#ashes of you

[the-metal-box]

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And I can't hold on, the damage is done And there's a hell I can’t fight my way through And I could beg for heaven or stay unforgiven While I choke on the ashes of you⁠⁠⁠

[kahli-ofatara]

I'm Gonna Cover Myself in the Ashes of You [Callie&Alar]

After getting back to Clearwell, Calliope couldn’t wait for Anna to get settled so she could spend some time - alone - with Alar. Of course, the moment Alar left, Anna was all over her about their earlier kiss.

“You’re going to talk about this thing you’re in, right?” Anna had said to her.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Calliope muttered.

“So, is he your boyfriend, then?”

Calliope hesitated. “No. I don’t know.”

“See? You need to talk about what you are.”

“Why does everything have to have a label?” Calliope said stubbornly. “Why can’t you just let us be what we are?”

“Because you’re nothing. You guys are avoiding things that need to be talked about. You need to stop running and hiding and face your feelings, Callie.”

Calliope rolled her eyes, but she knew that Anna wasn’t... totally wrong.

Once Anna settled in, (and after she shoved a condom in Calliope’s bag, because, Anna...) Calliope quickly fed the animals and made her way into town. But not without making a quick stop on her way. She needed to bring Alar something to thank him for what he did for her. And since he seemed set on her not drinking, booze was out of the question.

Calliope pulled up in front of Alar’s and looked at the little cactus on the seat beside her. It had a couple of little pretty flowers around the top, and Calliope made sure to (carefully) tie a little bow around the pot. On the tag, she wrote the name Fifi.

“Fef’s gonna love you,” she said with a grin. “He’s a real stand-up guy.” She cocked her head to the side, as if Fifi were talking to her. “What? No. That was one time. And I don’t think he was really looking at my ass. Trust me, he’s cool.”

Calliope laughed to herself and rolled her eyes. It was official; she was going crazy.

She picked up Fifi, carried her out of the car, and put her down carefully at Alar’s front door. She knocked quickly and stepped around the corner so he would only see the little cactus she bought for him.

[dreamweazel]

[dreamweazel]

[songedunenuitdete]

Ashes of you de Anna Finn

[Chronique roman - Angie] Mon #avis sur Ashes of you de Anna Finn paru chez @editionsaddictives : Une histoire émouvante et pleine de rebondissement, sur fond de seconde chance et de relation inachevée, à laquelle j’ai totalement accroché.

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Nombre de pages : 376 pages Editeur : Addictives Collection : Luv Date de sortie : 17 Mai 2019 Langue : Français ASIN: B07RKYNWWG Disponible sur liseuse : Oui à 4.99€

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[kahli-ofatara]

Sometimes I find peace of mind in a bottle of wine...

Calliope dragged her feet up the front steps, yawning. It was late, and it had been a very, very long day. So long, in fact, that she had literally, for a split second, forgotten that Anna was now staying with her... for who knew how long.

Calliope closed the door behind her as she moved into the house, the living room lit by only one lamp. She let her back hit the door with a thud and groaned softly, her hand over her eyes.

“Callie?”

Calliope jumped at Anna’s voice. Anna was sitting on the couch looking back at her. She seemed concerned.

“Callie? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

Oh. Calliope nodded as the events of her evening played through her head. Her horny, frustrated, teenage grope session with Alar.

She tossed her bag to the floor beside the door and walked over to the couch, falling into it dramatically. She kicked her legs up and let them rest against Anna’s lap.

Anna smiled slightly. “I didn’t think you’d be coming home tonight.”

“I told you I would,” Calliope said.

“I can take care of myself, you know.” Anna paused. “How did it go?”

Calliope peered at Anna. It was as if she had set them up to... talk. And now she wanted to know how it went.

“It was fine,” Calliope said. She turned her gaze to the tv screen and let her head rest in the palm of her hand, her elbow on the arm of the couch.

“Fine?” Anna echoed. “So, are you guys official?”

“Um.” Calliope bit her lower lip.

