Yoongi hadn’t been there on your last trip. It had been only a few weeks after adopting Seokjin as a means to put a pause on your workaholic tendancies. It wasn’t likely that they had ever visited it. Other than Namjoon, no one was very keen on treading the treacherous ground that led to the lake on their own. The trip was a chance for the hybrids to get out of the house and experience something they didn’t get to do often.
Seeing John and Alice was an added bonus. Hoseok lit up like the sun when you told him to ask Taehyung if he was comfortable with them joining you. Taehyung looked at you, his gaze heavy with thousands of things he didn’t say. He averted his eyes too soon as if he caught himself doing something improper.
“He said if that’s what you want,” Hoseok translated.
You cursed the language barrier. There were thousands of things you wanted to say too, you could build mountains with them and watch them grow taller and taller until they crumbled. There was no point in them, not when he couldn’t understand. It wasn’t the same hearing it from someone else.
“It isn’t about what I want. It is about what he wants,” you said. Hoseok translated again and Taehyung looked confused like there was something he couldn’t understand.
“He doesn’t mind,” Hoseok said in the end.
Even if he did, you doubted he would tell you. There wasn’t anything more you could do.
Jungkook looked at you expectantly, his eyes wide and sparkling. You gave in, “Alright, go tell Namjoon and Yoongi and make sure they agree. I will text John to see if they can make it.”
He jumped up and down—a reaction that could be due to his bunny genetics and was way too cute for you to handle—before running off to tell them. By the way they were looking at you and their superior hearing, they had already heard most of your conversation.
You leaned back against Seokjin again as Hoseok took Taehyung by the hand and followed Jungkook, gesturing at the direction of the lake as he spoke.
“Looks like we’re going to the lake tomorrow,” you said, typing a message to John. “You’ll have to brave the forest again.”
"Sadly, there isn't. Unless you can fly."
He groaned purely for show. “Not again! What have a done to deserve this? These feet weren’t made for dirt and roots. Isn't there a way to get to the lake without walking through the forest?"
A new message appeared on your screen. John was as diligent at texting as he was in every other aspect of his life and he disapproved of your tendency to see the messages but leave them unanswered until later.
“They don’t have anything planned for tomorrow and Alice is apparently jumping all over the house right now, singing that she will go to the lake tomorrow to see all her new friends.”
“She is adorable,” Seokjin cooed. “I want to squeeze her.”
“You can do that tomorrow. She likes the attention.” You straightened and grabbed his arm, wrapping it around your waist before sinking back. “Better.”
Not many preparations were needed for a trip to the lake. After all, it was only a relatively short walk from your house. If you needed anything, you could send Namjoon who could make it back in half the time compared to the rest of you. That of course didn’t stop Seokjin from waking up before the sun had risen to make an array of snacks and baked goods to take with you.
You found him in the kitchen, wearing his cute pink apron streaked with flour. He was determined to make the best cheesecake any of you had ever tasted because you had mentioned it was Alice’s favorite. There was no chance you could changed his mind so you joined him. You worked together in the chef’s kitchen for about thirty minutes before Jungkook and Jimin arrived set on helping you.
The cute baskets with the blue and white ribbons you had brought back from Virginia were filled with sandwiches, pies, croissants, cupcakes and the much-anticipated cheesecake. The delicious aroma lured the rest of the hybrids to the kitchen. Hoseok batted his eyelashes at Seokjin who fed him a cupcake while a few more disappeared mysteriously.
Helen and her team would be arriving soon to do a deep cleaning of the bedrooms and the main rooms. The Castle hadn’t had a good cleaning since you arrived from Seoul. At first, you were worried about raising any questions about Taehyung’s presence and after his papers were ready, you were worried about him feeling uncomfortable with new people in the house. Your trip to the lake was the perfect chance for the Castle to get a good day of cleaning. You had also asked the company that made the piano currently residing in Jacob’s studio to send some people to move it to the living room and they would be coming later in the day.
