505
"I'm going back to 505.
If it's a seven hour flight or a forty five minute drive
In my imagination, you're waitin' lyin' on your side
With your hands in between your thighs.."
-505 by Arctic Monkeys
Cecil Stedman x Reader
About: After a nasty fight between the two of you, you have had enough of Cecil for the last time or so you think.
Notes: AMAZING AMAZING COVERT ART DONE BY THE SUPERB @geddy-spageddy please go check out their art! They're super talented and kind! I love Arctic Monkeys and the idea came to me while listening to this song. I hope you enjoy it! Some toxicity angst, nothing abusive though, and some drinking use involved. Italics are past memories. Enjoy :3
"Darlin', I didn't mean it-
"You still said it though! If you didn't mean to say: 'God if you're so fucking tired then why did you say it?!" You cried out.
"Well, you ask so much from me all the goddamn time!! I'm the one busting my ass all the fucking time!" Cecil yelled back.
"Just because I ask you to be here for me doesn't mean you get to scream bloody-"
"Your room number is 505, ma'am."
The check in guy knocked you out of the flashback, even though the event just happened an hour ago.
"Thank you." You mumble, taking the room key from him.
You gave a friendly nod to him and turned to find the room, the room you've been accustomed to going to every once in a while.
505.
Seeing the room number felt like it was taunting you as if it were saying: 'Welcome to your second home.' You shook the thought of your head as you unlocked the door and stepped in. The all familiar beige basic walls with the white curtains, old boxy TV as well as the floral bedsheets comforted you in a sense. You shut and lock the door behind you and collapse onto the more than less comfortable mattress. This would be your last time coming here, for you were set in stone on staying here for a couple of days or so, however long it would take to find a new apartment for you to live in. All that you knew though was that you were done.
"Cecil..wake up."
"Hm?' Cecil grumbled.
He was still half asleep, but almost immediately woke up to your voice. It was like a sweet melody to his ears. You reached over and rubbed his back, hearing a half tired groan come from Cecil. Your touch sent chills down his spine, but in a good way. It was a reminder to what he has in his life. Cecil sighed deeply as he rolled over, facing you and immediately taking you into his arms. Cecil attached his lips to yours, bringing you even closer to him.
"This is the best part of my day." Cecil said once he pulled apart from you.
"Why is that?" You ask cheekily.
"Because I get to see your pretty self before I have to slave the day away."
You chuckled, attaching your lips back onto his.
The sound of the empty glass hitting the table was what echoed throughout the empty house. The only person there was Cecil. Normally you would be there, but you weren't. In fact, he knew exactly where you were at. But this time it was so bad that you both got in each others faces. So much screaming that his ears were still ringing from it. Cecil knew he was at fault for this and not just this time but for the many other times it has happened. He loves you, he really does. But damn it, he knew he was shitty. Cecil knew he was a shitty partner to you and knew he could do better. But it was the same old, same old. Cecil filled up his drink again, trying to wash away the events from earlier.
"I'm done! I never want to see you again!"
Your words echoed in his mind. Cecil said some stuff he shouldn't have but you did as well. It was just gasoline from one another to the already bursting fire. You had gotten in his face and it only caused him to get even more louder. Nothing physically happened, but it was a horrible screaming match to the point you threw your coat at him and walked out. The door slammed so hard that y'alls framed picture on y'alls anniversary fell and shattered.
"Shit, shit." Cecil had cursed as he went to retrieve the picture that fell.
He moved the glass shards away, realizing the picture was still in tact and the frame just needed to be replaced. In the process of it, Cecil's hand was cut up from the glass, but he didn't care. For the first time in a long while, Cecil felt some strand tears fall down his face. This was it. It was over.
"Please just..leave me alone."
"I'm just trying to help you out, Cecil." You say.
"Okay well maybe I just want some damn piece and quiet after work."
"I just want a fucking hug or even a hello from you, Cecil! Not just you grumble in, go and have a drink and give me the stank eye when I ask you about your day!!"
"I just want to be left alone for Christ's sake!! You're always jumping down my throat for everything!!"
'And now for the four o'clock news..'
