Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/78193232
Chapter 64
Left alone, Nick made his way to Sally while the town was dawning. At her door, he forced himself to make a happy face, before he rang the bell. “Delivery!”, Nick announced through her speaker. “A bottle of cod liver oil, fresh and native, directly from the sunny climes of Uskglass!” Sally couldn't have sounded more relieved. “You got it! Come in!” The opener buzzed and shortly after, Nick entered Sally's much more organized lab. She hurried down from the upper floor. “You two are life saviours...”, she began. At the bottom of the stairs she stopped, looking at Nick and afterwards searching the room. “Did Arthur not come?” “Er...he really needed a rest. He was doing almost all the work in Haworth and...it's already late so...I told him he didn't have to...” “Is he...?” “He's okay. Only tired...” “I'm glad...” Sally struggled not to look too disappointed. After all, did she really expect him to come? He still hated her, and of course a journey through Haworth's madness didn't change that.
She was deep in thoughts when she suddenly realized Nick held out the bottle to her, so she curled her fingers around it. “Cod liver oil...”, she whispered, palpating the label. “It might be the only bottle in the entire town...” She even hugged it and a smile flashed over her face. “Really?”, Nick wondered. “Well, it was a quite funny adventure. If you need any other hidden treasure...”. What stood out to Sally was that he didn't sound sarcastic. She looked back at him, as if she noticed him for the first time. “You...would help me out again? Just like that? I mean...”. She wished she bit her tongue. “Of course I'll make it up to you.” She forced her lips to smile. Feeling the precious bottle under her fingers, she knew she had all she could hope for. It wouldn't hurt to do one last favour. Nick held up his hands. “Hey, you don't have to. We're friends, right? You and me go a long way, we were even more than friends once. Of course I'll help you out!” Sally eyed him. “You're not...I mean...You still have good memories..?” “Sure”. Nick laughed. “You know I fucked up my memory pretty badly and you're not quite innocent of that”. He grinned and she chuckled a little, waiting for where that was going. “But my memories are kinda coming back and I can see it all again. It was fun. Don't you think?” “Yeah.” She breathed in and out. “Good times.” “See?,” Nick smiled. “And even though I...uh...I'm not a customer anymore I still admire your stuff...Yeah, that's what you could do for me, actually...Would you mind not holding a grudge against me because of that? We can still be friends.” Sally was staggered “That's all?” “Yeah...” Nick crossed his arms and then felt a sting. “Oh...actually...there's another thing...” Of course there is, Sally thought. “What is it?”, she asked, making a few steps towards him. “Do you have a plaster?” Nick rolled up his sleeve and showed the wound on his upper arm. Sally's eyed widened.
Later, they stood in Sally's kitchen where she disinfected the would and applied and ointment. “Would you believe me if I told you I got that from a furious giant wielding a torch?”, Nick asked her, watching how she eased his pain. She chuckled. “From what I've seen inside the Labs so far I wouldn't be surprised.” She took a bandage out of a drawer. “I think I've seen the giant before. In a white suit?” “Yeah...”, Nick sighed. “That guy.” Sally shook her head. “I wish you didn't have to go through this...” “Aww, it's fine, we made it. And I'm sure nobody in Haworth will ever try to mess with us again.” He laughed and Sally joined. “We're the last reporters they'll ever let in.” “Did you see Verloc himself?” “Yeah, actually. I wish you saw his face when Arthur told him all we wanted was cod liver oil.” They laughed again. “Sadly, he didn't cooperate.” Sally locked gazes with him. “Did you...?” “No, he got away...I should have a popper in my house, too. For whenever the fans break in...” “You're right. That sounds quite practical.” Sally imagined escaping all the intrusive customers and Bobbies. “Do you have fanatic fans too? I bet you have.” “Yeah...” She put the bandages away. Done with her work, she leaned against the counter and took a breath. “Someone broke into my lab a few days ago...” “I'm sorry...” Nick turned serious again. “I hope he didn't take anything?” “No, no...I think he wanted Blackberry Joy and I was out of stock, so he couldn't find any...” Great Sally, you're the best company, she scolded herself, You could just as well start to cry here and now. “But that's over. I guess it won't happen again”, she waved herself off.