The doorbell rang for the first time this morning. John had texted you that they were on their way so you knew who it was without looking through the peephole. Alice trapped you in a tight hug and you picked her up, turning around in circles to hear her laugh.
“Put me down! Put me down,” she said, her breaths short and mirthful.
“Should I? Are you sure?” you asked, bumping your noses together.
Alice scrunched her nose, nodding. “I need to say hello to my friends. I said hello to you.”
You chuckled and put her down. “You’re right. Go say hello to them, they’re waiting to see you.”
Jimin and Hoseok had followed you into the living room and they were the first ones to be attacked by Alice’s super tight hugs. She might be tiny but her hugs were inescapable.
“She likes them a lot,” John said. A pink sparkling backpack, a stuffed mermaid hanging from one zipper, was slung over his shoulder.
“Alice likes everyone a lot.”
Hoseok had picked her up to take her to the kitchen and Alice placed a large kiss on his cheek to thank him.
“She has good instincts about people. She disliked that Walker guy the moment she met him.” Josh Walker was a producer you had worked with twice in the past and vowed to never work with again. A huge gossip in the worst way possible and a master at avoiding responsibilities. “And she didn’t–” He cut the sentence in the middle.
“She didn’t like Jacob either,” you finished for him. Alice was a polite kid but it was obvious when she disliked someone. She hugged you, held your hand and sat on your lap and she only spoke to Jacob when it was necessary. And it wasn’t just you, it was the same with Taylor and Zayn, who she both loved very much. Only Jacob didn’t get the same treatment. “You can say it. I’m over him, you know.”
John’s smile said more than any words could. “I believe you are.”
You believed you were too. You had been for a long time. He was a part of your past and you were done living in it. Sometimes you forgot about him now when once his name was was written all over the Castle. The memories were faded, more radiant ones taking their place.
“I think out of everyone she was the happiest when she learnt we broke up,” you said. “She was so pleased she’d never have to play nice with him again.”
At the time, although it had seemed funny to you, it had also hurt a little. In the end, it was for the best.
“She was trying to play matchmaker and get you together with her favorite teacher. It was one obstacle out of the way.”
You laughed remembering how she would show you pictures of him, telling you he was very handsome and very clever and he liked reading books just like you. One day you had been with John when he went to get her from school and Alice had dragged you inside to meet a very much awestruck teacher.
“At least she has forgotten about that now,” you said.
John sent you an amused look. “Wait until she gets back to school and she remembers how dreamy her teacher is and that you are still single.”
“Let’s go find your little troublemaker before the boys kidnap her,” you said, eager to end the conversation. John was gracious enough to grant you that.
In the kitchen, Alice had spotted Yoongi and climbed on the chair next to him. She had developed a soft spot for the panther hybrid since her last visit. On his part, Yoongi didn’t know what to do with a small human and how to entertain her. To his credit, he was doing just fine.
Hoseok was doing silly dance moves to make her laugh and Jimin was sitting on Yoongi’s other side dragging his nails down the panther’s back. Yoongi didn’t react. Jungkook and Seokjin were tying the ribbons on the baskets into bows and Namjoon was attempting to do the same unsuccessfully.
The only one missing was Taehyung.
“Okay, we’re almost ready to go,” you said, calling everyone’s attention. “Can someone go get Taehyung?”
“I’ll go. He must be awake by now.” Hoseok offered and left to fetch him.
Alice’s large eyes turned to you. “Is Taehyung the tiger hybrid daddy told me about? He said to be extra polite to him. Is it true that he doesn’t speak english?”
“He understands the basics, Hobi helps with the rest. He translates what we say to him so we can all understand each other.”
She nodded like it was the most important thing she had heard today. “But why don’t you learn korean? Won’t it be easier to talk to him then?”
You stared at the six-year-old for a long moment, speechless. “That would make things easier, wouldn’t it? Maybe we should try.”
