i have this friend who claims she's bipolar but she doesn't really fit into the symptoms and it looks like she uses it as a form of self pity?? like she always has this victim mentality and i just dk if i should continue to be there for her when [1]
she never wants to try to improve herself. idk it just gets rly frustrating bc i’ve tried to be there for her for 2 years now and it’s just kind of the same thing over and over. [2]
Hi anon,
I don't know you friend so I can't say for sure exactly what is going on or what she is experiencing.
However, what I will say is due to the stigma surrounding mental health issues or for fear of being judged etc. people can often try to hide or minimise the symptoms of mental illnesses they have from others. Just because she doesn't seem to show the symptoms of Bipolar disorder to you doesn't mean that they don't exist. Plus, someone who is not a mental health professional may not know everything about a disorder. There are many symptoms of Bipolar disorder, some which may not be so well known so it could be possible that you just aren't aware of the symptoms she has. As for using at self pity or having a 'victim mentality', having a mental illness is extremely difficult and it's easy to feel sorry for yourself if you're living with one. I, myself, have had periods where I felt sorry for myself when I felt bad and I think that is quite natural but it didn't mean that the mental health problems were any less valid or real, it was just how I coped with it at that time.
In terms of whether or not you should be there for you her, that's entirely your decision to make. It's your decision on what you want to do for you. I can see things from both perspectives as I have experienced mental illness and been friends with someone who also did and it was hard trying to support them when they didn't want to support themselves and it can get frustrating when you care about someone and they don't seem to want to get better but I also know from my own experiences that it's really hard to take that step to try and get better and to try and improve yourself. Although to someone who may not have a mental illness, it may seem strange that someone wouldn't want to get better but change, even for the better, can be a very scary concept and improving yourself or trying to recover from a mental illness can be a daunting idea for many people. I am not saying this to make you feel bad or anything, you have to do what's best for you but I'm just trying to maybe show things from another point of view maybe.
As I've said, it really is your decision on whether or not you wish to continue to support her but that's really all we can do for friends who are struggling with mental health problems. We can't 'make' them get better, we can't wave a magic wand and have their illness and symptoms disappear and we also can't make someone get to the point where they want to get better. All that we can do is be there if they needs us to support them and offer them some comfort and support. I will post you some resources on helping a friend with a mental health problem, it may be helpful.
___________________________________________
Helping a friend
Want to help a friend with a mental illness or disorder? This post provides some great tips.
Want to help a friend or loved one with Social Anxiety? This post provides some great tips.
How to help a friend experiencing an anxiety or panic attack.
Helping a friend who has an eating disorder.
Living with & Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
NAMI guide on helping a struggling friend
Helping a friend or family member
9 things not to say to someone with mental illness
ActiveMinds guide to helping a friend you’re worried
More tips on helping a friend
Confronting a friend
___________________________________________
All the best,Naomi