#nickxarthur

[sea-side-scribbles]

Arthur x Nicky 💜

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/83268982

Chapter 78 (FINAL)

In this comfortable position, Nick soon fell asleep. But he woke up early, a sign that he was still uneasy. By no means he wanted to oversleep the moment Arthur awoke. Quietly, he got up and went into the bathroom since he needed to knock himself into shape. A short shower later he already felt much better. He combed his stubborn hair as good as he could and submitted himself to a shave, sparing the moustache. It was still sparse, but he hoped it would have the desired effect. Together with Davey's fancy rags he felt more like Nick Lightbearer again.

Then he hurried into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. It wouldn't turn out sumptuous due to their shortage in supplies, but Nick did his best to make it delicious. Eyeing the table, he noticed that something was missing. Something that would make this special. When his searching gaze wandered to the window, he recalled that the front gardens were full of pretty flowers that no one paid attention to, so he went outside and took his pick. He decorated the table with a bright red bouquet and then viewed his own work with delight.

Shortly after, he heard Arthur call for him from upstairs: “Nick! Are you there? Nick?” He sounded upset. Nick liked it. Placing himself at the foot of the stairs, he purred his answer: “I'm right here, darling!” Arthur sighed in relief. At the same time, he felt stupid. Of course Nick wouldn't leave him like that. “Oh...good...”, he stuttered. “I won't be long...” “I'm waiting”, Nick purred back and strutted into the kitchen, cooler than he actually was. He had to calm himself down. When Arthur finally came down the stairs, he stunned Nick with his new outfit by Davey. It really suited him well. “Holy catfish! You look ravishing!” Nick kissed Arthur's hand. “You too...”, Arthur stammered. Nick smiled and skimmed along his upper lip. “You like it?” Arthur instinctively palpated the same spot. “Yes...” His voice was merely a sigh. He lifted up Nick's chin to kiss him. “Is it safe to assume that you're glad to see me?”, Nick asked with a voice as soft as silk. “Yes...”, was everything Arthur could produce.

Nick led him into the kitchen, where he gazed at the well-laid table. “Just sit down, my King. I serve you.” Arthur sat down wordlessly. “I like the flowers...”, he brought out later. “Thanks. I thought it's sad to keep them outside where we can't see them.” He put a mug in front of Arthur. “There you go, my darling.” “Nick, that's...” Nick looked at him, then at the table. “Anything missing?” Arthur almost laughed. “No...” He quickly stood up to lock Nick in his arms. “I really thought you...” He began to sob. “You won't get rid of me that easily, my King”, Nick said softly. “I don't want to get rid of you!”, Arthur sobbed. “I just want to protect you!” “I know. I feel the same”, Nick answered. “But how am I supposed to protect you if I'm not by your side? If you leave me here, you'll break my heart, you hear me? Don't do that!” Arthur pressed his eyes shut, fighting the tears. “I don't know what it is about me...why I'm running away from everyone...” “You lost your old life, too and you're still suffering. I understand. But let me comfort you. I think I made a good impact on you since we met.” “My sunshine...” Arthur smiled faintly.

They passed the time comforting each other. Soon, the town woke up and people became busy again. Also Arthur felt the need to do something. He was visibly fidgety. “Do you want to go back to your documents?”, Nick asked eyeing him. “I don't know...what would you do?” “Come along?” “This is gonna be too boring for you.” “Arthur!” “But it's true!” Nick pondered over it. “The boys said they want to see you.” “Me?” Arthur was surprised. “Yeah...If you like...They like you more than you think. It'll be fun.” “Not if we tell them our plan,” Arthur blurted out. “They need to know. Come on, seeing us like this, they can't help but have an understanding.” Arthur finally complied.

They met a few Wellies on the way, making it look almost like the town was intact again. “Is it still polite to say 'lovely day for it?', Nick asked one of them. “Could be worse”, the other man muttered. “That's true. Keep it bowling.” “You too.” “You know, I still have the feeling that we Wellies stick together”, Nick then said to Arthur. “You look like two Make Believes”, another man approached them. “What if I told you I'm Nick Lightbearer himself?”, Nick joked. “Gosh, Nick Lightbearer!”, the Wellie blurted out. “I wonder where he ended up.” “He's probably about to solve some problems...”, Nick assumed. “Yeah, probably. Good luck, you two.” Arthur was surprised how well he got along with people who would've slaughtered him a few days ago.

When they arrived in the backyard, Nick knocked at the worn out door, eyed by a curious Arthur. Brad opened it. “Ah, Nick, back in good shape, I see.” He slapped Nick's arm. “And Arthur...you look groovy, man.” “Thanks...I have the best supplier here...” He nodded into Nick's direction, who grinned. Brad let them inside. “Come in, get comfortable. The others will be back soon.” “What are they up to?”, Nick asked. “They went back to Maidenholm to fetch some of our stuff. Everything we can't get from the shop you looted.” “Hey, I only borrowed one guitar!” “Sure. You should put him on a leash, Arthur. It would save you a lot of trouble.” “I might think about it”, Arthur joked. “I'd have it's advantages”, Nick agreed. “Having to go wherever you go.” They laughed, but only Arthur and Nick understood the hint. “I suppose you're thirsty?”, Brad asked. “If you can spare something. I know we're low on supplies”, Nick said. “Alright, I'll go check. Make yourself at home.” They sat down on the couch. Nick didn't hesitate to place himself  close to Arthur. “Relax. Now everyone is a Downer, just like you”, he whispered to his tense lover. Arthur gave him a helpless smile.

Then they heard the back door open again. “He'll be all eyes if he sees what we brought along”, they heard Matt say. “Bradley-boy! Look what we got!”, Chris shouted playfully. Passing by the living room he found their guests. “Oh, hello.” “Made a hit?”, Nick asked. “Yeah, just look at all that! It was still there.” Chris unloaded his guitars and equipment. Matt joined him. Nick got up to have a closer look. “How's the state of the place?”, he asked quietly. “Sad”, Chris said in all honesty. “But intact.” He took a deep breath, eyeing his loot, or rather looking at what he saw in his mind. “In fact, we could...” He paused. “But it wouldn't be the same again, right?” “No...” Chris hung his head. Arthur got up too and positioned himself next to Nick. “Oh, Arthur!” Matt noticed him. “If we knew, we would've brought you a typewriter.” “It's fine”. Arthur had to grin at that. “I have one at home.” They shook hands. “Have you seen our drummer by any chance?”, Chris asked. “He went to fetch us a drink”, Nick explained. “You left him alone in the kitchen? Oh dear...” Chris went for him.

“There's still a lot of your stuff left”, Matt said to Nick with an apologizing look. “It's okay. I need to see this place myself anyway.” “By the way...You won't believe who we met there.” “Fans?” “No...Our dear friend Hunt.” “What?”, Nick blurted out. “Hunt? Did you tell him the latest news? “He knows, but he has a hard time letting go of his old post. He was happy to hear you're alive.” “Didn't you offer him to come with you?” “We did, but he said the Parade District isn't safe for Bobbies. He's kinda right...His body height and all...they'd recognise him immediately. Poor bugger.” “But...We can't...I can't leave him there. Arthur, would you go to my old home with me and help me with this?” He looked at his lover with puppy eyes. “If he agrees...” Arthur shrugged. “Thank you. For a Bobby he's a good sort.”

Soon, Brad and Chris came back with the liquids and some snacks. When they were comfortable again and the drinks were served, Chris said: “Well, let's begin with the brutally honest conversation, shall we? Seems to be the new trend.” “I can't believe it's finally over”, Arthur admitted. He felt like a remnant of the old days. Him. As a Downer. “Have you really been a Downer?”, Matt asked as if he could read his mind. Arthur was taken aback by the question at first, eyeing the band as if they'd jump at him. He figured that Nick must've told them. “It's weird to talk about it...just like that...It's weird I don't have to hide...” “How did you hold on?” “I had no choice”, Arthur said with a shrug. “I couldn't just walk out of Wellington Wells, with all the detectors and alarm systems. I had to sneak around, come up with ideas...Coming back here was hard enough, because they dumped me in the Garden District.” “What's so dangerous about the Garden?”, Brad asked. From what he heard in Uncle Jack's shows it was a rather idyllic place where they grew fruits and vegetables and had everything they needed. “Well...there you have the plaque, toxic fog, Ploughboys that love to smash a Downer's head, the other people who are also not very fond of you if you show up in a proper suit, soldiers with bayonets who take you for a Gerry and of course the spankers.” “And the food? Are there any farms there?” “None at all...the people live of what they get to steal from the guards.” “Shit...”

“Wow, you're definitely tougher than you look!”, Chris said. “No offence.” “None taken. I had a lot of luck.” “Aw come on, Arthur, what about the arena-fight you won?”, Nick replied. “Er, that...” Arthur blushed a little. “That was your amazing fighting skills! You should've seen him taking on that white Bobby!” “I had your help there!” Arthur reminded him. “It was still awesome!” “Sounds like you should write a story about yourself.” Brad was impressed. “Perhaps” Arthur grinned meekly. “But I wasn't the only one having problems. The people in the Garden District...those that made it until now...they have a story to tell. “Do they know?” Nick asked. “Did anybody tell them?” “We haven't heard of it”. Matt replied. “I don't think the General cares much for them”, Arthur said dryly. “Or he's still full of Joy.”, Matt added. “No. He doesn't take Joy. Our dear General is above that.” The others were stunned. “No Joy?” Brad asked. “Just like that?” “He's not the only one. Doctor Verloc doesn't take it either.” “Right, he didn't look like he'd take his own drugs. He was much too moody for that.”, Nick approved. Brad leaned back. “That's a bit thick.” “And we played along”, Chris said bitterly.

“But if they knew better than us, why did they let everyone starve?” Matt was upset. “Why did they let us die out?” “I don't know”, Arthur answered. “Perhaps Victoria Byng knows or she'll find out. She's on our side.” “I hope so”, Chris sighed. “Or else we're fucked.” “They can't make us take Joy again”, Brad said sternly. “I rather die in another fight than becoming their slave again!” “Perhaps more Wellies think like that...” Arthur dreamed out loud. “Oh, Arthur, we must look like absolute morons to you! We played along all this time!” Matt eyed the floor. “I wasn't any smarter, believe me. It was pure coincidence that I went off Joy and it could've happened to any of you.” Arthur actually wasn't reproachful for a reason he didn't really understand. “I'm not better than you.” “Well...I guess we can only wait now...”, Brad sighed. “Let's hope it won't backfire”, Chris said. “I don't want a new Committee that kills everyone who dares to smile.” “Don't you have a vivid fantasy!”, Nick blurted out. “Remember me to never let you tell me a bedtime story.” “I'll kill everyone who tries to suppress me.” Brad scowled. “If they dare...” “They can't do that again. They went too far.” Matt was determined now. “They can't prevent us from finding a way out, sooner or later”, Nick pointed out. “Many people are digging in the tunnel or looking for another way...and those who stay won't submit.” “In any case, not us!”, Chris decided. “No way!” Nick agreed. “I won't start now”, Arthur added. “I'm done with it, too”, Matt said. “I want to see them try”, Brad repeated. “We should drink to that!”, Nick cheered. They did with pleasure.

“Now let's dream a bit...”, Chris said some time later. “What if the tunnel opened one day? Where would you go?” Arthur's face fell. “I'll go to Germany...” “Arthur!” Chris shook his head as if he was talking to a stubborn child. “You have to go to France!  Paris! The city of love!” “Or how about the Maldives? Reputedly, people went there on holiday but most likely nobody of us had ever been there,” Matt proposed. “But islands again?” “Pretty islands.” “They remind me too much of this town. I want to go to a place I can easily leave when I have enough.” “So, the moon falls flat”, Brad deadpanned. Chris laughed. “That's not an option.” “How do you know?”, Matt asked. “Perhaps it's already settled and we're the last ones to notice!” Nick gave Arthur a pitiful look while the others were dreaming out loud.

“I have to find my brother...”, the former reporter said quietly. The others fell quiet. “Your brother is in Germany?” Chris had a suspicion. “He was in the train...There's at least ten places where he could have spent his childhood...I need to find him, even if it takes my whole life...” “So, your adventure continues?” Brad asked. “It's not over yet...”, Arthur muttered. “But this time he has me”, Nick announced, putting his arm around his lover and squeezing him. The room was silent for another second. “Well...that's odd...I almost got used to you again”, Chris said to Nick. “How do you plan to get there?”, Brad asked. Arthur and Nick looked at each other. “We don't have a plan yet”, Nick admitted. “We'll figure that out while finding a way off this island”, Arthur added. “Maybe we'll meet there some day...Germans might like music, too”. Nick smiled. “Sure. We become a marching band and learn yodelling...We'll be the greatest stars in Germany,” Chris joked. They laughed.

“Jokes aside, it's not too far away. We'll be close”, Brad stated. “You can visit us any time”, Nick said. “With pleasure, as soon as you moved into your estate on Lake Constance...”, Chris answered. “Not any sooner, eh? Spoilt snobs! I'm glad I don't have to put up with you anymore.” Nick crossed his arms. “Have fun with him, Arthur.” Once again, they laughed over the finality of their decision. Arthur had counted on them to try to change their mind, at least winning Nick over. Instead they had just accepted it. Also Nick hadn't hesitated to tell them his plan. The whole thing looked settled and still Arthur felt unwell.

“What will you do?” “Well...in all honesty...we don't know...or do you?” Brad passed the question to Matt and Chris. “I keep making plans and abandoning them again”, Chris said. “What's to plan anyway?” Matt found. “We don't know the world outside.” “We should collect a few informations before leaving”, Brad said. “We'll come up with something”, Chris assured Arthur. “Don't worry about us. We made a living here and we'll make it outside as well.” “Or we stay until we're filthy rich and go for a world tour”, Matt said. “Then we pick you up.” “I like that plan”, Nick agreed grinning. Arthur let himself get carried away and smiled too, but he was deep in thoughts. “At any rate, you're as stubborn as Nick.” “I take that as a compliment.” Chris laughed. Like this, they had an actually good time. Arthur hadn't had such honest and joyful company in the past few years, but he noticed how Nick and the band understood each other nearly without words. It made him wonder if he even had an equally close bond to Nick.

One time, Nick went into the kitchen to collect replenishments. Chris followed him and suddenly grabbed Nick by the shoulders. “Now you're leaving me, just when I begin to like you, you little bastard!”, he hissed and shook Nick slightly. “Make sure you become a star this time, so I don't have to come back to run the show for you!” Nick replied insistently. “Ah...that's what it's about...” “Exactly! Don't disappoint me, you hear me? Don't think I can't keep an eye on you just because I'm in another country!” Chris nodded. “You'll hear from me.” “I hope so”, Nick said less jokingly. “I'll miss you, little one...” “I'll send you postcards. In German.” “Great...So I can't even read them.” Nick pulled Chris into a short and tight embrace. “What's taking you so long? We're thirsty.” Brad came in. “There comes the gooseberry...” Chris let go and viewed Nick's face. “Any love bruises? No? Good...” “You cheaters!”, Brad shouted. “And Arthur sits right next door, I can't believe it!” Nick quickly backed away from his fellow guitarist. “You're silly, both of you”, he said pouting. “What did I do?” Chris played upset. “You're a bad kisser.” “You prick!” Chris lifted up his hand as if he wanted to slap him. Brad burst out in laughter. Then Matt and Arthur came in. “Don't drink it all alone, we have a guest!”, Matt shouted. When Arthur asked Nick what happened, he only shook his head. It made Arthur doubt their bond even more.