Alice smiled widely, showing one missing tooth and one half-grown. “You should. Mommy says understanding others is important.”
“She is right,” John said, patting her head. “You should listen to others and understand them.”
“Mommy is always right,” Alice emphasized. “More often than daddy.”
John sighed in a ‘I’ve-listened-to-that-many-times-and-I-am-not-going-to-argue’ way. “Thanks, monkey. I appreciate it.”
Alice giggled before her attention swiftly shifted, like children’s attention tended to do, to Yoongi’s tail and the way it moved. Luckily she didn’t try to pet it and didn’t ask either, remembering how John had told her it was rude last time. She restricted herself to asking questions like if he could move it at will, whether it hurt if he accidentally sat on it and more. Yoongi answered willingly, if a little flustered at the attention.
John weighted the baskets in his hand. They were full to the brim with delicious food and if you had let Seokjin get his way, there would be more. Enough to feed half the city.
The doorbell rang again, signaling that Helen and her team were here. John followed you to the living room to greet her and catch up. It was strangely like they were your parents when they talked about you. They acted like you weren’t standing right there and listening to everything.
Since you were little more than a ghost in this conversation, when Hoseok and Taehyung climbed up the stairs, you went with them back to the kitchen. Alice had gotten her hands on a vanilla muffin and her mouth, nose and cheeks were smeared with blue icing.
You put your hand on your waist and regarded her. “You can get anything with your puppy eyes, can’t you?” Alice gave you an innocent smile, her lips painted blue. “Who fell for it first?” She pointed at Yoongi and your stern facade cracked. Apparently it wasn’t only Alice who had a soft spot.
“It’s just a cupcake,” Yoongi said, trying to sound nonchalant.
“It is just a cupcake but it will fill her stomach with sugar and then she won’t eat the food Jin worked so hard on,” you said, grabbing a napkin.
Alice licked her lips. It didn’t make them look any less blue. “Jin worked hard on the cupcakes too. They are super good. So good I could eat ten of them.”
“Thank you,” Jin said, his cheeks bunching up in an adorable smile. “But eating ten of them will make your stomach hurt.”
Alice opened her mouth to speak while you wiped the icing from her face before her eyes landed on the hybrid she hadn’t met. “Is that Taehyung?”
“Yes, this Taehyung,” you said, still trying to clean her face as best as you could. “And right now you look like the Cookie Monster.” Alice giggled like fairy bells.
Taehyung was looking at Alice in wonder.
“Taehyung, this is Alice. She is John’s daughter,” you said, getting up to throw the now blue napkin away. Alice’s face was as clean as it could get without washing it with water.
Hoseok didn’t translate, it was simple enough english for Taehyung. “Hi,” he said, waving at her shyly. You resisted the urge to coo at him.
Alice waved back enthusiastically. “Hello! You are very pretty.”
Taehyung’s lips parted in surprise. “Thank you,” he said shakily.
Helen and John walked in then, a broom in Helen’s hand. For her, it was an accessory. It didn’t mean she would start cleaning by sweeping the floors.
“Goodmorning to everyone,” she said in greeting. Her smile had a motherly quality to it that made people want to be on their best behavior around her. “I see you’re all ready for today. And someone has already dived into the food.”
John eyed his daughter and the pink and white dotted cupcake liner left on the table. “What did we say about sweets in the morning?”
She smiled sheepishly. “Morning is for fruits, we eat sweets after lunch,” she recited.
“What is that then?”
She put her elbows on the table and cupped her face with her hands. “It is a special day today. On special days we don’t have to follow that rule. We ate cake in the morning of your birthday.”
“You’re too clever for your own good,” John said then looked at you. “She’s starting to sound like you, finding loopholes.”
Alice giggled, pleased at that.
“I don’t do that,” you protested.