“Is that why you need the oil? Because you're out of supplies?” “Well...kind of...” She eyed the floor. “You know, you did me a great favour. It actually means a lot to me...”, she tried to express what she felt since the moment Nick came back from his journey. “Aww, it was nothing”, Nick said with a wave of his hand. “Don't beat yourself up about it. After all, I wanted to do it.” Sally assumed that Nick couldn't estimate the danger in the same way a Downer could and therefore didn't know what he was doing, but his whole attitude made her say: “I had no idea you were such a good friend.” Nick lifted his eyebrows. “Sorry, that came out wrong”, Sally quickly corrected herself. Why was it so hard to have a decent conversation without Joy? “I wanted to say...We didn't see each other for a long time and I stopped coming by without an explanation and, and...” Great. You meet the only man in town who doesn't hold a grudge against you and you remind him of all the reasons why he should. “And what?”, Nick asked with a clueless look. Sally returned the gaze. Nick slipped from the counter he had been sitting on. Coming closer, he took her hands. “Look, when I recall the past few years right, then I wasn't...quite all there myself...I could just as well be the one who stopped to let you in. I don't know. But does it matter? I'm not dwelling on this, not because I'm such a good Wellie, but because I believe we both did our best”, Nick said in a soft voice. “I'm just happy to see you again.” Sally had the urge to wipe her eyes. Instead she blinked and squeezed Nick's hands. “Well, I'm really glad I needed that record.” She giggled helplessly and he laughed with her. “Who knows when I would've had the guts to visit you.” “Or me...” Nick shook his head. “I was afraid...that I did something to you...” “Nothing besides the usual”, she replied and he grinned. Their laugh was very intimate. The whole placability of this moment made Sally let her guard go hug and squeeze the man, certain that he wouldn't draw the wrong conclusions.
If only she didn’t have such a bad luck. Just in this moment when she enjoyed the first comforting embrace in years, Arthur showed up. “Sally?“, she heard him call and her heart jumped. Tired, right. Also Nick was surprised, uncomfortably. They both let go of each other and quickly made a few steps backwards. Sally had the feeling that he gave Nick a more intense look. Did he really blame him for this? Was today her lucky day? “Arthur, Im glad to see you“, she said hopefully not too awkwardly. “Yeah, well…“ Arthur fell silent. An indeed awkward silence broke out while Nick seemed to try telling Arthur something with his glance. “Well, it was nice to see you again, Sally“, Nick said as if he had no idea what tone he should use. Polite, reserved, friendly but not too friendly? What was up with him? “But I er…have to go now…You know…business…maybe you’ll come by another time…er…er well, only if you can…I bet you’re busy too…good luck with whatever you’re gonna do with the oil…“ Sally assisted him with polite phrases until he was out, just like that. She couldn’t help but feel cheated of a tranquil moment.
