#asiahnekole

[asiahmae]

just when i start to doubt you, you always prove me wrong. i am complete by myself but you give me something i thought i could have and i am forever grateful to be yours. 

[asiahmae]

For the first time in a long distance situation, I'm really really secure. Like, I don't question his feelings for me or my feelings for him AT ALL. It's really great. Even with the busyness of our futures (I have school/gym/studio/work, he has school/work/film work), I'm not afraid that we'll fall out or lose interest or anything. I just feel really secure, and loved, and happy. Hella happy. 

[asiahmae]

1/27/14 Randoms

Ronnie's voice makes my skin quiver

I really want to cook more, but I have no time.

I have no time for anything honestly, but I'm not depressed. Yet. 

He makes me really really happy & that's probably why I'm not depressed.

Trader Joe's has $2.99 wine & it's hella good. 

I like wine. A lot. 

School is really boring for me & I'm kinda burnt out on it. 

I feel like writing is going to open the doors for my music. 

I'm gonna marry that boy and have all his little wild haired barefoot babies. Mark my words. 

I made hummus and it was bomb.com. 

I miss Sara. And Iris. And Trice & Brina. I just want to keep them with me forever. 

I think I have legit ADD.

This boy in my class that's my future baby daddy is really beautiful but he kinda annoys me. 

Sometimes I miss Bernie, but the Bernie he was in the beginning of our relationship, not who he was in the end, the Bernie I didn't trust.

I feel hella old at 22 & I think it's because most of my friends are still 21. 

I want to live out some of Tupac's dreams, because he had a really beautiful vision and I don't want this death to be in vain. 

[asiahmae]

It’s odd, really. It’s so hot in this room I can barely breathe. This only happens when I don’t hear your voice before I sleep. When did I grow so attached to you? Do you suffocate when you don’t hear me? One day it’s as if you can’t live without me And the next you’re so carefree I wonder if you’re still mine Or if I even had you in the first place. I don’t want to own you But I want you to belong to me. Do you get it? Does that make sense? I’m rambling because you rattle me. You shake my spirit like a martini And I’m drunk before 5. I’ve never been so scattered before. Driven to insanity. It’s a not. A craving. A must. I want you. I must have you. This must be love.

[asiahmae]

Lula Mae (my camera) has been sitting on top of my tv stand staring at me for weeks & I think it's about time for me to use her again. I've got all these concepts in my head but I've been so busy with work & my music, she's just been collecting dust :/

[asiahmae]

From the way he's dropping hints, I'm getting tea things & Nightmare Before Christmas things for Christmas, thus proving he is perfect & well on his way to getting me to cook him breakfast in bed.

[asiahmae]

Random lists in the dark.

1. I've always wanted a gap. It's the only trait I wanted from my father.

2. I also wanted a bigger nose, because my tiny one coupled with warm eyes & a caramel complexion left me feeling as though I wasn't "black enough"

3. I used to validate myself through my lover's eyes, then I loved myself harder than I've ever loved. Now I only need a mirror.

4. There are only 20 more days until I'm in his arms again, leeching his heat, inhaling his scent & familiarizing my lips with his skin.

5. I realize lists make me calm.

6. I miss film. I miss photography. But my love for music ties the 3 together & I have to get one going first.

7. My weight has been my life's struggle, & I've come to realize it's only because of other people. I want to be healthy, no so much as thin.

8. I have a goal, & a plan. I just don't have a start.

9. There are so many things I want to learn, but I have no patience or time.

10. The more honest I become with myself, the more I tend to love myself, & the more I become whole.

[asiahmae]

I don’t want to be your fetish.

Knowing that your love for me isn’t really love

Just a strange fascination with our swirled pattern on your bed sheets

Or a yearning for warmth that bones can’t give you in the winter.