The lukewarm soda went down your throat nicely, followed by the salt goodness from the potato chips. You were chowing down, trying to eat your feelings away and distract yourself. Despite the news and the badly made sitcom shows that you skimmed through, you still felt the frog in your throat. You wanted to cry but you held it together. This was ultimately the final straw. Lots of screaming and cursing at each other, sleeping in separate rooms, and lots of drinking to cope. Despite all of that though, you loved him. You love Cecil deeply, even at times like these. Great cuddler, great sense of humor, great in bed, and great at being..loving. Your mind started reminiscing on the good times. The honeymoon stage was your favorite. Cecil was more like himself then and was much more open. Over the years he started building his walls up and up slowly against you, even though there was no reason for him to do so. Granted you knew what he did for a job, being director of the GDA and all, but it killed you inside that you just wanted to help him.
"You look absolutely ravishing in that, darlin'." Cecil complimented you.
You turned around to find Cecil in the doorway. There was a company dinner party happening and of course you were going to go with him. You were his significant other after all. He trusts and loves you so he wasn't afraid of you knowing about anything.
"Thanks." You say.
Cecil approached you from behind and ran his hands down your body in a romantic way. Sure, Cecil liked to admire how you looked and how blessed he was to have you, but this was all romantic, not lustful. Cecil then leaned in and placed a delicate kiss on your temple, feeling the rough edges from his cheek scar.
"Sorry." He mumbled.
"For?"
"My cheek, I know it can be irritating."
"Why would it be?" You ask genuinely.
Cecil sighed deeply, placing a peck on your cheek.
"We'll talk later, hun. We need to get going." Cecil said as he squeezed your hips.
"Alright, you cheeky bastard." You response making him giggle.
Every time you both argued, Cecil would go out for a drive in his car. It often helped him clear out his head, more than alcohol ever would. He waited until he was sober enough to do it of course, despite wanting to do it right away. But despite both of you being mad at each other, Cecil would never do anything intentional to get back at you. Sure he would cuss at you and say hurtful shit out of anger, but he would wait until he was sober enough to drive. Driving relaxed him, and made him feel like he at least had a little bit of control in his life over something. You made him feel content with life but the more often this was happening, the more he felt like he was going to loose you. He didn't want that. As he sat there in that kitchen, contemplating on getting another drink, Cecil made a decision. He wants you. He wants to be with you till the end of time. Even if the world explodes due to his negligence, he wants you there. Cecil wants to hold you in his arms, caressing your face, whispering sweet nothings to you in comfort. And as the sky turns orange, his chapped, cracked lips will connect to your lips, squeezing your hand tightly in comfort as it all ends. He wants you.
"Darlin', shh, I got you."
"Not even a text or nothing, Stedman?! I thought you were dead." You pushed him away from you.
Cecil just approached you again but you walked away, trying to hurry to lock yourself in the bedroom out of anger. You slammed the door.
"FUCK!" Cecil exclaimed.
The door flew open as he stood there in the doorway. He knew you were upset at him, hell when were you not upset at him? Cecil was such a fuckup that he wouldn't be surprised if the world blew up because of him.
"Hun, I'm sorry. Okay? I-I should've texted you and told you. I'm sorry." Cecil apologized, making him sound like a broken record.
"Cecil I'm fucking pissed because I love you and just want you okay!"
"Why?!" Cecil almost tearfully yelled, "why do you love me?! All I do is treat you like garbage! I don't..shit." Cecil grumbled, running his hands through his hair.
Cecil leaned against the wall and slid down on it, sitting on the floor. His hands were resting on his temples as he looked straight down on the ground. You didn't know whether to approach him or give him space. You hated when things were like this between y'all, but you really do love Cecil. He had a kind soul deep down and he loved you too, he just wasn't used to anyone caring for him so damn much.
"Cecil.."
"Just..just leave. You deserve someone better than me."
Your heart shattered upon hearing that. Despite all of the damn fights you both have and how bad they can be, you still loved him deep down. You wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. You sat down next to him, gingerly grabbed one of his hands, and held it. Cecil looked at you. His face had softened, and his eyes seemed to be glimmer, which was a first for you. You sat closer and brought his hand close and placed a soft kiss onto it.
