⊕ (if you'll be so kind as to indulge my vanity XD)
your hands, clever hands, with those calluses and strong fingers
the way you smile from across the hall when you're interested
the promise in it and its sharpness
the bruises left on your skin and the bruises you leave so that we both feel the results of our actions long after they've stopped
the bumbling, desperate beginnings and the familiar, practiced repeats have held equal appeal
you have been a comfort to me
and there are few needs for formalities; I am not your king
it's always better when one's partner is intelligent
and makes such delicious noises
were the hands mentioned yet? perhaps another mention is due
the way you call me cousin
There is only so much cruelty one can stomach
and only so many betrayals
and they are all sharper coming from someone who has known you so well
and given you so much pleasure
you can treat sex as a game you've won and one I have lost simply by allowing it
the triumph is distasteful and unearned
and moreso the mockery you spew
if it hits its target is has less to do with your accuracy than my susceptibility to one who I have allowed to be close and that is unacceptable
you would see me shattered as a form of foreplay (but you will not be successful)
you draw out an ugliness in me I would prefer to leave buried and dormant
an anger that can only be shameful
I do not like what I have the potential to become around you
worse, I know how much you do like it
that way you smirk when you are successful in the drawing
how it ended, the way you turned the people I had given my life to (present at their weddings and births and funerals, leading them into battle, creating cities for them and safe havens), the people who had been mine and I theirs since my father left, since the Ice - against me.
you smiled as I left and we both knew there would be no coming back
the way you called me cousin