“Oh yes, you do. And you know that you do it,” Helen said, pointing at you with the broom. “You can get out of anything by talking. I remember Amelia telling me that those poor professors of yours at University had no idea what to do with you. You used to send them those emails when you were absent, right?”
You glued your lips together, searching for a way to get out of this. “I was practicing diplomacy.”
“Is that what we call that now?” John asked, amused.
“Forget it,” you said. “Let’s go, let’s go. We have a lot of walking to do and it’s best to be out before the heat spikes.”
It was a beautiful day, the kind of Californian weather you would see on postcards. The sky was clear except a couple of fluffy white clouds gliding across. The perfect day for a small adventure. You had worn your bikini underneath your clothes, planning to go in for a quick dip in the lake and you had persuaded Seokjin, Jungkook and Hoseok to put on swimming trunks. Alice was also wearing her swimsuit, the wide neck of her shirt didn’t cover the hot pink strings.
In your backpack, you had packed a first-aid kit, two bottles of sunscreen, a pen and a notebook—just in case you got inspiration—, a towel and anything else you thought you might need. You had written down a list last night on your phone and you hoped you hadn’t forgotten anything.
Your way down to the lake was filled with laughter as you stepped over protruding roots and each of you tripped at least once. Excluding Namjoon, who in his many walks had memorized each stone and root. John was carrying both a basket and the small portable fridge stocked with water bottles, fresh orange juice and lemonade, coca cola bottles and a few cans of beer. Jungkook, Namjoon and Yoongi were holding the other three baskets.
The moment you emerged from the trees, Alice sprinted to the lake and dipped her hands in. “It isn’t cold!” she shouted. “Can we go swimming?”
“Why don’t we rest for a bit first?” you asked. Swimming would be a great relief from the summer heat but your legs were tired from walking and your throat dry.
Namjoon stood next to you and placed a hand on your back. It sent a pleasant tingle up your spine. Wordlessly, he handed you his water bottle and you gulped down half of its contents.
You and Jimin laid down the two large checkered blankets, one in red and white and one in blue and white. On top of them, you placed the baskets to stop any sudden gusts of wind blowing them away. It was too early to unpack the food. You had finished breakfast not an hour ago and you weren’t hungry yet.
Alice bounced over to the fridge and rummaged through it for a drink. Victorious, she held up a bottle of coke like a trophy.
In the hour you hadn’t checked your phone, a line of messages had filled the screen of your phone. You had pulled it out to look at the time. Nine thirty. Seven emails from work and four texts, two from the producer of the Raven Cycle and two more from the showrunner. A reminder that soon, this would be over and you would go back to leaving as the sun rose and returning when it had long left the horizon.
But it wasn’t over yet. This was a day of relaxation and you wouldn’t let yourself ruin it. You put your phone on silent and shoved it deep inside your backpack.
Hoseok shouted your name before he was crushing on you, sending you down on the blanket. His laughter filled the air as Alice also jumped on you. She was as light as a feather but you both groaned when she landed on you.
“I caught you,” Alice proclaimed. “I win!”
You were roped into playing hide and seek with the two of them, Jimin and Jungkook. Taehyung sat on the edge of the blanket watching you. He looked like a painting by a long dead artist, whose name was shadowed by his art. Someone who dreamed of beauty but lived in pain.
In a truly unpredictable turn of events, Alice got Yoongi to join you. He was quick, much quicker than you. To run away from him, in a childish fit of desperation, you took off your shirt and your shorts in record speed and dove into the lake. Only a few steps from the shore, it was deep enough for you to disappear in the water. The shouts and the laughter got muffled. Water took over your senses, they were dull under the surface but the world was so vibrant.
You emerged and swallowed mouthfuls of air. You must have stayed under longer than you’d thought because your lungs ached for it.
When she saw you, Alice cheered. “I’m going in,” she told her father and John didn’t oppose her. He helped her take off her clothes and she ran to you, water splashing everywhere. You swam to the shallow part and she fell right into your arms. Over her head, your eyes locked with John’s. He trusted you with her.