"I'm here, Cecil. Forever and always."
Cecil blinked, and tears fell down his face. He cleared his throat as he was trying not to bring attention to that. Ever so slowly, did you reach your hand to his face to gently wipe the tears away from his face. You didn't know it at the time, but the action made Cecil the most vulnerable you've ever seen him. More tears fell down his face, and you could ever so slightly hear his voice breaking. You leaned against the wall, sitting up taller than Cecil. You both sat there in silence, trying to come up with something to say, anything at all to break the silence. And suddenly, in the midst of the deep silence between you two, you felt a light weight on your shoulders.
All of the snacks and soda were gone, and all you could do was hold the pillow against your chest as you silently sobbed into it. You felt that this was really the final straw between you two. You didn't want it to be, but you knew it was for the best. Cecil and you live in different worlds and just aren't good for each other. You were slowly going through your phone gallery, deleting photos of the two of you. It was best to get it over with, just rip the band aid off. Each photo you deleted, more tears went down. You were hurt and was already missing him.
"Goodbye, Cecil." You mumble as you deleted the last photo of you two.
You tossed your phone across the bed and held the pillow out of anger. You knew you were at some fault for what happened but you just wanted Cecil to let you in. He had put walls up, walls that he wouldn't let anyone break down. As angry as he made you, you fucking loved him. You just wanted-
*KnockKnock*
Your heart raced as your eyes locked with the door. It was locked with the door knob and the chain lock. There was silence except for the nonsense that was on the television. Your conscience told you not to get up.
Don't do it. You know who it is.
"Darlin'?"
You felt your body go numb upon hearing Cecil's voice from the other side of the door.
"Stedman, it's over." You shout in instinct.
"Please just open the door." Cecil begged.
"I'm through, Stedman." You yell back.
You stiffled your sobs into the pillow, hoping Cecil wouldn't hear them but he could. And Cecil felt a heavy weight in his chest upon hearing your sobs you were trying to hide. But he knew begging wouldn't get him anywhere, it would just make things worse.
"Okay if you won't open the door, will you just hear me out?" Cecil asked.
As much as you wanted him to just go away, you didn't leave him much to say when you left the house. It was the least you could do.
"What do you want?"
"I know I'm a piece of shit. I know. I treat you horribly, yell at you, take shit out on you. I do it all, I'm aware. And I'm an asshole for not changing when I said I would. You deserve better, I meant that. You deserve someone way better than me. But.." Cecil paused, gathering the right words to say, for he has never been this sentiment before in his life to anyone other than maybe Donald, his number one. "You. You have done fundamental change for me. More than I could ever put into words. Hun, I see light in this world now. It's not much, but fuck, it's something. It's more than I ever have in my years of living and doing what I do. I know you hate me and don't want nothing to do with me anymore, but please. I am literally begging you to give me one last chance. And you know me I don't ever fucking beg for anything, not even my own life."
Hearing Cecil quite literally beg for you to give him another chance for the first time ever did a number on you. Not only did it increase the tears falling down your face, but it brought back the happy memories you and him have. Through the bad ones though, the more you thought of it, the good ones slightly oversaw the bad ones. The many dates y'all had, the nights you both would stay in and be with each other, the drinks and food y'all would engage with, the intimate, loving moments, they all came souring back into your mind.
Fuck.
Despite it all-
"I love you so much, darlin'." Cecil's voice cracked, "Please."
-you fucking loved him.
Without answering, you put the pillow onto the bed, slowly crept to the door and held your fingers over the chain link. Was this what you wanted?
Yes, yes it was. Cecil has never professed his love like this for you before ever in his life. Something changed. You weren't sure what it was but it was enough. It was enough for you. You slid the chain lock undone, undid the lock on the knob, and swung the door open. Standing there in front of you was a different Cecil, a Cecil you have never seen before. His face was red, with fresh and old tears staining his face. His expression softened once you opened the door and he saw you. Cecil even cracked a smile. You couldn't help but do it back to the ol' southern bastard. The ol' southern bastard that you loved and wanted to be with.
"Can..Can I come in?" Cecil asked.
"Yes, Cecil."
~