When they went home, Nick was still in a good mood, but it could've been the alcohol, too. “See, it all went well”, he said confidentially. “They're good chaps, they want nothing but our best.” Arthur wondered if Nick had drunk so much for a reason. "They are, but are you really ready to leave them?" "I am! I already told you!" Shortly after, Nick seemed to be sorry for his rough answer because he put an arm around Arhtur's shoulder and softly whispered: "Come, I'll show you something..."

Arthur asked himself if Nick should rather lay down and sober up, but he didn't want to ruin this for him. He let him lead out of town. When they approached the bridge, Arthur tought they'd go back to Hamlyn Village, but then Nick went straight to the handrail and climbed over it. Then he offered his hand for help. Arthur took it with pleasure. He soon understood why Nick brought him here. The place looked similar to their Garden District. It was a rawer landscape, with rocks spread over the meagre grass, but it still had it's magic. A glimpse of freedom that Arthur felt especially at the sight of the ocean. He remembered standing on Britannia Bridge and caught himself wishing he could show it to Nick. Being alone with him like this, enjoying the silence around them, only the rushing of the wind instead of the noise and hubbub that usually surrounded Nick, he suddenly had the feeling that they shared a closer bond that nobody else could break. Nick moved so casually within the silence as if he didn't need anything more. Here, Nick was just himself and seemed to be happy. Arthur noticed just now that he was still holding Nick's hand.

"It's a beautiful place", he said eventually. Nick gave him an eased smile. "I figured it'd be nice to have a moment for ourselves", he said quietly. "I like these moments." "Yeah, me too", Arthur answered just as quietly. Then he bit his lower lip, pondering if he should say what lay on the tip of his tongue. And how. "But would they be enough?", he then dared to ask. Nick didn't answer promptly. He seemed to think about it despite his current state. Arthur was glad that he took the question seriously.

"You know...looking back at my life, at everything that happened to me, everything I still see in my dreams..." Nick paused to gaze into the distance, slowly letting out the air as if he was letting go of a heavy weight. "I like the silence", he concluded and Arthur believed that he was feeling this way right now. "There's a lot I didn't tell you yet, Arthur", he went on and Arthur hung at his every word. His soft voice comforted him. "We spoke about my past with the band a couple of times but for your interviews I could only tell you the good things...I had good times, of course, and I don't want to forget any of them ever again. But in most situations I couldn't make my own decisions. I noticed it in the past few days when I was talking to the lads...I didn't know what was happening around me, I didn't look through other people's plans, I was tossed about by fate, I fell between the cracks...It was always loud around me, I barely had time to think about what happened and what I really wanted. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be aware of what I'm doing. I want to make my own decisions. I want to enjoy every minute, just like this very moment. It's gonna be a new start. You gifted me a new life and I want to live it." He said the last words insistently.

Arthur remembered how he found Nick. He had lost control over his life long ago and he had no greater wish than to get it back. It was fitting. "You could try to become famous by your own decisions", Arthur proposed. "I could, but like that I'd only repeat myself", Nick said calmly. "And how it ends, I know that too. I don't know if I want that again...so soon...And if it doesn't work out, I don't know if I can bear to see me fail...It's bringing up so many memories...I want to try something I can't compare myself to." Arthur let his gaze wander along the weathered rocks. "And if you don't like your new life?", he asked quietly. Nick looked at him. "Then I at least tried." Arthur gave a meek smile. He in turn had no greater wish than to take Nick with him, who supported him and cheered him up. But... "We won't be free", he replied. "We'd have to do all it takes to find Percy, no more, no less. We'll have a mission, so to say..." "We'll have a firm goal", Nick said. "A simple, understandable task. That's good." He nodded.

Why did Arthur feel like personificated chaos while Nick kept a clear head? Arthur's head was spinning. He noticed how Nick eyed him from the side. "What is it, Arthur? Tell me the truth. Do you want to leave me?" Arthur's expression was painful. "No, but..." "You think you don't deserve it", Nick said. "You think it's your fault, your problem and you have to go through with it on your own." Arthur almost winced. The analysis was scarily exact. "You showed me that I'm worth loving. Why can't I show you that you deserve to be happy? I want to comfort you when you're sad, I want to support you when you doubt yourself and I want to help you when you're in trouble. Let me do this, if you must, do it for my sake. I need you, Arthur." His green eyes lay on Arthur, who could barely stand the look. He began to shiver. "Nick, I also didn't tell you everything, but I'm afraid I must, or else I can't look into your eyes ever again." Nick fell quiet and waited. Arthur crossed his arms and turned away. "It's my fault that Percy was brought to Germany. He wasn't even on the list, but me...We went to the station together, he wanted to come along, just because he didn't want to abandon me. He was so trusting and didn't fear for himself..." Arthur gulped. "I posed as him....I acted as if I only went along to say goodbye to my younger brother...I made it back out like this, but I saw how they pushed him into the train...he called out for me...he was so afraid..." Arthur fought back tears. "Now I wish I was there..." He fell silent, sobbing and waiting for Nick's judgement.

“How old have you been?” Nick asked quietly. “Twelve....Still young enough for the train And Percy was one year older...” “You've been a child, Arthur.” “I knew exactly what I was doing!” Nick didn't say any more. He hugged him from behind and held him close. Arthur clung to Nick's arms. “Why are you doing this?”, he asked after a while, letting go and eyeing Nick meekly. “Aren't you upset?” “Just look at you”, Nick answered. “You're not a child anymore. The man who's standing in front of me now wouldn't do this.” “But it still happened...” “You changed”, Nick insisted. “If it wasn't for you I couldn't judge you in the first place.” Nick kissed his cheek. “I'm glad you're here.” “It's not about me, Nick! I have to find him! I should've never dragged you into this!” Arthur winded. “And what do you do if you find him?” “I'll think about that later.”

“Arthur...Percy isn't a child anymore...He's leading his own life by now...Who'll keep you company if you find him and suddenly lose your only purpose in life? Who'll give your life a new meaning?” Arthur hung his head. “And if he didn't make it?” “Also then”, Nick said without mercy. “Who'll comfort you?” Arthur struggled to hold back tears. He wondered how on earth he deserved such a stubborn and affectionate man at his side. He couldn't simply push him away. “Nick, if you don't like it anymore, if you believe you made a mistake, you can go! You can go anytime!” Nick put his hands back on Arthur's shoulders. “This is an offer I can accept...”, he said quietly. He ran his hands along his upper arms, making Arthur's body tingle at the sensation. With Nick, he just didn't feel like he'll end up as shark bait while Nick drank margaritas on a desert island. Nick wouldn't give up on him, search the entire ocean if he had to and take him back to his island. Arthur already felt like he was there. He leaned closer to Nick and for a long while nothing happened other than their extensive kissing. Then Nick sat down on the grass and looked up to Arthur, inviting. “Here? Now?”, Arthur hissed. Nick took his hand and pulled him down.

Lying in the grass, Arthur found his body covered in kisses. Nick was eager to spoil every spot of him. Arthur's cheeks were salty from the tears he had shed, but Nick kissed them all away. Arthur winded giggling and gasping. His body tickled and his heart fluttered. The grass was cold, so was the air, but Nick's love bites warmed him. When his heated blood pounded in his veins, he pressed Nick down. He adored the soft foam that was growing along his upper lip, that would soon be a full Lightbearer moustache, and caressed it with his lips, before he placed a craving kiss on it. He wasn't shy with his tongue anymore. He wasn't shy with almost anything, causing Nick emit a noise that sounded like a purr. Then it was time for Arthur to redden Nick's skin with his teeth. Nick gasped, running his hands along Arthur's tights. Arthur bit him gently, his tongue massaged the sour spots right after. Arthur thanked him with every kiss, every gesture, overwhelmed by the promise he had just made.

Nick was so happy, he felt butterflies all over his body and his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He adored to see his Arthur in action and was looking forward to many, many more moments like this. With pleasure he felt Arthur expose him and skim along his lower back without shame. Nick moaned just as shamelessly when he felt Arthur shove a finger inside him. His body shivered, he pressed himself against it, begging Arthur to massage him. His blood was pounding in the right spot as his lover went along.  Aroused like this, Arthur felt ready. He held Nick close while his thrusts massaged him more. Nick's quiet whimpers were music to his ears. Arthur climaxed quietly, with his hands curled into Nick's hair and his head pressed against his chest. He relaxed like that for a while, receiving kisses on his head from Nick. Then he began to feel the chill on his naked skin and decided to put his clothes back on. Nick followed him shortly after.

They walked home slowly and peacefully, with their arms wrapped around each other, holding themselves as if the could barely stand. At the bridge, Arthur promptly lifted Nick up and carried him over the rail. Nick's expression after putting him back down was priceless. In town they walked next to each other as if they were friends, but if someone had paid attention to their looks they would've known better. At home, they both had a hot bath before they put themselves to bed.

The next day, Arthur didn't intent to wake Nick up early. His lover was most likely exhausted after everything he had been trough. Arthur himself was tired as well. The day wasn't quite inviting either, being cloudy and dark. The drizzle moistened the windows with tiny drops. It was the perfect weather to stay inside, have a hot chocolate and relax. But Arthur was still restless. He didn't feel well, just sitting around and hoping for the best. He was used to nothing good happening as long as he didn't do it himself. That was why he sat at his kitchen table, absorbed in his thoughts and forgetting to drink his coffee. The house was so quiet he could hear the clock ticking that hang on the wall next to the fridge. The radio had stopped playing the happy jingle that would normally start every day in Wellington Wells. He could just as well bin it, but he hesitated to change anything in this house. To make himself comfortable in it. After all, it was supposed to be only a stopover before they would go on their journey. But to make it that, he had to do something. After Arthur had walked back an forth in between the kitchen and the living room for a while, he couldn't bear it any longer. He wrote a letter to Nick and put it next to him on his pillow. He hoped to be back before his long sleeper woke up. Then he put on his coat, opened the brolly with the colourful pattern and went outside.

Nick woke up much later, feeling cosy, lolling and stretching out. He was completely refreshed. He remained in the bed a little while longer after noticing that Arthur had already gotten up, listening if he could hear him downstairs. It was very quiet. No footsteps, no clanking of the dishes, only the silent pattering of raindrops on the window. Nick sat up, thereby noticing the letter.

Nick darling, I'm on the move again. I need to make sure we're getting out of here. Don't worry about me and take a rest. I'll be back soon. I love you! Arthur

Nick stared at it. It sounded loving, of course, and not if Arthur had had any bad intentions. Still, it bothered him. Nick was sure that he couldn't expect Arthur to wait for him to awake from his sleeping beauty sleep, and Nick had been really tired, he admitted that. Still...why couldn't they go together? Was it really too necessary to wait? Did Arthur fear that Nick would spoil it? Or be bored? Nick rumpled the paper and let it fall on the table. What are you doing to me, Arthur?, he thought sadly. Then he told himself he should trust him. That he had a good reason to do it. That there'll be a good explanation for all this. He sighed. However, he was alone now. Take a rest. How was he supposed to relax while Arthur was out there facing who knows what? He just had to play the hero again.

Nick left the bed. He couldn't sit around and wait anyway. He needed a distraction and perhaps he could even do something useful as well. On the way downstairs he remembered Hunt. Of course, his Bobby, who in a way was also his friend. If Arthur couldn't help him, he had to do it on his own. He couldn't leave poor Hunt to rot in his old home. He left a note for Arthur and went into the cold and moistly weather.

This time he went to the bridge to actually cross it. He knew the way by heart, still it felt strange. Walking by the counter where normally a Constable would control the passports, he found it empty. He went along the bridge all alone, then Maidenholm greeted him in all it's silence. It looked like a ghost-town.  Nobody had cleaned up this place. Old newspapers lay in puddles or flew by in the wind. He saw rats gathering the leftovers from the pantries of the houses. The gardens were abandoned, all windows closed. In his best days, Nick had known every face in his district. A few of them had been in the church. He could only guess where the rest had ended up. How many of them had been chased into the Garden District, without him noticing? The rainbow-coloured road looked more pale than he remembered. All houses had been more colourful as well. Did he only imagine this? Still, the town could be beautiful. Perhaps this place would be populated again. He would definitely bring it up next time he was in the church.

His own home after all occurred dusky and not very welcoming to him, even though he had liked visitors in the old days. The red carpet was greasy. The former bright red was vaguely perceptible. Nick made a few steps until he noticed that someone sat in front of the door, cowering and visibly sleeping. Under the canopy he was protected from the rain, but still it must be cold and uncomfortable. The uniform definitely had seen better days. He had taken off his helmet and the blonde hair told Nick that it was indeed Hunt.

“Hunt?”, Nick tried. When the man didn't answer, Nick grabbed his shoulder and shook him a bit. The man finally awoke with a grunting noise and then looked around frantically. He seemed to back away from Nick, even though his body was already pressed against the door. “Don't worry, it's just me, Nick”, Nick reasoned with him. “The band told me you're here.” “Nick?”, Hunt stammered. “Mr. Lightbearer?” His eyes widened and he went back up on his feet. He grabbed his arm tightly, so that it stung. “I'm so happy to see you alive!” “You know, a cat has nine lives...”, Nick played it down, massaging his arm. “What are you doing here?” “Er...well...” He shrugged. “I don't really have another place to go...I'm lucky enough, escaping the Parade and all...Here, it's a safer place for the likes of me.” “Perhaps the Parade calmed down. People stopped fighting and they have other worries now.” “Yeah, Mr. Reid told me something like that, too. You know, it's different with the other Wellies. They didn't know what they did...” “You neither.” “Blackberry Joy isn't the same as normal Joy. It doesn't make you forget...We had to keep a clear head. Who else could push through law and order?”, Hunt admitted contritely, leaning against the door and hiding his face. “I knew and I only watched...” “You couldn't stop that easily”, Nick opposed. Hunt gave another shrug and made a helpless sound. “You only guarded my house!”, Nick said with emphasis. “Yeah...after working night shifts for a long time...I can't get the bloody jingle of the Jubliators out of my head...” Nick understood how he felt. “You don't have to torture yourself though. Go inside and warm up.” “My place is out here.” “From now on you have a larger field! Go inside and warm up, that's an order!” He raised a smile from the taller man. “Well...won't do any harm...”

Nick followed him inside. “Oh”, he noticed. “We should let some air in...” “Aye, sir.” “Has it always been that dusty?” Nick remembered that his last charlady had given up months ago. Besides that, everything looked the same. Nick ascended the stairs to his bedroom and looked inside. The same as always. Nick was suddenly undecided about what he intended to do here. He gave his golden records a wistful look. He'd miss them probably. But what use would they be in Germany? Then he recalled something else that was located in this floor. Back in the corridor, he opened a door to a smaller bedroom. It took a lot of effort to go inside. Too many memories were collected here, shattered dreams and pain. But also one memory he wanted to keep. He went to the desk and lifted up the little frame, not without looking at the photo as well. Arthur would allow it, right? It was his past after all. Nick put the frame into his pocket and left the room with a heavy heart. Before he closed the door, he hesitated. He felt like Morrie had called out for him. But that was impossible. Surely, it was only a plank that had creaked. He finally closed the door. In the second floor he found his iconic blue guitar and shouldered it. Then he had everything he wanted.

