#ask baxter

[baxters-laboratory]

“Hey Baxter, have you ever been curious about different dimensions or alternate universes? Maybe even creatures beyond the depths of hell?”

I have pondered that on occasion, but I am a computer scientist and a bioengineer, not an astrophysicist.

[bedtime-broadcast]

Baxter, do you really think you can still keep working for Vox, I mean Cherri knows your secret and could tell the hotel anytime not to mention poor Calliope is heartbroken about her baba and Niffty is stuck in a stage of vengence, is it really worth it?

Baxter: *was working an experiment when he gets a notification he’s never really noticed before* What is this? *tries to grab at it above him* Strange. How is this message floating above my head? A hologram?

Baxter is too puzzled by the anon message that he forgot he was asked questions…

[maidscientistfindababy]

Baxter sat on the floor of the living room with the now clean baby imp in his arms. He had created a makeshift diaper out of some dishtowels and some big binder clips he had. He knew it wouldn't last long but he was waiting for Niffty to get out of the shower so he could have her take a turn with the baby while he went out to track down supplies.

But for now, he needed to entertain the baby.

Baxter: So, you are a baby. I was a baby once.

Baby Imp: *Stares*

Baxter: I swear Niffty is much more baby friendly than me. She had a puppet show for the swine and goat a few days ago. You will be fine until we figure out what to do with you.

Baby Imp: *yawns*

Baxter: There is a very strong probability you have zero clue what I am actually saying and the only thing you are actually listening to is the volume of my voice. Similar to early artificial intelligence models. Except you are not a computer program but instead a baby demon.

Baby Imp: *closes eyes*

Baxter: I... should be more used to people falling asleep while I explain science to them but it still stings.

Niffty's laughter could be heard from the doorway where she stood watching them. Baxter looked over to see that crazed smile he loved.

Baxter: If we are going to take care of the little guest until the proper hotel help arrives we are going to need supplies and equipment. I think it best if you and the Imp stay here while I acquire them.

Niffty nodded her head as she walked over and gracefully took the sleeping demon from his arms and sat down on the recliner with her.

Niffty: Be quick. The hotel is so messy. I need to clean soon.

Baxter moved quickly out the door, accidentally tripping over something at the top of the steps. From his landing spot, he realized that it was the popcorn bucket Niffty had found the baby in. Not having time to stop and observe he decided to investigate after he returned home from the store.

[maidscientistfindababy]

Niffty felt the bottom of the blanket and part of her dress near the leak turn wet. Baxter looked like he was going to vomit from the smell.

Niffty: I think it peed on me.

Baxter: I don't think it stopped there m'lady. We got to change it I think? It must have overfilled its diaper if it's leaking like that.

Niffty: Change it? Change it into what? We have nothing. No baby stuff.

Baxter carefully took the buddle out of Niffty's arms. He walked over to a clear spot on the ground and laid the bundle on the ground and finally freed the small, now fully fussing, imp from the buttery confinement.

Baxter: Well, Niffty.

Niffty: What?

Baxter: It's a girl. And whoever left her here is not going to return for her. Even if they attempted I would prevent it.

Baxter ran over to his desk and began searching.

Niffty: Why? What's wrong with it.

Baxter walked back over to the baby with a box of tissues and his trash can as Niffty nervously looked between Baxter and the crying baby.

Baxter: Nothing that I have observed yet. It's just clear whoever left here here was massively underprepared. I mean we are too but surely the parents had more time to prepare than us. She is wearing a shirt that almost fits you or me. Besides that, this blanket is clearly cut from some form of curtain or tablecloth. And it reeks of butter for some reason.

Baxter began trying to wipe away all the mess that had now traveled up the baby's back.

Niffty: She was in a popcorn bucket.

Baxter looked up at Niffty. She looked calmer than he was used to seeing his crazy-eyed gal. Almost sad but she still held that smile that was always present on her face. Baxter had caught on to her devotion to Alastor's belief that a person was never fully dressed without a smile. He knew this one wasn't real.

Niffty: I think she needs a bath.

Baxter: I think you are right. I will take her down to the kitchen and clean her. You should go change out of your soiled clothes as well Darling.

Baxter lifted the mostly wiped-off baby into his arms knowing that he was going to have to get changed after as well. As he walked out of the room he failed to see Niffty clean up the mess behind him before leaving to go change and shower.

[maidscientistfindababy]

Baxter made it back to the hotel and went to check out the popcorn bucket that was now missing. He knew it was a possibility that he could miss the opportunity to investigate it further but getting everything so he could for the little guest was more important at the moment. He walked in the door and heard silence.

Baxter: Niffty? Niffty, I have returned!

He walked over to the living room while continuing to call her name. He saw her in the same chair she was in when he left. He laid everything out on the couch across from her with his back facing her.

Baxter: I got everything we need. I will go over the instructions on everything now so that when the imp requests them we will know.

Baxter: Niffty?

He turned around and saw Niffty and the baby lying in the chair. Both them breathing soundly. More peaceful than anything that he could ever imagine in Hell. He could watch them forever.

But with the smallest sneeze the little imp woke herself up and her lip began quivering.

Baxter swooped her up, careful to let Niffty finish her nap, and began shushing the baby while continuing to read the instructions on how many scoops of powder make how many ounces of milk.

It was at this moment he remembered he had forgotten to buy bottles.

[maidscientistfindababy]

Baxter pulled the grocery store basket over to the baby aisle and searched. He managed to find everything well enough but the many options were overwhelming. He knew he didn't have time to stop and analyze each and every brand of formula.

Luckily an imp with a triple infant stroller walked into the aisle grabbed all the purple cans on the shelf and threw them under her stroller in the basket.

That must be the good brand.

And luckily in her haste, she dropped a can as she shoved the box of the same brand of diapers in her basket as well. Baxter tossed the purple can in the basket and went over to find diapers. He was pretty sure the baby was newborn so he grabbed the smallest box of those and an individual pack of baby wipes.

He lucked out and found a pack of plain white onesies. Now was the worst part of every trip to the store.

He placed his items on the conveyer and the cashier began talking.

Cashier: Find everything you were looking for today!

Baxter: Yes.

Cashier: Oh.

The cashier goes quiet as he scans the items. Every time Baxter goes to the store this happens. The customer service voice always drops once they start scanning his items. He's not even buying anything science-related this time. He just wants to shop for the baby without judgment.

Cashier: So, you new in Hell?

Baxter: No.

Cashier: So, uh, you are a sinner.

Baxter: And? So are you.

Cashier: You buying this stuff for a baby?

Baxter: Obviously?

The cashier's face turned red as he read out the total. Baxter swiped his debit card and as soon as he had his bag and receipt he started walking back to the hotel wondering what that guy's problem was.

[doyoulikehomestuck]

Hey there, new friend. It's see, your Keion Secret Santa! I absolutely love your layout, and not gonna lie: I love that you're a writer too. I'll have to go through your prompts and see what your creative mind has brewed up! Expect another message soon :)

omg hi friend!!! Thank you so much!

Sorry that I’m getting back to you so late, I tried to respond from my phone but it wouldn’t let me publish the ask for some reason… Idk if my prompts will interest you that much it’s all homestuck on here, I haven’t really written for keion.Are you also a writer?

[doyoulikehomestuck]

That was the cutest thing ever!

ahhhhhhhhh I’m glad that you like it!!