You goaded Seokjin into getting in the water too, reminding him what he said to you last night. It took a few tries but soon he was in the water with you, Alice clinging to his waist like a koala. You didn’t stray far from the place that your feet could touch the ground just in case. You were a great swimmer, good enough to act as a lifeguard, but you took care so it wouldn’t come to that.
After a lot of playing around, throwing water at each other and seeing who could swim the fastest—Alice won each time, complaining that you were letting her win—you climbed up the rocks and rested back on your elbows. Your skin and hair were dripping water, the sun slowly drying you. You watched Jungkook and Seokjin chasing each other as Alice and Hoseok acted as what looked like referees. For what, you weren’t sure.
This would be one of the first scenes of a movie. Bright, beautiful and full of life. Summer music playing in the background, a soft but happy song. You could see the montage in your mind, the way they would cut and stitch together the scenes. The close-ups and the movement of the camera.
Or it could be the Supposed Victory, just before the disaster. Before everything went wrong and the world crumbled. A moment of unrestrained joy when the protagonist believed everything would work out.
Or it could be the ending. It didn’t feel like one.
Alice was sitting next to Taehyung the next time you looked for her. His mouth wrapped clumsily around english words you couldn’t read as he pointed to her hair. Alice touched her head before a bright smile took over her face. She unclipped one of her rainbow butterfly clips and offered it to him. He held it reverently like it was a small miracle, unsure what to do with it. Alice took it again and clipped back the strands of hair that were falling in his face.
She was a force of nature, sweeping up everyone in her path. You longed for the sweet innocence and her pure heart. She was everything that was good in this world.
You wondered who you would have become if you had parents like John. Parents that would always be there for you, do everything for you, give you everything they could. How different would you be? Would you have the same drive? The same unrelenting ambition? If your parents had cared, would you be there, in that moment?
No, probably not. You decided you didn’t want that then. You had found your own family. You weren’t connected by blood but by choice. They had been there when you needed them in all the ways your biological family failed to be. You didn’t want to be any other version of yourself but this. The one who had them, who loved them, the one who was loved by them.
Seokjin, wrapped up in a fluffy blanket, wet hair falling in his eyes, called for you to climb down to eat. The food was piled on the blankets and Jungkook was already munching on a piece of pie. Dutifully, you descended, pinching Seokjin’s cheek passing by. He complained but it was drowned by the delighted noises as the food was revealed.
“Wait, wait,” you said, getting up not a full minute after you had flopped down on the blanket. “I want to take a photo before the food disappears.”
“Quickly,” Jungkook begged, eying a sandwich lovingly.
“For you, as quickly as I can.”
That seemed to make him happy. You reached into your backpack for your professional camera, it was in a padded case that had cost you as much as a regular camera would. In University, you had taken a few classes of photography as a part of your degree. It was useful for your profession and for your social media presence. Most of all, it was good for memory keeping.
You rushed to a spot a few meters away from the blankets and lowered yourself to find the best angle. “Smile!” you called.
You captured around five photos and looked through them. Taehyung was smiling, tentatively at first, just a tiny tilt of the lips and wider in the last ones, following the others’ example.
The photos were beautiful. As magical as a fleeting moment of happiness you would never forget. You were going to frame them.
“Give me the camera,” John said, getting up.
You gazed at him suspiciously. “What are you going to do with it?”
“Take a photo. What else would I do?” he joked. “Go sit with them. Get in the frame."
You giggled, sitting down at the blanket. Alice didn't waste any time and climbed into your lap. You wrapped your arms around her waist and she leaned back into you. On your side, Hoseok threw an arm over your shoulder and smiled blindingly.
John handed you back the camera and everyone gathered around to peek at the photos. Alice pointed to every photo and said it was her favorite until she concluded that her favorite was the one that you were kissing her cheek because you were in it and it was cute.