Anna groaned loudly. “Callie? What the hell did you talk about then?”

“Life,” Calliope muttered.

Anna raised her brows at her. “And that’s it?”

“And... then we made out on his couch.”

Anna smiled.

“And then I came home.” Calliope sighed.

Anna’s smile disappeared. “Typical,” she muttered.

“It’s not like that,” Calliope growled at her.

“Then what’s it like?”

Calliope hesitated. “We like each other, okay? We admitted that much, isn’t that enough for you?”

“No,” Anna said shortly. “What does that mean? Can you see other people? Are you going to see other people?”

Exasperated, Calliope raised her voice. “We’re not seeing other people.”

Anna grinned. “So, you’re exclusive. Hooked up. Boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“I mean...” She hesitated. “Those exact words did not come up.”

Anna knit her brows together. “So, what words did?”

Calliope shrugged. “That... that we didn’t want anyone else. That there’s no pressure.”

“So, what, you’re taking it slow?”

“I guess.”

“Going on official dates and all that?”

“Sure. Maybe.”

Anna leaned back against the couch. “I think you’d be better off if you just fucked and got it over with,” she muttered.

Calliope rolled her eyes and bit her lip. “Almost.”

“So, why not?”

“Because, I don’t know. It didn’t feel like the right time. We were both vulnerable. I... I didn’t want to do something if it would hurt him, or that we might regret in the morning.”

“Please,” Anna said, rolling her eyes. “There is so much sexual tension between the two of you. You need to get it out.” She paused for a moment in thought. “But, then again, the longer you wait, the hotter it will be, I bet.”

“Oh my God, Anna,” Calliope muttered.

“So, that’s it, then? Until another day?”

“I guess so,” she said. She turned to Anna. “For what it’s worth, I like him. I like him a lot. I want to be... his girlfriend.”

Anna’s smile softened at her daughter’s confession.

“I don’t... I don’t think I’ve ever liked anyone the way I like him. I feel so... strange around him. Happy, and safe.” She knit her brows together, thinking of the ache in her chest that had started to return. “It... it almost hurts,” she said softly, trying to make sense of it all. “I don’t -”

Ann’s smile grew. “Callie,” she said, her voice low. “You love him.”

Calliope’s gaze flickered to Anna’s for a brief moment. “No,” she said quickly. “No. It’s...” Well, she didn’t know what it was. Maybe... maybe Anna was right. She certainly had no way to know. She had never really been... in love... before.

“Uh huh.” Anna smiled, pleased with the realization that she could see going through Calliope’s head. She patted her leg. “Take your time, Sweets,” she said softly. “I think he loves you, too.”

Calliope hesitated, her gaze back on the tv. Could she be right? Did he... love her? Did she love him?

The ache returned, as if to confirm what Anna had said. She let a smile tug at the corners of her lips.

“There’s something else,” Calliope started, hesitant. “Something else you should probably know.” It wasn’t fair that she had kept so many secrets from Anna. Anna never questioned her, never pushed the matter; she simply accepted Calliope’s disappearance which brought her somehow to jail. She accepted all of it without a doubt. It was time Calliope told her the truth.

And so she did. She told her everything that had happened since the night she left Vance. And she told her about Vance. About how she was afraid he would turn out to be like Jack. She told her everything, and Anna remained quiet through it all, until she finally stopped speaking.

Anna took Calliope’s hand in hers and squeezed it tightly. Calliope knew that Anna would understand. Anna had gone through miscarriages herself before they made the decision to adopt. She had dealt with loss just as Calliope had. She didn’t know why she was so afraid to tell her. Anna truly was the most caring, understanding woman in the world, despite how obnoxious she liked to act. Calliope loved her for it. Despite all they had been through, she loved her.

“Callie-” Anna started, but Calliope interrupted her.

“Thank you, Mom. I love you.” She moved so she could lay against Anna, her head on her mother’s shoulder.

Anna wrapped her arm around Calliope and kissed her head. “I love you, Callie.”