#assistantposting

[science-bastard]

i bend sexily over my lab bench to jot down a data point but my assistant doesn’t notice because they’re too busy drawing little faces on the test tubes and making them kiss

[science-bastard]

my brilliant lab assistant, who is also incredibly sexy: hey can i see your lab notes real quick? i spilled green goo on mine

me, dumbass scientist: *frantically flipping to a different page to hide my crayon drawing of us kissing sloppy style* oh yeah sure here you go

[science-bastard]

help my lab assistant’s pipetting by mouth and now i can’t titrate correctly what do i do

[science-bastard]

just because i took a gentle scalpel to your quiet, still chest doesn’t mean i don’t love you. no, it’s quite the opposite. it’s the opposite when i saw through the bones, push your muscles aside, and pluck that gorgeous heart of yours from your chest, fully with the intention of preserving it as best i can, and decorating an ornate jar for it on my lab bench. you’ll stay right here with me, won’t you, my dear?

[science-bastard]

cute date ideas

grave robbing under the stars

reactor hall waltz

arts and crafts (build a simulacrum together)

getting drunk on the weird glowing goos we left under the fume hood

escape room (secret evil vault door malfunctioned) (again) (i’m sorry) (do you still think i’m hot)

[science-bastard]

oh noooooo i have no one to help me with this nefarious experiment i’m gonna spill radioactive goo aaaaaall over myself if only there was someone who could help carry the vat and inject the test subjects with meeeeee ohhhhhhh

[science-bastard]

good lab assistants see you wearing your lab coat off the shoulders and pull it back up for lab safety. brilliant lab assistants leave it there because it’s sexy.

[science-bastard]

first base is mutual homoerotic vivisection, second base is wiping radioactive sludge off each other, third base is cowriting research papers