Back downstairs, he found his Constable sitting at the kitchen table in a sunken down position. The window was open. The look Hunt gave him made Nick ask: “Do you really want to stay here?” “I want the old days back, when this place was full of life.” “Now the Parade is where the action is. You could try to find a new home there. I can help you.” “And I could guard you...on you way back...yeah, I could do that...” The tall man stood up and closed the window. Nick was pleased with himself. Stepping outside, he took a deep breath, waiting for the Bobby. Hunt locked the door when he went out. Nick asked himself if anyone would loot this house. If so, they'd probably look for food. Who would still care about Nick's underwear?

Walking through Maidenholm, the district was as empty as it had been before. No one crossed their path. To the empty counter Hunt said: “Ah, Constable Johnson...well...He's always been kind of an arse...I guess he had it coming...” “He could be in the Parade”, Nick replied. “Maybe...”, Hunt said less optimistically. In the Parade District however they met multiple Wellies and received their mistrust. “Where do you think you're going?” Nick placed himself in front of Hunt. “We can go wherever we like. Did you forget?” “That doesn't apply for his kind”, the Wellie glared at Hunt. “He's clearly a Bobby! He doesn't even try to hide it!” “We don't want any Bobbies here!”, another man approached them. “And also no friends them!”

“You don't have to be afraid of him”, Nick persisted. “Hunt did no more than guarding my home for years. He's a good guy.” “Guarding your home?” The Wellie spit on the cobblestone. “That's neat. Must've been some big shot to afford this. Maybe Executive Committee?” “No, I'm not that relevant. I only lived in Maidenholm.” “So what? That doesn't prove anything! Your Bobby is making you suspicious!” “I never had any power! I'm just a musician!” For the first time they took notice of his outfit “You're a Nick Lightbearer lookalike?” “No, I'm Nick Lightbearer himself.” That made them fall quiet for a second. “Nick Lightbearer, eh? The one who distracted us with jolly tunes while we were starving?” “Who told us to take Joy with his songs?” “Who led us to believe everything was right as rain?” The Wellies came closer, not any less angry than before. More joined them. Hunt gave Nick a questioning look, but Nick shook his head. “I didn't know better than you! I took Joy just like all of you! What was wrong about cheering you up? That's what I always wanted, long before  we started to take Joy! I never meant to force you into anything and as long as some of you like my music, I'll play it!” “Nick Lightbearer?”, another Wellie shouted. “That's Nick Lightbearer?” More Wellies came and the atmosphere shifted drastically. Suddenly, the thugs were outnumbered. “Alright, you won for now. But if we catch your Bobby red-handed...”, one of them implied before he took to his heels. “Nicky! Sing a song for us! We love you, Nick!” Hunt looked at him again. “Are we running now?”

Nick agreed and soon they ended up far away from the bridge. They escaped the fans and carefully made their way to the alley of the Make Believes. “I'd like to take you to my place, Hunt, but it's too close to the main road. We better hide in the band's house for now.” “So, you split up again?” “We're still friends. It's just...I'm living with Arthur now. You remember him?” Hunt didn't have to think for long. “The friendly reporter?” “Yes, him.” “Would he want a Bobby close-by?” “He doesn't have much of a choice, now that my fans know I'm alive”, he joked. “Chin up, you're a good chap, believe it or not.”

Brad answered the door again. “Hey, uh...could we hide in your house for a while?” Nick pointed at his company. Brad understood. Inside, he asked: “How bad is it?” Hunt and Nick eyed each other. “It's me...I got recognised...” Nick scratched his head. Promptly, someone knocked at the door. Nick and Hunt winced. Brad set himself into motion again. He was surprised to find a complete stranger outside. “I'm sorry...May I speak to Mr. Lightbearer? I really need to see him!” “I'm sorry too, here's no Mr. Lightbearer!” Brad slammed the door shut. “How many followed you?”, he shouted walking back to Nick. “Nobody”, Nick said meekly. “I can confirm that, Mr. Wilson! Nobody escapes my eager eyes. This fan eluded me!” “Brad?”, they heard Matt's voice. He came running down the stairs. “Brad? Have you seen the crowd in our front garden?” He came into the living room and found Nick and Hunt being abashed. “Oh, no! Are they after you, Hunt?” Brad crossed his arms. “They want Nick.” Matt looked at the still famous enough star who smiled helplessly. Outside, the crowd began to call for their idol. It wasn't long until Chris ran into the room. “What makes them think Nick is here?” Then his gaze fell on Nick and drew the conclusion. “Why am I not surprised?” “We should've been more cautious about his outfit”, Brad commented. The Wellies began to knock at the door again. “Nick! Sing a song for us!”

“Should we wait until they bugger off?” Matt wasn't convinced himself. “I can go, then you're free”, Nick offered. “They'll tear you apart!”, Brad shouted. “Why not?”, Chris muttered. Brad gave him a look. Chris ignored it and approached Nick. “If they want a spontaneous show, why not giving them one?” “Can we?” Nick asked without hesitation. It seemed to be the easiest way out. “Yeah, we got everything from your house.” “And how do we keep them from breaking in to see us?” Matt wanted to know. Chris thought about it. “We have a flat roof we can access...people could see us there.” “Is that safe?”, Hunt asked. “I'm not excited about fighting off the poor sods who climb up the walls.” “It's quite high. Nobody should climb up there”, Brad mused. “So, it's settled?”, Chris asked. “Hell, yeah!”, Nick shouted. They hurried while Hunt locked all doors and windows. When the band finally arrived at the roof the crowd went wild. “Did anybody see my Joy?”, Nick asked, seemingly nervous. The others stared at him. “I'm kidding.” Nick grinned Their first song rang out in the entire district.

Arthur couldn't express how he felt when finally the light came through. The dark tunnel that had occurred to him as if it lay hundreds of miles below ground level, an unscalable prison for every Skipper, suddenly lit up. Little fluffs danced in the air, glittering like diamonds. For a while it was silent. The rain had stopped and in the bright blue sky above them they saw fluffy white clouds pass by. Then the noise broke loose. The workers cheered, danced, cried out their relief. It was infectuous. Arthur had to laugh too, patting other Wellie's shoulders. They made it! Finally! He could see the fatigue of multiple sleepless nights in their eyes. It had been worth it.

Arthur slowly progressed, walking by the celebrating Wellies, but as soon as he was alone again, he ran as fast as he could, following the rails. He climbed out of the ravine and abruptly came to a halt. The whole town was emptied. He had feared that a crowd would scramble for the tunnel, but no one had noticed. From afar, he heard music that, after a further analysis, couldn't come from a radio. Was that...? Arthur's heart pounded after running and climbing. Or was it because of the music? He followed it and after a while, he met Wellies walking into the same direction. “Oh, no...” The crowd was getting bigger. They were all here, looking up for some reason. Further away, on a roof, Arthur recognised Nick. He was back in his element. Without Joy. Arthur was proud of him, but he also felt melancholic. Did it change everything?

Arthur wanted to reach him before anyone else noticed that the tunnel was open, but his gaze wandered helplessly along the masses. It was impossible to get through there. And then he couldn't simply walk through the door without letting everyone in. But wait...wasn't that the same house...? Sure, why would they carry their instruments any further? Arthur went a devious route, always watching out for fans, until he arrived in the backyard. But of course the door was locked. At first he knocked, but as expected, nothing happened. Who was supposed to hear it anyway? Desperately, he hammered against the door, fearing to alarm the whole district. “It's me, Arthur! Let me in!” When he felt ridiculous already, someone actually opened. It was a very tall man. The white shirt and blue trousers seemed to be the remnants of a uniform. “Arthur? Mr. Hastings?” Arthur gasped. “C...Constable Hunt?” The old escape reflex kicked in, but Hunt grabbed in and pulled him inside. Then he looked the door again, securing it with a chain around the handle and a dresser shoved in front of it. “I need to see Nick...” He felt the need to explain. “Go ahead, he's on the roof.”

Arthur ran upstairs. His heart was still pounding. When he heard that they had just finished a song, he went outside. Carefully avoiding the cables, he made his way to Nick who was talking to the other guitarists. Arthur put a hand on his shoulder, making Nick wince and turn around. Arthur's expression alarmed him, so he put the guitar down and followed him back inside. Nick waited for him to speak, so Arthur blurted out: “The tunnel is open!” “Wha...really?” Nick began to beam. “You made it?” “Come, I show you”, Arthur said. Or was it more likely a question? “You want to leave now?” Nick looked startled. “No, only show you, before they realise it and the place gets crowded.” Arthur's eyes begged. It seemed like Nick would only reluctantly go. Arthur prepared for a refusal when Nick said: “Okay. Just let me give the word.” With that, he went to talk to the band, but came back shortly after with an expectant look. Arthur was looking forward to leave this noisy place and he was even happier that Nick went with him. They sneaked out of the backyard after Hunt had opened up for them and went another devious route, hiding and watching. “This is like the old days”, Nick whispered gleefully.

Like this, they reached the ravine and climbed inside. Nick had never thought they'd conquer this again. From the bottom up it looked less intimidating. When they went into the tunnel, Nick began to feel a little queasy, watching the ceiling as if it could collapse any second. Arthur noticed and took his hand. Nick gave him a thankful look, then they went on. Nick's footsteps were more determined now. He was also surprised when the tunnel lit up and couldn't avert his gaze from the beams of sunlight breaking through. He stared at the sky just as stunned as Arthur had been, at least he found that there was a certain resemblance. But this time, Arthur took the first steps towards the light. He still held Nick, who cautiously climbed after him. Back outside, also Arthur was overwhelmed. The horizon was bright and clear. He could look much further than before. The land that had been purely black and vaguely shaped, now exposed a coastal cliff, meadows and forests. The bridge went all the way to there, it's end vanished somewhere in the distance.

“Wow!”, Nick produced. “This is the mainland? Just like that?” He pointed at the horizon. Arthur nodded. “And you wanted to go all the way on foot?” Nick pointed at the bridge and grinned. Arthur had to grin, too. He went a few steps with Nick, until they were surrounded by nothing but the ocean. Arthur rested his elbows on the handrail and Nick did the same. “Do you smell that? No Motilene, no chemical waste...” Arthur took a deep breath. Nick closed his eyes and breathed in as well. “This is the real world, huh?”, he asked after enjoying the fresh air. “Yeah...a part of it...” “Can't wait to see more...”, Nick whispered. Arthur was happy to hear that. He beamed at Nick. “And from here you came back to me?” Nick turned around, leaning his back against the rail in a nonchalant manner. The wind had already ruffled his hair. Arthur would've loved to take a photo of him now. “Yeah...”, Arthur felt flattered. “It must've been hard for you.” “Actually, it wasn't...I couldn't leave you like that...” “You have a way of disappearing and coming back...” Arthur smiled helplessly, clutching the rail.

Nick eyed the stony floor, pondering. “Arthur...”, he then said. His tone alarmed Arthur. “Why did you leave me this morning?” Nick gave him an urgent look. Arthur stared at the horizon. “Because...because I had to do this alone...” “You wanted to punish yourself again?” “No...You were tired...You needed to rest and I didn't plan to be gone for long...Then one thing led to another and...I'm sorry...” “So you wanted to protect me?” “Yeah...” “Why?” “Just look at you!”, Arthur shouted desperately. “I can't let anything happen to you!” “You put yourself in danger?” Nick became louder. “No!”, Arthur quickly replied. “Well...not more than usual...Nick, I have to put myself in danger every day! Me and...others to....But you...I can't let anything happen to you...”

“Arthur, this is over! You're not a Downer anymore, nobody's chasing you for what you are and you're not alone! I understand that you're used to this, but we have to move on! I'm not a spoiled rockstar you have to spare! I'm your partner! You hurt me when you run off all alone! The tunnel could've collapsed! Your old boss could've changed her mind and kidnapped you! And I wouldn't know where you are! How could you do this to me?” Arthur couldn't come up with a good answer. “The worst you can do to me is disappearing, you hear me? If you put yourself in danger, I want to be at your side! I want to know where you're going if we really have to split up!” Nick had shouted the last words. He was really upset. Arthur hadn't seen him so angry before. “I'm sorry, Nick...I didn't think about it this way...I just had to do something...I'm sorry, please don't tell me I fucked this up...” Arthur was at the edge of tears. Nick promptly embraced him, noticing how much he needed it himself. “Ssshh...don't panic...I still love you...” They held still like this and and slowly calmed down.

“Don't do it again, okay?”, Nick said quietly. “Okay...I promise...”, Arthur whispered meekly. “It's hard not to see you as a star...” “But you've seen my real self...” Nick recalled something. “It's the name, right?” His face fell. “I know your name isn't 'Lightbearer'”, Arthur disagreed. His partner averted his gaze. “But it's also not 'Nick'.” Arthur was really taken aback. It felt so natural to call him 'Nick'. No other name seemed to fit. He even looked like a 'Nick'. “I never meant to keep it a secret. You have the right to know the truth, but there never was a fitting moment...” He faced Arthur again. “My name is Norbert. Norbert...Pickles...If you need to laugh, just do it...” Nick crossed his arms, dropped his gaze and waited. Arthur wouldn't be the first. Some people knew his name, from gossip or any other source. Their reaction was mostly the same. “I don't know why I should laugh...It's just a name.” Arthur came closer. “It never bothered me...But after years of being The Lightbearer...”, Nick explained and shook his head. “It's hard to look at it the same way again.” He looked back up to his lover. “You don't have to use it...But you can...Just do as you like...” Arthur felt that he'd need a while to get used to it. Still, he felt that the other man had just tightened their bond. “Thank you for telling me the truth...Even thought you're still 'Nick' to me...” “Thanks for not laughing.” Nick smiled his adorable smile. Arthur cupped his cheeks and kissed his hair.

They enjoyed their moment some more before they started back. Arthur was glad not to meet anyone yet. Back in town, they still heard The Make Believes perform. “Good idea...that concert...people love it”, Arthur stuttered. “We didn't really have a choice.” Nick chuckled. “It doesn't change anything?” Arthur eyed him carefully. “Nothing at all”, Nick confirmed. They silenced, listening. “Do you want to finish it?”, Arthur asked. “If you agree?” Nick didn't urge him. Arthur smiled meekly. “Just go for it, my Golden God.” He gave him a slap on the lower back. “I'll take care of you when you come home.” Nick beamed and ruffled Arthur's hair. “Until then, my tall boy.” After a passionate kiss, Nick hurried to join his band.

Arthur stayed outside for a while, watching Nick proudly, then he obeyed his tired body and went home. There he prepared for his journey, at least emotionally. He realized that not only Nick left his old life here, but also himself and he looked for something  to keep. After deciding for the medal that he had brought from his former hideout and the documents about Percy he had to keep anyway, he put the few objects on his night table and lay down on his bed. A few moments later he dropped off.

Nick was excited. The noise of their last song was still ringing in his ears. The last applause had doped him. And now this! He had to tell Arthur! His rash footsteps echoed in the night, but he wasn't afraid. The show had ended long ago and the fans had gone back home. Out of breath, he reached Arthur's home and hurried into the corridor. There, the light was out. “Arthur?” He flicked it back on. Nick assumed his lover was already in bed. He ran up the stairs. Also the upper floor was dark. In the second floor, the light went on and a sleepy Arthur appeared at the stairs. “Nick, is that you?” Nick stormed up the stairs and span his lover around who yelped adorably. “Pack up your things, my King! We're going to Germany!”, he shouted and kissed Arthur wildly. Greeted like that, Arthur had to catch his breath. “Nicky, I'm glad you're so motivated.  No need to exaggerate though, it's not going to be a fun journey”, he said but laughed nonetheless. “Oh, yes, it is! I know how we get there!” “Really?” Arthur's eyed widened. “You better sit down.” Nick shoved him back into his bedroom and placed him on the bed. Arthur stared at him while Nick shortly searched for words.

