#ask malal

[askmalal]

My reviews just keep getting better….

[askmalal]

“Give me a bit of time with him. I’ll convince him to be open minded.”

“You discount the ability to change his mind?”

“I deny its existence.”

- Conversation with Lorgar regarding Perturabo

“You deny these things exist because it is convenient. To unchain ourselves from evil we must first acknowledge that it exists.”

- to Mortarion

“You spared the little ones. Proving once again that you are no slave to those implants of yours. You should know that I am proud of you. You should know that -he- is proud of you.”

- to Angron

“Exquisite. How can the flesh be weak when it produces this?”

- to Ferrus Manus

Excerpts from “On the Primarchs, “ Volume II (Excised)

[askmalal]

The Primarchs and their brothers:

Part 4. Perturabo

1. The Lion

“The application is sound, but the methodology is flawed.”

2. REDACTED

“Few of my brothers accepted me initially. I can in fact count them on one hand. He was among them. He will always have my respect.”

3. Fulgrim

“Mud… mud everywhere.”

5. Jaghatai Khan

“He believes that artillery is an apex predator. That is well and good, but his men themselves win those campaigns. I think the truth is that all of his legionaries are barely restrained sharks. Set them loose, and the Galaxy will bleed…”

6. Leman Russ

“He is a strange combination of loving father and abusive mother to his lads. They love him, they hate him, ultimately they revere him.”

7. Rogal Dorn

“He tortures himself with the notion that we are rivals. I entertain myself with the notion that he is a madman. “

8. Konrad Curze

“He digs holes, and digs them very well. Oh, you wanted more, did you? Very well. Something, something, logistics.”

9. Sanguinius

“The way he speaks about mathematics is intoxicating. The man weaves a poem out of raw numbers.”

10. Ferrus Manus:

“We are both at times taken hostage by the worst elements are our temperament and betimes allow this to cloud our judgement. I am willing to accept this as a fact of life and to work to atone for it. Such knowledge, however, can drive him into fits of depression. Or to further pique. I am unsure which is worse.”

11. REDACTED

“As is known, we correspond regularly. I would describe him affectionately as the best terrible person I know. He makes me laugh and infuriates me in equal measure.”

12. Angron

“I have the excuse in as much that my anger is often exacerbated by what my captors did to me. Perturabo… Perturabo is simply a bastard.”

13. Guilliman

“If he were in charge of a rebuilding effort on Terra, the oceans would be restored within a decade, the air would be clean, ancient cities would bloom anew.., and Constantine Valdor would lose at least one reason to complain.”

14. Mortarion

“One of the few beings I know who would spend a decade planning a public garden, another decade planting it, and then destroy it in a single night if a flower was pushed out of place by an errant pedestrian simply to spite them.”

15. Magnus

“He is well read. A qualified scholar. At times given to overt generosity, at other times patronizing. We are well matched.”

16. Horus

“Careful, brother. You are asking about a man who believes even a compliment given him behind his back is a grave insult.”

17. Lorgar

“He is an atheist. Should you forget this, have no fear: he will remind you each and every time you converse with him. “

18. Vulkan

“The best way to manage Perturabo at his worst is to politely remind him of a mistake he has made in your presence. He will then avoid making that mistake forever simply to prove you wrong. “

19. Corvus Corax

“Ahh yes. Precisely what the Imperium needs. Another loud mouth overly emotional Neo-Hellenistic Warlord.”

20. Alpharius Omegon

“He isn’t often wrong, you know. It is. ..unfortunate that he such a shit. As such, many of us delight in collecting those instances when he is and passing them around like treasured heirlooms at every family gathering.”

[askmalal]

“She who Thirsts?! Close your lips and reflect, perverse thing, that you have been beaten by an Acolyte of He Who Devours.”

- Micmash, Champion of Malal to Sigvald the Magnificent

[askmalal]

On the Greenskin Threat:

“Kill them. And kill them again for good measure. The problem with the Orc is that he does not always realize he is dead.”

- Lion El’Johnson

“They are inured to pain. They heal rapidly. They can successfully repair severed limbs with industrial staples. This is not a natural enemy. They die well enough, mind… but the effort required is greater.”

- The Second Primarch

“Never make the mistake of assuming they are stupid. Uncooth, foul smelling, without culture, aye. But never stupid. Better to think of them, perhaps, as… focused.”

- Jaghatai Khan

“To them, you are an amusement, a pleasant diversion. Always be entertaining, then. It would be a shame to disappoint one’s audience…”

- Konrad Kurze

“All the cunning of a warrior, all the subtlety of a mammut in a minefield.”

- Angron

“They are remarkably resilient and astoundingly inflexible for a race created entirely for war. It is true that they should not be underestimated, but do not make the mistake of believing that you face Alexander or Saladin. They gain their strength from low cunning and group psychosis. Always assume that you are outnumbered, be wary of feigned retreats, and apply maximal force at confirmed weak points.”

- Rouboute Guilliman

“Killing a single one of them does very little, but firebomb a hundred or so, and watch them swarm to join the fight. Paradoxically, one finds that the Greenskin is most enthusiastic to fight where you injure him the most, at least for a time. Draw them in with the generosity of mass destruction, then finish the job.”