It looked as if Arthur had chased Nick out without saying anything. And even though deep inside her she was happy that Arthur had changed his mind and came to visit her, her merciless sense made her doubt that she was prepared for this. Couldn’t they just dwell in good memories for once? “Arthur…I…I…“ She sighed. “Thank you. I know Nick couldn’t have done it without you…“ “If you knew that, why did you ask him?“ Arthur sounded bitter. “I didn’t come for for cod liver oil, I asked him for a record. Then he asked me if I needed more and since I can’t go to Haworth, I brought it up. I wondered it he had some in his storage. With Nick, you never know…“ She shrugged. “It wasn’t meant to be a big deal.“ “It never is, right? It was only another Sally whim!“, Arthur let his anger out. “For you, it’s nothing, but for everyone else it means trouble! You always have your good friends that do everything for you! You knew very well that Nick would go, that’s why you asked!“ “How would I know that?“ Sally was hurt. “Because you know Nick! You know he’s easy to charm, just play the damsel in distress and he’ll do everything for you!“ “But I didn’t mean for him to go into Haworth!“ “Then why did you bring it up?“ “I don’t know…because I started to chat? Because I hoped you’d have a better idea? Some things just happen, Arthur! I can’t explain it!“ “But I can! Because you knew I could do it and you knew that Nick would make me go! He was already so delighted to see you!“ “We are only friends!“ “Huh, very good friends, I bet. Just like you and the general! Or you and that crazy shit Verloc!“ “No, it’s not like that! I haven’t seen him for years! I didn’t know if he even let me in!“ “Why not? He’s just too nice of a guy, he wouldn’t mind. You could you know Nick and not know that?“ “Because people change! I don’t just walk into houses and expect people to bring out the red carpet! I’m thankful for every help I get, believe it or not! I don’t think anyone would’ve done what Nick did for me!“ “You should’ve stopped him! It was too dangerous and I think you knew that he wouldn’t see the danger! He’s naive like that! He’d never believe you’d send him to a suicide mission!“
Sally’s expression saddened. “He had you…“, she said quietly. “Right…but I’m not a superhero! I didn’t have this under control.“ “Sorry that I thought you were…“ Her tone changed and she looked up to him. “The way you survive without any help…I guess it made me dream…you even have a letter of transit now…how did you do that?“ Unwillingly, Arthur’s anger melted at an alarming rate. “Er…it was actually easy…but I rather not change the topic now…“ Sally gave him a cheeky smile. “You brought it up…“ “Is it so hard to say sorry?“, Arthur fought back. “Even though it doesn’t change anything.“ Sally’s face fell. “If you think I’m such a bad person, why did you do this for me?“ “Because Nick was about to go alone! You don’t even understand what you did to him! He could’ve died in there! All for some fucking cod liver oil! How could you do this to him?“ She eyed him. “So…this is about Nick…“ “Of course it’s about him! That’s what I’m trying to tell you!“ “I mean…you two…are very close…“ Arthur got the hint. He hesitated before he said: “Don’t ever ask him for a favor again.“ His voice was about to shiver. “Don’t…touch him! Sally’s mouth opened but no sound came out.
Arthur caught his breath. Now that this was finally out, he felt like a massive weight was taken off his chest. He was still angry at Sally, yet he felt a sting in his heart, seeing her crestfallen like that. Her feelings forced themselves on him. He simply sensed what she felt. Or he hoped, that was. Even if that kind of hope wasn’t due to him anymore. The main point was that she wouldn’t use Nick for her complicated whims anymore. “I’m sorry“, Sally finally whispered. “Look, I call others my friends even when they aren’t really. I know they’d let me fall the moment I stopped making Blackberry Joy or stop taking Joy or break the rules in another way…“. She bit her lip. “I guess most of them would’ve killed me already. I don’t have a lot of true friends…I just found out that Nick is one of them…Sometimes you just need a hug, Arthur, without any obligations.“ Arthur felt sorry, even though his mind refused to believe her. The Salamander always found her way around things. She always found people to help her out, friends or not. She got what she wanted. She ran off with nothing and now she was the it-girl of Wellington Wells and also a brilliant chemist, a star just like Nick Lightbearer. Could she be that lonely?
“I’m sorry“, he still said. “I don’t have anyone except Nick and he’s so…trusting…“ Sally made a few steps towards him. “You can trust me“, she said. “I’m not an evil witch or something, even though I kinda make potions…“ “Sure, sure, I didn’t mean to…act like you’re evil or something…I guess you’re just trying to get along, just like me…“ She cracked a smile that shouldn’t send such a shiver down his spine. Her eyes had no right to touch his heart like that. “See, I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you anything in return. Do you really have a letter of transit or do you just want to keep the general away from me?“ Her eyes squinted a little. She was making a joke. “It’s more like I have the letter of transit…“ Sally mused. “I’m trying to get out myself….I know where a boat is…I think I could squeeze in two more people if they behave.“ Arthur’s heart jumped. A boat? He saw the beautiful, endless ocean right before his eyes. Freedom. But then he saw Sally and Nick, together in a boat…finding out how much they had missed each other…Sally being oh so thankful and Nick melting away under her charms.
