La Squadra - Periods
Risotto had called the entire team for a meeting and you all sat down at the large table, paying careful attention to what your superior had to say.
It wasn't an unusual occurence. You regularly had meetings like these to discuss future projects, missions and recent updates, but today was particular.
Being the only female in a group of rather unique and atypical assassins was already hard as it was, but now, on that very special day, you could pepper in a little inconvenience that was not so little at all and that would surely spice things up just the way you hated.
That's right. Periods.
You had been with the team long enough to know how to conceal your menstruality and your overall feminity. The less they saw you as a woman, the better you felt and the more seriously they'll take you.
Oh but of course it wasn't that easy. If only it was. Some of the men were fine and courteous, but others just loved to show you how much their brains were located in their pants rather than their heads.
Even pulling out a 'strong warrior' persona didn't seem to faze the likes of Formaggio or Melone, to name only a couple. If anything, you acting difficult only riled them up even more.
You eventually gave up even trying and focused on your own work, not caring about how you appeared in their eyes or their comments. Thankfully your leader was more down to earth than everyone else.
Today was the first day of this months' periods and God forbids, it was just the worst you've experienced in a good minute.
You usually managed to get away with little pain or just sucked it up and went on your day knowing full well it would be better the next day.
But damn, today was NOT a good day for your uterus for some obscure reason.
'What the hell is going on...?' You thought all day, cursing your own insides for being especially harsh on you.
It was exactly the kind of horror pains that could put you in a vegetative state. The kind where you could barely even walk or stand, or even pick an object up from the ground. The ones you'd assimilate the most to what a woman about to give birth must feel like.
You held your stomach as everyone took a seat and you tried your best to show a neutral face. Good thing Ghiaccio was just loud enough to drown your light grunts and pained breaths as you sat down.
Gross. You felt so dilated you had to squirm to sit down without feeling too sensitive. It was that bad. Unfortunately for you, a little somebody noticed.
"Are you okay Y/N? You don't look very good..." Pesci had softly inquired, but it only brought unwanted attention towards you.
"A-ah, I'm fine Pesci, don't worry." You forced a smile at the boy. Good thing it was only him. "Just a tiny bit sore." You assured the rookie but the nosiest men of the group made sure to note that little piece of information for later.
"Okay team. We have a lot to go through today so be very attentive. I won't repeat myself so stop me whenever." Risotto ordered in his growly voice and everyone nodded.
You tried your best to listen to everything as the meeting went on. It would usually be over quicker than it seemed, but of course, today, time seemed to have slowed down at just the right pace to make your agony last as long as possible.
You were always very attentive to your Capo's briefings and never dozed off but the dizzying pain you felt was kicking you just the way to make you want to die on the spot.
You couldn't help the shallow breathing that you forced through your nose, scared that you'd start panting if you dared part your lips.
You gulped. Why was the room so hot suddenly? Were you really getting a fever from the pain? God, it hurt so bad. Why did you have to be assigned to such a sausage fest of a team of all Passione?
It was at exactly those moments that girls usually showed the best display of solidarity, even when they were strangers or enemies. They would know what to do, what to say, how to help.
But now you were alone in your suffering, surrounded by degenerate males who couldn't even wash their own dishes or do any useful work around the base, let alone know jack shit about women and periods.
You didn't realize that you were holding your burning head in your hands as you stared down at the sheet Risotto had passed to everyone. You tried to focus on the lines and explicative plan drawn out on the paper, but it was hard, to understate.
You clenched your eyes shut and the moment you started to truly put all you attention to your superior's voice, it was like he was muted, as if he had stopped talking.
Before you could wonder why he went silent, or if his silence was just a trick of your own running mind, he started.
"What's wrong Y/N?"
You looked up at him with a dazed but confused look on your face. All nine men were staring at you. In silence.
"Oh my..." Came a distant voice from the mirror.
"Yo... Girl, you look PALE, and I mean... P-A-L-E right now." Formaggio commented and you heard a dramatic gasp next to you.
"You've been breathing heavily. Is everything alright Y/N?" Prosciutto noted with his usual patronizing tone, but he still sounded somewhat concerned, which was unusual of him.
"I-" You stopped, shocked by your own voice. You really sounded meek and breathless.
"HEY! If you're sick, just go! Someone will brief you later but don't bring your virus in here!" Ghiaccio scoffed, already irritated.
"I'm-" You rubbed your eyes and face, hoping to bring some energy back from it. "Please just continue, don't pay attention to me."
"So cute~" Melone cooed next to you and reached out to move some hairs out of your buried warm face. "Lean onto my shoulder if you feel too tired, okay darling~?"
"Y/N, if there's something wrong you have to tell me. We can have a five minutes break if you need." Your leader stated calmly with his cryptic deep voice.
"Oh yeah that'd be nice!" Formaggio cheered and some others agreed.
"Hmm I wouldn't turn down a small break." Sorbet said as Gelato nuzzled closer to him.
And so you all called for a short recess. You struggled to push yourself up and cringed, your hands and legs shaking under you. God, even getting up was an actual workout now.
You tried to ignore some of your teammates calling you and fled but you couldn't just turn away from one particular deep voice.
"Y/N."
"Not now capo I-... I'll go to the bathroom real quick-!"
Your voice was strained, somewhat of what they'd hear from someone who got shot or stabbed multiple times in the abdomen which coincidentally, was exactly how you felt.
What even was the difference? Having been shot and stabbed before during missions, you knew damn well that at least the adrenaline rush numbed the pain long enough for you to be able to push through. But nothing your body did could prepare you for this particular pain even though it was a regular and endless cycle.
"Five minutes, just five minutes...." You chanted to yourself as you hurriedly locked the bathroom door with clumsy fingers.
