Hi. I just needed to get this out of my chest. I love my parents, but I'm scared they love my sister more than me. I can't believe I'm saying this, I'm a very mature person but I just can't stop thinking this way. It's so painful. Ever since she was born (I was 8 at that time) I was kinda left out. I struggled a lot because of that. Became depressive at 12, hated myself, hurt myself, even wanted to die. I'm better now, but I cry almost everyday and that scares me. -FS
dear anon,
i don’t think your feelings have someting to do with being mature or not. usually they just come and sometimes you don’t know why or how to handle them. i think it is good, you talk about them. you were 8 when you sister was born, so i assume you have been the only child for your parents during this years. this reminds me a bit of my mother, who has been the only child for 7 years before here brother was born. this was a huge change for you then. suddenly you were the older sibling and not the olny child anymore, you had to be more responsible, do some things on your own. your parents weren’t there for you alone anymore. i guess it was only natural for you to have the feeling of being left out. that this feeling still bothers you in a way that you cry every night is for me sign, you aren’t fully through this. i think it may be the best for you to talk someone and i am not sure if it is best to do so with your parents. maybe you have like a psychologist or counselor at your school to talk to. who can have a look at the whole situation from the outside. and in a second step you may talk with your family, but there he can support you.
i know this is a huge and maybe scary step, but i think it is necessary. your family is the only one you have and as you say, you love them.
i wish you the courage to take this step and look for help.
– all the best, daniela