“After we told the boys our plan, they went looking for opportunities. They met Birdie today who has a similar problem.  Her manager is looking for ways out of here and you won't believe what he found out! Germans actually love beat music and he's already in contact with a club there! He'll organise it all...the journey...the night stop...Isn't that fantastic?” Arthur was overwhelmed once more. Their whole impossible, lonely journey, suddenly simplified? On the one hand, he was fascinated about how fast Nick came up with a solution. It was another reason to have him at his side. On the other hand, it had an unpleasant connotation.

Arthur's silence worried Nick. “What's wrong?” His lover made a pained face. “So, you'll stay with the band...” “No, you got me wrong.” Nick sat down next to him. “I'll stay with you.” “How is this going to work?” “We're travelling with the band, because it's the easiest way out. Also, we'll need money and a place to sleep. And then...” Nick shrugged. “The rest is our adventure.” Arthur pondered. “Come on, is it easier to find Percy completely without resources or help?” Nick tried a joke. “What if he'll become a fan?” Arthur had to grin even though he doubted it. “And what if you don't want the silence anymore?” “You mean, if I don't want you anymore?” Nick leaned closer and tenderly kissed Arthur's cheek. “Then I must be the biggest dumbass in the world,” he whispered close to his ear. Arthur's resistance melted away. He accepted another loving kiss from Nick.

They had a very emotional night, dwelling in dreams and wishes. They slept together and then left the house for a night walk. It was the greatest conquest of their new freedom that they could enjoy the night without fear, at least that's what Nick thought. Also Arthur appeared to be ravished by the starry sky. “It's really pretty”, he sighed. “Everything is pretty as long as you're by my side”, Nick purred, rubbing his cheek against his shoulder. “Yeah...” Arthur had to chuckle. “Alright, I believe you!...you won...! I believe you!” “Finally!” Nick shouted out loud. He went a few steps forward, spread his arms and yelled: “My man believes I love him!” “Sssshh!”, Arthur hissed and laughed. “You're crazy...” “Yes, I am”, Nick confirmed. “But happy.” He fell back into Arthur's arms. “Me too...”, Arthur said and hugged him tightly. “Me too...” They stayed outside until sunrise.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/82725124

Chapter 76

When Nick opened his eyes, he was taken by surprise. Right in front of him, healthy, awake and smiling, lay Arthur Hastings. “Good morning, long sleeper”, the vision greeted him quietly. “Did you miss me?” It felt so good to hear his voice. “So I really overdid it with the painkillers in the end”, Nick mused loudly. “Or is this a dream?” “Neither”, Arthur said amused. “We're both alive.” “Oh, come on.” Nick waved him off. “I'm not that naïve anymore. But it's nice to see you again...” He took the vision's hand and squeezed it. “Do I feel dead?”, Arthur teased him. Nick felt very closely. The skin was warm and soft. “No”, he decided. Suddenly, the vision crawled closer and pressed a passionate kiss on his lips. “And this?”, he asked. “Hmm...I don't know...”, Nick muttered, very puzzled but thrilled. “I think I need more of this...” Arthur looked around, doubting. “I don't think we should in here...” But Nick pulled him closer for another extensive testing. It felt good. Then he lay his forehead against Arthur's and stroked the man's back. His sluggish tiredness made way to euphoria.

If he was really dead, he wouldn't be still here, in this bed, right? Arthur didn't have to sleep in the same uncomfortable bed as him...but he was here...could it be that...? “Arthur?”, he asked, being pressed tightly against the other man. “Yes?”, Arthur returned. “Is it really you?” “Do you need another test?” He didn't say 'no' to that. Shortly after, he was convinced and didn't know how to express the overdose of joy he felt. “Arthur! Arthur, where have you been?”, he sobbed dryly. “I've been looking everywhere for you! Nobody could help me!” His lover hugged him again, like he had done it in the tunnel. “Ssshh...”, he whispered, patting his head. Nick sobbed into the crook of his neck. “I was at Victoria Byng's place...You know, my former boss...”, Arthur began to explain. “Why? What did she want?”, Nick blurted out. “Have you been in trouble? Are you hurt?” “Ssshh...no. It was really weird. All she wanted was to talk to me. She apologized for chasing me off when I turned Downer. It's like people really came back to their senses...” Nick slowly calmed down, thinking of the Wellies who were busy cleaning up their town...who didn't need to be on Joy anymore. “Yeah...it's over now. Nobody's taking Joy. There's no curfew. We can go wherever we want. All the rubble...and the corpses...sometimes I wish I had my Joy.”

“Wellington Wells looked like this once before, right after the war. Then everyone took Joy to forget”, Arthur remembered. “This time, we have to face it.” “Honestly, without you, I wouldn't have a reason to go on”, Nick blurted out. Arthur tenderly kissed his forehead. “Do you know...we can't pass the tunnel...” “I though they were still trying to fix it.” “Yeah...they are...I hope they'll make it.” “I'm so sorry, Arthur”. Nick's green eyes viewed him mournfully. Arthur patted his head again. “Don't be...I don't regret anything.” “Damn Victoria Byng. I kill her.” Arthur almost chuckled. “How long have you been alone?” “An awfully long time! A couple of days...I thought I lost you forever!” Arthur was shocked. “What, so long? But I just woke up! I'm so sorry!” “It's not your fault, my love. I swear, if I see her again...” “What did you do all this time?” “I helped the others as soon as I was able to walk properly. We clean up the mess.” “I hope it's worth it”, Arthur said before he could stop himself. Nick looked at him. “Not all of them want to leave...Some can't imagine another home than this...They want to save what's left and start new...Why shouldn't they at least try?” Arthur noticed that his outbreak had sounded very bitter. “Yeah...you're right...” He thought about the tunnel that was closed, Victoria, who had given him the permission to search the executive committee's office for clues about Percy...

Nick began to stir. “Are you hungry? We can get breakfast here, even though it's only porridge. It's better than nothing.” Arthur pondered. “I could go look if my house is still standing. Perhaps I have something edible left in my storage.” Nick dug himself out of Arthur's arms to beam at him. “Well, how does that sound?” Arthur grinned. Nick kissed him as an answer. Finally spending time with him, that's what he was pining for. They got up, then Nick crouched next to the bed to lift up something. “Would you mind if I take this baby with me?”, he asked, showing off a very new looking guitar. “Don't tell me the tunnel suite is still intact!” Arthur widened his eyes. “Er, no...I don't know, I wasn't there...this is from a shop in this district. I...er...borrowed it since the shop is closed.” Arthur laughed. “Alright. I don't think anyone will miss it. Let's bring it home.” Nick happily shouldered it and followed Arthur outside. As if the world was happy too, the sun was shining brightly, making the dirty cobblestone glow. For the first time, Nick had the feeling that the colours weren't as dull and grey as usual. But as if that was already too good to be true, a figure appeared walking towards the church.

“Isn't that Brad Wilson?”, Arthur asked. Nick sighed. “Yeah.” He turned away. “Now he'll think I lied to him when I said you probably didn't make it”, he muttered to himself. “Huh?” Arthur was puzzled, but Brad approached him already. “Hey, Arthur, you made it! That's fantastic news!”, he greeted him cheerfully and they shook hands. “Yeah...hell of a story...”, Arthur answered. “We got separated, woke up in different places, it was a mess...” “Sure. I've seen the tunnel...It's crazy you made it out alive.” “Did I though? I hope I'm alive.” They laughed. “Did you make it? I mean, the whole band?” “Yeah...but because we've been cowards. When people started killing each other, we hid in our dressing room for most of the time....that means, after we've been lucky enough to get back there...People freaked out without Joy.” He shook his head. More regretful, he added: “And us, too...” “I see...”, Arthur was taken aback by such an honest response from a Wellie. “But that's great news, too!” He wondered why Nick was so quiet. “I'm sorry we couldn't help you...When the riot started, all we could do was run.” “Don't beat yourself up about it. Nick told us that you had a hell of an adventure.” Arthur almost blushed. “Did he?” “Are you alright?”, Brad asked now with honest concern. He looked like he knew Arthur escaped a mass murderer. “I'm getting there...”, Arthur said awkwardly. “I'm glad..would you mind if borrowed Nick for a while?” “Er...no?” He gave Nick an unsure look. “We were about to for a walk, but I'm sure we can catch up later...?” Nick didn't look approving. “Can't Arthur come with me?” “I don't think that would be a good idea”, Brad gave him an urging look. Nick put a hand on his lover's shoulder and went a few steps away from Brad.

“Arthur, I just met you again”, he said and took his hand. “I can't leave you yet! I just lost you! I don't want it to happen again!” Nick looked like he was about to panic. Arthur put his hands on Nick's shoulders. “Ssshh...hey...I promise I'll be here when you come back...either in the church or my home...You know the address, right?” Nick named the address on Lansdown road. “Right. I'll be there, I promise. No more old bosses”, Arthur tried to make a joke. “Arthur, I don't...I can't do that...”, Nick whispered. “Yes, you can...Please, Nick, trust me...” “No, I mean...I can't meet them....” Sadness mixed into his expression. “I just can't.” “Why not?” “It's because what James did...what I did for him...They can't forgive me...It's over. I can't go back there.” “But Brad is here just for you.” “Yeah, well...He's the nicest but I don't know what he really thinks of me...Perhaps they just want to interrogate me some more...I don't want to leave you just for that!” “But...isn't that your life's work? Isn't that what you've been fighting for?” “Yeah, sure...” Nick suppressed the memories. “But now I have you! I lost this band long ago and I should probably move on...” “I just don't want you to regret this, Nick. All my life, I've been running away from my problems and from other people. There's not a single moment I don't regret now. I came back to you and...See how it paid off! Don't these people mean something to you?” Nick thought about it. “Sure...I spent the biggest part of my life with them...I just think there's no hope...” Arthur knew that feeling. “Please give this a chance. Be sure. It's still possible that you mean a lot to them. Don't spend the rest of your life wondering what could've been.” Nick eyed him. “And if don't mean anything to them?” “Then I'll be here for you. No matter what happens, you can come back to me. So, it won't be that bad, right?” Arthur squeezed Nick's shoulders and tried a smile. “I swear, if I see you now for the last time...”, Nick urged him. “I'll be good, I promise! I won't climb into holes, I won't start a fight, I'll just stay here and wait”, Arthur declared. Nick sighed deeply. Than he pulled Arthur into a tight hug. “Stay strong, Nick...”, Arthur whispered. “It pays off, I promise...” “I love you...” “I love you too...” They slowly parted and Nick went to follow Brad to the next band meeting. Arthur watched Nick go, hoping he did the right thing.

Nick went along with Brad but he didn't look happy. Also, he didn't say a word. "I'm glad for you...about Arthur...", Brad said some time later. "It's the best thing that happened to me since after the riot...", Nick answered glumly. But he was surprised about the condolence. "How are you guys doing?", he asked quieter. Brad needed a moment for his answer. "We had a rough night..." Nick crossed his arms. "Is it really a good idea to bring me back?" "Nick...just try your best, okay?", Brad said urgently. "I'm here for support, but I can't work wonders." Nick was already longing for Arthur's arms again. He only nodded. When he noticed they were walking into the same alley again, he asked: "So, you pick up where you left off?" "We're living here", Brad explained. "We came here often, to have a moment for ourselves, to cope with all this...Since no one  claimed this house back, we stayed." "Did you ever think of going back to Hamlyn Village?" "Well, yes, but...somehow, everybody is still here...waiting for something...We can't just go on like before..." "Yeah...", Nick only said. They crossed the backyard again and entered through the back door. It felt weird to see a normal house from inside again. It seemed as if he viewed it through a dirty window. This world was pale and dusty, not like he remembered it. What did his own home look like now?

Matt approached them. "Oh, it's you", he said past Nick. "That's a  sad greeting", Brad answered. Matt hung his shoulders. "Chris is gone again." Brad sighed. "He'll come back...He needs more time..." Matt didn't answer but eyed Nick waveringly. "And you?", Nick therefore asked. "Do you want to see me or would it be better if I left too?" Matt leaned against the doorframe. Without the mask, Nick could clearly see how tired and disappointed he looked. "I have questions, Nick...", he said quietly. "I can't forget about Morrie, ever since he entrusted himself to me..." Nick looked down. "You know my ways..." "Yeah, I know, and for all I care, you can do what you want with your birds! But Morrie was one of us! Why didn't you at least tell him the truth?" Nick gulped. "James wanted met to keep them both..." "You told him?" "Yeah..." Nick took a deep breath. "As I said, he was my therapist. I told him many things...I really thought he'd help me..." "If you had any common sense, you would've known what to do!" "I couldn't decide, okay?", Nick blurted out. "Properly speaking, Arthur was first. I just didn't know that he...I only learned that after I met Morrie again." "Then you should've told him he's too late!" "Do you think I'm that cold? Just brush him off like that..." "And instead you rather play with Morrie? Or both of them?" Matt snapped in disbelief. "Sure, that's way more fun!" "It wasn't about fun! I wanted to be fair to both of them and I didn't know who to choose, so I asked James for help...Now in hindsight, I know that he wanted me to lose both of them, so that he had me for himself....or he wanted me to be cruel to my loved ones, to learn to like it...But I didn't." "Still you didn't do shit!", his former friend spat. "I wanted to tell Morrie, just the day he..." Nick stopped. "The day Morrie found out himself! How very noble of you! We heard your last fight with too, you know?" "I needed it to wake up...James must've known that the game was over, that's why he..." "How did he know? And how did he know where Morrie was?" Matt glared at him. "...I don't know..." Nick felt a cold shiver run down his spine. "I didn't tell him! I didn't visit him that night! He had to be one of the guests!" "Or you told him ealier that you wanted to spill it all out to Morrie..." "No! I made that decision all alone! He didn't know anything", Nick insisted. "Really, Matt! I would've confessed already! I told you about Virgil...I'm searching for memories every day...but there's nothing..."

After a short pause, Matt asked: "Did it really matter what James said? Be honest, wouldn't you have kept both of them anyway?" Nick thought about it, then he shook his head. "I've made an oath to Morrie...Then I met with Arthur again, because...because everything had started with him...because he saved my life, because I couldn't reject him like that...But then...I think I would've stopped this earlier. I admit I was worried about Arthur, because he was a Downer and I wanted to help him. But I also wanted Morrie back...He said I could tell him everything...Without James, I couldn't keep this up for so long...I would've told Morrie without knowing what to do afterwards..." "Not Arthur?" "Well...he was so...chary...He would've left...would've thought it was his fault...It would've been the same as breaking up." "But you are serious about Arthur, right?", Brad suddenly asked with an urging look. Nick returned the gaze. "Yeah, I am!" "But he never knew?", Matt pointed out. "He...found out...and he forgave me...I did something right with him...and now I'll stay with him..." "Why, I  thought he's missing?" Nick smiled for the first time. "He came back last night." "That's true. I met him", Brad confirmed. "Really, Matt! If it hadn't been for the fake Blackberry Joy, I wouldn't have been so cruel! I would've told Morrie the truth! I didn't want to lose him again! I loved him!" Matt didn't answer. His expression was gloomy. Nick slumped down on a chair, out of energy.

