Aug 13, 2017
Hey
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from South Africa
seen from Australia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Montenegro
seen from Maldives
seen from United States
seen from Maldives
seen from Italy
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Maldives
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Slovakia
seen from Canada
Hey
LOL I'm going to say Amen but I don't mean all men but men will be like oh my gosh I can't be vulnerable women don't like men to be vulnerable and it's like yeah cuz you don't know how this is to a specific event that happened and it's just like you know a man is nervous so he starts to be mean and or like he'll start to deflect or project these feelings onto you and it's like what because they can't express how they feel so crazy
Too Much
Lately ive been back and forth with my emotions.
Everytime I try to move forward with my goals and my ideas I hear this voice that tells me I'm ruining everything
I wanna be better
I was to love God more genuinely and not just for what He's done and what I know He can do for me
I want to not want to be with this man
I want to be more consistant and reliable
I will...
Encounter
So I'm currently a person on tinder.
I told my therapist and she really pointed out to me that I cant avoid conflict
Learning how to say I'm uncomfortable
Just because I'm uncomfortable doesnt mean they are a bad person
But learning how to express it
I’m scared to let you in
you know my heart,
you know what drives me
you know everything about me
and that’s fine,
you’ve stuck around all my life so
why give you a reason to let me down now
I’m afraid to give you my heart
because I’m so broken I don’t want to be broken again
I keep handing out my pieces hooping that someone will say I’m what they’ve been missing but I just end up with dial tones and broken niggas I end up missing
I want you
more than a lot
but to give my heart to you, it takes alot
I’ve been in the dark for so long I don’t even know what’s light
help me father. be your daughter
The End
The break up has been taking a toll on me, some days I can function, other days getting out of bed is the victory. I want to say I love him but I think I love his reflection, and it feels weird saying this because in all truth I don’t want to see it that way. I know he is emotionally unstable and unavailable, he doesn’t know how or is willing to love me the way I need but I feel that is “his most attractive quality” he makes me sick, like physically sick, and God is everything, They continue to tell me, “ Asha, let go, Asha, no” but I just can’t fathom a life of love from a man without a little neglect or abuse. I met a guy, maybe not “ the one” but he was kind, genuine, transparent and God-fearing. but I pushed him aside for this guy that i knew was going to leave me cause I couldn’t see a world where a man like that would stay around long. I feel like it’s like living in pollution for most of your life and being given the opportunity to breathe fresh air makes you afraid of suffocation. I feel sad and shitty but I know why, “I AM IN CONTROL OF MY SHIT” -things I say to myself. but God is always calling me for more, and to be honest, I’m not even myself when I’m in these relationships, I continue to alter myself to be just enough to want, and I know it’s fleeting by it is something. He’s different though, I’ve never had someone that’s felt “trapped” like he can’t stay away for long, I don’t want to lose him, because it feels like I’m losing my father, reassuring the believe that every man leaves in the end, at least leaves me. so I’m afraid to be Asha, I’m afraid to be, idk, I want to change, but I don’t want to face true rejection but I also want to feel and embrace true love.
things that cureently hurt:
my feelings
Just some pictures of me in groups