- Lorgar Aurelian

“I have found that many of those who go to war with the Greenskins assume that they are ignorant in the ways of technology. Speak to me again when a horde of tanks and fighter-bombers that defy all principles of engineering attack your flank and nearly break it! This is the lesson: Never arm yourself for spear and shield when facing an enemy who can make their war engines go faster simply by painting them red.”

- Vulkan

“Orcish infestations must be purged with fire. Chemical weapons, atomics, biologics, might strip a planet bare of natural resources long before the infection is burned out. The objective is destruction of the spore, not the rendering of slag heaps.”

- Corvus Corax

“Alas, all subtlety is lost on them. There is an old Terran joke about using a sledgehammer to kill a fly. In this case, the enemy will attempt to do just that, and he will do it again and again until the sledgehammer breaks. Do not allow him the luxury of a second sledgehammer.”

- Alpharius

[askmalal]

Take note:

Assassination is not the art of killing. Killing is not an art; “art” implies creation, and we create nothing.

“But there is artifice in our craft!” You may protest. I submit that you believe this only because you find some sort of joy in what you do: and in this case, I have no use for you; or, that you have read one too many books, watched one too many holovids.

I ask you, apprentice: who is it makes an art of death? The assassin who identifies himself as such. Assassins who make themselves known to the public are either liars, or incompetent, or both. Either way, they will soon be dead.

Your art is the skill of remaining anonymous. To see without being seen. To kill without a trace of yourself. And to do so while retaining your humanity.

We in the Temple Vindicare have great respect for art. But we have no place for performance artists.

- Master of Vindicare Temple, M41

[askmalal]

One, tis said,

Created All

And with them Chaos,

To cause the fall.

For good or bad,

For well or ill,

She cursed us all

With our Free Will.

One a diplomat, maker, peace,

In darkling pleasures sought release.

Love turned to lust, and brightness fled,

To make room within her shadowed bed.

One a healer for the ill, carer for the weak

Saw himself a god, and turned to wreak

Havoc upon those once protected.

The desperate, poor, he now infected.

One a champion, all folk defended

And through it all, his flesh unrended.

But no words of thanks, and the maimed forgotten.

His heart turned to dust, his oaths came rotten.

And as the savage horde approached

Her plea for help all gods reproached

The Scholar watched her library burn.

And with the books consigned to ash,

She let her heart to darkness turn.

And have you heard, my little one,

Of He Who Lurks

And Ne’re was One

To dwell amongst the mortal kind

Nor share their form, nor share their mind?

For purest of the Accursed Lot

Is He whom Godhead ne’er sought

Who was ne’er born with flesh and bone

With one thousand faces watched, alone

And Four of them each birthed their cults

In ancient temples, hidden vaults

To spread their message to those devout

But Fifth son smiled and whispered “Doubt”

When your time comes, whom will you trust?

Look not to change, war, plague or lust

For , to them, you'll not be missed

You are but chattel, for their mills grist

But yet you,too, He still would save

Abandoned soldier, beaten slave

Forgotten whore, disheartened Priest

With nought but famine while fat men feast

And if, little one you should find longing

For vengeance, freedom, pain prolonging,

Then think no more, set yourself free:

And praise the one that Should Not Be.

Give your oaths,

And let Him hone.

Your dagger sharp,

Your heart to stone.

And with his weapons, set ablaze

Each traitor, manse, each gilded palace

For you are called, oh vengeful child

To serve the eldritch Court of Malice

-Fragment, Source Unknown, Bodleian Library (Black Chamber)

[askmalal]

“Hey, historian/god-thing. Question: why did soldiers start wearing capes/cloaks?”

Oh, easy one, but I don’t think it’s necessarily well known. Apologies in advance for any typos, typing on the move.

As armor, actually. The earliest depictions of soldiers wearing capes or cloaks come from a the Ancient Sumerians. Some of the city-states depict their soldiers wearing leather or heavy felt cloaks with reinforcing studs or fur near the shoulders and neck line. They are clearly intended for protection against bow and sling.

Other Sumerian soldiers had been equipped with large, heavy, door Iike tower shields, (at least in the first rank,) and these were used for the same purpose, but the Cloaks would have permitted greater mobility and provided some protection (at the loss of that solid wall of wooden shields.)

Early soldiers wore cloaks and capes for protection, for camouflage, and for making a statement or as a sign of rank, but ultimately they were not universally popular and had fallen out of use by the rankers, outside of garrison duty, by the end of the Middle Ages. It’s not that they weren’t used at all, but cloaks and capes have three major flaws in combat:

- The best ones are heavy. That is energy and wasted, and better spent (if you must) on proper armor.

- They can snag and tear.

- They make an excellent handholds in melee combat.

Here’s an example of something related:

Have you ever seen movies depicting Victorian Constables in Britain? They often wear these black or dark blue fog cape things, the iconic image being the constable shielded by a cloak prowling his way through the fog armed only with a lantern.

Well, UK police were issued these things for years, but even in the cold and the wet they were unpopular. Why? Because criminals soon learned that you could incapacitate a constable by taking hold of the cloak and pulling them down, or blinding them, or worse. They were an absolute necessity in the worst weather, but veteran coppers hated them.

Hope this clears things up a bit!

Thank you for your question, little mortal.

- M.