"I see how it is. The photos she is in are the ones I'm not in," John said.
"I have so many photos with you," Alice shot back, opening her arms as if to show how many they were. "You can't have it all."
Not even John could stop himself from dissolving in laughter. Alice was an expert at throwing your words back at you.
When everyone was satisfied with the photos—you put your camera by your side, easy to reach in case you wanted to take more photos—lunch began. Swimming created a weightless hunger, a kind you hadn't felt in any other circumstances. Food tasted ten times better after you had been swimming. Seokjin's food was already delicious so it tasted like magic, the way you imagined all that mouth-watering food from movies or books would taste.
You were filled to the brim yet when the desserts were out, you couldn't stop yourself from accepting the piece of cheesecake Seokjin thrust in your direction. The cream was soft and light and the homemade blackberry jam elevated the taste.
Alice was attacking a bowl of fresh strawberries and dipping them in chocolate. The chocolate dripped, staining her mouth and hands but she didn’t care.
“Are they good?” you asked.
She nodded enthusiastically, giving you a big smile that showed off her chocolate teeth. She lifted the bowl towards you.
“That’s too much sugar for one day,” John said but didn’t say anything else to stop her.
Jimin was laying his head on your shoulder, drowsy after a big meal. You picked up a strawberry from the bowl Alice was holding up for you and dipped it in chocolate. Acting thoughtlessly, instead of bringing it to your mouth, you nudged it against Jimin’s lips, coating them with chocolate. His mouth parted easily, letting you feed him. A blush tinted his cheeks as he bit down.
His pink lips looked sinful covered in chocolate. His tongue darted out to lick them clean. You couldn’t take your eyes off him.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “Can I… Do you want one?”
Your heart was beating louder than it should. Alice had turned her attention back to Yoongi. When your eyes locked, you couldn’t read them. You never could.
You turned back to Jimin, his eyes mirroring the sky. “They do look delicious.”
Jimin picked up a strawberry and—a little clumsily—fed it to you. Your lips nearly touched his fingers, only a breath away. It was the best strawberry you had ever tasted. Nothing could ever compare to it.
“I want a strawberry too,” Jungkook said, timid in a way he wasn’t often anymore. Like he wasn’t sure you would indulge him.
“Come here then, bunny.” As soon as you finished, Jungkook crawled across the blanket to sit on your other side. He opened his mouth, waiting. Your brain was a train wreck, going off the rails, jumping off bridges.
You lifted a strawberry to his lips the way you had done with Jimin. He munched on it slowly, his eyes not leaving yours as if he were hypnotized.
You should snap out of it.
“You’re so messy,” you joked to lighten the atmosphere between the three of you. “How did that chocolate get on your cheek?”
Jungkook stammered and you grabbed a paper towel laughing. Everyone soon followed and Alice managed to get a photo of Jungkook with your camera before you could clean his face. It had to be enough.
"I'm going for a walk," you announced a while later, feeling bloated. "I need to move. I feel like I ate a small town.”
“Where are you going?” Hoseok asked. He was stretched on the grass, his head laying in Seokjin’s lap. Seokjin’s fingers were tangled in his hair.
You shrugged. You hadn’t thought of where to go exactly, only that you had to get up or you would fall asleep with a heavy stomach. “Just a walk around here. There are some parts of these shores I haven’t seen in a while.”
“Don’t be too long,” Jimin said.
“If you’re gone for more than thirty minutes, I will send a search party,” John remarked. He was braiding Alice’s hair back because she had been whining that it was getting in her face. Meanwhile, she was drawing with Taehyung in his new notebook. He didn’t look like a doll then but a little confused, a little fond. A little happy, if you dared to hope.
You pocketed your phone and made a note to yourself to check the time. You wouldn’t put it past John to actually send a search party after you.
“I’ll go too,” a voice spoke up, surprising you. Yoongi rose to his feet smoothly like a predator, his tail curving behind him. Everyone was staring at him but he pretended he didn’t notice.