You silently cursed everything on this Earth as you swallowed your whines. Fuck those guys, fuck your uterus, fuck that stupid pain, fuck the Don. Fuck everything that put you here in this place, in this very moment.
Oh to be assigned male at birth and only ever worrying about how to place your balls in your underwear, and not having to deal with this restless agony, living in such bliss and painless peace.
"Uuughh... Whyyy... It's never usually that bad... Who cursed me...?" You quietly whined and cried on the toilet seat.
You suddenly remembered that one guy, weirdly dressed who kept screaming bloody murder at you once for wearing a 4-leaf clover charm on your neck, telling you you'd be damned for life for wearing such a cursed number.
Before you could internally insult him too, you heard a knock on the bathroom door.
"Y/N, are you there...? We're waiting for you." The soft and worried voice of Pesci called out.
"Y-yeah, I'm coming..." You croaked out and tried to straighten yourself up, finishing your business quickly to join them.
"Yay our princess is back!" Illuso clapped very mockingly as you entered the room. "Took you long enough."
Usually you'd hit him with a strong 'Shut up', but your silence striked him even more than you insulting him in his face.
You sighed a bit too heavily as you painfully took your seat back. Your expression betrayed you as Melone patted you on the back in sympathy before he let his hand drift down lower and lower down your back.
"Melone, come on now..." You groaned, too tired to fight with him and his ceaseless misplaced behaviors now. You don't think you would ever get used to your own team.
"Oohh~ if you keep on speaking with that voice don't expect me to stop." He teased, more than satisfied.
"I'll make this quick." Risotto cleared his throat before getting back to where he stopped.
It was a miracle that you ended up listening to half of what he said and you sure hoped this wouldn't eventually cost your life on the next mission. You were sitting there, curling up unprofessionally in your seat, squirming the pain away, your eyes clouded and occasionally squeezing shut.
Risotto has eventually and finally dismissed everyone and got up to go finish more paperwork in the confines of his office. Illuso and the ice cream couple walked out as well but nobody else moved.
You didn't feel like standing up right away so you put your head in your arms as you kept your wheezes down. Damn, what a time to be alive.
"I'm worried..." Pesci told his blonde big brother figure who only folded his arms and stared at your pathetic form, reaching to grab a cigarette.
"Whatever has gotten into you Y/N, get over it. I've seen you fight way worse than what you're dealing with right now."
"Somebody shut him up before I put my whole fist down his throat..." Your grating growl was muffled but still very distinct to all the males present.
"My, my. Poor baby angel, you must feel so horrible." Melone caressed your hair and spoke with a soft voice.
You couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic but you couldn't deny that his tone soothed you nonetheless. Honestly at this point, you would take any remotely gentle treatment to counterbalance the pain.
"Oh I know what'll make her feel better!" Formaggio got up to walk off somewhere, only to quickly come back with his very soft looking cat. "Meow, meow!"
"Tch, that's so stupid, man, you cringey ass!" Ghiaccio spat as he sipped on a coke can. "No way that'll help her. She's probably allergi-"
"Ooh... So cute...!" You tiredly gushed and reached out to pat the very tiny fluff ball that instantly walked across the table, right to your arms.
In these moments of sheer concentrated pain, even the simple purrs of Formaggio's cat seemed like anesthesia.
"Haha, see? She loves her. Suck it Ghiaccio!" Formaggio boasted, rubbing his victory on the skater's face.
"Hmmm I'm jealous. Y/N, touch me like that sometimes, okay?" Melone pouted as his glance shifted to your fingers patting the cat.
Illuso appeared from God knows where and frightened half the men at the table as he gently put down a cup of hot tea in front of you.
You looked up at him questioningly and his red amused gaze scanned your face, a smirk teasing his own.
"What are you staring at, stupid? Have some tea it helps with cramps. You're so miserable I took pity on you. You'll repay me, that ain't free."
Melone gasped dramatically as Pesci looked at Illuso like he just spoke French or something. Prosciutto let out a small 'oohh...' before he got up as well, probably to explain the situation to Risotto and escape the shame of his utter ignorance.
"H-how did you..."
"Hmmm, I know all things carina. You can't hide from me of all people." He whipped his long hair back before rolling his eyes at you. "Drink up, it's not poisoned this time."
You took a moment to process his words, but eventually scoffed, cupping your warm drink in your hands.
"Pfft... You creep. Pervert." You failed to bite your small smile and he definetely caught it. "Monitoring me down to my... There..."
For once you were thankful of his nosy creepiness. He still kept quiet about it and brought you a warm drink. So there was a heart behind all his rattiness.
"Wh- Y/N, baby girl! Why didn't you tell me?! How could you hide this from papa?! You know orgasms help with cramps!" Melone shook your shoulders, clearly offended before Ghiaccio jumped from his seat.
"I litterally fucking have ice powers, I coulda' made that shit gone, SO FAST! You think I'm not reliable or something?! HUH Y/N?!"
At the end of the day, you had a nice team. It only takes a little used to and a lot of time to adapt but it still works out.
"... OH WAIT SHE'S ON HER PERIODS? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! TOO BAD SO FREAKING SAD!!"
"WAAAAAAH-?! W-W-WHAAAT??! HER WHAA-AH?!" Pesci wailed and blushed at the reveal, which his poor mind did not catch up on until now.
"Shut up Formaggio, please for the love of God, shut up..."
Bonus:
"Menstrual cramps...?" Risotto stared up at you from his pile of papers. Prosciutto smoked in front of the window behind the burly man without a care in the world.
"Yeah... Oh man..." You admitted quietly, not without shame. You didn't want to have to explain to your leader and make a scene, but today was just the most inconvenient.
He sighed and closed his monstruous red eyes. "...You know I could have actually helped it out with Metallica...?"
"..."
"..."
"... Oh-... REALLY?!"
