#ask uncle mason

[masonverger-rising]

I'mma fraid of the dark but my papa says I can't have a night light no more. What do I do?

ask uncle mason

Why don’t you stop being a big baby and deal with it.

[masonverger-rising]

Dear uncle Mason what does Pedophile mean and why was your name in the paper for it ?

Dear Anon,

Uncle Mason was in the paper because he discovered some very bad people were doing terrible things at one of the nice christian camps that he runs. And so he told the police what was happening and the bad people were taken away.

And if you're too young to google pedophile for yourself then it's not my job to tell you.

[masonverger-rising]

Dear uncle mason My name is Will i just turned 8 and I wanna know if it ' s okay for an 8 year old to play with older kids ! my daddy says its not okay and that I gotta help him with his boats but I wanna be just like the older kids and not be so sad all the time

Dear Will,

Papa knows best, kiddo.

Uncle Mason

[masonverger-rising]

[Kid!Jay eheheh] Dear Uncle Mason, Père wants me to follow in his footsteps and be a wealthy businessman like him. Mère doesn't seem to care what I do. She spends most of her time sleepy and drinking wine. I don't see her anymore. My nanny spends more time with me and she doesn't seem interested in me either. I want to be an artist and I'm really really good but my art sometimes isn't just on paper. People can be great art. But I can't keep doing it. What do I do? Jay aged 12

Dear Jay,

Listen to your Père enough so that you know how to keep the business running -- if you have money then it's a lot easier to do whatever you want as a grown up. Don't worry about your mother or the staff, you don't need their interest.

If you have a gift then you should use it, if you're worried about being caught out, then you should learn how to keep it out of sight from the grown ups.

Keep practicing and keep learning, I'm sure you'll do just fine.

Uncle Mason

[masonverger-rising]

Uncle Maaaaaason I get told off for kissing Carly, she's my sister. I'm not supposed to kiss her but she's so niiiice. Am I being naughty?

If you know you're not supposed to kiss her and you still do it and you get caught I wouldn't call that 'naughty'.

I would call that sloppy. 

[masonverger-rising]

Dear Uncle Mason - My Daddy touches me in places I know are bad places, the kind you're supposed to tell people about. But it feels really good and if I tell someone, they'll make him stop. What should I do?

Dear Anon,

I'm not your mother, make your own decisions.

[masonverger-rising]

Uncle Mason, what is the best way I can get back at someone for trying to kill me?

Kill them. Slowly. Watch and savour it. Make them watch. Hire a pornographer to film it for you. I can give you a number if you don't know any pornographers.

[masonverger-rising]

Uncle Mason, can I borrow one of your ties, tommy said if I tie it around a door handle and pull againt it while I touch myself it would make me feel really really good

Dear Anon,

No, a tie is too thin for that sort of thing. 

Use a towel looped around the rail in the bathroom and hold the ends with one hand so if you let go you'll slip free.