#askbitcity

[bitcity]

Bit City Answer Desk

Dear Bit City, I’m a huge fan of summertime blockbusters. There is nothing I love more than relaxing in a chilly movie theater on a scorching summer afternoon. Loud crashing actioners, sci-fi pulse-pounders, and even the quirky indies - I love them all! So, when I'm reclining in that comfy movie seat, I like to make myself at home, slip off the old boat shoes, and let my toes breathe.  Is this an OK thing to do? Sincerely, Toe Dangling in Denver

Dear TDiD, While we try our best at Bit City not to unfairly judge people, you are treading your toes in some questionable waters. Summer is a freeing time. Some normal rules and expectations of society are relaxed in a communal effort to deal with the heat and enjoy what should be a season of ribfests and boat tours. Sandals and flip flops are worn to nearly any occasion, tank tops barely raise an eyebrow, and any dipshit can get away with a pair of gas station sunglasses perched on his head at all times of the day. But there is still a line. As paper-thin and duct-taped as your rancid Adidas sandals are, it is still imperative that they stay on your feet at all times. We might even go so far as to say that there are only two acceptable public spaces in which to unleash your bare feet: pool or beach. Maybe a Chinese family’s condo? Obviously, cultures vary. But in a PUBLIC place, we need to maintain our mutual respect and consideration for those around us. Even the barest whiff of foot funk could sour a film for someone. Strap ‘em in and keep ‘em in. Sincerely, Nick B. and Matt T. Bit City

[bitcity]

Bit City Answer Desk

Dear Bit City, Last week I murdered a stranger at the Redbox outside my Walgreen's. I know that taking the life of another is one of the worst things a person can do, and I deserve whatever punishment the law sees fit. It was just that he was taking FOREVER with like 6 people behind him in line, then chose some straight-to-video piece of shit even though all I had to do was return Moneyball by 9pm so I didn't get charged for the extra day, and I totally saw him turn around and acknowledge all of us, then go back to reading plot summaries. Was I at least kind of justified a little bit? Sincerely, Awaiting Trial in Tucson Bit City: Dear ATiT, While it is perfectly acceptable to mind-murder anyone, crossing the line and committing real murder is only acceptable in a few situations, like if you are defending the life of a child, or you are an Immortal and have to cut the heads off of other Immortals to go on being immortal. We have all been in that Redbox line, and experienced that kind of frustration. So in order to prevent more DVD kiosk related crimes, I think we need to set up some basic guidelines:   1. Everyone is entitled to browse for a period of three minutes without judgment or hassle. Let’s be honest, if you make it past the new releases and don’t see anything you want, you should probably just go home and watch Storage Wars or go to sleep because you will end up renting The Italian Job for the third time or one of the Michael Gross Tremors sequels. But for the first three minutes, you are the king/queen of the kiosk. 2. Do some research at home. Approach the kiosk with a top selection, a contingency, and a “fine, whatever”. 3. If you elect an extended browsing period, it is the height of courtesy to allow people behind you to return their DVDs. 4. If you approach the Redbox at the same time as another customer and are only returning, you should let your competitor know this and quickly deposit your DVD(s). If they are also only returning, the “ladies first” rule should apply. If it is two ladies, the uglier one should go first. Two dudes, defer to your elders. If both parties are renting, the same priority rules should apply. 5. Have your credit/debit card in hand prior to beginning your search. Nobody wants to watch you fumble through a 20-gallon shoulder bag for your wallet. There are countless other Redbox scenarios, but if we can follow these simple rules, hopefully we can alleviate some of the annoyance, frustration, and murderous rage associated with having to be a member of a society.

Sincerely,

Matt M.

Bit City