#asks ho!

[cyberneticnightmares]

I don't think Tom Hiddleston is UNattractive, but he's just so... plain. Tall white British guy with dark hair named Thomas. AKA the male protagonist of every Hallmark movie. The love interest of every 200 page harlequin novel. Why fill up on white bread when there are so many other flavours.

Listen, bud. I don't know what to tell you. The dick wants what it wants and sometimes what it wants is a lanky white British guy with dark hair named Thomas.

Every so often I'll look at, say, Oscar Issac, and go "damn that's a fine ass brand of man", but at the end of the day I cannot dictate who makes my dickheart flutter like a teenager experiencing his first crush. I've been stuck in this hell for 12 years and there are times where I will go "why am I fixated on just some guy" until I realize that's probably the most normal way to be attracted to someone.

[cyberneticnightmares]

Y'know, I used to be one of those people that always thought it was extremely silly how many metaphors and alternative lines people use to write about male genitals in fiction but now, as a gay smutfic writer, I have never been more glad for all the options I have.

C'mere.

I need you to get real close to me.

Like, about to kiss with tongue levels of close.

From one gay freaknasty writer, of both fan and original fic, to another—cock and dick will never let you down. Just like in real life. Use them like all men want to be used, freely and with abandon. Cock and dick and even penis are your friends.

[cyberneticnightmares]

(Lush) Man. Your queue had Law/RDJ Sherlock Holmes and I still wish for a third, they had the best chemistry.

Nothing would make me a happier son of a bitch right now, ngl. These movies are easily my favorite of the modern Sherlock adaptations and I'm still holding on hope that it'll be continued at some point.

Lowkey miss the days when Tumblr called the second one A Gay of Shadows. Times were just so much simpler.

[cyberneticnightmares]

Tiktok bad right, but idk if you've seen the current trend of the grimace shakes?? Where people are buying the shakes drinking them saying happy birthday grimace and then the video cuts to either like them dead, covered in the shake or like being hunted down??

They turned the Grimace Birthday Shake into an arg and it's so fucking good. Some of these people have serious editing skills

GET OUT. I only ever consume what's fed to me by my friends on the app so no I have sadly not seen any of it but now I'm going to have to go and hunt down those videos because they sound fucking hilarious.

The Grimace Birthday Shake ARG. Unbelievable.

[cyberneticnightmares]

Why does everyone think Mads Mikkleson is attractive?? I mean he's not... bad looking? I guess? He looks like he should be playing the sinister ski instructor in a black and white french murder mystery film. He looks like he owns a restaurant that would charge me too much money for my food. Is it the vague European-ness of his accent? Is it the very pointy cheekbones??

Funny you should ask because I've been asking myself the same thing since 2013. Mads is...peculiar. He's not traditionally attractive, I guess, but there's something about him that compels me and the girlies (goes without saying that I'm including Hideo Kojima in the "girlies" category). Like, look at him.

Absolute sinister ski instructor in a black and white French murder mystery film vibes... but also just. Rich European eccentric. I'd say Bond villain but that's long hanging fruit because he already was.

And then there's--

So, I don't know. Man's got the range and my dick has a very interesting interest meter. He can speak like 6 different languages, he's a dancer, committed insurance fraud with Daniel Craig somewhere in Italy, and really doesn't give a flying fuck about anything. Man stays in his lane, hydrated and nourished. That's probably the hottest thing yet.

Also there's something to be said about a structurally sound face and the weight it can bear.

[cyberneticnightmares]

ohhhh this is gonna take some getting use to. i love the new name though! very you

I completely understand and I am so sorry about that. I've been astramaxima for so long that I also keep typing in the wrong username every time.

Give it like a week of me shouting nonsense and we'll both get used to it no time.

[cyberneticnightmares]

TWENTY YEARS AGO???!?!?!?!?! ASDFGHJKL

[cyberneticnightmares]

GODDAMNIT sorry I didn't mean to unfollow then refollow you I was trying to send you an ask but accidentally clicked 1 pixel too far to the right anyway what I DID mean to send was that I have never before watched Eurovision in my life but accidentally stumbled into watching it last night and now Im obsessed. Why is Australia there. Why is everyone gnc as fuck. Im going to cheer for Germany specifically because they always get last place.

A dangerous gambit given how block-happy I've been thanks to the droves of salacious ladybots.

I've been on the Eurovision train since 2009 when Alexander Rybak took it home with Fairytale, a song that lives rent free in my brain to this very day, 14 years later.

Nobody knows why Australia is there. The US keeps trying to do something similar but we would never be able to capture the sheer chaos and rampant homosexuality and genderfuckery of our European (and Australian) neighbours. Everything is fair game as long as England loses because all they ever do is ballads (altho last year they did have Thor and it was a bit of a banger...), there's a wolf named Keith that wants to eat your grandma so you better give him a banana. There's a piano on fire. Again.