You couldn’t tell him no. You didn’t want to tell him no. Going on a walk alone with him didn’t spark the same anxiety it would have a month or so ago. You were a little nervous but the flutter in your stomach wasn’t unpleasant. He had changed and maybe you had too.
“Okay, then, let’s go,” you said, inclining your head towards the forest. “We will be back soon.”
Yoongi followed you silently into the labyrinth of trees. There must be something he wanted to talk to you about. You didn’t believe he had joined you simply because he wanted to go on a walk. Yoongi was more solitary than any of the hybrids and although you were getting along better now, you weren’t his first choice of company.
Of course, your mind jumped to the worst possibilities. He had noticed what was happening between you, Namjoon and Seokjin and he was going to confront you about it. Growl and snarl at you the way he had done so often in the past. And what would you do then? He wasn’t going to harm you, you were sure of that. He wasn’t. But his words sneaked underneath your skin so easily, burrowed deep inside you and refused to budge.
It didn’t have to be something bad, you reminded yourself. It could be something else but you couldn’t think of anything.
He would find out about the three of you either way, regardless of how long you put it off. You were a family, you thought of them as your family even if Yoongi didn’t—you had a feeling the rest of them did. It was important for you to be honest with them. If he exploded, if he sneered and accused you of manipulating them, it would hurt too much. You had grown too comfortable with this new Yoongi and it would shatter a piece of you to go back. But you would try. You would get over it. You would have a few new cracks but that’s how life was, you got a little more broken as time passed.
“What are you thinking?” Yoongi disturbed the silence between you.
“Nothing interesting,” you said, ducking underneath a low hanging branch. The summer heat was muted in the shade of the forest. In there, you could forget that you were in California.
Yoongi’s footsteps echoed yours on the drying soil. “You are making that face you make when you are troubled.” Sometimes, you forgot how observant he was. He may not speak much but he was paying attention.
"It's just…" You weren't sure how honest you should be with him. "It's everything. There's too much going on and I've been too much in my head about it."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Talk? Right now?" you asked. The walk was supposed to help you clear your head and contemplate the situation you found yourself in. Now, one of the main characters starring in your worst case scenarios was offering to listen to you. “Are you sure you want to listen to me rant?”
You saw Yoongi shrug from the corner of your eye. “Are you going to?”
“Don’t feel like ranting today.” You looked up at the mosaic of the sky through the branches. “It’s too good of a day for that. My problems will be right where I left them when we get back home. I should let them go for a day.”
Yoongi hummed. “You should but you don’t look like you’ve let them go. They are still there.”
“I’m trying. It isn’t my fault they won’t go away. It’s too busy in here,” you tapped the side of your head with a finger, “and it’s a headline. It’s hard to look past it.” You had never been good at letting go of things easily. Fears, relationships, people. Your therapist would tell you to find the root of that and unravel it. You hadn’t touched it yet.
“It’s your head,” Yoongi said. “You should be the one to decide what are headlines and what is the fine print. Hell, throw away pages if you don’t want them there. Or hide them away to look at some other time.”
Your fingers grazed the rough bark of a tree. That wasn’t how you looked at it. Your brain threw things at you and you had to deal with them. Most of the time, when it came to matters like this, you weren’t the one controlling it.
“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” you admitted. “I guess I could make a new headline. A better one. Something like ‘Family trip to the lake. Everyone is required to have fun.’ How does that sound?”
A smile tugged at his lips. “It doesn’t sound too bad. It could be worse.”
The trees thinned as you got closer to your destination. This part of the shoreline wasn’t open and spacious the way the place you had picked for your picnic was. Trees dotted the ground and the the water was lower than the ground. A deck that had fallen in disrepair stood alone at the edge.