“You don’t have to do anything for me, Sal. It’s okay.“ “But it’s no trouble at all! If anything, it’d make it easier to escape, with two fighters like you and my wits. We would be the three musketeers for once!“ Arthur gulped. “I…I think I’m fine with two musketeers… No hard feelings, Sally.“ Sally let out a breath. “Okay…if you need something else…“ “Take care, Sally…“, Arthur said quietly. He had no right to feel so sad. “You too, Arthur…“, she replied, and now that it was final, all the things Arthur had wanted to say to her span in his head. “Hey…when you’re out, pay me a visit, okay? I wanna know what kind of amazing story you have to tell.“ “Yeah…“, he said, wondering how he’d find her in the big world outside. “And if you find me first, don’t hesitate to say hi.“ “Sure thing“, she answered. “Say goodbye to Nick for me…“ “Sure…see you around, Salamander…“ “Goodbye, Sparky.“ When he left her home, he was certain he had seen for the last time. He had a feeling that he couldn’t describe, neither with a word nor a gesture. It made him helpless, even though he should be happy now that was over. For once, he would be the one cuddling and not saying a word.
He found Nick in his bedroom, accompanied by his iconic blue guitar. Arthur convinced him to put the instrument aside and hold him instead. He kissed a little trail from Nick’s cheek down to his neck and then remained wrapped around his lover, wordless. “Arthur, are you okay?“, Nick whispered. “I hope you didn’t have a fight with her, because of me…“ Arthur shook his head. Nick twirled a black hair strand around his finger. “I didn’t mean to anger you even more. I know it’s lame to blame the girl but she hugged me, only in a friendly way. I had no reason to push her away.“ “She told me already.“ It came out rougher than planned. Arthur really didn’t want to talk about such a delicate topic. His own feelings for Sally weren’t quite acceptable. „Oh…“, Nick said and fell quiet. He now focused on stroking and rubbing Arthur’s back and shoulders. Then Arthur recalled something. Well, get it over with, then. “Sally is leaving the town. She told me to say goodbye to you…“ “She’s leaving?“ “Yeah…She would’ve told you if I didn’t show up I guess…“ Nick’s hands stopped for a while. “It’s strange to imagine Wellington Wells without her…She was like…the town’s soul…at least to me…I mean…“ “I know“, Arthur quickly said before Nick could let out another trail of apologies. Silence ensued and Arthur closed his eyes.
“You like her“, Nick unfortunately said. “Wha…why?“ “You wear your heart on your sleeve, King. It’s not hard to read you.“ Arthur’s face began to burn. “Nick, I love you. I don’t know what it is with Sally, it’s never easy with her.“ “Well, we don’t have to let her go“, Nick said and Arthur steadied himself on his elbows to look at him. “Nick, believe me, this is over. Sally and I are no longer a thing.“ “But it makes you sad. I don’t want you to be sad.“ “You want me to leave you for her or what?“ “No, I hope you can’t leave me so easily“, he chuckled even. “Then what are you…?“ “Bear with me, okay? I thought, if I had the same problem…of loving two people at once, I’d wish they understood…I’m trying to tell you that I do. And I don’t think Sally would mind. She’s quite open minded and she and I come along just fine…“ Arthur stared at him with an open mouth. “Are you making fun of me?“ “No, I’m serious! I…I think I know how you feel…“ “Because you love Sally?“ “No, no, I don’t love her…I just understand you.“ “Be honest with me, Nick! It makes sense: Why did you insist to got on this mission so badly? Why do you not want her to leave? You love her, right? You saw her again and…“ “No, no, no, Arthur…“ Nick slightly shook him. “Now you’re being ridiculous. I. Love. You. Not Sally. I’m only saying…you don’t need to suffer. I’m okay with it.“
Arthur looked at him in disbelief. “Wouldn't you be jealous? I know I would. I think everyone would.” “Arthur, I trust you.” Arthur shook his head. “I don't know...” “What?” “Aren’t you afraid I’d end up with her and abandon you?” Nick sat up. Wrapping his arms around his legs, he gave his lover a meaningful look. “Why would you do that to me?” Arthur winced again, shortly closing his eyes. “It's not that I'd do it! But...why are you not even afraid? Is it because you're such a wanted star that you never think people could leave you? And what about me? What if you leave me for her?” “I wouldn't do that either!”, Nick said eagerly, shaking his head. Arthur didn't look like his answer cheered him up. He granted him a rather gloomy glance. “Don't you believe me?”, Nick asked quietly, his eyes searching for an answer in his lover's expression.