"Did you really have to engage with this James?", Matt muttered after a while. Nick made a face. "Virgil wasn't an option anymore....I've had a nasty fight with him and he was sick of me, I think. He barely came to see me, he only communicated via notes..." "But he was back for us too." "Yeah, because you were a promising offer! Actually, he already had a new star. Without you, I wouldn't have had another chance!" "Wait...he had a new star?" "Yeah, Birdie...you remember? She played the gig with us on Memorial Day." "Oh, right..." Matt remembered. "And I thought she was a substitute for Arthur." "Was she a substitute for Arthur?", Brad asked. "No", Nick said with emphasis. "We were both mourning for Virgil, that's all." They fell quiet. "I admit, I had given up already. James was the one who made me think that I coud still be useful..." He laughed bitterly. "He gave me so much hope. He made me feel I could redeem myself. Ironically, without his Joy I would've never made it. I was always stoned or drunk or both and I never knew what day it was...With his Joy, I suddenly got through the day without needing other drugs...I was kinda normal again...That's why I trusted this stuff. I could never remember any...raidings, until it was too late." "Do you know why he was after you?", Brad asked more mildly. "No...He claimed to be a fan...Said he wanted me to be a star again...Perhaps he wanted to punish people by turning their idol into a killer, or he was crazy enough to think he was doing me a favour...I don't believe he wanted to take revenge on me...he wanted me as a friend..." "One can do without such friends", Matt muttered. Nick curled up and nodded as an answer. Brad walked closer. "You know, after ditching us like that, we thought you used us, screwed us over good and proper. A few days ago we thought you did it again. But you were serious, right?" "Yeah, I never wanted to screw you over! I wasn't myself when that happened! Perhaps you remember now that we didn't come along anymore. But I didn't want us to split, so I begged Virgil for help. He offered me to go on with my own band...I was so high, I didn't notice what it really meant...Later I had no clue what happened, I only knew I wronged you and I wanted to make up for it. Instead I made it worse..." He rubbed his eyes. "Chris is right. I am an idiot." The others didn't dissent. "But it was nice to see you again...to believe I could belong again...It was the best feeling...better than Joy." The room fell silent. Nick waited for them to dismiss him.

Suddenly, Chris entered the scene. "Well, what a party...", he commented, sitting down on a chair and crossing his legs. "You three are really getting along..." Matt took a deep breath and stretched himself. "This is just a gigantic pile of shit..." "Well said!", Chris approved. "The whole town though...", Brad replied. The two exchanged tense glances. "Come on, the Joy, the crazy doctors, the masks with fake smiles, the way we've been starving without noticing, how we've been betrayed all the time, you can't tell me it doesn't matter." Chris made a face. "How lucky he is, that in addition the whole town ran wild...It makes his own mistakes seem so much smaller..." "You can't blame this on him." "And you can't use it to defend him!" Chris banged on the table. Then he got up. "Norbert always only cared for his own well-being! He had used us before! I guess you don't give a shit anymore, but you're also not the one he stole his riffs from! I had to put up with this! He fucked up my career, not yours!" "If you think he stole something from you, you should speak to him." “If I think?” Chris was upset. “Have you lost your memory? You used to know he stole our ideas!” “I believe you mean something else.” “Do you? And what?” “You should tell him.” They looked at each other for a while, then Chris turned to Nick. “Do you also think I'm making this up?”

Nick gave him a short glance, then eyed the floor again. “I always admired you...”, he quietly said. “I always wanted to...sound like you, already when I wasn't a part of the band yet...I wanted to impress you.” “And you think it impresses me when you're stealing?”, Chris snapped. “I didn't steal! I only sounded similar.” “What a coincidence!” “You gave me lessons, do you remember? You taught me a lot of things and I soaked it all in.” “And this is how you thank me?”, Chris shouted. “Because I've been such a good friend you make me look like an impostor? Steal all my success and make me vanish from the scene?” “I wasn't myself! I was so stoned, I didn't know what I was doing!” “Oh, right, it's the Joy's fault! May I remind you that we've all been taking it but only you turned out to be the traitor in the end? I was your own character, Nicky!” “You didn't have Virgil...” “So it's also Virgil's fault? Funny he's dead and can't defend himself.” “He wanted me as a star! That's why he continued with me and no one of you! And he wanted me to play our songs!” “I bet you went along just fine.” “I thought it was temporary. I never realized we split until much later.” “You thought we'll subordinate us to the Golden God like good boys...” “I didn't see it like that! I was high!” Nick gave Chris a begging look. “And spoiled! You never noticed how everything was centred around you!” Chris folded his arms. Nick eyed the floor again. “Believe me, it was never about me...we've always been a team...” “You got used to your solo-career rather quickly...” “Of course I didn't refuse to be a star! But I didn't plan it from the start, you can't accuse me of this!” “You were simply lucky, right?” “I never asked Virgil why he wanted me of all people...But I can't claim that he was wrong.” “Perhaps you've been the most reckless.” “If I was reckless, I would now wander though the Garden District with James, cutting hearts out of Wastrels! But I freed myself from him!” “With Arthur's help, I assume.” “If he didn't mean so much to me, I would've killed him! And if I didn't do anything right with him, he wouldn't have come back to me!” Nick became quieter again. “I'm sorry that it went that way....I would've loved to be a part of you again...Giving you what I owed to you...I didn't want to put you in danger...I'm sorry that you're better off without me.” He got up. The others watched him but kept quiet.

“If you have no more questions, then...” “You want to leave?”, Matt asked. “I don't know...does it matter, what I want? What do you want?” He looked into awkward faces. “I have Arthur now, who's giving me a chance...I need to prove him that I'm not a reckless traitor.” “Wait...I thought he's missing?”, Chris asked. “You're not quite up-to-date”, Matt explained. “Arthur is back. Brad did see him, too.” “But this is also weird!” “But it's true”, Nick insisted. “Arthur and I got separated, because someone else had a score to settle with him...He came back last night.” “Holy shit...” Chris wiped his forehead. “What a mess...” “I don't expect you to believe me...I had my chance”, Nick said gloomily. “Is he okay?” Nick was surprised again. “Yeah...he's not hurt...” Chris nodded and silenced. Nick looked around, waiting if someone spoke up again. Matt seemed to have an inner fight with himself and Brad looked deep in thoughts. Nick couldn't bear the silence any longer and went out of the room. Brad followed him. Nick noticed that he didn't want to stop him, but to lead him to the door. Nick tried to cope with this kind of goodbye when Brad said quietly to him: “Norbert, we let you leave  now but it doesn't mean you're not allowed to come back. The others need more time, but you did well...There's still a chance.” “Why do you support me like that?”, Nick asked, looking up to him. Brad's expression became thoughtful. “Well...perhaps I'm nostalgic...Perhaps I'm clinging to our old life...But we don't have much left, only ourselves...We don't even know if we'll ever get off this goddamn rock...Fighting is no use...” “What if I left for good?” “It wouldn't change anything! They're just about to blame you for all that happened to them in the past ten years! They would live another lie and I don't want that! I want to leave this shit behind!” “So, what do you want from me?” “Just wait one more day. You gave them something to chew on, so let's wait what becomes of that.” “Okay...” Nick was taken aback once more when Brad patted his shoulder. “Why aren't you mad? Yesterday I was afraid you'd kill me,” he blurted out. “I was mad, that's true...But in the end, we've all been stupid, we've all been listening to Uncle Jack and the Joy Doctors...I can't believe what I did myself... Let's just say it was a good idea not to tell me that Arthur was a Downer...”, he said bitterly. “I would be even more ashamed if you'd get all the blame alone.” “Hey...” Nick was about to touch his arm, but thought twice. “Thank you...” “Nothing to thank me for...” Nick left the house with a better feeling than he had hoped for. But perhaps it was because he looked forward to see Arthur.

He searched for him in the church at first, but his lover wasn't there. More nervously, he made his way to his house...what was the address again? For a moment he had a blackout, but then he remembered and muttered it quietly to himself, over and over. When he could finally clasp Arthur in his arms, he didn't let go for a long time. Arthur went inside the house with him. “How did it go?”, he asked, fondling Nick's hair. He had a presentiment, because Nick was so clingy and he already regretted his advise. Nick slowly let go. “They didn't decide yet. Brad wants us to be friends again but the others can't forgive me yet. I don't know if they ever will...I made such a mess...” “Do you regret going back?” Arthur was worried. “Some things really hurt to hear...But you're right, I would've always asked myself what could've happened...Like this, I have a chance...” They hugged again. “I...was in the tunnel suite today...”, Arthur began. “You've been in the tunnel?”, Nick flared up. “Arthur!” “Only the one in Hamlyn! There was no landslide. I was careful.” “Why were you there?” “Because we still had supplies there...I see people trying to save what they can and I want to help, too. I brought as much as I could carry and handed it to the doctors. I also made healing balms until I ran out of stock.” “You're indispensable, King”, Nick sighed. Arthur furrowed his brows. “I found something else, too...I think it's for you...” He pulled something out of his pocket. Looking at the black envelope, Nick started to shiver. “Where did you find this?” “On your bed.” “No...no...this can't be!” Nick eagerly shook his head. “Do you know who writes these letters? Foggy Jack!” “It could be an old one”, Arthur tried to calm him down. “We haven't been there for a long time.” Nick caught his breath. “Right...it could be...” Then he unsurely eyed the letter. “Is it dangerous?”, Arthur asked. “Actually...he always wrote completely normal letters...If...if he's still alive...then...we have to...” “We will”, Arthur said firmly. “He can't hide as easily as before. People are not on Joy anymore, they can remember him and we can warn them.” Nick nodded and took the letter with shaking hands. He gave Arthur a short glance before he opened it and pulled out the piece of paper. Foggy Jack's handwriting made a shiver run down his spine. He needed to sit down in order to go on.

My dear Nick, sometimes fate goes strange ways. I'm writing you, hoping that you're able to read this letter one day, that this town in it's insanity didn't lead you into the abyss. That I didn't lead you there. I was already a shadow of myself when you fell into my hands. I don't expect you to accept this as an apology, but I never intended to hurt you. I really believed that I was helping you. Don't worry, you did never kill. That's what I told you because I wanted you to get used to the thought. A part of me still regrets that you didn't decide upon me. I will miss you. We could've lived our lie a little while longer... Don't look for me. I know I've come to the end of my time. My life is leaving me hour by hour. I was exposed to “Blackberry Joy” for too long. But you have a chance. Use it. Farewell, my friend! Your biggest fan Jack Worthing

Nick had to read the letter multiple times to fully understand it. “Jack Worthing?”, he then asked. “So it was him!”, Arthur said. “I knew I've heard the voice before!” Nick gave Arthur a helpless look. “Jack Worthing was James?” “He must've drugged you so you won't notice. What did he say?” “It's a...goodbye letter...” Nick actually felt grief for a moment. “It sounds like he's dying...of Joy-withdrawal.” Nick stared at the paper. “Uh...hooray?”, Arthur said quietly. “I feel sick...” Nick leaned back and let the paper fall on a counter. Arthur was quickly at his side, putting an arm around his shoulders. “Come, let's have a rest. Nick followed without hesitation.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/78193232

Chapter 64

Left alone, Nick made his way to Sally while the town was dawning. At her door, he forced himself to make a happy face, before he rang the bell. “Delivery!”, Nick announced through her speaker. “A bottle of cod liver oil, fresh and native, directly from the sunny climes of Uskglass!” Sally couldn't have sounded more relieved. “You got it! Come in!” The opener buzzed and shortly after, Nick entered Sally's much more organized lab. She hurried down from the upper floor. “You two are life saviours...”, she began. At the bottom of the stairs she stopped, looking at Nick and afterwards searching the room. “Did Arthur not come?” “Er...he really needed a rest. He was doing almost all the work in Haworth and...it's already late so...I told him he didn't have to...” “Is he...?” “He's okay. Only tired...” “I'm glad...” Sally struggled not to look too disappointed. After all, did she really expect him to come? He still hated her, and of course a journey through Haworth's madness didn't change that.

She was deep in thoughts when she suddenly realized Nick held out the bottle to her, so she curled her fingers around it. “Cod liver oil...”, she whispered, palpating the label. “It might be the only bottle in the entire town...” She even hugged it and a smile flashed over her face. “Really?”, Nick wondered. “Well, it was a quite funny adventure. If you need any other hidden treasure...”. What stood out to Sally was that he didn't sound sarcastic. She looked back at him, as if she noticed him for the first time. “You...would help me out again? Just like that? I mean...”. She wished she bit her tongue. “Of course I'll make it up to you.” She forced her lips to smile. Feeling the precious bottle under her fingers, she knew she had all she could hope for. It wouldn't hurt to do one last favour. Nick held up his hands. “Hey, you don't have to. We're friends, right? You and me go a long way, we were even more than friends once. Of course I'll help you out!” Sally eyed him. “You're not...I mean...You still have good memories..?” “Sure”. Nick laughed. “You know I fucked up my memory pretty badly and you're not quite innocent of that”. He grinned and she chuckled a little, waiting for where that was going. “But my memories are kinda coming back and I can see it all again. It was fun. Don't you think?” “Yeah.” She breathed in and out. “Good times.” “See?,” Nick smiled. “And even though I...uh...I'm not a customer anymore I still admire your stuff...Yeah, that's what you could do for me, actually...Would you mind not holding a grudge against me because of that? We can still be friends.” Sally was staggered “That's all?” “Yeah...” Nick crossed his arms and then felt a sting. “Oh...actually...there's another thing...” Of course there is, Sally thought. “What is it?”, she asked, making a few steps towards him. “Do you have a plaster?” Nick rolled up his sleeve and showed the wound on his upper arm. Sally's eyed widened.

Later, they stood in Sally's kitchen where she disinfected the would and applied and ointment. “Would you believe me if I told you I got that from a furious giant wielding a torch?”, Nick asked her, watching how she eased his pain. She chuckled. “From what I've seen inside the Labs so far I wouldn't be surprised.” She took a bandage out of a drawer. “I think I've seen the giant before. In a white suit?” “Yeah...”, Nick sighed. “That guy.” Sally shook her head. “I wish you didn't have to go through this...” “Aww, it's fine, we made it. And I'm sure nobody in Haworth will ever try to mess with us again.” He laughed and Sally joined. “We're the last reporters they'll ever let in.” “Did you see Verloc himself?” “Yeah, actually. I wish you saw his face when Arthur told him all we wanted was cod liver oil.” They laughed again. “Sadly, he didn't cooperate.” Sally locked gazes with him. “Did you...?” “No, he got away...I should have a popper in my house, too. For whenever the fans break in...” “You're right. That sounds quite practical.” Sally imagined escaping all the intrusive customers and Bobbies. “Do you have fanatic fans too? I bet you have.” “Yeah...” She put the bandages away. Done with her work, she leaned against the counter and took a breath. “Someone broke into my lab a few days ago...” “I'm sorry...” Nick turned serious again. “I hope he didn't take anything?” “No, no...I think he wanted Blackberry Joy and I was out of stock, so he couldn't find any...” Great Sally, you're the best company, she scolded herself, You could just as well start to cry here and now. “But that's over. I guess it won't happen again”, she waved herself off.

