So I’m thinking of a story about belonging. I worked at this organization in New York City that was for girls and women. It was a leadership camp. And we had a three week intensive training. It was a radical feminist space. On the third day of training, it was our third day of meeting each other, they were like, ‘okay, we’re going to do this activity called life maps.’ In the life maps activity, we had to do some journaling about things like risk or identity or boundaries or something like that and then we had to come together and share stories, kind of similar to this kind of thing, sharing stories in a circle. And people shared their entire life story pretty much. And it was beautiful. We sat there for five hours. We cried.
That was the first time I came out as queer to a group of people, and that really set the tone for me knowing that I needed to… I couldn’t fold myself for other people. I had to bring my full self to spaces, and, because in that space I got to do that, when I went to other spaces I was like I can’t just make myself really small. I need to keep opening up. And after that third day of training, we kind of just like bonded together. We’re still all really good friends today I think, and I kind of still look to them as my mentors and my sisters and just really dope folks. Then we did a six week summer program and I did it with my class that I was teaching. At that point I wasn’t really ready for it, it was with some high school age girls, but the ways that they bonded together after that experience of sharing their stories, share their life maps, sharing the things that they had been through, I don’t think any other…the ability to give people a space to really be themselves I think was really powerful.
My story is about how my neighbor tried to bar me entry to my apartment. In September, I had just moved into this neighborhood actually, a few blocks away and I had just come from a work event. I work with youth and I was wearing…it doesn’t matter what I was wearing actually. I came up to the doorway, and I tried to wave to my neighbor as they were coming through the door. I live in an apartment building, and the way that our house is set up is that there are two doors to actually enter and there’s like a small little area. So she saw me through the window of the door as I was coming up the porch stairs and I saw her and I smiled. And she locked the door behind her and I had my keys in my hand so I was like, ‘Okay, that’s weird. Why would she lock it if she saw me coming up? But whatever, I have my keys.’ So then she like stood in the second doorway and would not move and would not let me in. She’s like “What’s your name?” And I’m like “hi, I’m Kris, and I reach out my hand to say hi and give a handshake and she just looked at it and she’s like “No, what’s your last name?” So I said “Why do you need my last name?” And she’s like “I have to make sure that you live here.” And on the doorbells, it has our last names. And I was like, “I don’t need you to make sure that I live here. I live here. I have my keys. I can get in. I can let myself into my own apartment. You’re barring me entry to my residence.” And then I asked her, “What’s your name?” because you know, why are you questioning me? And she just kind of said “Whatever” and walked away. And I was just like what the heck is happening? It was really unsettling. I had just moved into this neighborhood.