A year ago I started one of the hardest seasons in my life. A year ago I was about to go through my first break up and heartbreak. A year ago my grandpa got re-diagnosed with cancer. A year ago we had a death in the family. A year ago my mom began to push me to go to therapy. A year ago. A year ago. A year ago. A year ago I used to be the girl that was such a people pleaser, I would go to any length to make sure that I was liked. I would change my opinions, my beliefs, my goals, and my interests just to make sure I fit in. I would do whatever means necessary to make sure that everyone liked me, even if that meant I wasn’t true to myself. I was so worried that people wouldn’t like me and that I would lose friends, but I lost myself. I became someone who was so caught up and seeking the attention of everyone else and trying to be who they wanted me to be, I forgot who I was. Not only was this happening in my relationship, but in my friendships as well. Many months after the break up I kept re-discovering lies that I believed in ways that I was trying so hard to make sure that everyone liked me. I realize I have been chasing after everyone’s approval for so long that I had really lost sight of who I was as an individual. A year ago I was somebody who would get trampled on and use like a doormat. I did not stand up for myself and I let people use me. A year ago I did not care about myself or tried to take care of myself. I would give and give and give and give until I gave out. I would pour myself into every person, task, or job that came my way, to the point where I ran myself dry. A year ago I was sitting on my bed crying my eyes out, not knowing who I was, what my purpose was, or what my worth was. This piece represents where I was a year ago. It represents the fact that that girl that I used to be is gone. She is dead to me. I am no longer the person that seeks the approval of others. I am no longer the person that neglects to take care of herself. I am no longer the person that allows herself to be a doormat for others to walk on. I work to make myself proud and to be able to give the glory to God. I make sure I take care of myself before helping others. I make sure that I am now the person that determines who I let into my life and how they treat me. I don’t know that I have the right to stand up for myself in every situation. This piece represents the metaphorical death of the girl I was a year ago. The tombstone reads RIP Jenna, but on the back it says Jenna was here. The shows that while it may look like I got knocked down, I got right back up again. The rose is a rose that I was given by the man who hurt me so deeply a year ago. I recently had the opportunity to burn the roses with my current boyfriend and it was a very therapeutic thing. This rose has been trampled on and burned and it symbolizes the end of that man’s grip on my life. The base is made out of clay which is a nod to my boyfriend Clayton. This piece symbolizes the growth that has happened in my life over the past year. A year ago I felt like I had nothing more to offer. I fell broken down and at the end of a road. A year ago, I was the girl who felt dead inside, but now I feel more alive than ever.
This piece connects to Mike Kelley because he deals a lot with the idea of depression. In lots of the articles I read, he talked about how our society tends to suppress the idea of depression. It’s something that he wanted to talk about and some thing that I think needs to be talked about. Mike Kelley committed suicide because of his depression and I think it can go back to the fact that it wasn’t talked about enough. This past year has been a hard year for me and in December 2021 I begin to except the fact that I might be depressed. I began to go to counseling earlier this semester and did not realize how bad I had let it get. I had suppressed my emotions because I had been told lies that the optimism that I used to have was childish and dumb. The joy that I used to be known for had gone and I was not in a good place. When I started getting help, I began to realize that there was no shame in the fact that I deal with depression. There’s no shame that I have anxiety. In fact, many if not most people you meet have dealt with it at one point in their life. I want to join Mike Kelley in advocating for people talking more about these issues. These are things that run in both of my families and are things I didn’t know about until earlier this semester. I hope that and sharing my story, other people will be compelled to share theirs as well.