“Is that why you need the oil? Because you're out of supplies?” “Well...kind of...” She eyed the floor. “You know, you did me a great favour. It actually means a lot to me...”, she tried to express what she felt since the moment Nick came back from his journey. “Aww, it was nothing”, Nick said with a wave of his hand. “Don't beat yourself up about it. After all, I wanted to do it.” Sally assumed that Nick couldn't estimate the danger in the same way a Downer could and therefore didn't know what he was doing, but his whole attitude made her say: “I had no idea you were such a good friend.” Nick lifted his eyebrows. “Sorry, that came out wrong”, Sally quickly corrected herself. Why was it so hard to have a decent conversation without Joy? “I wanted to say...We didn't see each other for a long time and I stopped coming by without an explanation and, and...” Great. You meet the only man in town who doesn't hold a grudge against you and you remind him of all the reasons why he should. “And what?”, Nick asked with a clueless look. Sally returned the gaze. Nick slipped from the counter he had been sitting on. Coming closer, he took her hands. “Look, when I recall the past few years right, then I wasn't...quite all there myself...I could just as well be the one who stopped to let you in. I don't know. But does it matter? I'm not dwelling on this, not because I'm such a good Wellie, but because I believe we both did our best”, Nick said in a soft voice. “I'm just happy to see you again.” Sally had the urge to wipe her eyes. Instead she blinked and squeezed Nick's hands. “Well, I'm really glad I needed that record.” She giggled helplessly and he laughed with her. “Who knows when I would've had the guts to visit you.” “Or me...” Nick shook his head. “I was afraid...that I did something to you...” “Nothing besides the usual”, she replied and he grinned. Their laugh was very intimate. The whole placability of this moment made Sally let her guard go hug and squeeze the man, certain that he wouldn't draw the wrong conclusions.

If only she didn’t have such a bad luck. Just in this moment when she enjoyed the first comforting embrace in years, Arthur showed up. “Sally?“, she heard him call and her heart jumped. Tired, right. Also Nick was surprised, uncomfortably. They both let go of each other and quickly made a few steps backwards. Sally had the feeling that he gave Nick a more intense look. Did he really blame him for this? Was today her lucky day? “Arthur, Im glad to see you“, she said hopefully not too awkwardly. “Yeah, well…“ Arthur fell silent. An indeed awkward silence broke out while Nick seemed to try telling Arthur something with his glance. “Well, it was nice to see you again, Sally“, Nick said as if he had no idea what tone he should use. Polite, reserved, friendly but not too friendly? What was up with him? “But I er…have to go now…You know…business…maybe you’ll come by another time…er…er well, only if you can…I bet you’re busy too…good luck with whatever you’re gonna do with the oil…“ Sally assisted him with polite phrases until he was out, just like that. She couldn’t help but feel cheated of a tranquil moment.

It looked as if Arthur had chased Nick out without saying anything. And even though deep inside her she was happy that Arthur had changed his mind and came to visit her, her merciless sense made her doubt that she was prepared for this. Couldn’t they just dwell in good memories for once? “Arthur…I…I…“ She sighed. “Thank you. I know Nick couldn’t have done it without you…“ “If you knew that, why did you ask him?“ Arthur sounded bitter. “I didn’t come for for cod liver oil, I asked him for a record. Then he asked me if I needed more and since I can’t go to Haworth, I brought it up. I wondered it he had some in his storage. With Nick, you never know…“ She shrugged. “It wasn’t meant to be a big deal.“ “It never is, right? It was only another Sally whim!“, Arthur let his anger out. “For you, it’s nothing, but for everyone else it means trouble! You always have your good friends that do everything for you! You knew very well that Nick would go, that’s why you asked!“ “How would I know that?“ Sally was hurt. “Because you know Nick! You know he’s easy to charm, just play the damsel in distress and he’ll do everything for you!“ “But I didn’t mean for him to go into Haworth!“ “Then why did you bring it up?“ “I don’t know…because I started to chat? Because I hoped you’d have a better idea? Some things just happen, Arthur! I can’t explain it!“ “But I can! Because you knew I could do it and you knew that Nick would make me go! He was already so delighted to see you!“ “We are only friends!“ “Huh, very good friends, I bet. Just like you and the general! Or you and that crazy shit Verloc!“ “No, it’s not like that! I haven’t seen him for years! I didn’t know if he even let me in!“ “Why not? He’s just too nice of a guy, he wouldn’t mind. You could you know Nick and not know that?“ “Because people change! I don’t just walk into houses and expect people to bring out the red carpet! I’m thankful for every help I get, believe it or not! I don’t think anyone would’ve done what Nick did for me!“ “You should’ve stopped him! It was too dangerous and I think you knew that he wouldn’t see the danger! He’s naive like that! He’d never believe you’d send him to a suicide mission!“

Sally’s expression saddened. “He had you…“, she said quietly. “Right…but I’m not a superhero! I didn’t have this under control.“ “Sorry that I thought you were…“ Her tone changed and she looked up to him. “The way you survive without any help…I guess it made me dream…you even have a letter of transit now…how did you do that?“ Unwillingly, Arthur’s anger melted at an alarming rate. “Er…it was actually easy…but I rather not change the topic now…“ Sally gave him a cheeky smile. “You brought it up…“ “Is it so hard to say sorry?“, Arthur fought back. “Even though it doesn’t change anything.“ Sally’s face fell. “If you think I’m such a bad person, why did you do this for me?“ “Because Nick was about to go alone! You don’t even understand what you did to him! He could’ve died in there! All for some fucking cod liver oil! How could you do this to him?“ She eyed him. “So…this is about Nick…“ “Of course it’s about him! That’s what I’m trying to tell you!“ “I mean…you two…are very close…“ Arthur got the hint. He hesitated before he said: “Don’t ever ask him for a favor again.“ His voice was about to shiver. “Don’t…touch him! Sally’s mouth opened but no sound came out.

Arthur caught his breath. Now that this was finally out, he felt like a massive weight was taken off his chest. He was still angry at Sally, yet he felt a sting in his heart, seeing her crestfallen like that. Her feelings forced themselves on him. He simply sensed what she felt. Or he hoped, that was. Even if that kind of hope wasn’t due to him anymore. The main point was that she wouldn’t use Nick for her complicated whims anymore. “I’m sorry“, Sally finally whispered. “Look, I call others my friends even when they aren’t really. I know they’d let me fall the moment I stopped making Blackberry Joy or stop taking Joy or break the rules in another way…“. She bit her lip. “I guess most of them would’ve killed me already. I don’t have a lot of true friends…I just found out that Nick is one of them…Sometimes you just need a hug, Arthur, without any obligations.“ Arthur felt sorry, even though his mind refused to believe her. The Salamander always found her way around things. She always found people to help her out, friends or not. She got what she wanted. She ran off with nothing and now she was the it-girl of Wellington Wells and also a brilliant chemist, a star just like Nick Lightbearer. Could she be that lonely?

“I’m sorry“, he still said. “I don’t have anyone except Nick and he’s so…trusting…“ Sally made a few steps towards him. “You can trust me“, she said. “I’m not an evil witch or something, even though I kinda make potions…“ “Sure, sure, I didn’t mean to…act like you’re evil or something…I guess you’re just trying to get along, just like me…“ She cracked a smile that shouldn’t send such a shiver down his spine. Her eyes had no right to touch his heart like that. “See, I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you anything in return. Do you really have a letter of transit or do you just want to keep the general away from me?“ Her eyes squinted a little. She was making a joke. “It’s more like I have the letter of transit…“ Sally mused. “I’m trying to get out myself….I know where a boat is…I think I could squeeze in two more people if they behave.“ Arthur’s heart jumped. A boat? He saw the beautiful, endless ocean right before his eyes. Freedom. But then he saw Sally and Nick, together in a boat…finding out how much they had missed each other…Sally being oh so thankful and Nick melting away under her charms.

“You don’t have to do anything for me, Sal. It’s okay.“ “But it’s no trouble at all! If anything, it’d make it easier to escape, with two fighters like you and my wits. We would be the three musketeers for once!“ Arthur gulped. “I…I think I’m fine with two musketeers… No hard feelings, Sally.“ Sally let out a breath. “Okay…if you need something else…“ “Take care, Sally…“, Arthur said quietly. He had no right to feel so sad. “You too, Arthur…“, she replied, and now that it was final, all the things Arthur had wanted to say to her span in his head. “Hey…when you’re out, pay me a visit, okay? I wanna know what kind of amazing story you have to tell.“ “Yeah…“, he said, wondering how he’d find her in the big world outside. “And if you find me first, don’t hesitate to say hi.“ “Sure thing“, she answered. “Say goodbye to Nick for me…“ “Sure…see you around, Salamander…“ “Goodbye, Sparky.“ When he left her home, he was certain he had seen for the last time. He had a feeling that he couldn’t describe, neither with a word nor a gesture. It made him helpless, even though he should be happy now that was over. For once, he would be the one cuddling and not saying a word.

He found Nick in his bedroom, accompanied by his iconic blue guitar. Arthur convinced him to put the instrument aside and hold him instead. He kissed a little trail from Nick’s cheek down to his neck and then remained wrapped around his lover, wordless. “Arthur, are you okay?“, Nick whispered. “I hope you didn’t have a fight with her, because of me…“ Arthur shook his head. Nick twirled a black hair strand around his finger. “I didn’t mean to anger you even more. I know it’s lame to blame the girl but she hugged me, only in a friendly way. I had no reason to push her away.“ “She told me already.“ It came out rougher than planned. Arthur really didn’t want to talk about such a delicate topic. His own feelings for Sally weren’t quite acceptable. „Oh…“, Nick said and fell quiet. He now focused on stroking and rubbing Arthur’s back and shoulders. Then Arthur recalled something. Well, get it over with, then. “Sally is leaving the town. She told me to say goodbye to you…“ “She’s leaving?“ “Yeah…She would’ve told you if I didn’t show up I guess…“ Nick’s hands stopped for a while. “It’s strange to imagine Wellington Wells without her…She was like…the town’s soul…at least to me…I mean…“ “I know“, Arthur quickly said before Nick could let out another trail of apologies. Silence ensued and Arthur closed his eyes.

“You like her“, Nick unfortunately said. “Wha…why?“ “You wear your heart on your sleeve, King. It’s not hard to read you.“ Arthur’s face began to burn. “Nick, I love you. I don’t know what it is with Sally, it’s never easy with her.“ “Well, we don’t have to let her go“, Nick said and Arthur steadied himself on his elbows to look at him. “Nick, believe me, this is over. Sally and I are no longer a thing.“ “But it makes you sad. I don’t want you to be sad.“ “You want me to leave you for her or what?“ “No, I hope you can’t leave me so easily“, he chuckled even. “Then what are you…?“ “Bear with me, okay? I thought, if I had the same problem…of loving two people at once, I’d wish they understood…I’m trying to tell you that I do. And I don’t think Sally would mind. She’s quite open minded and she and I come along just fine…“ Arthur stared at him with an open mouth. “Are you making fun of me?“ “No, I’m serious! I…I think I know how you feel…“ “Because you love Sally?“ “No, no, I don’t love her…I just understand you.“ “Be honest with me, Nick! It makes sense: Why did you insist to got on this mission so badly? Why do you not want her to leave? You love her, right? You saw her again and…“ “No, no, no, Arthur…“ Nick slightly shook him. “Now you’re being ridiculous. I. Love. You. Not Sally. I’m only saying…you don’t need to suffer. I’m okay with it.“

Arthur looked at him in disbelief. “Wouldn't you be jealous? I know I would. I think everyone would.” “Arthur, I trust you.” Arthur shook his head. “I don't know...” “What?” “Aren’t you afraid I’d end up with her and abandon you?” Nick sat up. Wrapping his arms around his legs, he gave his lover a meaningful look. “Why would you do that to me?” Arthur winced again, shortly closing his eyes. “It's not that I'd do it! But...why are you not even afraid? Is it because you're such a wanted star that you never think people could leave you? And what about me? What if you leave me for her?” “I wouldn't do that either!”, Nick said eagerly, shaking his head. Arthur didn't look like his answer cheered him up. He granted him a rather gloomy glance. “Don't you believe me?”, Nick asked quietly, his eyes searching for an answer in his lover's expression.

Arthur sighed. “First this Debbie-person, and now Sally...I wonder, would you easily invite a third person to our relationship?” Nick looked at the blanket under his feet, avoiding the other man's look. He felt that his character was rejected once more. Morrie had done it first. And well, what did he really expect Arthur to do? Morrie had been a sensible person, Arthur was too. He was sorry he had brought it up. “Hey...”, he began, opening the grip around his legs and trying to get comfortable again. “Let's forget about it, okay? I wanted to help, but...I guess it was a bad idea.” He let out a sigh after that. A rather disappointed one.

“Help...” Arthur shook his head again. “I don't know if I should be shocked...or...” “Shocked? Come on, it was only a question. Not that I already invited her or something.” Arthur had to think of the three musketeers for some ominous reason. Did she also...? “Did Sally...give you this idea?” He and Nick locked gazes. “No...she thought you had enough of her.” Arthur averted his gaze again, helplessly looking around the room. “You came back...”, Nick said. Arthur frowned at that. “Why can't you stop talking about her?”, he almost yelled at the other man. “I'm glad she's leaving and don't you dare bring any random girl into our relationship!” Nick curled up again. “I didn't mean to...” His voice was meek. Arthur began to crawl out of the bed. “Where are you going?”, Nick asked, worried. “I need some time for myself”, his lover answered gloomily. Before he left the room he turned around again to add: “I'm at the bar!”, as if it was Nick's fault that he went especially there. But now it was no time to blame his imprudence, Arthur decided. Nick got the message.

The rockstar felt abandoned in his big fabulous bed that suddenly felt oversized. Staring at his wallpaper for a while, he tried to cope with the outcome of what had been a both a try to assist and a confession. So much for telling the truth...even if only a little bit of that... 'What kind of a person are you, Nick?', he asked himself. 'Do you even deserve to be loved?' Now it became too self-loathing for him and he left the room himself. If he wanted to complain about what a horrible person he was, he would at least not talk to himself.

Glad that he didn't meet anyone, he made his way to the first spot his brain came up with. He chose it because he felt that he wasn't done with it. He didn't know if he'd ever be done. Sitting down at the brim of the fountain, he eyed the water again that seemed to happily dance about, accompanied with a little splashing sound that he had always enjoyed when he had been in the park near school. His own reflection didn't look much better today. If Virgil was here, he would've scolded him because of the giant blue rings under his eyes. Thinking about it, he smiled, and a tear ran down his cheek.

'Hello Morrie', he thought. 'It's been three days now. How are you? I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, but...you know me...I needed a little adventure...something to keep me going after all this. You wouldn't have liked it I guess...but perhaps, now that everything came out alright, you could laugh about it now. Imagine me as a fighter...oh, no...' He shook his head and smiled again. 'At least I was helpful...' His finger drew a circle into the water surface. He watched the little waves roll and vanish. 'I wish I did help you.' More tears came. 'I still miss you. Now that I know what Arthur thinks about all this, I guess I don't know what I would've done...I wish I asked you.' Nick took a deep breath. 'This is all confusing and you seemed to see sense in everything. I guess I'll ask James again...You never met him, but he's good to me. Even though he can't magically turn me into a better person, I feel like I have a guide.' He put his hand back on the brim and wiped it dry on his jacket. 'I'll come back. I think I'll bring you flowers, be a gentleman for once...I love you...'

