#ask suzy

[suzysgossip]

Here’s a bit of advice... if you’re allergic to ghost peppers, don’t put one on your sandwich. Or, make sure that you’ve checked your sandwich for a ghost pepper before you take a bite out of it. Anyway, if you want to send flowers or aloe vera gel to JBI for her third degree esophagal burn, you can click the link in my bio...

Hi, Acup. I’m Suzy, and this is The Hot Stuff. We’re going old school with this one, so let’s start with a theme: #AskSuzy. Want to know my opinion on the latest Acup hookup? #AskSuzy. Need fashion advice on what to wear to your neighbor’s kid’s quinceanera? #AskSuzy. Worried about how to ask that hottie out on a date because the last time you tried, mall security was called? #AskSuzy.

See you in cyberspace, ladies.

[suzysgossip]

Give your honest opinion about the baristas at Acup

You realize that after I do this, they’re all going to spit in my coffee, right? I’ll never be able to show my face at ACup again? Wait, is that your goal? Diabolical, anon. Honestly, they’re all pretty boring?

April: The queen of my life.

Dani: I totally forgot she even was a barista at ACup. Am I never there when she is, or is she the worst employee ever? More details at 11.

Kitty: Not as much of a bitch as she’d like everyone else to think she is.

Marley: Everyone who I’ve previously labeled as boring only wishes that they could be as boring as Marley. The Queen of Wonderbread.

Matt: Must have a terrible personality, since she’s sent every girl who’s ever been interested in her running for the hills.

Stacey: See above.

[suzysgossip]

Who would you like to see hookup with who?

Are we getting into my kinks? I didn’t think Sexy Saturday was going to happen until I officially announced it. Kudos to you, anon, for not only reading my mind but for encouraging me to enjoy the things that I enjoy. If we’re talking about this from a voyeuristic standpoint...

I would like to see @radisonmccarthy hook up with @itsjemmabitch purely for the aesthetics. 

[suzysgossip]

if you had to pair each girl from PL up with a Warblette, who would you pair up?

Are you kidding? @beeanders and @kateinvogue already tried that Romeo and Juliet scenario and look how it turned out for them. The girls who are already in the same bands can barely stand dating each other (looking at you, Kate and @elliexgilbert as well as @daniharps and @snixxxlopez – wow, Kate seems to have a track record here, doesn’t she?) so I’m not too optimistic about these pairings, but here we go.

Mae and Kate, since they’re equally boring/annoying 

Blair and Rachel, because whatever “Sin Twins” nonsense they’ve got going on sounds like an underground sex club for swingers (and mildly incestuous, please save that shit for Game of Thrones)

Rowan and Santana, because Rowan is probably the only person on God’s green earth who could handle Santana’s attitude… or because I still think Rowan’s two-faced. I’m onto you, Red.

Serena and Ellie, since they both serve the purpose of “the town bike” band member.

Jessi and Dani, because they’re both obviously hung up on a girl who doesn’t have emotions back for them. Gotta hurt.

…I’d pair Jane up with me.

@yesyesyoumae @theyearofthestar @rrrrowan @heavenlystjames

[suzysgossip]

#asksuzy: give your honest opinion about each member of the warblettes

Active members only, but we all know Jane is my favorite. Come back to me, Jane.

Blair: Should have stayed on the cruise ship and sailed right into the Bermuda triangle, we’d all be better off.

Jessi: Seems to be more focused on her role as an understudy than being a Warblette. I think she’s probably going to leave the group and then flop ala Zayn.

Rowan: Is secretly 80 years old. She knitted people scarves and blankets. Which means she’s either two-faced or she’s definitely hiding something.

Mae: Reminds me of wallpaper, honestly. I forget she’s there until I’m forced to look at her for whatever reason.

@beeanders @heavenlystjames @rrrrowan @yesyesyoumae

[suzysgossip]

#asksuzy: give your honest opinion of each member of PL

What’s a PL? Oh, you mean Rachel and the Exes? You got it.

Dani:  Must not be all that skilled with her fingers based on her dating record. 

Ellie: Too much eyeliner, Kat Von D needs to give her a call.

Kate: Missed her calling as the inspiration for kewpie dolls.

Rachel: Would be better off going solo. 

Santana: Is gonna be the #inspo for my entire blog this year, so I guess I should try and keep her on my good side.

@daniharps @elliexgilbert @kateinvogue @theyearofthestar @snixxxlopez

[suzysgossip]

#asksuzy: who do you think is going to cause the most drama in 2019?

My vote’s on Santana, because she has the spare time to dissect someone’s bank account instead of focusing on her own.

@snixxxlopez

[suzysgossip]

#asksuzy: which acup breakup has been the most brutal?

Brutal? Do you mean entertaining? I don’t think I’d describe any of them as brutal, considering I’m not at all invested enough in any of your love lives to give a decent answer to this. Every time there’s some kind of breakup drama on the dash, I camp out at my computer with a cup of Mexican hot chocolate and Dusty Springfield and revel in the hormonal agony.

That being said… Rachel and Quinn was a shock. They’re so boring, I totally expected them to go into lesbian bed death. If you think about it long enough? I guess they did.

@theyearofthestar