Arthur sighed. “First this Debbie-person, and now Sally...I wonder, would you easily invite a third person to our relationship?” Nick looked at the blanket under his feet, avoiding the other man's look. He felt that his character was rejected once more. Morrie had done it first. And well, what did he really expect Arthur to do? Morrie had been a sensible person, Arthur was too. He was sorry he had brought it up. “Hey...”, he began, opening the grip around his legs and trying to get comfortable again. “Let's forget about it, okay? I wanted to help, but...I guess it was a bad idea.” He let out a sigh after that. A rather disappointed one.
“Help...” Arthur shook his head again. “I don't know if I should be shocked...or...” “Shocked? Come on, it was only a question. Not that I already invited her or something.” Arthur had to think of the three musketeers for some ominous reason. Did she also...? “Did Sally...give you this idea?” He and Nick locked gazes. “No...she thought you had enough of her.” Arthur averted his gaze again, helplessly looking around the room. “You came back...”, Nick said. Arthur frowned at that. “Why can't you stop talking about her?”, he almost yelled at the other man. “I'm glad she's leaving and don't you dare bring any random girl into our relationship!” Nick curled up again. “I didn't mean to...” His voice was meek. Arthur began to crawl out of the bed. “Where are you going?”, Nick asked, worried. “I need some time for myself”, his lover answered gloomily. Before he left the room he turned around again to add: “I'm at the bar!”, as if it was Nick's fault that he went especially there. But now it was no time to blame his imprudence, Arthur decided. Nick got the message.
The rockstar felt abandoned in his big fabulous bed that suddenly felt oversized. Staring at his wallpaper for a while, he tried to cope with the outcome of what had been a both a try to assist and a confession. So much for telling the truth...even if only a little bit of that... 'What kind of a person are you, Nick?', he asked himself. 'Do you even deserve to be loved?' Now it became too self-loathing for him and he left the room himself. If he wanted to complain about what a horrible person he was, he would at least not talk to himself.
Glad that he didn't meet anyone, he made his way to the first spot his brain came up with. He chose it because he felt that he wasn't done with it. He didn't know if he'd ever be done. Sitting down at the brim of the fountain, he eyed the water again that seemed to happily dance about, accompanied with a little splashing sound that he had always enjoyed when he had been in the park near school. His own reflection didn't look much better today. If Virgil was here, he would've scolded him because of the giant blue rings under his eyes. Thinking about it, he smiled, and a tear ran down his cheek.
'Hello Morrie', he thought. 'It's been three days now. How are you? I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, but...you know me...I needed a little adventure...something to keep me going after all this. You wouldn't have liked it I guess...but perhaps, now that everything came out alright, you could laugh about it now. Imagine me as a fighter...oh, no...' He shook his head and smiled again. 'At least I was helpful...' His finger drew a circle into the water surface. He watched the little waves roll and vanish. 'I wish I did help you.' More tears came. 'I still miss you. Now that I know what Arthur thinks about all this, I guess I don't know what I would've done...I wish I asked you.' Nick took a deep breath. 'This is all confusing and you seemed to see sense in everything. I guess I'll ask James again...You never met him, but he's good to me. Even though he can't magically turn me into a better person, I feel like I have a guide.' He put his hand back on the brim and wiped it dry on his jacket. 'I'll come back. I think I'll bring you flowers, be a gentleman for once...I love you...'
He got up and looked back to the fountain a few times when he went away. Saying goodbye was hard even if it was only in his imagination.
James would understand, Nick was sure.