#aspec swiss

[ashthewaterghoul]

Been having demisexual!Swiss thoughts…

And my mind can’t help but make everything angsty and refuse to give these Ghouls happiness.

Idrk if there’s a specific tag for this, but warning for Swiss forcing himself into sexual situations he’s not comfortable in. Not in any real detail, but it happens. It’s below the cut though if you don’t want to read it. I’m going to tag ‘implied dub con’ tho just to be safe.

Also, I myself am not demisexual or aspec at all, so please tell me if I’ve phrased anything wrong!

So, when he’s summoned he knows jackshit about these new Ghouls he’s meant to have as his pack.

Ghouls are born of sin, and sex is just a given in their lives, so they are all very confused by Swiss not laying with anyone. Obviously they respect it though, even if they don’t fully understand it.

Swiss is just perfectly content with platonic or romantic interactions for the time being, needing that strong emotional basis before anything else can even be considered.

It takes a long time, a lot of make-out sessions cut short and a lot of blue balls for the pack, but that spark of trust that slowly fans into lust slips into place.

And Swiss loves his pack even more.

He’d never trusted anyone enough in the pits for this and was understandably terrified but he talked with each and every pack member before their first times, and they were all so gentle and loving and caring with him.

With the shyness and awkwardness slowly melting away, Swiss held nothing back within his pack and was having a great time.

There was also one Sibling Of Sin who helped him figure out why his attraction wasn’t like the other Ghouls, but apart from that, there was no one else he wanted or particularly desired to lay with.

He was happy with who he had, and they were all happy with him. And happy for him that he felt close enough to them all for it.

TW applies below the cut

But, if there was one currency within the Ministry, it was gossip...

The party thrown for the band after their first tour saw a lot of Siblings throwing themselves at the Ghouls and particularly Swiss.

He was nervous about performing and Copia told him “Just act like no one’s watching. Put on a show for yourself and your pack and forget the rest.”

So he did. And he forgot that others would watch what was reserved for his beloveds.

He couldn’t understand why the word “No” couldn’t come from his mouth. Why he couldn’t just walk away. Call for someone to rescue him. Say “I’m good” and move on.

So he found himself doing hundreds more walks of shame than he ever wanted to.

Each night he spent with someone else, generated more rumours and gossip that summoned a new flock of Siblings and Clergy to him.

A small shred of self-respect never let anyone but his beloveds back to his nest. But now he couldn’t even take an enjoyable stroll through the corridors because every wall, room and surface seems to have been tainted, a witness to something that Swiss wanted no part in and did it anyway.

He became an expert at scrubbing his skin raw in the shower to rid of those vile scents and left over sensations.

He just wants nothing but his pack’s and the one Sibling’s company to help cover the shame of what he keeps putting himself through, finding he can no longer enjoy sex with them because it just reminds him of what feels like a betrayal to his beloveds.

But, he of course forces himself into those situations too because at least he knows he can trust them.

He doesn’t tell any of them though and so they don’t know how much he’s suffering.

It’s a vicious cycle that never ends. And Swiss hates himself for it.