To Marcus Wilson/District Two guy who talked to Katniss (sort of): What kept you from shooting the Mockingjay?
The truth is that I can’t comprehend shooting and killing someone. Yes, it’s probably strange considering the district I grew up in and the fact that I strived to become a Peacekeeper – in a non-combat role, thank you very much – and it goes without saying that it doesn’t stop me from supporting those who have or are capable of taking lives, but it’s as I say the truth.
The exception was when I first came out of the Aedes Bellonae, I was angry, scared, and reduced to primal instincts. And I saw before me a monstrous symbol responsible for bringing devastation upon my home. A symbol that needed to be struck down before it hurt more people.
But when I aimed my gun at Katniss, something cut past the haze of my rage to give me pause. I think it was something in her eyes that told me, despite all the propos, she wasn’t some monster but just a weary girl only a couple years younger than me. And I think the fact that the way she talked and initially tried to help me began to restore a bit of that respect I had lost.
Yeah, despite my old hatred towards Twelve, I actually respected the two victors. Part of it was due to being taught by my parents and neighbors to have a level of respect for all victors – even the shitshows; I’m looking at you, Mr. Abernathy – and anything to make those in the Volunteer Program miserable earned props in my book. Part of it is because I thought they showed themselves to be decent individuals during the Games themselves. But most of all, Darius had nothing but good things to say about them, and I largely trusted his judgement when it came to people; for other things… mileage may vary.
So in all honesty, it wasn’t even a quarter into the speech that I decided not to pull the trigger; I just kept my gun trained on her for the sake of image and in the event she decided to prove herself the monster I hoped she wasn’t.
It was the rest of the speech that showed me her full self and made me finally put the gun down. And it’s what moved me to shield her after she was shot.
*cough* Another reason I didn’t pull the trigger is because… um… Well I’m loath to tell you – because if Gale or Merc hear me admit this, they’ll never let up – but there’s a slightly high probability that I would… have… ᵐᶦˢˢᵉᵈ⋅ WhichwouldhavebeenslightlyembarrassingifIimmediatelygotkilledafterwards.
Look, I was injured! You can’t blame me that time for having an unsteady aim!