#askfamily

[anonyask]

my parents are fighting all the time, and i just don't know what to do..! i feel like i want to run away from home, i just can't stand there constant screams and insults.

Hello Anon,Please don’t run away! I know options might seem slim and I hope I could help you in time before you make any drastic decisions. Running away will get you away from the fighting but it’ll cause so many more problems. Please try to talk to one or both of your parents or a school councilor. There are other ways to deal with this. Express in a respectful way that your parents fighting is really having a negative effect on you. And please stay safe. There are always people you can talk to for help or support and we are always here and try our best to answer questions as quickly as possible. I hope this helped and that things get better at home soon.~Alex

[anonyask]

My entire family intentionally stays out way late, leaving me with our 9 dogs to take care of myself when they know I hate doing it and panic. They pretend I don't have mental disorders, but when I don't do something or get upset or angry suddenly they're all for jokes about going back to the mental hospital. I went away for 3 days with a friend, came back early, and they stayed out past midnight hoping I'd get home first to take care of dogs and clean the neglected house. Thank god for traffic.

I’m sorry you have to endure people like that. It’s bad enough that they’re your family and they’re crap (I’m sorry) at being one. I once read something about leaving people who are toxic to you. I never thought family can be toxic but just that they make jokes about your mental health is like, one of the possible worst. Maybe they don’t mean it in a bad way but still. If you can leave and have been waiting for a sign to leave and can live alone, maybe this is your sign. If not, then I guess it’s time to sit them down in a very serious talk about how you feel about the entire thing. Or you can get help.

I feel sad for the dogs though. But why do you guys even have 9 when the rest of you can’t even manage them and worst, they even leave it to you. People can be really lame. Ugh. But yeah, I’m sorry again and please leave if you can leave and you’ll always have us to talk to.

-Dianne ❤️

[anonyask]

Help! I believe I am pregnant... What shall I do? I am 13 years old...

Dearest Anon,

The best thing you can do for now is to tell your parents that you’re pregnant. They know the best and they will surely won’t do anything that would harm you or even your baby on the inside of your tummy. Except the fact that they might get angry at you because you’re only 13 years old, but that’s the normal reaction of all parents. However, make sure you already did the pregnancy test, especially when you have an irregular period just to confirm this. 

What more can I say, keep the baby. Eat healthy. Everything will turn out fine. You need an emotional support so keep your family in close with you as much as possible. They’ll guide you throughout your pregnancy journey. After 9 months, you’ll see your baby, your angel, your everything, your life. You’ll be thankful that you keep him, alive and crying. You’ll eventually realize how blessed you are to become a mom, a good mom to him. Not everyone is lucky to become a mother so take good care of yourself. Your baby needs you. Be thankful and proud that you’ll be given a chance to nurture a beautiful creature. :)

Yours truly,

J9x

[anonyask]

Hi. I just needed to get this out of my chest. I love my parents, but I'm scared they love my sister more than me. I can't believe I'm saying this, I'm a very mature person but I just can't stop thinking this way. It's so painful. Ever since she was born (I was 8 at that time) I was kinda left out. I struggled a lot because of that. Became depressive at 12, hated myself, hurt myself, even wanted to die. I'm better now, but I cry almost everyday and that scares me. -FS

dear anon,

i don’t think your feelings have someting to do with being mature or not. usually they just come and sometimes you don’t know why or how to handle them. i think it is good, you talk about them. you were 8 when you sister was born, so i assume you have been the only child for your parents during this years. this reminds me a bit of my mother, who has been the only child for 7 years before here brother was born.  this was a huge change for you then. suddenly you were the older sibling and not the olny child anymore, you had to be more responsible, do some things on your own. your parents weren’t there for you alone anymore. i guess it was only natural for you to have the feeling of being left out. that this feeling still bothers you in a way that you cry every night is for me sign, you aren’t fully through this. i think it may be the best for you to talk someone and i am not sure if it is best to do so with your parents. maybe you have like a psychologist or counselor at your school to talk to. who can have a look at the whole situation from the outside. and in a second step you may talk with your family, but there he can support you.

i know this is a huge and maybe scary step, but i think it is necessary. your family is the only one you have and as you say, you love them.

i wish you the courage to take this step and look for help.

– all the best, daniela

[anonyask]

My dad is abusive and his family doesn't believe me or my siblings. They think I just say these things because they googled parental alienation without actually understanding what it is. He manipulated his whole family into believing that and it shows how ignorant they are. He's been to jail and I've had a restraining order on him for domestic violence. He beat my mom in front of me when I was 4. I'm currently getting a restraining order on him now and it's so frustrating. -sara

dear sara,

this is a tough one, and i am not quite sure if i can give you the support you may need. but i will try my best.you are a very strong girl, you have survived so much. and you are doing your best to protect your family (which shouldn’t be your task ,btw). i can understand your frustration, when you have to do the same things over and over again and no one believes you. i don’t know where you are from and how the help systems works there. maybe you can look for some more support. where i live there are mother-child-homes, to where a mother can escape with her children. the address is confidential, so the father doesn’t know where they are. they are in a safe place then and can plan further steps. maybe you have to ask at the police for such addresses. or sometimes the church provides help, too. and what is about the family of your mother? have you asked for support there?but i think you are doing a great job. i wish you all the best and a lot of strength to go through it,

– all the love, daniela

ps.: dear members, do you have some more words and advice for sara?

[anonyask]

Woke ip from a bad dream, crying. See, my mom had an affair and divorced my dad, went to the opposite end of America to start a new/another family, and she refuses to move closer even though she promises she will. My dads really emotionally abusive but at least hes consistent. Im ftm in the closet, and I dont know how to cope with the fact its all gone. My childhood, my memories. Im not getting my parents back no matter what I do. Help?

I’m so sorry to here that.  I can’t even imagine what you must be going through right now. The best advice I can probably give you is that things will get better in time. As with any big life change, it will take a while for you to get used to things and fall into a routine. However, I promise you that with time you will begin to feel better. Your relationship with your parents might never be the same, but you will form tons of new relationships with other people over the course of your life and you’ll eventually realize that things that happened in your past no longer seem as important to you anymore. 

Right now, the best thing you can do is focus on the present day and the things you can control. Try to establish a safe place that you can escape to when things get hard. Maybe it’s your room, maybe it’s a nearby library, maybe it’s walking around your block while listening to music. Find somewhere that is filled with things that you enjoy and that can distract you. 

It’s also helpful to be around people. Do you have other friends/family members that you can spend time with? Maybe go out to a movie or shopping. I’m not sure where you live or how old you are, but if you’ll be in school in September, believe it or not that’s actually something you can look forward to. Focusing on schoolwork and learning is something you will be able to control. Schools generally have counsellors available as well, so you’ll have access to someone who you can talk to.

- xo Juliana