He got up and looked back to the fountain a few times when he went away. Saying goodbye was hard even if it was only in his imagination.

James would understand, Nick was sure.

[sea-side-scribbles]

"Is my rockstar tired?" ☕

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/76637180

Chapter 59

Morrie had left the door of his room slightly open, so he could hear what was happening in the corridor. He had been waiting with curiosity, would’ve stayed the whole night there, waiting for something to happen. 

Or nothing. 

He would’ve been fine if Norbert had stayed in his hideout all night. 

He would’ve liked to witness that. 

But when he heard his lover leave the dressing room, with a slight squeak of the door, and his footsteps coming quietly downstairs, he wasn’t disappointed. He was somehow beyond that point of being disappointed. He only wanted to see the truth. So, in fact, he rather thanked Norbert for his audacity. Without it, he would’ve never learned the truth. 

Morrie was certain that Nick would lead him there. He needed to go after him, after all. He had suspected that Norbert felt a lot of sympathy for that random reporter. 

Well, Norbert liked people, that fas a fact. 

He was almost naive, trusting strangers and being comfortable around them. That was why every fan immediately believed they were close friends. Someone who didn’t know him couldn’t see the little difference between sympathy and well, further interest. 

The image of how he had lifted Arthur up from the ground appeared in front of his eyes. Morrie quickly blinked. 

Oh, Norbert just liked his tall guys.

Morrie’s plan didn’t go as far as knowing what he should do when he saw them together. 

Jump out of a bush? Boo? 

That would’ve been funny. 

But Morrie never was the funny type. 

After everything that had happened, he didn’t know if he even wanted to scold Norbert. Morrie had known better, all the time, but simply all those empty years without his reckless lover had given him enough reason to stay. 

He had lied too. 

He wasn’t done trying. 

He wasn’t done hearing excuses and he wasn’t done watching Norbert pleading for his love. 

That reporter had no idea who Norbert was, what he needed and what he did!

However, there was still another possibility. What if that reporter had completely different intentions? Norbert also had the bad habit of trusting the wrong people, and every wrong word in the press could bring him to fall. He needed protection. And all he needed to do was to understand that only Morrie could be his protector.

His heart was throbbing. This was pulling his nerves. The farther Norbert went, the more he was afraid. But he had to wait, gather all his patience, until he could finally leave his room and follow, passing by the drunkards in the hallway. At the top of the stairs he waited. Norbert was careful but decisive. He didn’t hesitate once when he walked out of the backdoor. Morrie already felt cold before the night breeze touched his skin. 

Panic took over him because he couldn’t find Norbert in the dark. He turned a corner in the narrow backyard, listening carefully over the sound of his own footsteps. 

There was so much noise. The whistling, stomping Bobbies of the night shift, the humming drones, squealing of rats in the grass - how was he supposed to hear the footsteps of a light-footed rockstar? 

He went the only way that made sense to him, towards the street, not the cliffs, god forsake, and soon his eyes fell on a slim figure walking in a hurried, but careful pace. 

He must’ve done this before, the way he was completely calm around the functioning alarm system, fooling it constantly. Morrie stumbled along, starting to wonder if it really was a good idea to take a night stroll only for good old verity’s sake. Walking over the cobblestone, his footsteps were incredibly loud to him, no matter how faintly he treaded. The way they echoed along the streets was unbearable. 

But wait - were they his own? 

Morrie promptly stopped, pressing himself against a wall, staring at Norbert’s figure that went off in a steady pace. Drops of sweat ran down his forehead. He was definitely not made for this. Shortly glancing back, he found only dark emptiness behind him. 

God, his nerves! His intuition went crazy out here! 

He broke away from the wall and hurried behind Norbert.

Nick had to keep himself from thinking too much. If he realized what he was doing, he was afraid he’d panic and hide under his blanket again. He had no idea what he’d say to Arthur, if he could stick to his quickly worked out plan, or if he’d simply break. 

The image of saying goodbye to someone only brought back bad memories. 

It was never done right. 

It shouldn’t be done at all. 

So all he could do was being afraid, actually keeping his chest from bursting with fear and climb down the ladder. 

For the first time he felt like he could trip and fall at any moment. The walls seemed to watch him, as if he was an intruder, the chaos invading this silent den of toxic fog and rats. 

Arthur was right. 

This was a romantic place only for a stoned druggie. Not a home for a man like him.

Back on solid ground, nothing stopped Nick from running anymore. 

When he reached Arthur’s shelter, he found the door open. The lump in his throat kept him from speaking while he turned every corner in the shelter. 

It was empty. Just the dirty, abandoned place that it had been before Arthur had filled it with life. 

“No…“ His whisper echoed through the chamber. He hurried to his tunnel suite. Inside, the bed was still unmade. Nick walked over to it, his gaze wandering along every little fold that held the last memory of their forbidden love. 

The last beautiful moment before everything had fallen apart. 

Nick sat down on the bed, ran his fingers along the sheets and started to sob.

Bad timing! 

Bad fucking awful timing! 

Why did that always happen to him? 

Because he had to go down memory lane, dwell in his own fucking self-pity before he got his arse up! No time to live in memories during his escape, right? So better do it now. 

And then thinking he’d be hungry at his journey. He couldn’t just walk into a shop as a Downer in the Parade. Of course he had to go the easiest way. And there was a still good-filled storage nearby, owned by someone who wouldn’t notice if a few things were missing. Or all of them. Someone who bloody deserved an empty kitchen! But of course it couldn’t be that easy, Arthur thought cowering behind a counter. 

This didn’t look like it would end soon.

Did Sally cry for him after she betrayed him? If so, was it self-pity too?

Was there a selfless way to cry?

Well, Nick didn’t betray him. He just…broke up with him for no reason. And now he was crying about it. Should’ve made up his mind.

Instead, he made Arthur want to walk over and put his arms around him. Maybe pet that pretty caramel hair. 

Oh, for fuck’s sake, why couldn’t he be tougher? He had been tough with Sally, right? Well, throwing a stranded girl out onto the streets had been not very tough. 

Oh, heavens!

His legs started to itch. He needed to get out of there. Arthur crawled along the counter and then eyed his options. Nick was focused on the bedsheets, perhaps he wouldn’t look around. Arthur darted out of his corner and found a new spot behind a shelf. He gasped triumphantly while his heart nearly jumped out of his throat. 

This wasn’t so bad! Nick wouldn’t see him, if he squeezed around the furniture and disappeared into the tunnel. Quickly, he began to crawl, setting his eyes on the devastated rockstar. 

What an image! This was almost like he saw him for the first time. Broken, desperate and helpless. This image had been very impressive because during all the crying and rueing, he had also shown deep interest in a certain Downer…

Arthur couldn’t help but dwell. 

That sweet taste, their intimacy that Arthur hadn’t felt since… 

It had been a dream. 

A world where nobody could harm him, where his own desires mattered. 

Well, every dream eventually ended. 

It was time to wake up.

Forcefully, Arthur brought himself to move on. With his gaze still set on Nick, he didn’t notice that he had moved the clobber on the shelf along with him. When he saw something golden floating in the corner of his eye it was already too late. The statue of Nick touched the stoney tiles and shattered into little shiny pieces.

“Sorry“, Arthur said to a flabbergasted Nick, “Was that important to you?“

“Arthur…you’re still here.“ Nick’s voice was a rasp. Arthur nervously clutched the bag he had packed with Nick’s stash.

“Uh…I…I need supplies for my escape and…I figured you wouldn’t need these anymore…since you have the Avalon suite and your own kitchen and your manager who gets you things and… I don’t have to explain myself to you! Why are you here? Stroking the bed, as if it was some precious treasure of yours? You’re the one who broke up with me!“

Nick watched Arthur rant, spilling all these words out of his mouth. He barely heard them. They sounded hostile and made Nick clutch the sheets, adding more folds to the picture.

“I made a horrible mistake“, he brought out.

Arthur talked over the pang he felt in his chest: “No, you’re right! If you want to stay here, there’s nothing I can do for you! It’s better we…stop lying to ourselves and do what’s best for us!“

God, did he have to sound so much like an arse, Arthur thought while the darkness of the tunnel lurked in the corner of his eye. It was so close, one tiny step and he’d be out of here. But his feet didn’t obey him.

“Why do you want to go so badly?“, Nick asked, no, pleaded.

God, why did he have to make this so awkward?

“Why? I told you, I can’t live this life! There’s more important things in the world than Wellington Wells! Things like…like…“ 

Family?

Arthur stopped himself just at the last moment.

“What does it matter to you? It’s is none of your business anymore!“

Nick let go of the bed. His hands now clung to each other.

“I wish it was.“

Arthur let out a silent breath. “What?“

Nick got up.

Run, Arthur, run! 

But his damn feet…

Nick’s feet worked just fine. He stopped in a safe distance to Arthur, not close enough to make him run away. “Arthur, I know I sounded like I don’t care about you anymore. But that’s not true. I care very much about you. You mean…a lot to me.“

Arthur’s expression darkened. “So what? What do you want?“

Nick had gone a long way to come this far. He had accomplished so much. He was only one step away from fulfilling his dream. 

From this day on, he could be true, let all his past mistakes go, find the better person in himself and become the man Morrie had always wanted. All it took was sacrificing the poor bugger that fate had made cross his path. 

Easy as that.

But didn’t better people aways say you should listen to your heart?

“I know I don’t have the right…you asked for it before and I refused…but I have to ask you now…Could we…start over?“

“What?“

Suddenly the bag in Arthur’s hands felt very heavy. He had no idea how long he’d been holding it. And he really planned to go all the way to the bridge with this?

“No…we can’t…I prepared everything and I really need to go…“

Nick lowered his head and his shoulder fell. “I didn’t want it to end like this…“, he said quietly.

“Me neither, but you…“

The bad slipped from Arthur’s shoulder and the many cans inside caused a loud clank.

“What is this, Nick?“, Arthur cried out. “First you break up and now you want me back right after? Just like that? Is that how it works with you?“

Nick made an awkward gesture as if he wanted to shrug and then decided otherwise.

“You see…I’m a bad person…but believe me, I love you!“

Arthur gave the bag a helpless glance. He could still lift it up and go. But it didn’t look like it was in a hurry. 

“What are we supposed to do now?“

“Well“, Nick dared to make a few steps forward. “If you’re too mad at me for now, you could tell me to leave you alone. I could come back later, when you know if you still want me around or not…Or we could try it right now…We could act like we met for the first time.“ 

He leaned against the greasy wall with one arm, in an overly nonchalant way and gave him a look with a spark in his eyes that suddenly came out of nowhere. 

“Hello, beautiful stranger“, he purred. „Nice to meet you down here. Would you like a drink?“

It was so over the top. Arthur wished he could pull off a perplexed chuckle, or a sigh, anything else than turning as red as a beet. How weird was he to find that cute?

“That doesn’t work“, he said trying not to smile. “I know you.“

“Sure you know me. Everyone knows me. You can call me Nick, just like everyone else“, he replied as if Arthur wouldn’t know that by now. “So, can I cheer you up with a drink? Believe me, talking is much easier when you’re sitting down and smelling a fruity bouquet.“

It had been a question, but still Nick was setting himself into motion right after. Arthur followed him without hesitation. “Fine. But no drugs this time“, he demanded.

Nick made an upset expression. “God, no! What gave you that idea? I’m just talking about a harmless, tasty refresher. You’ll see, you’ll like it.“ Nick put two glasses on the counter before his eyes wandered along Arthur’s features. “By the way, what’s your name?“

Arthur blinked. “Guess.“

Nick opened his mouth in surprise, then let out a playful chuckle. “With pleasure…hmm…I think you have a name with a strong meaning…a name that people consider as common but describes you better than any other…“

“You’d find all of that out at the first meeting?“, Arthur teased, accepting his drink.

“Sshh“, Nick hissed quietly and waved him off. “I think you are a…“ He eyed him nonchalantly. “A Percival, yes?“

Arthur nearly choked. 

“A…P…Percival…huh…“, he stuttered wiping his mouth. “Why?“

“Because it’s strong, because it has the right sound, because I think it has a connection to you…no?“

“Uh…well…it’s close…“, Arthur stuttered, trying to sound amused. “I’m impressed.“

“Only close?“ Nick said with fake disappointment. “Aww, I thought I had it.“

Arthur tasted more of the drink. It was a more subtle savour, not overly sweet but not bitter either, with an indeed fruity smell surrounding it.

“Nick…perhaps we should act normal…“

“Oh, sure.“ Nick smiled warmly. “Just be natural. Do whatever you want around me. Be free.“

“No, I mean…I don’t think this works.“ He drank more. 

Nick sighed and leaned an elbow onto the counter. “At least the drinks are drinkable, hm?“

Arthur put the glass down, still feeling the taste on his tongue. “Nick…I don’t know what you put into this again, but it makes me want to grab you.“

Nick’s face lit up. “Whoa, tiger, you really let it all out on your first date! I like that!“

“Is this even a date?“

Nick chuckled irresistibly. “I think so…“

“Honestly, what did you put in there?“

Nick lifted an eyebrow. “Are you sure you had alcohol before?“

Arthur reached out a hand. “Let me touch you to see if you’re real.“

“Oh my…“ Nick acted flattered. “I don’t even know your name yet…“

Arthur palpated the other man and immediately felt his warmth under his fingers. The cloth was so soft…to touchable.

“I’m afraid we have to save that for later…“

Nick was beaming with joy. “You go by ’beautiful stranger’ for now.“

Arthur leaned over to Nick. “Fine with me…“

The shadow moved, soundless but definite, stalking his prey. There couldn’t have been a better night. Starless. 

There was nothing that could stop him, because someone’s time was definitely over. 

He had been curious about how it’d turn out for this particular one. He had been watching him for a while, how he kept spilling venom into Nick’s heart and put him in chains. It had been a very interesting time. But now he had to end the farce.

Morrie’s fear grew again when Norbert suddenly left the road. Turning around, he was seen only for a short glimpse, then he was gone, and only Morrie’s sense told him that he hadn’t vanished into thin air. 

He was thankful when his feet touched grass again. It was so soft and quiet. In a corner behind a fountain he found Norbert again. Morrie ducked behind it. 

Great, he’ll meet him here, of all places. Wasn’t there a better location for…? 

His train of thoughts was cut off when he saw Norbert put his hands on a wheel and turn it. What was that about? A hatch? Really? Morrie shivered in the cold. He didn’t want to go down there. What the hell was Norbert doing? Morrie suddenly had a very bad feeling in his guts. What if this wasn’t about a love affair? What if Norbert was in real danger this time? A second later, Morrie found the heart to come out of his hiding spot and rush over to Norbert, hands reaching out for him.

“Nick, what are you doing?“ Arthur chuckled helplessly. Nick had grabbed his hand, his other hand lay on Arthur’s hip, and he dragged him away from the bar.

“Have you never danced before?“, Nick teased him.

“Not in this state“, Arthur protested, while he clumsily tried to follow the other man’s pace. He let out a surprised gasp when Nick suddenly swirled him around.

“Careful!“

Nick moved fluidly. “Step on my feet all you want, beautiful stranger.“

Arthur grabbed him, eyes fixed on the ground, watching his lovers’ feet move and slowly adjusting to the rhythm. He began to feel comfortable. Nick’s tender eyes assured him he could do no wrong. Each time they set foot on the stoney floor their bodies came closer. Arthur was about to embrace Nick, what made his nerves tickle with joy. He figured that they danced like his schoolmates must’ve done it at parties. Not really dancing, rather hugging while moving along. 

