Hot Take: the queer community needs asexual people and the people who claim we’re not part of it are cowards.
I find it interesting in a sad way how queer people will use the same logic homophobes and trans people will use against them but redirect it towards ace people. “Oh, that's not real, there must be something medically wrong with you or you’re simply confused. You’ll grow out of it once you meet the right person. Have you even tried having sex or dating xy&z, how do you know?” Are we SO for real‽ DO YOU HEAR YOURSELVES‽
But I understand. People are afraid of things they don't understand or things that make them uncomfortable. Queer people fight so hard to defend their “atypical” attraction, so people coming in saying they don't feel that way must be triggering to some. But our attraction is ALSO atypical and we face similar problems other queer people do. Sexual violence, compulsory sexuality, medical mistreatment, or just plain assholes. For that reason, those issues should NOT be tolerated from others in the community. Cishets will lump us together anyway. So what are you really afraid of?
The same things that cishets are afraid of YOU for: challenging the status quo. Aces force allos to look at and reflect on their experience in a way that feels uncomfortable just like gay and trans people do to cishets. There are people out here lacking the emotional intelligence to comprehend that there are many different types of love and that sex or romance don't have to be the purest form of love. Love in any form isn't a reward or end result either, some aces (greys, demis) teach you that it isn't guaranteed. There's no instant gratification. You're forced to slow down and get to know a person for their soul and not their body. It's a gamble on whether or not that journey will yield the results you want later on. So why focus on that? You know what the say: it's about the journey, not the destination. So if you really want genuine connection the way you say you do, then what's the problem? It may not look like what you expected but it’ll be there. When faced with aces, those people have no choice but to acknowledge that reality and it's too hard for them. But that isn’t our problem or fault. Your discomfort is on YOU.
I still believe it's hard for aces to be loud the way other queer communities can be. But this perspective deserves to be expressed even if it's being shouted out into the void. It's worth shouting about. Call ace identities a “micro label” but it doesn't make them any lesser. It still affects me and my relationships just much as lesbianism does.
