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Is there a Chris Simps club? Do they have t-shirts? I want to join!
“... I’m not entirely sure there’s such a thing, but do I get some sort of royalties? I mean, if y’all gonna be simping, we can at least put some of that energy and money to good use. I gotta pay for college, you know-”
Chris’s Birthday Presents
a mini cologne gift set, from Jackie
blue running shoes, from Dawn
a guitar strap with little guitar pick pockets, from Cass
shark-themed bullshit (bottle opener/fridge magnets and an ice mold), from Zoran
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS BABY BABY CHRIS WE LOVE YOU
Chris, what does it feel like to be so awesome?
"Oh? I had no idea it was simp o'clock," he muses, slightly amused at the compliment but letting it inflate his ego nonetheless. "I don't feel anything in particular, if that's what you're wondering. If anything, it's disappointing. I don't think I'm awesome, everyone else is just... well."
Chris, why don't you work alone? Everyone you work with is just holding you down. Nobody understands what you're trying to do. Nobody sees the big picture the way you do. Nobody else is willing to do what it takes. Why do you tie yourself down to people who are better off far away from you?
“Because I am one man and, talented as I am, I’m well aware that there are limitations to what I can accomplish on my own. But you’ve made a mistake in passing judgement over me or them. I don’t need them to see the big picture and I don’t need them to make the sacrifices for me. That’s why I lead and they follow. Your attempt to sour my relationship with my team is useless, just give it up.”
Jacqueline? Really? Christopher, I thought you were supposed to save the world from mentally deranged people, not date them.
“That sounds like you have some sort of expectations of me, which I am not responsible for. So before you come here sounding all offended because I’m not doing what you think I should be doing, do yourself a favor and remember your expectations are not my problem.”
Chris, Ray, and of course Max: since you’re vetera of endlessdrifter, can you tell us which retired muse each of you likes the most? Maybe even misses having around in the same headspace?
“I doubt anyone remembers her, but there was a time Vanessa was ‘round and her voice was so sweet to listen to...”
“Look, I wouldn’t dare say Aaron is gone, because I know he isn’t, but I miss his pretty face in public places-”
“The bastard doctor, of course. Such a pretty face with such a shitty attitude... He was lovely. Oh Brad, rest in peace.”
Chris, what’s it like being so handsome and smart and flawless?
"I suppose it's good. It's gotten me this far in life and even given me fans such as yourself so- 10/10 would recommend. The responsibility of holding Dave’s mind together is a lot sometimes but hey, it’s honest work and somebody’s gotta do it-"
is chris short for christian? 🤔
“Do you want me to personally murder you? It’s Christopher. Chris-to-pher. Thank you very much.”