A path half overrun by vegetation led up to a house that didn’t fare much better. Vines were growing up its wooden walls and a large tree was leaning precariously on its side. It must have been abandoned for years, ten or more if you had to guess. Mold, stale and earthy, permeated the air. Two of the windows were broken. The one remaining curtain was moth eaten.
You liked to imagine its history and the reason it was abandoned. A family lived there for generations but when the times got faster and industrial, they left it in favor of the heart of the city where opportunities were said to lie. A grandson inherited the house but didn’t have the means to take care of it and no one would buy it. A family spent their summers there, swimming in the lake and lighting fires at night, the kids grew up, got jobs and forgot about this place. Memories weren’t enough to keep it alive and even they were gone.
That’s when your inner-storyteller jumped out and the stories turned darker, more interesting. Embroidered with intrigue, isolation, curses, ghosts and death.
Yoongi looked at the house in curious interest.
“I discovered this in my first trip to the lake. There is something compelling about it that makes you want to learn more about it, about the story behind it,” you said. “Who it belonged to, why it is abandoned.”
“Everything is about stories to you,” Yoongi observed.
You followed the overgrown path up to the house. “We are stories. Each day, each moment, many moments together. The world is a story. Sad and happy, exciting and boring, sometimes disappointing. Who we are is a collection of stories. The ones we tell and the ones we keep locked deep inside us. They shaped us, even the ones we don’t remember.”
“If the world is a story, is that why you do what you do? Because you don’t want to be a villain? Someone the audience won’t like?”
Birds chirped in the distance, the song of summer’s passing. The lake was calm but you thought you could hear it licking the rocks and the old deck.
Your whole life you had studied stories. You were fascinated by them, the feelings they evoked, their messages, their hidden meanings, their structure. It was why you were a good director and screenwriter, why people were drawn to your movies and shows. You could fundamentally understand stories, pull them apart until you reached their bare bones and build them up again. Everything was about stories.
Your life had to be the same then. You were a story like all the others. What set you apart?
You weren’t the villain, you couldn’t be. You didn’t want to be.
You remembered all the times in your life you had likened yourself to a character trope or thought how a situation would have unfolded if it were in a movie. Perhaps you were too focused on stories, too deep in worlds that didn’t exist. Did that influence the way you acted? The decisions you took?
“I’m not a movie hero,” you said instead. “I don’t think I try to be one. I try to do my best. Stories are about morality in a way and everyone can perceive them differently. Everyone will have their opinions.”
Yoongi stood next to you, your shoulders touching. “You act like a movie hero. Who would go into a hybrid auction, put themselves in danger, with nothing to earn?”
“Someone foolish.”
His lips quirked up, untangling something in your heart. “That too, I guess.”
“I went in the first time,” you said, looking at the rundown house. “The roof looked like it would fall down any moment but I went in anyway. I wanted to see what was inside, what life was left in it.”
Yoongi snorted. “You went into a house knowing the roof could fall down on your head?”
“I told you, I have my foolish moments.” There were too many of those to count. Little ideas overtook your rational side and tempted you. “I wasn’t alone though. At least I had that much common sense.”
You didn’t say that you had been with Jacob. It felt weird to mention him like his name would be intruding.
“Did you find anything?” Yoongi asked like he really cared about the answer.
“Not much. A few pieces of rotten furniture, a couple broken plates in the kitchen, a very very old vase. Little signs of life. There were lines carved on the wall, horizontal, like they were measuring children’s heights. Scratches on the kitchen counters. There was a frame broken on the floor, I couldn’t see the photo well, it was yellow with age.”
Together, you looked at the house quietly, picturing the life it once held.
“Let’s walk some more before our time is up and John sends a search party for us,” Yoongi said, his fingers brushing the delicate skin of your wrist. The touch was light as a feather. Autumn and winter rolled away and it was spring again. The melting of snow, the first flowers blooming.
“Don’t underestimate him. If we’re late, he is going to call a search party.”
“I don’t underestimate him. I know he will.”
Please comment and reblog it motivates me to keep writing