Did he ever dance like that? 

If he wasn’t fooling himself, he remembered having at least a tiny bit of talent. Perhaps he could pull it off…

He put both hands on Nick’s hips and lifted him up in the air. Soon, he heard Nick rejoice. Two hands quickly clutched his shoulders for security. Then Arthur panicked about his spontaneous courage and wondered about the next step. If he recalled it right, he was supposed to put his partner back down in a romantic way. A second later, Nick landed not only on his feet, but also in Arthur’s arms, that were his only protection between him and the floor.

Nick melted away. He felt save. And loved. Also, it was a lot of fun.

“Can you do that again?“

Morrie didn’t come very far. The moment he decided to run was also the moment that something else caught his attention.

All he could see at first were eyes. In the glimpse of the moment, their red shine emerged from the dark. They were set on him, distorted with anger, with black pupils that stared right trough him and made his insides turn to ice. The face they belonged to, even though covered in an unnatural shimmer, seemed familiar, but Morrie couldn’t tell why. The way the stranger approached him made Morrie feel that this was very personal. But he was sure that only the devil himself could look this way.

When he realized his fate he felt grief. Grief for himself, for his love and for the world that had been beautiful once. His mouth was wide open when he took a breath, gasping a silent cry.

“Nick“, Arthur sighed and reached out for the other man, needing multiple tries to find him.

“Yeah?“, Nick purred with a voice like silk.

“Do you always put a spell on people you like?“

“Uh…I guess so…“ Nick, stuttered, not quite getting it. His fingers stroked Arthur’s skin.

“I could be far away by now. In a strange country, without even knowing you.“

Nick’s hand stopped, lingering on the spot.

“It’s true…I’m sorry…“

Arthur turned around, crawling towards the other man, until his lips nearly touched the other man’s cheek.

“Thank you“, he whispered into Nick’s ear.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/76358372

Chapter 58

Nick could tell from the start that this party was going to be a success. Everybody visited to congratulate him and to assure him that the Golden God of Rock was back in all his glory. Nick was especially surprised by one guest that was barely seen in public nowadays. People had already started to wonder if he had become antisocial. If his face wasn’t to be seen all over Wellington Wells they could’ve wondered if he even existed.

Well, there he was, smiling warmly, seemingly unaffected by the little stir he had caused.

“Uncle Jack“, Nick said shaking his hand. “I’m so glad you could come.“

“Nick, it’s wonderful to see you again. I must admit I was a tiny bit worried about you.“

“Worried?“, Nick repeated and forced a laugh. “Oh no, there’s nothing to worry about. I just had too good of a time.“ He led Uncle Jack inside.

“I’m glad to hear that. Without you, the town would lose it’s icon.“

Nick laughed again. “But Uncle Jack, you’re the town’s icon.“

“Not to me“, Jack replied in a tone that made Nick look directly at him.

“That’s why I invited you“, he said half joking and half flattered. “You’re always cheering me up.“

“You were doing the same for me, since the first time I saw you.“

Nick lowered his voice. “You remember that?“

“Fondly“, Jack affirmed. “You were young and ambitious, you and The Make Believes, when you appeared in my show for the first time. You were representing a better world, a happier world.  I thought from the start that you were exactly what we needed. I must admit that you were also what I needed. I remember playing your first record every day. Without you, I wouldn’t be the same person I am now.“

“It’s mutual, I think…“ Nick said. “We…I wouldn’t be the same without your help.“

“Isn’t it fascinating, how we all depend on each other?“

“Uh…yeah…Isn’t it also wonderful?“

“Indeed. But fragile. One little change can turn everything upside down.“

Jack gave him a meaningful glance. Nick didn’t know what to say about that.

“Ah, well, I don’t mean to waste your time. We both busy men, you and I. Will you give a performance later?“

“Uh…sure.“

“Splendid! I’m looking forward to that. See you around.“

When Uncle Jack left, Nick noticed that his heart was pounding heavily and he was clinging to a side table as if he was about to fall over. 

“Are you okay?“ Morrie approached him, having squeezed himself through a group of admirers.

“Yeah…just…having a break…“, Nick assured him.

Morrie gestured towards the famous host. “He’s a real surprise, right? I thought he doesn’t show up in public anymore.“

“Yeah, me too. But he’s very happy to see me…us again.“

Morrie’s expression changed. He looked at Jack and then back at Nick.

“Only in my dreams, Morrie“, Nick said poking his lover’s shoulder. “He’s a fan, that’s all.“

Morrie relaxed again and Nick let go of the table.

“Are you okay?“, he returned the question to his lover.

“I’m getting there“, Morrie answered. “I’m looking forward to get on stage again. These celebrities come too close and keep asking the same questions.“

“So, nothing changed.“ Nick gave him a smile.

It didn’t take long until a new crowd was gathering around the two stars and Nick gave them all his attention until he managed to get away. But then Morrie was also gone.

Nick knew he couldn’t stick to him all night but he wanted to make sure he was in a good mood most of the time.

Suddenly, a flashlight caught his eye. Nick quickly posed for the camera and then found out who the photographer was.

Of course he was there!

If not for Nick, then for doing his job.

Nick looked at him in silence for too long to be natural, before he walked over to him and casually shook his hand.

“Hi Arthur. You’re having fun?“, he said very unnaturally.

Also Arthur looked uncomfortable.

“Can I talk to you in private?“, he only asked.

“Sure. Uh…follow me.“

Nick led him out of the crowded room, inwardly praying that Morrie didn’t see him. There was no way to hide that he was walking upstairs with another man.

He also hesitated about where to go. He didn’t want to be caught in his bedroom with Arthur, but he also didn’t want to go into the guest room where Morrie slept, so he hurried into the storage room instead. Arthur was probably confused. 

“No one will expect us here“, Nick shortly explained before he went back to the point. “So…what did you want to tell me?“ He noticed it came out colder than it was supposed to. 

Arthur was taken aback by all this. There was something off in Nick’s behaviour that made him afraid he had misjudged their relationship. 

“Is there anything you want to tell me?“, he gave the question back.

“Hey, don’t make this confusing. I asked you first“. Nick made an effort to sound playful.

“Do you remember anything I told you? Or did you take Joy and forgot?“

The playful manner vanished. “I remember everything you said.“

“So why the fuck do you have nothing to say?“, Arthur suddenly blurted out. “Is that why you didn’t come back? Because you don’t care?“

“Now, wait, I just wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself!“, Nick said with held up hands.

“Explain myself? All I asked you for was a place in your life!“

“Oh, no, that’s not what you said! I might look like a stupid Wellie but I remember it all! You said you’re gonna leave the town!“

“Come on, Nick! You never complained about my unusual thoughts before! I thought you wouldn’t make a fuss about it!“

“Is this a joke? What were you thinking? Why did you bother me if you wanted to leave anyway? Do you have any idea how risky it was to meet you? To let you into my house? This could’ve ended my career for good!“

“I had the feeling you enjoyed our meetings!“, Arthur snapped back. “And sorry for risking your career while I only risked my bloody life for you!“

“Oh, I’m sorry too! It must be hard to get the thrills as a Downer! Of course you needed a rock star to cheer you up before you go! I was so blind!“ Nick rolled his eyes.

“Nick, you completely miss the point!“, Arthur was almost begging now. “Are you trying to avoid an answer or do you really not get it?“

“I got it all, don’t you worry! It’s either I abandon my whole life for you or you’ll say ’Bye, Nicky! It was nice with you but now I’ll get myself a new playmate!’

“What?“ Arthur was shocked. “Do you think that’s what you are?“

“Well, what else should I think?“

They eyed each other. 

“Okay…just forget what I said about leaving the town“, Arthur tried to save the conversation. “Just forget it! I was only thinking out loud, okay?“

Nick furrowed his brows. “I don’t understand.“

“Can you answer me one simple question, Nick?“ His eyes were pleading.

Nick could barely look at him. He felt like now was the last chance to run away from all this. But it would be so unfair. Arthur had the right to be heard. So Nick nodded. 

“Will you let me into your life? Will you share your bed with me so I can wake up every morning with you by my side? Will you allow me to stay near you so I can spend all the little moments of everyday life with you as if we were a normal couple? As if nothing about me was weird? Will you do that for me, Nick?“

Once again this evening, Nick’s heart was racing. 

He realized that Arthur’s feelings were true, no matter how twisted his mind eventually was. 

This was all wrong. Or was it?

Nick grabbed his hair, nervous and ashamed. “Oh, Arthur…I…that would be wonderful…but what does it matter if it’s gonna be over anyway?“

“Don’t think about that for now“, Arthur urged him. They’d find a way, right? Perhaps Nick would accidentally forget to take his pills or something…for an hour or so…and see the truth. He was definitely not putting Percy behind his own well-being, right?

“We don’t have to run away immediately. We could prepare. Or stay…it doesn’t matter. Just think about us.“

Nick pressed his eyes shut. “Arthur…“ He gulped. “I don’t have much hope…for us…“ It tasted awful to say. “You are so determined about leaving…I see it’s very important to you to get out of here…you never tried to…fit back in…even though you have many options…“ 

He stared at somewhere in a corner while he felt Arthur’s gaze on him. “But I…this is my home…I love this town. It’s not perfect, but…I’m neither. Letting me out is probably not a good idea“, he tried to joke, but Arthur’s look made him stop.

“You…you mean…“ Arthur sounded like he was at the edge of tears. “You are…?“ He couldn’t finish this sentence.

“Arthur, believe me, I’d love to live with you! But if you plan to leave, then…I…I’m afraid I’m not the right one for you.“

The last words came out very quiet. Still, to Arthur they felt as subtle as hitting him in the stomach with a hammer.

“You’re breaking up with me? Just like that?“, he shouted.

“I…I think it’s better for both of us…“ Nick lamely said. 

“But Nick, you can’t do that to me! I’m sorry if I upset you! Why don’t we…forget it all and start over again? We might be an odd couple, but I think it’s worth it!“

Nick had to fight back his own tears. He should’ve felt better, finally coming to terms with what he wanted. But it felt like watching an execution.

“I’m sorry, Arthur…I think we should part ways…I’m thankful for what you did for me…“

“No, you’re not!“, Arthur snapped. “You used me just like everyone else! You didn’t even plan to tell me about it, right? You didn’t show up, I had to look for you again! Did you hope I forget?“

“I…I thought you’ll leave…“

“How wonderful! All this time I was worried about you, you’ve already abandoned me! And you don’t care! That’s low even for your standards!“

“Arthur, I’m sorry…“

“No, you’re not! But thanks for telling me that I don’t have to waste more time on you! And now I know that everything they say about you is true! And you’re right, you should stay here! This hellhole is exactly where you belong! But don’t complain later if you starve…or get poisoned…or start to talk backwards…!“

Ranting, he ran out of the room. 

Nick darted after him. “Arthur!“, he yelled. “Arthur, wait!“

Then he dashed into Morrie and froze.

“Just go on“, Morrie said sarcastically. “Don’t let me stop you two with whatever you’re doing.“

Nick stared at Arthur who was disappearing in a crowd of happily chattering guests, leaving forever this time, and Nick could only watch. His look must’ve said everything.

“Morrie, believe me, this is not about us!“

“Oh, no, it’s about you and him. I got that.“

“I really need to go after him!“, Nick begged, eyeing the group the Downer had merged into.

“Would you mind if I come with you?,“ Morrie asked cooly.

Nick gave him a look.

“Alright, I get it. I wonder what a petty explanation you’ll have for this. But don’t expect me to believe you this time.“

“Morrie!“

“No, don’t ’Morrie’ me!“, his lover snapped. “I’m done with your excuses! I’m done with explaining myself! I told you everything and it just doesn’t work! I gave you so many chances!“

Nick backed away. “Listen to yourself! You sound like you caught me in bed with him, but none of that happened!“

“Not today!“, Morrie countered. “That’s what you learned in all those years! You’re not so stupid to betray me on front of my eyes! But I’m not stupid either, Norbert!“

“Ssshhh!“ Nick gestured wildly. 

“What? Still afraid of your own name? As if your whole image would fall apart if it came out? It should’ve been a warning for me! Everything about you is fake! You’re built on lies, with a fake name, fake hair, fake beard and songs that aren’t yours…You’re so proud of your lies, right, Norbert?“

“What does that have to do with anything? Why did you come back to me if you hate everything about me?“

“Because I thought there was a better person under all these layers! The one I remember! But did he ever exist, or was that another lie you’re proud of?“

“I don’t know what you mean…I’m just myself…“

“I was afraid you’d say that! Then why did you promise me to change yourself if that’s not your plan at all?“

“I…I’m trying to do what you want…If that’s so important to you…but Morrie, I’m not a teenager anymore! You changed too!“

“Not as much as you! You sold yourself to become a star! I still have my pride!“

“Right, you never liked it… You never understood…That’s why you had no success as a solo star! You hate the press, you hate your fans, you hate other musicians and then you wonder why nobody likes you! You blame it all on me but you never admit your own mistakes!“

Morrie’s face turned a bit more pale, his expression could’ve been described as upset or shocked.

“I also thought you’d change“, Nick went on. “But the longer I live with you the more you act like the hater you’ve been before, just waiting for me to make another mistake you can hate me for. Maybe we’ve both been living a lie.“

“All I ask you for is one simple thing! Don’t lie to me!“

“And I asked you to trust me!“

“I’m sorry, but I know when you’re lying! Do you expect me to ignore that?“

“You could trust me to sort it out…“

“Oh, great!“, Morrie’s words were tripping with sarcasm. “How long will that take? Do you think I’ll be waiting forever until you make up your mind?“

“I’m sorry, but…I can’t…“ Nick stuttered and then ran upstairs to the third floor.

“Where are you going?“ Morrie followed him immediately. 

Nick didn’t answer. He ran all the way to his dressing room and locked the door behind him. He heard Morrie shout after him while he opened the entrance to his secret hideout. 

Inside, it was all quiet. He didn’t even hear the party down there.

Falling on a padded seat, he let all the tears flow. 

Well, it looked like he was alone again. 

At least he felt alone. 

As if all he could do was to make people run away from him.

He knew he had to go to Arthur if he wanted to see him again before it was too late. But then again, what was he supposed to say? 

It was like their love never had a chance and there was nothing he could do about it. But there were so many words he shouldn’t have said…so much that Arthur didn’t deserve. They shouldn’t part like this after all this time. 

Still, he didn’t dare to go and at the same time he hated himself for it. 

Could Arthur even leave like that? What would they do to him if they caught him? Skippers were to be punished, that he knew.

But if Arthur wanted to go so badly, what could he do about it? 

Well, he could at least say sorry, tell him that he cared and that he wished him all the luck in the world, that he’ll find a place to life in peace.

Yeah, that he could do.

That was what he owed him.

But Morrie was already on edge. If he went away tonight, would their love survive this? 

Perhaps he had to trust Morrie to do the right thing. 

Nick sighed deeply. His body was shaking and he had run out of tears. He’d either go and try to fix what he broke or stay here and perish, because he couldn’t stand himself anymore.

“You might lose both of them.“ James’ warning echoed in his head when he finally left his hideout. It was already dark and the music had stopped. There were only a few drunken guests lying on the floor, that barely noticed him. Nick thought he was alone when he walked into the cold and starless night.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Just some Arthur and Nick in shredded suits.